


Ode an die Freude

by TheGardenFairy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: :), Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - Historical, Circus, Eventual Smut, Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Angst, Slow Burn, Trapeze, Wonwoo has trust issues, no animal abuse tho, other idols appear, set in the late 1800, side junhao, the dark side of the circus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:47:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 99,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25899934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGardenFairy/pseuds/TheGardenFairy
Summary: The circus was a dream, a place where reality met imagination and together they exploded into a spectacular show. Mingyu was about to leave his entire life behind to join that show.Wonwoo had been in the circus for a long time, though no one could tell Mingyu exactly how long.If things were really as they seemed, everything in this story would have been way different.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Comments: 151
Kudos: 321





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello, hello!
> 
> I'm so excited to share this fic with yall! Like my other ones, it is complete. All I have to do is edit and upload.
> 
> So, circus! First of all, let me say that no wild animals appear in this one, and even though it's historically inaccurate, I can't write people abusing animals -_-. We have dogs tho! Dogs can be easily trained without needing to abuse them.
> 
> As you probably noticed from the title, this fic was partially inspired from Beethoven's Ode to Joy, which I'm sure you have heard before, but these are the two remixes I've been listening to while writing it:  
>    
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDm73QxrzS0  
>    
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EW1kt5kOJQ8  
> 
> 
> And I should also mention this, I /strongly/ advise you to watch this ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcLZ-W-Siwk ) performance of the flying trapeze if you haven't watched a performance before. It is heavily referenced in this fic, and every description will be a lot more vivid after watching this :)
> 
> Now lezzgooooo time for the story to start :D

“Ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages! Get ready to experience a miracle! Get ready to witness the performance of a lifetime! Sit comfortably and prepare to have your lives changed, for this show will be the most spectacular, the most breath-taking and most glorious show of its time! _Welcooooome to the Circus Of The Million Carats!”_

The lights of the previously dim stage all turned on simultaneously. Loud trumpet music started playing, excitedly filling every corner, circling around the people that were seated in tiers around the giant tent. The cheers almost overpowered the music as the troupe started entering the stage.

Acrobats in their fancy costumes did backflips as they ran around, their painted, glittery faces stretched in wide smiles.

A group of young girls followed them, whistling happily at the audience and blowing kisses. Their silver suits with their tiny skirts swirled around them, and the crowd cheered even louder at their antics.

Mingyu clapped along everyone as more people walked on the ground stage. A tall clown jumped above the railing and waved at people in front of their faces. He jumped around cackling loudly, ruffling kids’ hair and kissing ladies’ hands.

Back on the stage, a blond juggler with slanted, uneven eyes rode circles around the stage on a monocycle. Behind him, a short boy with a white dog perched obediently on his huge hat strutted around, his every move theatrical.

This was the circus. Mingyu had secretly been waiting for the moment he would sit amongst the audience and stare at all the brilliant colours flashing around. It was like he had walked into a different realm the moment he had crossed the entrance of the red and white tent that had been set up in the middle of the town during the morning.

There were not many things Mingyu could thank his parents for, but sending him here for a job had been a great decision on their part. Mingyu had never been to a circus performance before. He looked at awe as the people that had gathered on the stage disappeared backstage as quickly as they had appeared, only for all the beams of light to focus on the curtains.

The music briefly stopped, and the audience fell silent, waiting for a big reveal. Suddenly, a man pulled the curtains aside and opened his hands wide in a greeting.

“Good evening!” he yelled as the music picked up from where it had left.

The crowd started applauding, cheering for the man who had welcomed them so heartily. Mingyu clapped alongside them. The man walked on the stage like he owned it, bowing at the audience and lifting his tall, ribboned hat. Mingyu smiled in surprise when he realized his hair were dark blue. It was such an unnatural colour, but it fit just perfect with its surroundings.

The man’s smile was blinding, even behind the fancy mask he was wearing. None of the performers’ faces were visible, they all had that trademark soft blue and pink mask in front of their eyes. But the ringmaster that was in front of them had a dark blue one, separating him from the rest of the troupe.

“How is everyone today?” the ringmaster yelled when the music died down. “Let me hear you!”

The people cheered and clapped, some small children even getting up on their seat from their excitement.

“Wow, what a warm audience! My name is Boo, it’s a pleasure and honour to meet you all!” the ringmaster smiled at them brightly. “Tonight, I will be the guide to your experiences. Focus on my voice, remain calm and seated no matter what you see and I promise this will be a night you will never forget!”

Mingyu felt an involuntary smile spreading on his lips. It was impossible to not feel a giddy anticipation at the words the man was saying.

“Are you ready to welcome our first act?” ringmaster Boo yelled again.

A loud chorus of “YES” echoed around the tent, and Boo giggled happily. The lights dimmed again.

“Our first performer comes from the deep deserts of the east. He studied sorcery and witchcraft and he was a man to be feared by everyone he met.” the man said darkly. “His dark nature and fearsome figure scared everyone he met away and his spells were unrivalled. Alas,” ringmaster Boo placed a hand on his chest dramatically, “the wizard was nothing but a kind soul, whose only goal on life was to make people laugh. When he joined our family, he left his old life behind and devoted himself to make people laugh. Give a warm round of applaud for our resident entertainer, DK!”

The curtains parted once more, and the man in the clown’s attire jumped out. His face was painted white and his lips bright red, and he wore a pink mask that covered his upper face. He laughed as he jumped around the stage, the green buttons on his yellow suit standing out. His large red scarf that was loosely wrapped around his neck waved behind him in the rhythm of the music.

The scarf slowly untangled from his neck, seemingly without him realizing. After a particularly sharp turn, it flew right off his shoulders.

He abruptly stopped in the middle of the stage and slowly turned back to look at his fallen scarf. The music got slower as he leaned above it and looked at it carefully. He reached his hand to grab it, but the moment he pulled it, it duplicated and he was thrown back from the force of his pull.

The music got faster again as he looked at the blue scarf in his hand confused, while the audience laughed. He threw the new scarf away and went to stand above the red one again. He tried to pull it up once more. But this time, he ended up with an identical yellow scarf on his hand while the red one stubbornly remained on the floor.

The clown crossed his hands in front of his chest and tapped the floor with his foot impatiently as the music slowed down again. He walked furiously back at the red scarf. He rubbed his hands together and drums began playing in the background in anticipation. When the music beat dropped again, he started pulling scarf after scarf from the red one in the ground.

Mingyu’s mouth opened in surprise. How was he doing this? It looked like there was an infinite amount of scarfs coming from that red one on the floor. Soon enough, there was a whole pile of multiple coloured cloths behind the clown, and the crowd cheered loudly.

The clown looked startled when he saw the small mountain and he jumped two steps back. He made some hand gestures and then spread his hands in front of him, palms open, as if he was pushing the air away.

To everyone’s surprise, the pile of scarfs started moving. Some children yelled and pointed as the cloths slowly moved off stage, nothing pulling or pushing them but the magic of the clown.

After the stage was clear, the clown did many more funny tricks. He combined magic and laughter and had the audience shaking. He even picked a few volunteers to help him with some of his tricks. When it was time for him to leave, he bowed deeply and the people shouted bravo at him from all directions.

“This was DK the kind magician!” ringmaster Boo reappeared on the stage. He waited for a bit for the people to calm down before he continued. “Who’s going to be next? What spectacle have we prepared for you?” he hummed thoughtfully.

It turned out the next act was the blond juggler. The ringmaster introduced him as Hoshi, a brightly shining star that there was nothing he couldn’t do. After watching him juggle six clubs while balancing on ten barrels stacked on top of each other, all the while smiling as if he was out on a stroll, Mingyu was inclined to believe him.

The four girls with the silver costumes were the tight rope walkers. Mingyu held his breath as he watched them glide above their heads, the delicate umbrellas in their hands dancing alongside them. A collective gasp echoed around the audience when the girls, 8 meters above the ground, started climbing on top of each other, with only the thick rope beneath their feet. They walked from the one side of the tent to the other like this, and the audience cheered louder than ever when they made it.

Next, the audience cooed at the little animals that filled the stage, accompanied by the short man with the huge hat, and a younger-looking one, with light brown hair and suspenders. He was the most normal-looking person to walk on the circus stage until then.

The dogs looked happy enough, their tails wagging as they run around the stage in choreographed circles. The animal trainer pointed them each to one place, and they all obeyed him. He called them one by one, or in teams of three to perform tricks and he gave them treats when they made it. Mingyu had no idea a dog could be trained to do all those things. The ones that roamed around the town were too lazy to even walk properly.

The dogs got the most claps and cheers from the young children that had gathered as close as possible to the railing that separated the stage from the tiers. At the end of the show, instead of walking backstage with their master, the dogs remained at the stage with the assistant, whose name was Vernon if Mingyu had heard correctly.

He led the animals close to the railings, and they lifted their front paws to the children could pet them. The kids were so happy to be able to touch the animals, and the parents laughed softly at the cute sight. Mingyu wished he was younger so he could touch the dogs as well. They were his favourite animals.

A few minutes later, Vernon led the dogs away and the man with black hair took the stage after them. He motioned at a girl from backstage to join him, and she went to stand in front of a target. Mingyu felt his blood freezing when the man opened a suitcase full of knives and began sharpening them theatrically, right in front of the audience.

“This is the most dangerous act!” ringmaster Boo added oil to the fire. “One wrong move, and Jeon’s assistant will bleed to death!” he said dramatically. “I am going to ask the audience to be extremely quiet now! Jeon needs to concentrate!”

The drums of anticipation began again, but amongst the crowd, the silence was deafening. Mingyu’s palms got sweaty as the orange light lit the space between the man and the woman that was strapped to a target.

Mingyu would have never been able to be in her position. Even if he found the courage to stand still long enough for people to tie him to a target, he would have been shaking too much for the man that threw the daggers to not hit him. This was really dangerous. There were no protective nets to save the girl if the guy messed up.

Jeon turned to her, the only reassurance that everything was going to be okay a slight smile on his lips. Even if Mingyu couldn’t see his eyes behind his blue mask, his hands were steady as he aimed the first knife.

The music completely stopped.

And Jeon threw the dagger.

The audience yelled as it harshly pierced the air, only to erupt in cheers when they saw it embed in the target, barely a few centimeters away from the girl’s cheek.

Everything happened too fast after that. One after the other, knives flew across the air, and they hit the target closer and closer to the woman’s body. The man didn’t stop until there were knives surrounding the assistant’s whole body, from above her head to between her thighs and the tips of her toes.

Mingyu had to wipe his hands on his pants to dry them. His blood was rushing from adrenaline. The claps around him came back as the man bowed a whole 90 degrees. He left the stage as gracefully as he had appeared, his black cape sweeping the floor behind him.

“That was seriously intense, wasn’t it?” Mingyu took a deep, relaxing breath when the ringmaster appeared again. His presence was comforting after such a scary act. “We will give twenty minutes to our audience to go outside and catch their breath while we prepare for the next, the most gravity-defying act you have ever seen! You can enjoy our outdoors activities while you wait, and you can have fun with our staff! Enjoy yourselves my dear friends, we will be right back!”

Mingyu perked up. A break. He had to remind himself that he was here for work, and not merely to stare at the circus acts. He was one of the first to rush out of his seat. He walked out of the tent and pulled a stack of papers from his bag. He put on his most charming smile as he tried to hand them to the people that slowly filtered out.

“Enjoy your time at the circus and make sure you’ll join us later at the Kim’s Pub!” he said, winking at two girls that took one of his flyers. “We have a discount for those that will order ten minutes after the show here ends. It’s first come, first serve!” he continued talking to as many people as he could.

Because of his work, he didn’t have any time to enjoy his surroundings. How he wished he could laze around and look at all the games of luck the circus had set up. The plaza they had occupied was almost unrecognizable from its plain, normal state. There were bright lights everywhere and the smell of pop corn and candy was wafting through the air. The circus had given the town a taste of magic, a taste of dreams. From the small toys the children carried, to the colorful attires of the circus’ employees, everything was beautiful and foreign.

And here Mingyu was, in the middle of this fairy-tale land, handing out flyers for his parents shitty pub. He was wasting the one time he had to explore the circus premises to slave away for his parents’ job, while he wasn’t even being payed to do so. Mingyu remained smiley and light to attract people to his side, but deep down, he wished he could join all those families in having fun.

All those children were lucky to have such caring parents. His own parents would have never taken him to the circus if he was younger. They wouldn’t have cared about him having fun. All they cared about was work.

“Hello there!” a man said behind Mingyu.

He abruptly turned around, and his mouth dropped at the sight in front of him. The man that had spoken to him was on two-meter tall, wooden stilts. He wore a dark red costume and he had a red clown’s nose. Mingyu gaped at him, and the man chuckled.

“Are you not used to being around people taller than you?” he said with a wide smile.

Mingyu shook his head when he heard some children laughing. He was been made fun of, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed. His height was nothing to be embarrassed of. Instead, he smiled at the man and reached up to offer him a flyer as well.

“You seem like a fun fella. After the show, you’re welcome at Kim’s Pub. A lot of people will be there.” he said invitingly.

“Ho, ho, ho!” the other took the flyer and stuffed it in his pocket, without even glancing at it. “What a businessman! So bright!” he said, expression unclear from behind his pink mask.

He didn’t say anything else as he walked away, people scurrying out of the way of his wooden feet. Mingyu watched him for a bit longer as he boldly made conversation with the crowd, sometimes making fun of them and getting laughs from others.

Mingyu returned to his work, wishing it was half as interesting as that man’s. Wishing he was getting paid for it too, like that man. Mingyu turned back to handing flyers, trying to push those thoughts away from his mind. He didn’t want to be bitter and pissed when the circus was in town.

Twenty minutes later, as promised, a bell rang and the people were called back inside the tent. Mingyu hastily put his flyers back in his bag and secured it over his shoulder. At least he got to see the performance. That was a small consolation.

The inside of the tent had changed in the small amount of time it was void of people. A construction was now in the middle of it, full of swings, rope ladders and safety nets.

The flying trapeze.

It stood tall at 10 meters, immediately catching everyone’s attention. Mingyu had heard about the flying people of the circus, but he had never thought he would be privileged enough to see them with his own eyes.

A few people of the circus were scattered around the tiers, helping everyone back to their seats. Mingyu noticed that even those who weren’t performing wore masks too, hiding their identity. One of the ladies escorted him to his seat, and Mingyu thanked her politely. His eyes were already on the stage though, trying to take in as many details about the trapeze as possible before the show started.

The board was empty at the moment, but Mingyu could see the bar tied to it, ready to fly off. On the other side, the metal swing was gently swaying back and forth, waiting for someone to ride it. It was so high, Mingyu shivered just at the thought of standing up there.

The bell rang for a second time, urging the people to hurry up. By the third ring, everyone was in their seats. The lights dimmed, and parents started hushing their children as the show began again.

Ringmaster Boo pushed the curtains to the side with a skip in his step. He skipped all the way to the edge of the stage and leaned with his elbows on the railing.

“Welcome back!” he called, looking around the crowd behind his mask. “Many of you might have seen a few changes at the interior decoration of this tent.” he smiled. “Trust me, I had nothing to do with this. But don’t let the director know that little detail, yeah?” he addressed the audience as if he was admitting something to a close friend.

A few people laughed behind their hands. Mingyu was among them. That Boo person was so effortlessly likeable. The circus couldn’t have picked a better person for the job of ringmaster.

“Now then!” Boo jumped back, his hands stretched wide. “The moment you’ve all been waiting for! The reason for this extravagant set-up! Please welcome the defiers of gravity, the wingless birds, the stars of the show! Welcoooome our acrobats!” he yelled and rushed to the side of the stage.

The curtains were pulled to the side once again, and seven people walked in one by one. The crowd cheered and clapped, as Boo had instructed them. The acrobats waved at the audience calmly, and they immediately started climbing the rope ladders to get in their position.

One man went to the swing, the muscles in his legs making it easy to maneuver between the metal and the rope. The only two women of the group, along with two men climbed at the board. They waved at the crowd as they freed the bar and gave it a few experimental tugs.

The other two men climbed even further up, one at a rod above the swing, and another above the board. They rubbed their hands with a white powder and stretched their arms. Everyone was in position.

The lights dimmed even more, the only beams of light illuminating the top of the trapeze in a blue hue.

The music changed. The beat was different. Melodious voices filled the tent.

_Freude, schöner Götterfunken,_ _  
Tochter aus Elysium,  
Wir betreten feuertrunken,  
Himmlische, dein Heiligthum!_

One of the women on the board stretched her hands in front of herself and someone handed her the rod. On the other side, the man began swinging. Mingyu held his breath as the momentum built. The man on the swing was getting higher and higher. At some point, he removed his hands from the ropes and dropped his body backwards, so only his legs were holding him up.

The girl took off. There was nothing to hold her up other than her arms, that were holding on the rod for dear life. She swung once, twice, and at the third time, she made the leap of faith. There was one second that she remained on the air, like there was no gravity to pull her down and then, the man on the swing caught her arms.

The crowd exclaimed in surprise as the girl traveled from her rod to the arms of the man, and after a full swing, she flew back to her rod. She swung twice more, letting go of one hand at the peak of her course to wave at the audience, before she safely landed on the board again. Two people helped her regain her balance while the fourth caught the rod. Everything was executed with terrifying precision and the most accurate timing.

Soon enough, Mingyu learned that this was only the most plain of their tricks.

He lost himself as person after person flew on the rod, doing splits and flips before the man on the swing caught them and either threw them back, or lifted them to the rod above the swing. They jumped from there too, with no vision of the position of the swing and hoping that there would be someone to catch them before they fell.

After an impressive mid-air pirouette of a woman, the man from the rod above the board jumped and grabbed her rod before it made a full swing. He swung towards the board once, and when he went back in the middle, he jumped off at the same time as the woman flew back to her rod.

The man on the swing caught him just in time and the audience cheered at the exchange of bodies.

This was spectacular. Mingyu’s eyes were blown wide. He was awed at the people who used gravity to fly. Suddenly, he felt too heavy. There were so many burdens and pressure here in the normal world, threatening to suffocate him daily, but inside the world of circus… People could fly.

Ringmaster Boo offered commentary and explained the complexity of the moves the acrobats were executing, which only made the audience realize how hard this level of performance was. They sat at the edge of their seat for the most important tricks and they felt joy and relief after every successful stunt.

This was the circus. This was why people from all over the world gathered in tents like this one to experience their performances. It offered an unparalleled set of emotions, like suspense, anticipation and excitement that no other place could offer. Mingyu was filled with adrenaline, even if he was doing nothing but sitting down. For the few hours of the performances, he could forget all his troubles and let himself get carried away by the wave of dreams the circus offered.

It ended too quickly. The acrobats dropped on the net one by one, bowing and waving at people before disappearing backstage.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this was the art of the flying trapeze!” ringmaster Boo cheered alongside the crowd. “Our acrobats are most talented in a variety of other, never before seen acts that will be performed tomorrow. Make sure to not miss it!” he informed the audience.

Mingyu felt his stomach drop. There was no way his parents would allow him to pay for a second ticket. They would definitely need him back at the pub, to serve customers and clean up. He was going to miss so many performances and he felt awful about it.

There was something addictive about the circus. The way everything was beautiful here, the way the colorful lights shined through the night, it made you feel like there was no sadness in the circus. Only fun and happiness. Who would ever want to leave such a place behind?

“Thank you for attending our show everyone! You were one of the best audiences we have come across! I’m going to need another round of applause dedicated to you!” the ringmaster said cheerfully, and the people started clapping and yelling. “It almost pains me to part with you.” he wiped an imaginary tear from his eyes, even though it was hidden behind a mask. “Make sure to come back tomorrow and witness everything you missed today!”

Some people threw flowers on the stage amidst all the clapping. The bright tent was filled with even more colours as the flowers piled on the ground. Mingyu hoped there wasn’t any daffodils amongst them. He was terribly allergic to them.

The lights turned to the tiers as the ringmaster disappeared backstage. It was time to leave. It was time to return to normal life.

Like a flash, Mingyu remembered that he had a job to do. He abruptly stood up and took a deep breath.

“Everyone, come with me to Kim’s Pub to talk about your experience and prolong the fun!” he yelled loudly, before the crowd could disperse. “There will be a discount on the beer for the next ten minutes, starting now!”

Some people began murmuring amongst themselves, and Mingyu noticed with satisfaction that a few were already rushing to get away. He had to be fast as well. His parents expected the pub to be full tonight, and they would need help at the service.

Fun was over, now it was time to work. Mingyu should be thankful he had even been allowed to have this much fun. It wasn’t a luxury he could often afford.

He ran out of the tent, ignoring the calls of the staff to slow down. He ran all the way to the main road of his town, where his parent’s pub was located.

A few boys were running behind him, laughing amongst themselves about cheap beer. This was going to be a busy night.

~~~

Two hours later and Mingyu didn’t have time to even breathe. _Hold the bar,_ his parents had said, _we will be back in a few minutes._

That was a big, fat lie. They had left him alone. Alone and struggling to maintain order inside the overfilled pub. Mingyu was at his wit’s end. This wasn’t the first time his parents pulled a stunt like this on him. In addition to overworking him, they were unreliable.

“One more whiskey please!” a man yelled at Mingyu’s right.

“Right away, sir.” Mingyu said through gritted teeth

He wouldn’t be able to take this for a lot longer. His forehead was sweaty and the crowd around him felt suffocating. He should be glad that his advertisement at the circus had paid off, but he hadn’t thought he would have to take care of all this people by himself.

It was late at night, but the inside of the pub was beyond loud. Mingyu couldn’t see even tiniest unoccupied space. There were small companies everywhere and they were all talking loudly, probably affected from the copious amount of alcohol they had consumed.

Mingyu’s hands shook as he poured the whiskey for the man that was still waiting. He desperately needed a break, a distraction. After he handed the man his drink, he took the money he offered and placed it in the cashier. He leaned forward on the counter with his hands, trying to take deep breaths and calm himself.

Just a bit longer. He had to last a bit longer for his parents to return.

“Excuse me.” a sweet voice suddenly said in front of him.

Mingyu lifted his eyes and came face to face with an angel. A blonde, smiling angel that seemed to be shining amongst the roaring crowd.

“H-hi.” Mingyu said, momentarily losing it. He quickly gathered himself though and smiled back at the woman. “What can I do for you?” he asked.

“What’s your name?” the woman leaned closer, placing her hand on her palm.

“I’m Mingyu. And who might you be?” he replied, mimicking her pose.

“No one important.” the angel answered enigmatically. “I couldn’t help but notice how tired you look.” she pouted. “It’s a pity for such a handsome man to waste his night like this.”

Mingyu chuckled and stood straight again. “Don’t worry. I’m strong, I can handle a busy night with no problem.” he said, contrary to what was actually true.

“Alright then, strong man.” the woman sat on a stool right in front of the counter, her long, white dress flowing below her feet. She licked her lips seductively and looked straight at Mingyu. “What’s the best drink you can offer a lady like me?”

“I’m afraid our hottest drink will be too unpleasant to your pretty lips.” Mingyu replied smoothly.

“Share it with me then.” the angel winked. “My treat.”

Mingyu’s lips parted in surprise. He shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t. He was in the middle of work, the pub depended on him to function. But then again, hadn’t he been desperate for a break before? This beautiful woman appearing in front of him had to be a signal from heaven.

Mingyu had worked in this pub his entire life. He could handle his alcohol. It wouldn’t hurt to indulge his new friend and drink a bit with her. It would be easier to continue serving his customers if he had such a pleasing company by his side.

“How could I ever refuse such a request.” Mingyu bowed at her theatrically. “I’ll be right back.” he said and went to the mixing station to prepare the hot red drink. He made it strong. This girl looked like she could take it and Mingyu wanted them both to feel the burn.

He returned to her side promptly and placed the drink in front of her.

“Here you go, my fair lady.” he placed the delicate glass in front of her.

Before she could reply, another woman called him from the side. “Oi!” she yelled, clearly intoxicated. “Can we have five more wines to table six?”

“Right away miss.” Mingyu said and gave an apologetic smile to his angel. “I will join you shortly.”

“Hurry up handsome.” she winked and swirled the drink in its glass before she brought it to her lips.

Mingyu felt his mouth watering at the sight of his red drink touching the equally red lips of the woman. He would definitely hurry back.

~~~

Maybe Mingyu should have stopped at the third drink the angel bought him. After the red-hot alcohol, they moved to plain whiskey and he lost count of the shots she made him swallow. His hands shook with every new drink he poured, both for himself and for his customers. He spilled quite a lot before he managed to fill a glass and hand it to a waiting boy. The other took the stained glass with a snort and disappeared back in the crowd.

“Wait, wait!” Mingyu yelled. “You need to pay!” the words were slurred.

Nobody seemed to listen to him though, other than his equally drunk companion.

“It’s okay darling, let him have it on the house. Don’t spoil the mood.” she giggled, placing a hand on Mingyu’s bicep and pulling him back to her.

Mingyu glanced between the beautiful woman with eyes full of want and the mass of people mingling in the pub beyond his counter. It would be too troublesome to find the boy who stole the drink. Mingyu wasn’t feeling suffocated anymore, but his head spun just at the thought of walking amongst all those bodies in his state.

Oh well. It was just a drink. He could let it slide.

More importantly, his angel was still holding his arm between her hands, her nails scratching at his skin deliciously. Mingyu’s head emptied of every other thought than her.

“How about we get out of here after this drink, hm?” she whispered to his ear softly.

Mingyu felt the hair at his nape standing up as a shiver run down his spine. She had too much power over him. He was ready to agree with her, but a stray thought nagged the back of his brain.

His parents weren’t here. He couldn’t leave the pub unsupervised.

“Mingyu?” she insisted. “I want to spend my night with you.” she murmured, her lips too close to Mingyu’s.

He could close the pub. His parents would scold him if he sent so many customers away earlier than he was supposed to, but he could deal with that later. This woman, this _angel_ , was a lot more precious than his parents’ ugly pub. Mingyu deserved a break after everything they made him do daily.

Just as he was about to tell her to gather her things and wait for him, she leaned even closer. Mingyu could practically taste her camelia perfume. He was drunk, and he had no inhibitions about making out with her in front of an entire crowd.

Before their lips could truly touch, the front door slammed open with a bang. Under normal circumstances, Mingyu wouldn’t have been able to notice it amongst the buzzing of the hundred conversations taking place inside the pub, but upon the slamming of the door, most of those conversations died down.

“Jiwoo!” a gruff, male voice boomed through the air.

Mingyu’s angel sucked in a sharp breath and quickly pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” Mingyu murmured, his eyes still half-lidded.

“I… I…” the woman stuttered, starring between the door and Mingyu.

The man that has just entered the pub locked eyes with her and let out a raged roar. He started walking towards her furiously, and only then Mingyu realized that something was very, _very_ wrong.

“You filthy whore!” the man yelled, reaching to violently grab the woman’s arm.

Mingyu’s instincts kicked in. He couldn’t let a man hurt a woman, especially a woman that was about to be _his own._ He put his arm between her and the guy that was trying to grab her and he pushed him back.

“Hey now. Keep your hands to yourself.” he said, trying make his gaze look intimidating.

“Fuck off boy! You should be glad I know what a vixen this slut is and I’m not punching you through the wall!” the dude spat at him.

“You shouldn’t call a lady such names.” Mingyu said, standing up a little straighter.

“You stupid asshole! That’s my wife, I can speak to her however I wish to!” the man said and pushed forward, trying to grab the blonde girl again.

Mingyu had to use his entire body to push him back this time.

“I said stay back.” he said, eyes darkening.

If this good-for-nothing drunkard was lucky enough to have a wife that was so beautiful and alluring, then he should definitely be treating her better than that. Mingyu was a person that could let many things slide, but abuse towards a woman wasn’t one of them.

“Mingyu, it’s okay…” the woman placed a hand on his elbow to hold him back. “I can deal with this, it’s okay…” she tried to warn him, but Mingyu’s brain was buzzing.

“You deserve better than this asshole.” Mingyu told her, loud enough for everyone to hear.

The gruff guy let out another roar and swung his fist to Mingyu’s face. It connected with a sickening thumb and Mingyu had to grab the counter to not fall to the floor. The woman screamed and a few other people exclaimed in shock around him.

Mingyu rubbed his jaw to make sure nothing was broken and spat out blood. After he made sure he was fine, he turned around just in time to see the lady being dragged away forcefully. She was looking back at Mingyu with wide eyes full of worry and regret, and Mingyu just about lost it.

He run forward and punched the man right on the nose. The other let out a pained shout and tossed his wife to the side. He stared at Mingyu with burning red furry, and there was a brief moment that Mingyu wondered if he had made the right choice.

The moment was gone too quickly as the guy attacked him full force.

“Who do you think you are, brat?” he screamed delivering punch after punch to a hunched Mingyu. “Who gave you the right to interfere with other people’s business?”

“I’m the guy that would have fucked your wife while you were too drunk to notice!” Mingyu bit back.

He was doing his best to defend his face and chest, but it wasn’t going to be enough. The more relentless the other got with his punches, the angrier Mingyu became.

He hated that man. In this moment, every little bone in his body hated the gruff dude that marched in like he owned the place and destroyed his night. How dare he treat a woman like that?

Mingyu stepped back long enough to steady himself and kick his opponent’s abdomen with as much strength as he could. The other doubled over, but it was a short-lived victory. He lunged back at Mingyu and they fell to the floor together, in a tangled mess of punches, kicks and bites.

“Stop! Stop!” the blonde woman was trying to say, but nobody was listening to her.

A circle formed around the two fighting men, the drunk people of the pub finding the sight too amusing to not witness. Mingyu ignored them all as he repeatedly punched the man on top of him on the face. He received hit after hit bravely, the pain not even registering in his adrenaline-filled body, but it wasn’t enough. He wouldn’t be able to defeat him like this.

He blindly reached his hand to the side and grabbed the leg of a chair. The punch he received while he left his face open was painful, but nowhere near as painful as the slam of the chair on the other’s back must have been.

The dude rolled off, clutching his back, and Mingyu grabbed the broken leg of the chair to hit him again. The other stumbled back towards the crowd and Mingyu stood up. Blood started dripping from the man’s forehead and Mingyu held back, thinking he had won.

He was far from it though. The man smirked up at him, his blood painting his teeth red as he stood up as well.

“You wanna play dirty boy? I’ll show you dirty!” he yelled, and pulled the table he was leaning on off the ground.

“No, stop this!” the woman cried again. “Mingyu run!”

Mingyu couldn’t do such a thing. He quickly dived behind the counter, just in time to avoid the crash of the table in the place he was standing a few seconds ago. The crowd around them screamed, some shouting cheers and some trying to push others back and escape the battlefield. Drinks spilled everywhere, most of the bottles on the counter broken and wetting the floor.

Mingyu smelled the stench of the mixed alcoholic drinks and felt rage. He had drunk too much to think logically, so when his muddled brain told him to retaliate, he listened to it with no questions asked.

He grabbed all the empty bottles of alcohol that weren’t broken yet and started throwing them randomly. The crowd screamed louder, more people trying to get away now. Mingyu could only see his opponent though. He was throwing even more tables to the ground to use as a cover, breaking some of them in the process.

Mingyu grabbed another chair and threw it clumsily, hoping it would destroy the other’s cover.

The people began running out of the pub like they were being chased. Mingyu used the chaos to approach his opponent and threw himself on his bloodied body. They cursed at each other and screamed, not carrying that they were destroying the interior of the pub.

Mingyu was aware that if this continued for long, he would be on the losing side, but he didn’t care. He didn’t give a shit how hurt he was going to come out of this brawl as long as he managed to beat the other up. For this moment, this was his whole purpose in life.

He had no idea how long he lasted wrestling with a man both older and more muscled than him. At some point, he lost vision from one of his eyes. Breathing was getting progressively harder as he choked on blood, but he felt a wicked satisfaction watching the other spit out broken teeth.

One of his opponent’s arms was hanging limply on his side, and Mingyu hoped more than anything that it was broken. He didn’t know if any of his bones were broken as well, but he couldn’t care less. He trashed his parent’s pub without a hint of remorse, as long as he managed to hurt the other man.

Mingyu didn’t know if it was minutes or hours later, but he felt annoyed when the front door of the pub slammed open and policemen started filtering in.

“Break it up, break it up!” they were yelling, and someone kicked his opponent off of him.

Mingyu felt hands hoisting him up from his armpits. His head spun wildly and his vision was marred with dark spots.

“Are you okay, young man? Can you stand?” the officer that was holding him up said.

Instead of answering, Mingyu started coughing violently, blood from his mouth hitting the floor.

“This doesn’t look good.” the officer said to one of his colleagues. “I’m taking him back to the station. You two deal with the other one and find the owners of this place.”

Mingyu felt his body getting dragged towards the door.

“Uh… angel… the angel…” Mingyu slurred with difficulty.

The officer sighed and pulled him along. “Your parents are not going to be happy about this.” he said as he opened the door.

The fresh air hit Mingyu harder than the man that was beating him up did. The moment he could breathe again, he felt like doubling down and passing out. The officer kept him standing against his will. He didn’t put any resistance as the officer threw his body over a horse and then climbed in front of him. Mingyu could hear faint murmurs from the people around him.

“Go home everyone, the situation is being handled!” the officer called and then urged his horse to start moving.

Mingyu had no idea where he was or where he was going. He would have been scared that neither his leg nor hands were touching the ground but he was still moving, if only he hadn’t seen the people of the circus fly above everyone’s heads earlier.

If they could fly so freely, if they could close their eyes, spread their arms and move through the air, then why couldn’t Mingyu do the same?

He passed out shortly after that thought.

~~~

“This is preposterous. Are you sure Mingyu is responsible for this?”

“We caught him red-handed, sir.”

Mingyu groaned.

“So we can’t ask for compensation for the damages of the shop?”

“I’m afraid not, sir.”

Mingyu blinked his eyes open. The first thought that crossed his mind was _fuck, why am I in a cell?_

Then he remembered. He groaned as he tried to move his body, only to find that he was bruised in every place possible. A bandage was tied around his head and he could still taste blood on his lips. Who knew how many more injuries he would find out he sported if he searched more thoroughly.

He hadn’t opened his eyes because of the pain though. The fear that was slowly starting to rise in him wasn’t because of his injuries.

“This stupid child…” came the voice from the hall again and Mingyu winced.

That was his father’s voice.

Mingyu had messed up. He had royally messed up. There was no explanation he could offer for his behaviour. His parents had entrusted him their precious pub for the night and he ended up trashing it. He tried to not think of the million punishments he could receive as he saw his father approaching.

“Oh, good, you’re awake.” a bored-looking officer said as he unlocked his cell.

Mingyu dared a glance towards his father. He looked like he had aged ten years since the last time they met. His eyes were dark and tired, and so, _so_ disappointed.

“Your father paid the bill, you’re free to go.” the officer said, pointing towards the exit. “You can walk, right?”

“Yes…” Mingyu mumbled, hoping it was true.

He supported himself on the wall and tried standing up. It hurt like a bitch, but at least nothing seemed to be broken. He walked to his father’s side slowly, hoping he could convey his regret from his body language alone.

“Let’s go Mingyu. We have a lot to talk about.” his father said simply.

“Yes sir.” Mingyu lowered his head.

“Thank you for the service officer.” his father tipped his hat towards the other man.

The ride back home was beyond awkward. Mingyu knew his father wasn’t going to say anything to him until they were home and he had his mother by his side. He didn’t even ask if he was okay, if he needed a doctor. He just brought Mingyu home and helped him up the stairs to the living room.

His mother was already waiting on the couch, foot tapping repeatedly against the floor. When she saw them entering, she firmly stood up and narrowed her eyes at Mingyu.

“I would say good morning, but we both know this isn’t going to be good.” she said loudly, and Mingyu winced from the volume of her voice.

That only made his mother look even angrier, if it was possible.

“Are you hangover, young man?” she asked, fire behind her eyes. “Did you get drunk and decided it was a good idea to destroy everything your father and I have built?”

“I’m sor-“

“You better be. We have a lot of talking to do, but I need you fully conscious and alert for it. Go to sleep.” she ordered.

Mingyu had no choice but to obey. With a lowered head, he went to the bathroom first to clean himself as much as possible and then he retreated to his bed. It was embarrassing how easily the sleep claimed him.

~~~

Mingyu slept like a stone. He didn’t open his eyes until late in the afternoon, but even then, he didn’t bother getting up from his bed. His body was sore, and even if his tummy protested loudly, he didn’t dare leave his room to get food.

Thankfully, his parents didn’t disturb him either. A part of him wished they would just barge in his room and get it over with. The anxiety of waiting for the bomb to drop made everything worse. Mingyu was mostly scared because he had no idea how their conversation was going to play out.

He was scared of what they might make him do. He didn’t look forward at all to all the work that definitely was in front of him. His parents always made him work extra hard without a good reason. Now that they had a valid reason to punish him, Mingyu didn’t want to imagine to what extremes they would resort.

Maybe that was the reason they let him rest for a whole day. If he stayed in bed and healed for so long, he had no excuse to avoid work because of his injuries. Mingyu wouldn’t put such devious thinking above his parents.

Honestly, he was so tired. He sat under his covers the entire night, looking at the ceiling and feeling miserable. It was exhausting to have nothing to do but imagine catastrophic scenarios in his brain.

Perhaps that was why he felt a spark of relief when his door finally opened the next day, somewhere around noon. His mother peeked her head inside her room and glanced at him up and down with disapproval.

“Good, you’re up.” she said as a greeting. “Come downstairs.” she ordered and slammed the door shut again.

Mingyu sighed. This was it. There would be no more agonizing waiting. He felt like he was nearing his edge after doing nothing but beating himself up over his actions for 24 hours. As he walked down the stairs to the living room, he felt like he had spent his entire life doing nothing but waiting for his parents to scold him.

The atmosphere at the living room was exactly like how Mingyu imagined it would be. Cold and charged, like a lightning storm waiting to hit.

Little did Mingyu know that this was the storm that was going to change his life forever.

“Sit down, young man.” his father was the first to address him.

Mingyu obediently sat on an armchair opposite of the couch his parents were occupying.

“Normally, we would have given you a chance to explain yourself, but there is absolutely no excuse for what you did.” the man said.

Good. Mingyu didn’t want to have to explain how badly he messed up for a woman, of all things. It sounded so stupid right now, but two nights ago, he had thought there was nothing more important than defending this lady’s honour.

Even when he learned she was actually a cheating wife who got him drunk so she could have her way with him and not the angel he had thought her to be, he had still persisted in fighting her scum of a husband for her. There was no way he could explain his drunk reasoning to his parents and not get in more trouble than he already was.

“We tried to raise you to be responsible, Mingyu. We _trusted_ you with the one thing in our lives that brought in decent money. Do you have any idea how hard that is for parents? Do you know how rare it is for parents to put faith in a kid they know is always reckless?” his father began.

“All the money that was lost that night and everything the repairs are going to cost is worth more than feeding you.” his mother added heartlessly.

Mingyu pursed his lips. Words like these shouldn’t hurt after 20 years of hearing them, but they did.

“You understand we can’t afford a carpenter to refurnish the pub. You will have to take responsibility for your actions and do everything yourself, without payment of course.” his father added.

“I understand, I’m sorry I messed up and hurt myself in the process.” Mingyu said quietly.

“This isn’t about you, Mingyu. This is about all the money and resources you cost us.” his mother said.

“Your mother’s right. Maybe it would have been for the best if you had split your head open and that stupid fight of yours, but as things are now, you are going to have to work day and night to repay us.” his father nodded.

Mingyu’s lips parted in shock. These words… he knew his parents didn’t care much about him, but for his own father to wish him dead? His mother only caring about money instead of his well-being?

Mingyu felt that familiar bitterness creeping up inside him. He was so familiar with its ugly taste, he had grown up with it. But this time… this time it was a lot stronger. It travelled from his stomach to his heart, swallowing everything in its path. Mingyu clenched his fists, but he had no way to block this terrible feeling from reaching his mouth.

“…Do you really think I have no value other than bringing you money?” he asked, voice still quiet

“Stop trying to be sentimental.” his mother huffed. “We have debts to pay Mingyu. You should be glad we haven’t sold you to the circus already.”

Mingyu looked at the ground, his fists squeezing impossibly tight. Why did his mother’s voice only make the bitterness even stronger instead of quelling it?

“Don’t act like a child. You know bad things will happen if we don’t pay off everything in the next five years. Don’t think for a second you can live in here and slack off.” his father’s voice added fuel to the fire.

Add too much fuel to an already lit fire, and you’re setting yourself up for an explosion.

“Then why did you leave me to work alone that night?” Mingyu’s head snapped up. “If we have a debt to pay off, a debt that you created all by yourselves, why were you resting while I was struggling to even breathe in your pub?”

“Mingyu, stop talking.” his father bit.

“No!” Mingyu finally blew up. “Why do I always have to work like a slave to pay off _your_ debt while I get nothing in return?”

“Mingyu, shut-“

“No, I won’t shut up!” Mingyu stood up. “I know I fucked up, and I was ready to apologize and repay you, I really was. But for _what?_ What would be the point of apologizing to people that never ever cared about me?”

His father stood up as well. “Because we birthed and raised you, Kim Mingyu! How dare you be so ungrateful?” he yelled.

“You _chose_ to give birth to me! I didn’t ask for it!” Mingyu yelled back. “But I’m not your slave to take advantage of okay? This is not right, I can’t take it anymore!” Mingyu put his head in his hands.

“No son of mine can live in my house if he doesn’t work for his family’s debt. How do you expect me to feed you if you offer nothing in return?” his mother said.

She wasn’t yelling like his father. She was calm and spoke with calculated words, which meant she truly believed what she was saying. Maybe a twisted part of Mingyu, a part that still loved his family, could excuse his father by thinking that everything he had said was in the heat of the moment and he didn’t mean it. But his mother? His mother was speaking like she always did, with conviction and self-righteousness.

Mingyu wanted to look at her in the eye and say _you’re my mother, how can you not feed your own child simply because you love it? Why did I have to work ever since I learned to walk to earn your love?_

But Mingyu had been oppressed by his parents for too long to be able to speak back to them like that. Even if he understood that they were hurting him, he couldn’t defend himself against them, not now and not ever.

Like a flash, he thought of himself five, ten, twenty years later, still living with his parents, unable to support himself because they were always going to make him work for them. Mingyu had never actively thought of his future like that before. It was terrifying. Mingyu felt like he was going to throw up.

He couldn’t fight back though, he just _couldn’t._ It was frustrating, but he couldn’t see how he could stop that hateful future for coming true. He was choking and he could not fight his way out of his murderer’s grip.

There was only one thing people can do when they couldn’t fight their battles. Run.

“What if… what if I don’t want to live here anymore?” Mingyu said, hearing his voice coming out his mouth as if he wasn’t in control of it.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” his father shouted. “Where would you even go? You have no one who cares for you out there! You’d die on the streets in a heartbeat!”

“Of all the stupid things that have come out of your mouth Mingyu, that is the most unreasonable.” his mother shook her head. “We know you. Deep inside, you are a coward. You wouldn’t dare walk out of this room and try to survive on your own.”

Mingyu lowered his hands from his face, an eerie calmness spreading inside him. He knew what to do now. This conversation was no longer a dead end. He couldn’t stop his parents from suffocating him if he stayed in the same room as them, but he could very well walk out.

He didn’t utter a single word to his parents as he turned his back on them. He had nothing to say. He knew they were looking at him with wide eyes as he opened the front door, but he was done with them. He paid no mind to their dropped jaws as he walked out without a goodbye, without even a change of clothes to his name.

They didn’t call him back. Even as he left them behind, they didn’t think he was important enough to try and get him to stay. They probably thought he was going to return on his own at some point, and if he did, they would only punish him further for the stunt he dared pull.

No more. It was impossible to take another moment longer of this treatment. Mingyu had reached a point that he would rather die quickly on the streets than keep experiencing a slow, painful death at his home.

Mingyu wanted to live. At least out here, with the stone streets stretching infinitely in front of him, he had a chance to survive.

Mingyu left his home behind once and for all with the cold air of the spring pushing him further and further away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be disgusted by the heterosexuality in this chapter lol, meanie is coming and it is going to be strong. Also plz, if you have any other nickname for Wonwoo apart from mR.bEaNiE pleaseeee share it with me so I can edit it while it's still early. Please, I'm desperate TT
> 
> Thank you for reading, feedback is always appreciated! This story will have a new update every five days!


	2. Freude, schöner Götterfunken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all the people that saw the last chapter before it got edited, you didn't :)   
> Mr Beanie who? I don't know her :)  
> All I know is the guy who throws knives whose his name is Jeon :)
> 
> Now that's out of the way, action action action!!

The first trees that bloomed after a long, cold winter were the almond trees. In the streets and in the forest, every plant was either dead or green, waiting for the warm of the spring to give life to it. But the almond trees had no patience. They dressed themselves in white petals and eagerly threw behind them the season of withering.

Mingyu was sitting below such an almond tree, trying to pull himself together after his break down. It was nearing noon and he had no roof above his head, or food to fill his aching stomach. He had left his home behind, probably earlier than he was meant to. He was trying to spread his wings without being prepared for it.

But if the almond trees could do it, then so could Mingyu. So as he was sitting under the white tree that smelled of fresh flowers, he tried to think of his next move.

He needed food and water. There was no doubt that he wouldn’t be able to survive for long without these necessities. A place to sleep in would come in second, and after that, a place to shower and some new clothes would be required.

But these would only be priorities assuming he had secured a source of nutrition. He was already pushing it going an entire day without anything to eat, he wouldn’t be able to support himself if he didn’t find food soon.

There was no time to think back at his choices and regret them. He needed to survive now, so every other thought had to be pushed back. He dragged himself off the ground and looked around.

He knew this town very well. He was born here, and he most likely would have died here too if he hadn’t decided to leave his home. He knew were all the taverns and restaurants were located. His parent’s pub was at the very end of the long road that lead to the plaza, a road that was full of shops that sold food and beverages. Perhaps he could see if he could find any edible leftovers around that place. If not, then he could always raid a field and steal some fruits, even though his conscience would prefer to avoid that.

He walked away from the almond tree and towards the main road that was full of busy people. No one paid him any mind though. They had no idea that Mingyu was homeless now, that he didn’t have anyone to support him. Everything went on like normal for everyone in this town, except for Mingyu.

It was still too soon for lunch, but some of the taverns already had a few customers inside. That meant that the kitchens had begun working, and maybe he wouldn’t have to wait for long for leftovers. He decided to kill some time by walking around and trying to find a spot that he could perhaps spend his night at.

When the plaza came into view, Mingyu’s heart clenched. The circus was still there. There were no lights turned on under the morning sun, the place felt a lot less magical and mysterious than it did during the night, but it was still a place plucked right out of a dream.

The workers of the circus were no longer in fancy costumes, but they were all running around the terrain they had set up their show, picking things up and carrying them back to their train. They were packing up to leave. This was going to be the last time Mingyu ever saw the circus. Even if it ever returned, which Mingyu highly doubted, he would never be able to afford a ticket for its show anymore.

Unless…

A wild idea pierced Mingyu’s mind. It logged on his brain and it couldn’t be shaken away, not matter how illogical it seemed.

If the circus couldn’t come to him anymore, then maybe he should be the one to go to it.

It wasn’t too far-fetched, was it? A lot of people ran away with the circus, especially during times of war. Circuses were known to be houses for refuges or people who had nothing to hope for. Mingyu… was one of those people now, wasn’t he?

He didn’t have a future with his parents, he didn’t have a future in this town that would see him as nothing more than another homeless boy. He didn’t have anything to lose by joining the circus.

When had been the last time Mingyu did something because he felt like it? His parents had taken that privilege away from him as far back as he could remember. But now, Mingyu didn’t have any work to do, he didn’t have any other obligations.

Was this perhaps the time to follow his heart for once?

It was a scary, unknown thought, but Mingyu didn’t have any time to be afraid. He had to survive. And the circus was going to be a better place to do so than any.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous as he walked down the plaza to a group of people that were unscrewing the bolts of the giant tent, trying to take it down. Both men and women were dressed casually, but they all still had those blue and pink coloured masks over their heads. Even now that the show was over, no one was allowed to know their real identities.

Mingyu’s heart was beating wildly in his chest as he approached a dude that had light pink hair. He was crouching on the ground, a bag of screwdrivers tied on his waist. He was trying to unscrew the bottom bolts of the tent, a place his height made it more comfortable to reach. His bare arms were sweaty and he his eyes were focused on his job.

“Excuse me.” Mingyu called, standing a few steps away.

The man glanced at him once and then he looked back down. “We’re preparing to leave, if you forgot anything inside the tent yesterday you should go to the first compartment of the train and someone will be there to help you retrieve it.”

“Ah, thank you…” Mingyu scratched the back of his head. “But this is not what I’m here for.”

The other still didn’t look his way. “What do you want then?” he pursed his lips, clearly irritated to be interrupted from his job.

Mingyu couldn’t hesitate now, no matter how uninviting the man’s tone was. He had nothing to lose by asking him what he had come here for.

“I was wondering… does your circus have room for any more people?” he asked, trying his best to appear polite.

The pink hair of the man were ruffled by the wind as he turned his head to look at him. His narrow eyes looked at Mingyu up and down once before he huffed and turned back to his work.

“Fuck off.” he simply said.

Mingyu took an alarmed step backwards. The message was clear. He wasn’t wanted here. He tried to push aside his disappointment and not get irritated at the small man. This reaction was rude, but understandable.

“Alright then… Have a nice day.” he told the other man and left him alone.

What now? Did he go back at trying to find food and shelter? Did he go back at trying his best to survive as a homeless person? Or did he try to push his luck a little further?

Mingyu wanted to join the circus. He had nothing else to do, and it was the first time he was acting on such a whimsical desire. He didn’t want to give up so easily. If there was an appropriate time to be stubborn, this was it.

Without thinking it through, he headed to the train station that was beyond the plaza. The train the circus travelled in should have been stationed there. It wasn’t too far away from their tent, so the staff could transport the circus materials to and fro easily.

Mingyu didn’t enter that gates of the station though. He wasn’t going to ask for a ticket to catch a normal ride. He was going to something far more reckless.

He trailed to the back of the station, careful to not catch anyone’s attention. He disappeared between the chaos of trees and untended wildlife that was the backyard of the building. He pushed leaves to the side and swatted bugs away, until he reached a clearing.

The circus train was visible from there. There was no mistaking it for another train. Its sides were covered in caricature paintings of clowns, acrobats and wild animals. Above its windows, there were strings of multicolored lamps that were probably turned on during the nights.

This was a train without a fixed destination. It came from the land of dreams and it spread magic to every town it visited. Mingyu didn’t want to let go of that magic. He dived in the plants again and run to the nearest wagon.

The train was large, made to fit a multitude of people and equipment. It had about nine wagons stretching to the left and right. Mingyu found himself somewhere in the middle. He could hear people talking and shouting as the carriages to his right were being loaded, so he decided to go left, away from the commotion.

He walked alongside the rails, his hand touching the wood of the walls he was trying to enter. There were no doors on his side though. He could only see a row of small windows, overlooking the mass of trees he had just emerged from.

He kept walking alongside the train, but there was no way for him to enter from this side. He had come so far though, he couldn’t give up now. In a split moment, he decided to run back, towards the right carriages. If people were loading them with stuff, the door had to be open, right?

It was reckless, but it was the only way he could board that train in broad daylight without anyone knowing. A smiled bloomed on Mingyu’s face when he saw that the carriages which were meant to store stuff had doors on both sides of them. Luck was finally smiling down on him.

He approached the first door he saw and placed his ear on it. He needed to make sure no one was inside when he entered. He focused his hearing past the birds that were chirping in the distance, and he heard two women conversing on the other side of the door.

He had to wait until they left, he couldn’t risk it. He stayed absolutely still in his spot until he heard their voices fading away. His hands had gotten clammy from anticipation. He rubbed them together and then he grabbed the metal handle of the door firmly.

He pulled it open slowly, so it wouldn’t make a sound in case any circus worker was still around. The metal creaked a little and Mingyu froze. He waited for another second to hear if anyone had noticed him, but there was no sound from the other end of the door. Mingyu started pulling it again.

He pulled until there was a gap big enough for him to enter. But at this point, he faced another problem. The entrance to the car was blocked by large bags that went all the way to the top. Mingyu couldn’t climb above them to enter.

He tried to push the bags, but they wouldn’t budge. They were heavy enough that they would probably make a loud sound if they fell to the ground anyway, so Mingyu changed tactics. He tried to pull one in the middle free, carefully so the others wouldn’t topple over.

What the heck was in those bags that caused them to weigh so much anyway? If Mingyu didn’t know any better he would think they were filled with sand or something. After a bit of struggling, he managed to free one of them and firmly grasp it in his arms. It was bigger than his torso, and he stumbled as he walked to the nearest tree to place it behind it.

No one would notice if one bag amongst dozens was missing right? He hid it well below some leaves and rubbed his biceps. If he wasn’t as strong as he was there was no way he would have pulled this off without making even the tiniest sound.

He returned back to the door and tilted his head to look at the opening he had made. If he climbed a bit, he would be able to fit through there. He grabbed the handle of the door again and put one foot on the wooden floor of the car. With his other hand, he shook the top bag of the pile to see if it could hold his weight.

He was relieved to find that it could. He secured his grip over the surface of the bag, and in a swift motion, he pulled his body off the ground. He tried to lift his leg above the bags first, so he wouldn’t fall face first in the cart. After his leg, the rest of his body followed. He had to fold himself almost in half to fit, but he managed it. Before he landed on the other side of the stack of bags, he pulled the door shut again.

He was in. The moment his feet touched the ground, he crouched down and observed his surroundings. There were all kinds of boxes and equipment scattered around him, providing sufficient cover from the other door that was wide open for anyone to enter.

He couldn’t stay there though, the circus staff would return soon with even more equipment. Where could he go? He didn’t know the layout of the train well enough, but he assumed that the further back he went, the more luggage he would find. Maybe he should try go to the front instead, where there were less doors for people to enter.

He didn’t have a lot of time to think. He heard voices approaching again, so he had to decide fast. The door that connected the wagon he was in to the front one was closer, so to the front it was. He stealthily moved between the boxes that were tightly sealed, trying not to throw anything to the ground. This was not a time to be clumsy.

He quickly opened the wooden door and stood at the space between the two wagons, trying to make himself as invisible as possible. He could see the rails below his feet. It would be so dangerous to stand there while the train moved. He felt a little sick just at the thought of it and he gulped his nerves down.

“This is the last one, Seungcheol said we’re locking up and leaving.” Mingyu heard the voice of a man back inside the car he had just left.

He had to move now. He glanced to his right to make sure no one was watching, and he opened the door opposite of him. He leapt across the gap of the wagons. His heart was beating loudly as he landed to the other side, quickly closing the door behind him.

This car was different than the previous one. Instead of just a huge space filled with props and supplies, on the other side of even more boxes, there was a fenced space that some dogs were sleeping in. Mingyu tried to remain still again. These were the dogs from the performance. They couldn’t realize he was here, lest they alerted the people of the circus of an intruder.

Thankfully, they were fast asleep. Mingyu held his breath and started walking on his tippy toes, trying to reach the next wagon and hoping that he would find a place to hide there. He was about halfway through the corridor, when one of the dogs stirred.

Mingyu froze again. Maybe the dog would fall asleep again. He desperately needed some luck right now. The gray dog sniffed around a bit, and then, its eyes locked on Mingyu.

Shit.

“Hey, hey, nice dog, no need to make a sound…” Mingyu whispered in an attempt to defuse the situation. “Go back to sleep, everything is okay…” he smiled gently and took another silent step forward.

This was the wrong thing to do. The moment he moved, the dog let out a loud bark. The other dogs around it were in immediately on alert, and the moment they spotted Mingyu they all started barking threateningly at him.

“Crap, crap, crap.” Mingyu cursed and ran.

His time was up, he needed to hide _now_. He opened the door at the end of the floor and jumped to the next car without an inch of his previous hesitation. He barely had any time to look at his new surroundings. All he could see was two rows of doors on either side of him, no sign of any more boxes. He rushed to the nearest one and put his ear on it to catch any noise.

He was met with nothing but silence. He heard voices approaching the dog’s compartment though, the footsteps of at least two people coming closer and closer. He pushed the door open without a second thought and slammed it behind him.

Thankfully it had been unlocked. He cursed at the loud sound he had mistakenly made, but there was nothing he could do about it now. He found himself in a tiny space that resembled a room. There were two small beds nailed at one wall, one above the other, with a tiny table under a dirty window.

Was this the quarters of the staff? Did they all sleep in rooms they could barely fit in? Mingyu almost had to duck his head to stand in the nearly non-existent space of the floor.

“It’s empty in the corridor! Should I check the rooms?” someone called from right outside the door, and it was like a bolt of electricity run through Mingyu’s spine.

Without thinking about it, he crouched on the floor and forced himself to slide under the bottom bed. The space between the wooden floor and the bed was barely enough for him to fit, but he had no other choice.

The door opened quietly, and Mingyu held his breath, willing his muscles to remain absolutely still. He hoped whoever was on the door couldn’t see him down here. He had tried so hard to make it to this point, it would be a pity if all his troubles were for nothing.

He saw two feet taking a step inside for a moment, before they retreated.

“No one here.” the man called, closing the door behind him.

Mingyu exhaled. He was safe, at least temporarily. He knew his mission was far from over, but at least he could take a moment to breathe. The floor below him was beyond dusty, but Mingyu welcomed the air in his lungs with relief.

Mingyu looked around him once again. There was a spiderweb in front of his eyes, in the corner the wall made with the bed. As long as there was no spider in sight though, Mingyu had no reason to stir. He needed to plan his next move.

Maybe it would be for the best to remain hidden here until the train began moving. If he showed himself while they were in motion, the director of the circus wouldn’t throw him on the rails, would he? Mingyu would have enough time to convince the man to take him in until their next stop at least.

So he decided to stay under that bed until he could figure what he would say to the director in order to keep him. It was going to be a hard battle and he needed to prepare himself for it to the best of his ability.

What could he really do in a circus? What was his potential? He didn’t think he qualified for a performer, he had no impressive skills. But there were other jobs here. He could be an assistant of the actual performers, or one of the people that stood around the audience and offered help. He could be one of the people that built the tent when they arrived at the towns, or he could stay outside during the breaks to entertain the crowd.

The possibilities were endless. Mingyu hoped he found somewhere to fit in, despite his illegal way of entering. Mingyu folded his hands beneath his head and leaned on his arms. A part of him couldn’t believe that he had actually done something so reckless. This wasn’t like him at all. Was this because of the shock of leaving his life and everything he knew behind?

Mingyu was scared, but he had made his decisions. He had dived in the deep and there was nothing to do now but swim. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. He needed to pull himself together. Shock or not, he needed to deal with the consequences of his actions. He had made a choice, and no matter how absurd it was, he was not one to back down.

There was nothing left for him in this town. There was nothing left for him anywhere. If he was kicked out of here, he would still have nothing. When you’re at your lowest, there is nowhere to go but up.

It must have been a few minutes later that he felt a rumble below his chest. The floor shook, followed by the ignition of the train’s engine. The noise got louder as the engine warmed up, until Mingyu felt the floor move.

They were moving. They were leaving, and no on one has found him. The first part of his ridiculous plan was somehow successful. The horn of the train whistled happily, a final goodbye to the people of the town who had welcomed them so warmly.

Mingyu sent his own goodbyes as well. He didn’t have any friends because of his parents. They had always kept him busy with work. There was nothing Mingyu would miss from the town he had grown up in. It was almost sad, but at the same time liberating. There was nothing holding him back.

Mingyu was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the door open. The steps that followed were not rushed. The man that entered closed the door gently behind him and he stood in the middle of the room, stretching.

Was this room his? Did he sleep here? Mingyu should have expected the person that lived in this compartment to return at some point. It was unfortunate that he returned so soon, but it was nothing that Mingyu couldn’t handle. He couldn’t be seen under the bed. He just had to make sure he stayed extra still as long as the other was in here.

The man began humming softly, walking around the tiny space in a relaxed manner. Mingyu saw him stand on his tip toes in front of him, presumably to reach something on the upper bed. His humming didn’t stop, and it was soon accompanied by the sound of clothes being fumbled with.

Mingyu saw beige pants drop in front of him, around the other’s legs. The man jumped off them with his socked feet. He pulled another pair of pants up his leg, its fabric darker and more comfortable looking. A shirt soon followed the pants on the floor, and a hand briefly leaned down to pick them up.

The humming got louder. Now that the man was dressed, he started feeling the melody he was mumbling more.

_Freude, schöner Götterfunken,_ _  
Tochter aus Elysium,  
Wir betreten feuertrunken,  
Himmlische, dein Heiligthum!_

Mingyu remembered that tune. He had heard it back at the tent, during one of the performances. Even if it sounded different with the deep, soft voice of the person that was singing it now, Mingyu remembered how the music had glided around the air, making the act of the flying trapeze even more awe inspiring than it was.

The song didn’t make Mingyu’s heart beat faster in anticipation now, like it did a few days ago, but it was pleasing to hear. It brought back nice images of people flying. It reminded him that the circus he was trying so hard to become a part of had the ability to raise people to the sky and give them wings.

Mingyu was at the bottom. He wanted to go up. The melody was a nice reminder.

Without stopping his song, Mingyu heard the man in the room opening a chest and pulling something out of it. He heard a cup being unclasped and then a whoosh, like the spray of a perfume. The man sprayed around the room three more times, before putting the thing he was holding back in its box.

The train had picked up speed. At this rate, they were going to be out of the town very soon. Hopefully, a long journey would be ahead of them. The more time Mingyu had to speak to the director until the next stop, the better.

The bed dipped above Mingyu as the man sat down. It pressed against Mingyu’s back, and Mingyu prayed that the other couldn’t feel his body beneath him. Mingyu waited a few moments after the man was lain, but there was no indication that something was wrong.

Mingyu took a deep, silent breath.

Suddenly, his eyes widened in alarm. There was something wrong with the air. It was barely noticeable, but Mingyu had learned to avoid this smell like the plague.

Daffodils.

Was that what the man had sprayed around before? Was Mingyu seriously so unlucky?

He quickly placed his hand in front of his mouth and nose, in attempt to shield himself from the flowers he was allergic to. He could already feel his nostrils tingling, he wouldn’t be able to breathe any more of this air.

He had to do something quickly. He looked around him, trying to find a better cover to his face than his fingers. But there was nothing under the bed other than him. He couldn’t reach out either, the other man would definitely see him from the bed.

Mingyu felt his throat constricting and he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t hold his breath any longer. He tried to take just a small amount of air in, just enough to survive, but the scent of the daffodils had spread.

Mingyu inhaled it, and a few moments later his eyes watered. His lungs felt painful and his ears turned red from the effort to keep silent. He was going to choke. He couldn’t hold it in anymore.

A small wheeze left his lips first and Mingyu internally cursed. Once he began coughing, he wouldn’t be able to stop. He took another breath, more desperate, and his body jerked.

A loud string of coughs left his lips, but he still couldn’t breathe freely. The bed shifted above him, and feet appeared in his field of vision again.

“What the hell?” the man said. “Is someone there?”

Mingyu couldn’t move, he couldn’t disappear in time. The other leaned his head down, and his eyes widened in surprise when he saw a stranger choking under his bed.

“Who are you?!” he asked in alarm, quickly jumping up. He must have grabbed a knife from somewhere, because next thing Mingyu knew, the sharp object was pointing in his direction threateningly, the man crouched down in front of him.

“Why are you here?” the other’s voice boomed, a lot more confident than before.

Mingyu had to get out of here. His life wasn’t worth his stay at the circus.

“Can’t breathe. Need air.” he wheezed.

“ _What?”_

Mingyu just coughed some more and tried to crawl out of the bed with shaking hands.

“ _Air._ ” he repeated desperately, stretching his hand in front of him.

“Crap…” the other cursed and reached to grab Mingyu’s hand, without letting go of the knife.

He pulled Mingyu out as fast as his arms allowed him, but Mingyu couldn’t get up. He felt like someone was restricting his throat, choking him to the ground. He focused all his energy in trying to breathe, lain like a shaking starfish on the ground.

“Window… Air…” he coughed, tears running down his eyes.

“Goddamn.” the man said through gritted teeth, but hurried to open the window.

He pushed the tiny table to the side and crouched down in front of Mingyu. Knife still in hand, he tried to pull him up by the shoulder.

“Come on, stand up! I opened the window!” he called.

Mingyu pushed himself to lift his body up, as the other pulled him. Once on his feet, he leaned heavily against the stranger. Together they stumbled to the window, where the man practically threw him against. Mingyu stuck his head out and finally, _finally,_ he felt air entering his lungs.

He coughed some more with the air hitting his cheek. He stayed slumped at the window for a long time, simply trying to get his body back to normal. He supported himself on the table and took deep, liberating breaths.

In his panic, he almost forgot about the person who had saved him. He also forgot about the knife that was pointing his way. It was until he felt its sharp edge nudging his shoulder that he stiffened in realization.

He froze, but he couldn’t risk turning his head back to the scented room. He didn’t want to die because of his stupid allergies. He lifted his hands up in surrender and prayed to not feel the sudden pain of a stab to his side.

“Don’t move.” the man behind him warned him, his voice dangerous.

That was something Mingyu could do.

“You don’t have to turn, but you need to answer my questions or else.” the man continued, pressing the knife closer to Mingyu’s shoulder. “Who are you?”

“My name is Mingyu! I didn’t intend to hurt you, or rob you, or whatever!” he said loudly, so the other could hear him despite the air and the sound of the wheels on the rails.

“What are you doing here then? _How_ did you get here?” the man asked, clear confusion in his voice.

“I will answer everything, I swear, please don’t kill me!” Mingyu whined.

“Seems like you’ve got that covered on your own.” the other snickered. “Are you allergic to daffodils?”

“Terribly so, I’m afraid.” Mingyu replied. “Was that your favourite perfume?” he found himself asking.

What the hell was he doing? He should be finding a way to save his life, not making small talk. Panicked Mingyu was stupid Mingyu, apparently.

Surprisingly, the knife stopped pressing against him so tightly. It didn’t draw back completely, but it seemed like the other relaxed his grip.

“It is, actually.” he answered.

“I would say that it smelled nice, but well…” Mingyu shrugged.

There was a moment of silence.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” the man asked, not sounding particularly amused.

“I’m…” Mingyu tried to find the proper words. “I’m looking for a job?”

“A what?”

“A job.” Mingyu repeated more firmly. “At the circus.”

It was impossible to know how the other took his words, because Mingyu couldn’t see his expression. There was even more silence though, which wasn’t very promising.

“I’m going to need more details.” the man pressed.

Mingyu sighed. This hadn’t been in his plans. He hadn’t though he would have to convince a person with a knife to let him go without seriously hurting him. He hadn’t been ready for an encounter like this, but he couldn’t do anything about it now. This was just another obstacle he needed to overcome to reach his goal.

“I left my home.” Mingyu explained. “I didn’t have anything left back in the town, so I decided to risk it and try to join the circus.”

“And why are you in my room?” the other inquired.

“Because after I sneaked in your train, I had to hide somewhere. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to almost choke to death and inconvenience you…” Mingyu said, as truthfully as he could. “All I wanted was some time to think of a speech that would make me sound useful and talk to your director.” he revealed his plan.

More silence. His neck was beginning to stiffen from sticking it out the window for so long, but he wasn’t about to complain.

“The perfume should have cleared. Turn around.” the man ordered.

It made Mingyu feel a little better that despite threatening him with a knife, the other was mindful of his allergy. Maybe he didn’t really want to kill him.

Mingyu turned around slowly, hands still raised in the air. He didn’t know what to expect of the man, he hadn’t seen him clearly before as his eyes were blinded by tears. He felt a tiny bit more comfortable to find that he was smaller than him. Mingyu didn’t have to look too far down to see his face, but he still had the height advantage.

Upon seeing his eyes though, any advantage he felt he might have, disappeared. They were looking at him up and down carefully, scrutinizing every tiny detail with a cold, calculating look. Mingyu almost felt the brown of his irises piercing him, like the knife he was holding. He gulped, terrified.

The man was holding the knife so confidently, as if he was certain he could slice Mingyu up in a heartbeat. Mingyu’s chances in a fight didn’t look too good. So the only thing left for him was to appear harmless and friendly.

“H-hi.” he stuttered. “I didn’t catch your name.” he offered a shaky smile, trying to not let his fear show.

The other’s eyes snapped up to him, and Mingyu had to make a conscious effort to not look away. Friends. He needed to make friends with this person.

“I’m…” the other hesitated, clearly debating if he should reveal his name. He looked at Mingyu up and down once more and nodded to himself in approval. “I’m Wonwoo.” he said in the end.

“Wonwoo.” Mingyu repeated. “Nice to meet you. You have a lovely room.” he tried to make conversation.

Wonwoo frowned at him, and Mingyu decided that he should just shut up. He didn’t know why, but with the way the other was looking at him he felt like he was undergoing a test of some sort. He knew he appeared a lot more imposing and serious when he was silent. If he didn’t talk, he could probably hide how much of a mess he truly way.

“You said you were looking for a job?” Wonwoo asked in the end, that damn knife not lowering a bit.

“I-I do.” Mingyu replied.

“Do you have any actual skills? Why would the director take you in?”

Mingyu gulped. Well, now. He hadn’t managed to think that far in his plan. He was supposed to be having this conversation a lot later than now. He had to improvise.

“I don’t think I can perform at a show, but that doesn’t mean I am useless!” he said. “I can cook and I can clean and… and I can take care of animals. I’m not afraid of hard, manual work!”

Wonwoo sighed, disappointed. Uh oh. Had Mingyu said the wrong thing? He began panicking again.

“I-I also don’t mind learning new things!” he hurried to add. “I can devote my whole life to learn an art or something, if that’s what would be required of me.”

Wonwoo looked at him thoughtfully again. Mingyu could practically see the wheels turning in his head. Whatever he was thinking, Mingyu hoped it would be good for him.

“Are you serious about this?” Wonwoo asked after a while of just staring. “To wholly devote your life to the circus… It’s no small thing. You’re young and inexperienced, how can I take you seriously?”

Mingyu looked at the ground. He hadn’t thought he would be asked something like this. He didn’t know what the proper answer was, but Wonwoo was waiting for one. Mingyu’s brain didn’t know how to reply, so he let his heart take control.

“I have nothing else to do. I don’t want to die on the streets.” he said quietly. “I’m here because I’m desperate.” he looked up. “Truthfully, I have no idea how I made it this far. I don’t know how to convince you to believe in me when I barely believe in myself.” his heart clenched as he voiced those words. “But even against all odds, I am here. I can’t be sure how, or why, but I am here now and I will try my best to stay.”

This was it. His feelings were out in the open now. He hadn’t meant to get all emotional on a stranger all of a sudden, but he could feel this was going to be a changing point in his life. All the shock, all the burden he had carried with him the entire day was finally leaking out. He had explained his situation and expressed his feelings to the best of his ability. Now it was up to Wonwoo to decide his fate.

The movement was barely there, but Mingyu saw the knife lowering an inch as the other took in his words.

“Don’t you have a family? Is no one going to look for you?” Wonwoo asked.

“No.” Mingyu felt bitter just at the thought. “My family didn’t want me. I simply left them behind the same way they had decided to leave me ever since I was born.”

“Well,” Wonwoo’s tone lightened a bit, “this is the first true circus quality you have there. No one here had good relations with their families.”

Mingyu didn’t know if he should feel happy at this.

“How long have you lived on the streets? You don’t look starved or anything.” Wonwoo kept asking.

“I just left my house this morning.” Mingyu answered.

“Your parents didn’t like what you did at the pub, did they?” Wonwoo said with a pitying smile, and Mingyu felt like he was slapped.

“How did you-“

“I was there. You gave my friend a flyer earlier that night, remember?” Wonwoo answered. “A few of us were there when you got into that fight.”

Mingyu remembered inviting the guy in stilts at the pub. He groaned and buried his face in his hands. That was bad. His future employers shouldn’t have seen that side of him. Mingyu regretted that night so much. He wondered if its consequences were going to haunt him for the rest of his life.

“I’m sorry for that. I was drunk.” Mingyu tried to excuse himself. “That’s not to say I usually get drunk though! This was the first time!”

“You used to own a pub and you’ve never gotten drunk before?” Wonwoo raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

Mingyu pursed his lips. “Define drunk.”

Wonwoo snorted. “How old are you, Mingyu?”

“I’m 21 in a few months.”

Wonwoo fell silent again. Mingyu didn’t know if this qualified as a job interview. If it did, it was one intense hell of an interview. Mingyu was held on knife point, not knowing if he was going to get away with his life, much less get the job.

He had no idea if that Wonwoo person even had the power to take him in. Shouldn’t the director be the one in charge of recruiting new staff? Mingyu didn’t even know what was Wonwoo’s position in the circus.

The wind was blowing harshly against the open window, the scenery outside of it flying past their field of vision quicker than Mingyu had ever experienced. The gray and brown buildings soon blended into yellow and green flowers and trees, with the looming mountains in the distance clearer than ever. They were out of the town already. No matter what Wonwoo decided to do with him, there was no going back.

“Alright.” Wonwoo said after what felt like years. He finally lowered his knife and placed on the table to his side. “Sit down.” he gestured towards the bed.

Mingyu felt relieved that his life at least had been spared, but even without the knife, Wonwoo’s aura was too intense to not be obeyed. He sat at the foot of the bed, hands folded politely on his lap. He looked as Wonwoo paced a bit in the tiny room before coming to sit down opposite of him.

“I have a proposition to make.” he said, voice more professional than before.

“I’m listening.” Mingyu replied, trying to sound formal as well.

“You are familiar with the act of the flying trapeze, right?” Wonwoo began.

Mingyu nodded. How could he ever forget?

“Our catcher had an injury on his knee a few months ago. He will be fine for a little while longer, but he will have to retire soon. I’m cutting straight to the chase, do you think that if we train you, you will be able to succeed him?” Wonwoo asked.

Mingyu’s jaw dropped. The… the trapeze?! They wanted him up at the trapeze? No matter how confident he felt he could learn whatever was required of him, he had _not_ thought that the trapeze might be on those requirements. He felt his palms sweating just at the thought of standing so high up in the air, dangling above flimsy nets and hard soil. He tried to think of a way to politely reject Wonwoo and ask if there was anything else he could try, before the other continued.

“Don’t try to bargain. It’s a take it or leave it deal. If you don’t accept, I will have to throw you off this train right now.”

Mingyu felt his face getting paler. What kind of choice was that? He was either going to accept the position or be thrown out of the train that travelled at maximum speed. He had no doubt Wonwoo was going to carry through his threat if he refused his offer. There was no way he could survive a crash to the rails. Maybe he couldn’t survive the trapeze either, but at least he would have a chance there.

He had to swallow his fear and accept. He had managed to get so far, it would be a pity to be thrown out of the train to his death now.

“O-okay. If there is nothing else for me to do, I-I will try my best…” he clenched his fists, willing them to stop shaking.

“You don’t sound so certain of yourself.” Wonwoo narrowed his eyes.

 _It’s the fucking trapeze, how can I be certain of myself?!_ Mingyu wanted to yell.

“I asked for a position at the circus and you’re giving me a position. I don’t have the luxury to be picky about it, do I?” he smiled in an attempt to ease his own nerves.

“Good.” Wonwoo nodded. “Keep that mentality because I have more conditions to our deal.”

Mingyu stood a little straighter. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. Perhaps he appeared too much of a pushover and now Wonwoo was going to try and take advantage of him.

“Like before, if you refuse, I throw you off the train.” Wonwoo said casually, and okay, maybe Mingyu had no choice but to let him take advantage of him.

“What are your terms?” he asked, crossing his legs.

“I can try to convince Seungcheol, our director, to take you in and train you for the trapeze. The lessons that are going to be provided are going to be invaluable. It is not often that we take in new people and train them from scratch.” Wonwoo explained. “After every one of your lessons, I want you to tell me everything that has been taught to you, both theoretical and technical aspects of it.”

Mingyu blinked. “That’s all?” he asked. He had expected Wonwoo to ask for something preposterous, like being his slave or do all his work for him or something. “You want to learn how to perform on the trapeze?” Mingyu almost felt underwhelmed.

He didn’t miss how Wonwoo’s hands dropped to the bottom of his shirt and began fumbling with it uncomfortably. Mingyu blinked again. The person in front of him suddenly looked far less intimidating than he did a few minutes ago.

“That’s what I want, yes.” Wonwoo admitted.

“Why don’t you ask your acrobat friends to teach you themselves?” Mingyu wondered. _What do you need_ me _for?_ was the unasked question.

“I told you, these lessons are not common.” Wonwoo said, eyes not meeting Mingyu. “My physique does not allow me to be a catcher, so my ‘acrobat friends’ can’t waste their time trying to teach me something I don’t need to learn. _They_ don’t need another flyer.”

Mingyu was unfamiliar with the terms of the trapeze, but he could probably guess what “catcher” and “flyer” meant. The catcher would probably have to be strong to hold a person up, and even though Wonwoo’s arms weren’t skinny, Mingyu could see how he was better suited for the job than him.

“Why do you want to be a flyer?” Mingyu found himself asking.

“I have no reason to tell you.” Wonwoo narrowed his eyes again, almost aggressively.

“But you just told-“

“I told you what I thought was necessary for you to know so this arrangement can work.” Wonwoo said curtly. “Do you agree with my terms?” he pressed. “Or will this be the end of your journey?”

Mingyu took a deep breath.

~~~  
  


Mingyu was not used to walking inside moving trains. He had to heavily lean on the wall and battle his sickness every few seconds, much to Wonwoo’s annoyance.

“If you have motion-sickness this deal might as well be over.” Wonwoo tapped his foot on the ground impatiently.

“Give me a break.” Mingyu whined. “You’ve had a lot more practice at this than me.”

If a person looked at Wonwoo, he would have not seen a difference between his walking on steady land and on a speeding train.

“Come on, Mingyu. I would like to talk to Seungcheol sometime today.” Wonwoo pressed.

After Mingyu’s agreement to their deal, they had sat around in Wonwoo’s room until lunch was over. Wonwoo wanted to speak to Seungcheol when he was full and happy, so they would have more of a chance to convince him to take Mingyu in.

“I’ve been in this circus longer than Seungcheol has been director. Don’t worry, he will listen to my opinion.” Wonwoo had said.

Mingyu hadn’t asked what his position on the circus was. He didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask Wonwoo personal questions yet, even though technically, he was currently his only connection to the circus.

Mingyu couldn’t rub off the feeling that he was a performer though. Something about his stance, his posture was familiar to Mingyu. And the way he handled that knife almost like it was in his nature… Mingyu had his suspicions, but Wonwoo had told him to not speak unless it was necessary, so he didn’t dare bring it up.

So here they were, far into the afternoon, walking to the first wagon where director Seungcheol’s quarters were located.

Or at least trying to.

“Come on, just one more jump.” Wonwoo tried to push Mingyu out the door at the end of the car.

But Mingyu was holding on to the other’s arm tightly and he had no intention of letting go. Like he had suspected, it was damn terrifying to jump across the gaping hole between the wagons while the train was moving. Mingyu could see the wheels threatening to tear him to pieces if he fell off. No, there was no way he could let go of Wonwoo without heavy motivation.

“You have five seconds until I throw you over myself.” as if reading his thoughts, Wonwoo came to provide that motivation. “Five, four…” he began counting and Mingyu cursed below his breath before making the jump.

He grabbed onto the door in front of him and threw himself inside the corridor. He fell face fist on to the wood, but his adrenaline prevented him from feeling any pain despite all his bruises that were still beneath his clothes.

Wonwoo jumped behind him with the grace of a cat. It was kind of disheartening.

“Get up, we’re here.” Wonwoo hissed at him. “And you better get used to those jumps before they put you on the trapeze’s swing.”

Mingyu pouted and used the support of the wall to get up. His future didn’t look so bright all of a sudden.

Wonwoo walked ahead of him towards a bright red door. Mingyu grabbed his arm again, trying to mimic his straight walk without losing his balance. If Wonwoo was annoyed that he kept clinging to him like a child after they had barely met, he didn’t make a comment on it.

On the red door, there was an obnoxious blue sign that read “SEUNGCHEOL’S HUMBLE OFFICE. KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING~”. Wonwoo took the advice of the sign and knocked twice.

“Seungcheol? It’s me. I have something important to tell you.” he called.

“Is it really important?” came a muffled groan from the other side of the door.

“Yes.” Wonwoo replied dryly.

“Fine, come in.” the other sighed.

Wonwoo pulled his arm free of Mingyu’s grasp and turned to look at him in the eyes.

“Be polite and smiley. Try to appear composed and don’t talk unless he addresses you.” he hurriedly whispered.

“Okay.” Mingyu nodded obediently.

Wonwoo took a moment to look at him up and down again, and he tsked before stepping closer and fixing his dusty hair. He wiped as much dust off his shirt as possible too, and Mingyu briefly regretted that he had crawled under that bed.

“Come on.” Wonwoo murmured when he deemed him presentable enough, and pushed the door open.

Mingyu walked behind him, careful to not bump onto anything on his way. The room they found themselves in was larger than Wonwoo’s own, more heavily decorated. The walls were painted in a bright red, similar to the door, as opposed to Wonwoo’s light gray ones. Portraits and photographs depicting various people in costumes or suits and fancy dresses were hung around the room, along some yellowing, hand-written letters with complex signatures and certificates.

There was even a small bookshelf nailed to the wall, as far away from the window as possible. Apart from the many books and biographies, there was a multitude of different-shaped stamps and a wide variety of trinkets, souvenirs from the numerous places the circus had been.

In the middle of it all, stood a wide desk that looked like a tornado had hit it. Papers were in messy stacks, books opened at random pages overlapping one another. There were at least three different bottles of colorful ink balancing at the narrowest edges, ready to spill any time, but miraculously still standing despite the speed the train was moving.

Mingyu took a step closer to Wonwoo, away from the purple ink, just in case.

“Good afternoon.” Wonwoo greeted the man behind that wreck of a desk.

“Hello?” the man greeted them both, surprise evident in this voice. “I don’t think I’ve met you before?” he turned to Mingyu.

“He is with me.” Wonwoo spoke up.

“With you?”

“Calm down Seungcheol, he is not going to bite.” Wonwoo chuckled amusedly. “He is here for work.”

Mingyu thought that was an appropriate moment to smile as well, like Wonwoo had instructed him. The other man blinked once before he relaxed back against his chair. He ran a hand through his bright red, equally as messy as his office hair and exhaled through his nose.

“Work you say, eh?” he said contemplatively, looking at Mingyu in the same, albeit far less cold, calculating look Wonwoo had. “In that case, let me properly introduce myself.” he said and stood up, his lips stretching in a grin. “My name is Choi Seungcheol. I’m the director of the Circus Of The Million Carats.”

The director’s smile was blinding as he offered his hand. It commanded attention in an underlying, prodding way. This smile belonged to the kind of person that didn’t need to shout or get angry to get others to listen to him. Just this slight grin was enough to make Mingyu want to pay attention to him.

“I’m Kim Mingyu.” he replied, grabbing his hand warmly.

“And how old are you, Mingyu?” Seungcheol asked.

“I’ll be 21 in a few months.”

Mingyu needed this person to like him. It was even more important to make friends with him that it had been with Wonwoo. The moment Wonwoo opened his mouth to speak on his behalf, Mingyu knew that his participation in this job interview was going to be game-changing.

“So, what do you think?” Wonwoo said to Seungcheol, putting his palm on the small of Mingyu’s back and urging him forward, as if he was showing off something valuable. “Isn’t he perfect for the trapeze?”

“The trapeze, eh?” Seungcheol hummed. “Do you have any experience with acrobatics?”

“Not… Not really, but-“ Mingyu began, but Wonwoo interrupted him.

“We can train him. Look at him Seungcheol, where are we going to find someone of his stature again?” Wonwoo said, an excitement in his voice that was nowhere to be found before.

So Wonwoo was a good actor. Mingyu didn’t know why, but this thought didn’t comfort him much.

“You think he will be a good catcher? Enough to replace Junhui?” Seungcheol said contemplatively, a finger below his lips. Like Wonwoo had assured Mingyu, the director was indeed taking his opinion seriously.

“With the proper training I think he will be fine. If not, we can always leave him at the next town.” Wonwoo shrugged.

Mingyu glanced at him from the corner of his eyes. That had not been in the deal. The hand that was still resting at his back pinched him in warning to not say anything. Mingyu didn’t really want to trust someone as shady as Wonwoo, but at the moment he had no choice.

“I don’t know Wonwoo… He has no experience. Will it be worth it to waste all this time training him completely from scratch? Minghao is going to hate it.” Seungcheol bit his lip.

“Minghao is going to hate whoever ends up replacing Junhui, we can’t let that interfere with business.” Wonwoo pressed. “Seungcheol, I can’t be certain about his skills, but his appearance is perfect for the performances. He’s tall, handsome, eye-grabbing and most importantly, he will be strong enough to catch everyone.”

“Hey now…” Mingyu smiled awkwardly, embarrassed at the sudden onslaught of compliments.

Seungcheol laughed behind his hand at his uncomfortable expression. “Don’t worry, Wonwoo is just being objective. He is always like that.” he reassured him.

“Hopefully you’ll get used to it.” Wonwoo added, urging Seungcheol to give the okay.

The director didn’t say anything for a while and Wonwoo also stopped speaking. Mingyu didn’t feel nervous, until Wonwoo’s hand dropped from his back lifelessly. Wonwoo had assured him that they wouldn’t fail. They had a deal, he had promised him a job.

“If I may add,” Mingyu spoke up before he could think about it, “I’ve been hearing about the flying people of the trapeze ever since I was a little boy. I will be honoured to learn such an art, if you allow me.” he said and bowed deeply.

Seungcheol remained silent.

“From the little I know him, he is respectful and follows orders well.” Wonwoo came to his assistance again. “With this attitude I think he will get along with Minghao, and you know that is of utmost importance.”

Seungcheol slowly turned to Wonwoo. “Why are so adamant about taking him in?” he lifted an eyebrow.

“I would like Jun to be able to walk after he retires. The sooner the better.” Wonwoo frowned.

“You’re not fooling me Wonwoo.” Seungcheol crossed his arms in front of his chest. “What’s in it for you?”

Wonwoo snorted, dropping the act of the concerned friend as easily as he had claimed it. “There always seems to be something for me, doesn’t it?” he said enigmatically. “My arguments still stand. Mingyu has a lot of potential on the trapeze.”

Seungcheol sighed. “Are you okay with this?” he turned to Mingyu. “I don’t know what he made you promise him and frankly, it’s not my business, but do you think it will cause you trouble in the future?”

“I…” Mingyu looked at Wonwoo to ask for guidance, but the other wasn’t looking at him.

His spot was delicate. On one hand, Wonwoo hadn’t revealed any part of their deal, so Mingyu assumed that he wanted to keep it between them. On the other hand, this was the director of the circus Mingyu was trying to find a job in. If he made it, this man would be his immediate superior and he didn’t want to start their relationship on the wrong foot.

He had to pick between betraying Wonwoo’s trust or Seungcheol’s. A part of him felt like it was too early to be making such decisions. He needed more time to think this through. But time was the one thing he didn’t have right now.

“I didn’t promise him anything.” he said in the end, eyes dropping to the ground.

“Oh?” Seungcheol looked between him and Wonwoo disbelievingly. “If you say so.” he brought his finger back to his lips in acceptance.

The bigger surprise was that Wonwoo glanced at him disbelievingly as well. Hadn’t he made the right choice then? Mingyu was so uncertain now, but it was too late to change his decision.

Wonwoo was the first person that had welcomed him in the circus, even if it was after he kept pointing a knife to his chest. Even if Mingyu had no reason to trust him, he still wanted to stick around him a little longer.

“The other thing that worries me is if you can take the life of the circus.” Seungcheol pressed his palms together. “It’s not easy to constantly live on the road. You will be paid a lot less than what you work for, given that food and shelter are provided. This is not a life many people can endure.”

“Sir, my alternative is living on the streets.” Mingyu bowed again. “I will take my chances.”

“The streets, eh?” Seungcheol murmured, a weird sadness in his voice. “Another kid from a broken family then…” he sighed.

Wonwoo’s hand found its way back to Mingyu’s shirt. Good. He had said something good. This was the first affirmative sign Wonwoo was giving him.

After a few more moments of silence, Seungcheol slammed his hands on the table and stood up. “Alright!” he said, his voice regaining its energy. “I have made my choice. Mingyu, you will be staying with us for two weeks. There will be no training whatsoever in the beginning. I want you to experience what it is like to help in the kitchen, clean around and help the coal man in the front of the train. It is going to be rough on you, I’m not gonna lie, but if you endure this, then you can start training for the trapeze.”

Mingyu almost wanted to cry of relief. He was going to make it. He was not afraid of hard work, he could do everything they asked of him. This had been his goal from the beginning after all. He never intended to perform, he just wanted to clean and help around. He knew how to do those things.

“Thank you so much!” he bowed for a third time, but this time, Seungcheol grabbed his shoulder and lifted him up.

“Don’t thank me until these two weeks are over. And you don’t need to be formal with me, we’re barely two years apart in age.” Seungcheol gave him a friendly smile.

“Oh, okay.” Mingyu was happy to oblige.

“That was a good choice Seungcheol.” Wonwoo nodded approvingly.

His intervention hadn’t only been helpful, it had been necessary. Seungcheol must have valued his opinion a great deal if he accepted Mingyu despite knowing Wonwoo was hiding something from him. 

“You don’t have a roommate right now Wonwoo, right?” Seungcheol continued. “Mingyu can sleep with you for the time being.”

Wonwoo’s hand dropped again.

“I don’t think that is necessary…” he tried to say but Seungcheol waved him off.

“You know how this goes. You found him, you’re responsible for him.” he said with a smile that didn’t leave room for disagreements.

“It’s okay, I won’t bother you too much…” Mingyu mumbled at his new roommate.

“Whatever.” Wonwoo shook his head. “You’ll take the top bunk though.”

“Okay.” Mingyu nodded eagerly.

“Get some rest for today and tomorrow you will be introduced to the rest of the crew.” Seungcheol told Mingyu. “I look forward to working with you, Mingyu.” he extended his hand once more.

Mingyu grabbed it more firmly this time. If all went well, this man was going to be his new employer. Mingyu was going to do his best to not disappoint him.

“Thank you.” Mingyu repeated. “I’ll make sure to not let you down!”

Seungcheol chuckled. “I love that energy. You’ll need it if you want to last these two weeks.” he said and sat back down at his chair. “If you don’t have any questions, could you please leave me with Wonwoo for a bit? There is something we need to discuss.”

Mingyu glanced at Wonwoo, trying to understand if this private conversation was included in his plans. Wonwoo’s poker face was as impressive as it was scary though. He simply sat down to a chair in front of Seungcheol’s desk and crossed his hands in front of him.

“I’m listening.” he said to the director.

“I, uh, I’ll go back to the room then.” Mingyu said hesitantly.

“Have a nice evening.” Seungcheol waved at him.

Mingyu made sure to close the red door carefully behind him to not damage its colour. He still couldn’t walk straight in the corridor, especially now that he was walking towards the back of the train instead of the front.

And not to mention those jumps between the wagons. Those were practically impossible without Wonwoo to threaten him if he didn’t make them. Mingyu stood in front of the closed wooden door that led the next wagon for so long, trying to gather his courage, that he didn’t even realize when Wonwoo left Seungcheol’s office.

He felt a hand slapping his shoulder and he squeaked in surprise.

“Come on,” Wonwoo said unbothered, “let’s get this show started.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AnD tHeY wErE rOoMmAtEs!!11!
> 
> What will happen next? Will Mingyu be able to last the next two weeks? Will he start training on the trapeze? How will his relationship with Wonwoo develop now that they met?
> 
> Find out in five days! Thank for reading, feedback always appreciated!


	3. Tochter aus Elysium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy!
> 
> Warning for this chapter! Panic attack! Please don't read between Mingyu exiting the coal wagon and returning back to his room with Wonwoo if you're uncomfortable. Take care of yourselves <3
> 
> Now that that's out of the way, let's go meet some circus people!

Mingyu helped Wonwoo clear the top bed of his room of all his belongings. After a lot of fussing, they decided to clean the space between the floor and the bottom bed to store whatever stuff they needed there.

The responsibility of cleaning also fell to Mingyu. After providing him with soap, water and a few rugs, Wonwoo left him alone in the room to find some clean sheets and extra clothes for him. Mingyu crouched below that bed for a second time in one day and scrapped the walls of the spiderwebs with a disgusted face. He usually didn’t mind cleaning, but this was something he would have rather passed to his roommate.

It wasn’t that Wonwoo wasn’t being helpful at all, it was just that he was distant. He didn’t say more than the absolutely necessary. When he returned to their room, he simply placed the things he had brought for Mingyu on the table and lay on his bed.

They didn’t speak as Mingyu finished cleaning and tidying the mess he had made. It was awkward. He had so many things to ask Wonwoo, but something prevented him from casually starting a conversation with him.

When Mingyu finished making his bed, it was almost night. He silently stepped to the edge of Wonwoo’s so he could push himself up. Wonwoo had already been half-asleep for quite some time. Mingyu assumed that after two nights of performances, and Mingyu was certain that Wonwoo was a performer, it was natural to be tired. That was another reason why he didn’t want to bother Wonwoo with numerous questions.

Mingyu fell on his new pillow face-first. The simple white sheets were not as soft as those back in his house. They were rough from the many times they had been used and washed. He turned his head to the side and tried to catch a glimpse of the sky out of the window.

The glass though was too small and too low for Mingyu to see the sky from his bed. He could barely make out some dry weeds that were springing from the edges of the railway, but they too appeared blurred from the speed they were travelling.

Mingyu sighed. The room was slowly but surely plunging into darkness. With the last remaining light in the room, Mingyu’s eyes fell to his blanket. Like the sheets, it was rough to the touch, but that was not what caught Mingyu’s attention.

Mingyu didn’t doubt that the blanket was clean, it smelled as fresh as the sheets, but… was that glitter?

He would have missed it if he hadn’t looked so close, but there were tiny particles of glowing glitter littered around the fabric. He hadn’t noticed that when he was making the bed. Intrigued, he lifted the blanket and stared intensely at the sheets.

More glitter. It didn’t look like someone had left it there on purpose. It was almost like the shiny particles were interwoven between the fabric, making whoever was responsible for washing them unable to get them out.

Mingyu smiled. He could imagine all kinds of people, performers and not, stumbling to their beds every night after a tiring show without being able to get all their make-up off. Those tightrope girls and the acrobats especially were full of it. Glitter was very easy to spread. If anything, now that Mingyu thought about it, he wondered how he hadn’t noticed it earlier.

Mingyu was thrown out of his thoughts when he heard shuffling from below him. His eyes snapped from his bed to the rest of the room, just in time to see Wonwoo getting up and grabbing one of the water bottles on the table. His hair was ruffled and his movements were sluggish.

He looked like any other boy from the town like this, soft and tired. But looks were deceiving. Wonwoo worked at the circus, he was anything but a nice town boy. As much as Mingyu had wanted to befriend him, Wonwoo hadn’t appeared very trustworthy and open. Even now, he didn’t look at Mingyu’s way once before he crawled back to his bed.

Still, Wonwoo had helped him a great deal today. Maybe he did it for himself, simply because he had this irrational desire to learn how to fly on the trapeze, but Mingyu had a feeling he wouldn’t have been here if it wasn’t for him.

Just last night, he was laying awake in his bed back home, feeling fear and uncertainty. Now, he was still scared and uncertain, but he had a rope to cling to that would help him climb his way up and finally stand on steady ground. No matter how selfish his reasons might have been, Wonwoo had thrown him this rope.

“Thank you.” Mingyu spoke to the silence, the sounds of the moving train the only thing to break it.

“Hm?” a throaty voice replied. “What?”

“Thank you. You did a lot for me and I appreciate it.” Mingyu repeated, clutching the blanket close to his chest.

A bit of silence. And then a snort.

“I didn’t do it for you.” Wonwoo said, voice clearer than before. “We have a deal, remember?”

Mingyu turned to his side. “Yeah, I remember. But you still helped me. If it wasn’t for you, I would probably be sleeping next to a dumpster right now.”

Wonwoo sighed. “Look. I don’t want your gratitude.” he said sternly. “It was a fair trade, you have nothing to thank me for.”

Mingyu wanted to disagree, but Wonwoo didn’t let him speak.

“Thanking me means that I gave you something for free. And it will be better for you if you learn it now Mingyu, nothing is free on the circus. I will always have ulterior motives.”

His words were cold, but not unkind. It was as if he was trying to explain common knowledge to Mingyu, as if he was trying to teach him something. It still made a deep frown to appear on Mingyu’s face.

This kind of mentality wasn’t new to him. It was something his parents also believed, that was why they had made him work as soon as physically possible. Mingyu had hated them for it. This was exactly the reason he had left his home.

He didn’t know Wonwoo well enough, he didn’t know what he had experienced that made him believe such words, but he disagreed with him. There was no way that profit was the only thing able to move a man. There had to be something else, even if Mingyu hadn’t found out what yet.

He wasn’t ready to say that to Wonwoo though. Perhaps some time in the future, if he ended up staying in the same room as him, they could have this conversation again.

“Okay.” he said simply.

He heard Wonwoo shifting in his bed and then the silence returned. Mingyu shuffled further below his own covers. He tapped a random speck of glitter on the pillow next to his head in thought, Wonwoo’s words circling his mind over and over again.

At some point, he decided to let the sound of the train, along with the complete darkness of the room lull him to sleep. He had a long way to go. His journey was just beginning.

~~~

The next morning, Mingyu was awakened by a quiet knock on the door. He barely managed to open his eyes and glance around the room below him, remembering where he was, before the door opened halfway.

“Excuuuse me?” a voice whispered quietly, as not to startle Mingyu, and a head popped in behind it. “Mister Kim Mingyu, are you awake?”

Mingyu sat up and saw the face of a young boy half hiding behind the door to his room. His brown hair fell limply in front of his examining eyes. The moment Mingyu came on his field of vision, a smile spread on the boy’s lips.

“Oh, you’re awake! Good morning.” he said, fully stepping in the room.

Mingyu had half the heart to tell him that it was him who actually roused him from his sleep, but the boy seemed relieved to see him awake and it wasn’t worth it to make him sad.

“Hello.” Mingyu greeted him instead, rubbing his eye with his fist.

“My name is Chan.” the boy introduced himself, coming right next to Mingyu’s bed. “Nice to meet you.”

Mingyu smiled at him in what he hoped was a friendly way, trying to get his brain to function properly again.

“I… uh… hello.” was the best he could offer.

Chan giggled. “Maybe you’re not quite awake yet.” he said. “It’s getting late though. Wonwoo asked me to come get you.”

“He did?” Mingyu asked.

“Uh-huh. He wants you to meet everyone.” Chan explained.

“Okay, I’ll be right down. Thank you.” Mingyu said politely.

Chan took a step back to give as much space to Mingyu as possible to get down from the bed. The room was tiny though, and it barely fit both of them while standing.

“I heard you are going to be our new catcher.” Chan said, obvious curiosity in his voice.

“I’m going to try.” Mingyu replied with a sheepish smile.

“I do the trapeze as well.” Chan said quickly. “Honestly, I couldn’t wait to meet you.”

“Oh, really?” Mingyu stood a little straighter.

So this young boy was going to be his co-worker. He must have had a lot of skill if he was one of the regular performers at such a young age. Mingyu hadn’t though that there would people younger than him that were more experienced, but the curious nature of this boy was a very welcome surprise.

“This is great.” Mingyu’s smile widened. “We will be spending a lot of time with each other, I guess.”

“Well, I won’t be the one training you from the beginning. I will leave that to the more experienced people.” Chan made an apologetic face. “But when we start going over our routine, you bet you’ll be seeing a lot of me! I love the trapeze and apart from Junhui and Minghao, I’m the one that stays the latest up practicing. Oh, but you don’t know Junhui and Minghao yet. Don’t worry you’ll meet them soon enough. Junhui is already with Wonwoo a few wagons back, and if he’s there, Minghao won’t be far away.”

Chan could barely contain his excitement. It was such a stark contrast from Wonwoo’s behaviour the night before. Mingyu felt immediately more at ease with the few moments he spent with this boy than he had the entire previous day combined.

“Junhui is the current catcher, isn’t he?” Mingyu finally felt comfortable enough to ask questions.

“Yeah, he is. He’s been the only catcher most of us have worked with too, apart from Seulgi. She is the oldest one of the crew. And Ryujin is the youngest. You’ll meet them all in a bit. You’re going to like them, I promise you.” Chan babbled on.

Mingyu sat on Wonwoo’s bed to put on his shoes. He felt almost overwhelmed at how brightly this day was starting. In a few moments he was going to meet the people he was going to work with. He was going to meet the people that would expect him to catch them mid-air and prevent them from falling to the nets.

He hoped everyone was like Chan. Mingyu could see himself happily spending time with the boy in the future.

When he stood up again, Chan grabbed his sleeve and pulled him out of the door. Mingyu had to grit his teeth as he began walking on the moving train again. He was yanked to motion too fast, and he felt dizzy. Thankfully, Chan kept a firm grip on his arm and didn’t let go until they reached the end of the wagon.

Chan opened the door carelessly, as if he had done it a million times before, and jumped to the next wagon without even looking below his feet. He paused once he was on the other side and he turned back, waiting for Mingyu to join him.

Mingyu gulped. He had only just met Chan, but he didn’t think the boy was going to threaten him to make the jump like Wonwoo had. He had to steel his nerves on his own and conquer that fear. He was going to have to cross between wagons like this a lot of times if he became a permanent member of the circus, he couldn’t afford to hesitate every time.

“Everything okay?” Chan asked, a worried frown on his face.

“Yeah, yeah…” Mingyu hurried to reassure him. “I’ve got this.” he mumbled, more to himself than the other.

Chan must have picked up his discomfort though, because he leaned his shoulder against the door and looked at Mingyu carefully.

“Don’t be afraid! I’ll catch you if you fall! That’s like, my job.” he giggled.

Mingyu let out a nervous chuckle as well. He was not in danger. The gap was barely one footstep in width. Chan was going to catch him.

He took a big breath and he jumped.

As promised, Chan caught him from the elbow before he fell to the ground. “Congrats!” he said as he steadied Mingyu. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to this with time. I was scared of that in the beginning too, but I got over it as soon as I started flinging myself off the trapeze every day.”

“Sounds nice.” Mingyu made a face.

“Don’t stress about it.” Chan patted his back. “You’ve got a few days until you have to start thinking about it.”

“Right. I’ve got this.” Mingyu clapped his hands once, trying to motivate himself.

“That’s the spirit!” the other clapped alongside him. “Are you good to walk?”

“Yes, thank you.” smiled at him gratefully.

“Don’t thank me.” Chan waved him off with a smile. “Come on, we’re going to the back of the train. You’ll have a lot more jumps to make.”

Mingyu’s face fell.

It was strange though that Chan was the second person here to reject his gratitude. It might have been in a far less extreme way than Wonwoo, but even if someone like Chan had this mentality, Mingyu felt inclined to assume that most of the people here were going to be like this.

At least Chan seemed to be friendly. He talked Mingyu through every jump, his support almost as good a motivation as Wonwoo’s threats had been. As it turned out, the train had nine wagons, which meant eight jumps in total. Chan briefly described him the whole place as a distraction.

The first car was where the engine, the coal and the driver of the train were located. According to Chan, the normal staff of the circus rarely went there, leaving it to the professionals. The second car included the directors chamber and office, along with the safe they put all their money in and their legal documents.

The third car was the kitchen and the cafeteria. They stored all their food in there, they cooked one meal per day, and they sometimes hung around to chat in between their long travels. When Mingyu had passed this compartment with Wonwoo the previous day it had been empty because everyone was taking some well-deserved rest after their performances. Chan said that you could usually find a lot of people there during the day.

The fourth and the fifth cars were the dorms. Mingyu’s new room was at the fifth. People slept in tiny room’s like Wonwoo’s, sometimes three or four at a time instead of just two. Chan told him he was lucky that he got to share with Wonwoo, there were far worse roommates to have. He told him stories about an old man who used to snore so loud, that the entire wagon had meetings every night about how to throw him off the train without the previous director realizing it. That had been before Seungcheol’s time though. That man was gone now, married in a village somewhere.

Sixth car was the kennel, as well as the beginning of the storage. The storing compartments stretched to the seventh and eighth wagon as well. Chan didn’t say a lot about that part of the train. He rushed Mingyu through the boxes and the props quickly, until they reached the last wagon.

“And finally, this is the observatory.” Chan finished his tour, leaping to the last car and opening the door wide.

The first thing Mingyu noticed, still standing safely at the edge of the eighth car, was that there were voices coming from the next room. He tip-toed to the edge and tried to get a better view. Suddenly, Chan was pulled backwards by a man that looked a bit older than Mingyu.

Apart from the fact that this dude’s face was half covered in glittery make-up, while the other half was painted in different shades of red, what made Mingyu look at him for a second longer than necessary was his long, blond hair.

“Why are you doing Wonwoo’s job for him? Is he paying you?” the guy said, a slight smirk on his face.

“That’s none of your business!” Mingyu heard the familiar deep voice from further inside the room.

“And even if he did, I would have come to greet our new catcher first anyway.” Chan flicked the other’s hand off his shoulder with an innocent smile. “Mingyu come on! Let me introduce you to everyone!” he waved at him.

Mingyu had figured out that he could jump faster if he didn’t look down. So he pointedly kept his eyes locked on Chan’s face and crossed the empty space. Chan didn’t even need to catch him this time, and Mingyu was relieved that he was spared the embarrassment in front of all these new people.

Up close, the blond man looked even more beautiful. Maybe it was just the make-up, but Mingyu doubted it. No make-up could ever be that good.

“Mingyu, this is Jeonghan.” Chan introduced him. “Also on the trapeze.”

“Nice to meet you.” Jeonghan offered his hand, smirk still not leaving his face.

Mingyu clumsily shook it. Honestly, he didn’t know where to look. Should he focus on the side with the glitter, or the red one? There was a certain type of people that made you nervous from the moment you met them, with no particular reason. Jeonghan was that person. He might turn out to be the kindest amongst all of them, but at this moment, Mingyu could barely greet him without making a fool of himself.

“H-hi.” he said. “Nice to meet you too.”

“You’ve been the talk of the morning. I feel like I’m meeting a celebrity.” Jeonghan said.

Mingyu’s eyes widened. “N-no, not at all. If anything, it’s me who feels like I am suddenly amongst celebrities. You were so cool on the trapeze and I…”

Mingyu’s babbling got interrupted by a snort from further inside the room. “Come here, Mingyu!” Wonwoo said loudly, so Mingyu could hear him. “There are more people for you to meet.”

Mingyu frowned at him. “Good morning to you too.” he mumbled. He excused himself from Chan and Jeonghan and went to find his roommate.

Wonwoo was hard to miss. He was in the middle of the room, along with one other person. It was neither his simple black clothing that made him stand out, nor his heavy presence. It was the whole suitcase full of daggers that was resting between him and the other man.

“Hello.” Mingyu said as he walked closer, throwing an uncertain look at the suitcase.

“Hi there.” the other man greeted him, wiping a strand of his light brown hair away from his face. “Wowowow, you really do look perfect for the job!” he said, looking at him up and down, much like the director had done the previous day.

“I told you, didn’t I?” Wonwoo told him with a smile. He looked a lot more relaxed than he did the previous day. Maybe he had just been tired, that’s why he had seemed so cold. “Mingyu, this is Junhui, he is the man you are going to replace.” Wonwoo said.

Mingyu side-glanced him. Did he _have_ to put it like that?

“That’s harsh.” Junhui slapped Wonwoo’s arm, most likely sharing Mingyu’s thoughts. “You’re going to make him uncomfortable if you speak like that.”

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” Wonwoo turned to Mingyu with an amused smile.

“Do you _want_ to make me uncomfortable?” Mingyu crossed his hands in front of his chest.

Junhui snickered and threw an arm around Mingyu’s shoulders. “I like him. A worthy replacement.” he said heartily. Mingyu high-fived him.

Wonwoo rolled his eyes and turned his back on them. Before Mingyu could blink, he picked up one of the daggers from the floor and threw it straight to a wall. It pierced the air with terrifying accuracy. Mingyu froze at the thud of the impact. The dagger got embed in the wooden wall, its handle wobbling from the force.

Mingyu felt his breathing stop as he suddenly realized how much Wonwoo could have actually hurt him the previous day. He could have put five daggers in him before he could have even breathed. He could have skinned him alive, he could have chopped him to pieces and thrown him out the window. If Wonwoo had been scary before, after that little display Mingyu thought he was damn terrifying.

Wonwoo turned to him with a knowing smirk. He had done that on purpose.

Junhui sighed. “Anyway.” he said, returning his attention to Mingyu. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m glad you’re here while I can still help teach you stuff.”

“I will try my best to learn everything.” Mingyu said, also trying to focus back on the other.

“Aw.” Junhui pinched his cheek. “So eager to learn, despite Wonwoo here being pissy for no reason.”

“I’m not being-“ Wonwoo tried to say.

“Pissy _and_ rude.” Junhui spoke over him. “Let’s leave him here and go meet Hao.” he linked his arm with Mingyu.

“We were in the middle of a lesson.” Wonwoo said, grabbing another dagger.

Mingyu’s hand tightened around Junhui’s.

“And now I’m leaving you.” Junhui smiled, no pity in his voice.

“Whatever.” Wonwoo huffed and threw the dagger. It landed right next to the other, despite the way the train moved.

Mingyu averted his eyes as Junhui pulled him away, closer to the back of the wagon. His mood had soured for some reason. Junhui seemed as nice as Chan and he wasn’t bitter that Mingyu was here to replace him.

“Can you stop throwing daggers at the wall? Who’s going to fix that?” Mingyu heard the annoyed voice of Jeonghan scolding Wonwoo somewhere behind him.

“The money of the people that pay to see me improve every time.” Wonwoo replied coolly and Mingyu heard another thud of a dagger connecting with the wood.

Junhui suddenly tugged his arm. “Are you okay? You’re not overwhelmed yet, are you?” he asked worriedly.

“No, no it’s okay. I’m just glad to be here…” Mingyu replied. “I will get used to everything else.”

“Okay. If it ever gets rough, you can always come to me okay? I understand all the hardships of the work, I will let you whine to me all you want.” Junhui patted his back, not unlike Chan had done to encourage him.

Mingyu wondered if there were other traits and gestures the people here shared. They must have lived many years together to start adopting the habits of one another. Would Mingyu manage to stay with them long enough to start picking up those habits too?

“I hope I’ll stay long enough to have a hard time on the trapeze.” Mingyu smiled.

“You have to last two weeks doing chores, right?” the other asked.

“Yeah. Two weeks of hard work and sharing a room with Wonwoo.” Mingyu sighed.

Junhui giggled. “Don’t worry, he won’t actually hurt you. It’s not Wonwoo who you have to worry about liking you.” he snickered.

“Not… not Wonwoo? Is there someone else?” Mingyu asked alarmed.

Was there going to be someone even harder to open up to than his roommate? Mingyu didn’t know if he was ready to meet that person.

“No, I’m sorry, I’m scaring you for no reason.” Junhui hurried to apologize. “It’s a joke, mostly. Minghao is grumpy that I will have to be replaced, that’s all. He won’t judge you just for that though.”

“Minghao… I keep hearing that name.” Mingyu said.

“It’s that stupid joke.” Junhui rubbed the back of his head with an amused smile. “Minghao and I have been together forever, and now, here comes a new catcher to tear as apart~” he said dramatically. “It’s nothing to actually worry about. Your face is very friendly.”

“It is?” Mingyu instinctively touched his cheek.

“Yup.” Junhui nodded. He grabbed the handle of the last door of the train, all the way to end of the observation car. “Let’s go meet Hao and the others now!” he said and opened the door.

Mingyu expected it to lead to nowhere. He thought it would just open to reveal the rails they left behind with a higher speed than he thought possible. Instead, what he saw was a small, wooden balcony with thin iron railings. It looked like it could barely fit two people, but there were four of them there.

“Hello, hello!” Junhui greeted them cheerfully. “Look who I’ve brought for you to meet!” he pulled the arm that was linked with Mingyu’s forward, making him stand next to him. “Everyone, this is Kim Mingyu, our hopefully-soon-to-be catcher. Mingyu, these are all the rest of the people you are going to work with.”

“Hello.” a woman sitting on the railing was the first to greet him. “I’m Seulgi.”

_She is sitting on the railing,_ Mingyu noticed with alarm. That was so dangerous! Even though her pretty, monolid eyes were as calm as a resting cat’s, she could fall any minute to her death!

“Hello, nice to meet you.” Mingyu took a hesitant step forward. “Um, is it safe to sit there? Please be careful.” he said.

“Hahaha, that’s cute.” another girl that sounded even younger than Chan said. “I’m Ryujin.”

Mingyu turned to her and he felt his heart dropping at his stomach. She was _standing up_ on the railing, her hand holding the edge of the ceiling as the only form of support against the air.

“No, he’s right, you should get down from there. Who told you to stand up?” a man with a soft voice spoke up.

_Finally someone sane,_ Mingyu thought. He took a step forward as the man walked next to Ryujin and pulled her down from her waist. The short, dark gray hair of the girl flew in all directions as she was forcefully brought back to safety with a pouty face.

“Jisoo you’re no fun.” she said grumpily.

“There is something fundamentally wrong with your definition of “fun” young lady.” he scolded her. “Anyway,” he turned to Mingyu with a gentle smile. “I’m Jisoo. Sorry for the mess.”

“It’s okay, as long as everyone is safe.” Mingyu glanced towards Seulgi again. Nobody was saying anything to her about safety. She looked as calm as ever, as if she knew exactly what she was doing.

Then Mingyu’s attention was caught by a groan from the edge of the floor. A boy with silver hair parted midways was leaning against the railing with his legs folded beneath him.

“Oh no, he’s _nice._ ” he whined.

Everyone laughed at the joke Mingyu apparently was missing. Junhui pushed him towards that boy and urged him to sit down as well.

“Mingyu, this is Minghao.” he introduced them.

“Hi.” Mingyu offered his hands for the other to shake.

Minghao briefly looked at it and groaned again, looking away. He grabbed Mingyu’s hand as if someone was forcing him to and looked at him from the corner of his eyes.

“I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but I hate everything about this.” he said with a sigh.

It caused another fit of choked laughter to spread and Mingyu looked around him questioningly.

“Remember the joke I told you about?” Junhui said, sitting down next to him.

“It’s not a joke, this is the worst day of my life.” Minghao whined.

“Don’t be like that, you are going to make our new friend feel bad.” Jisoo slightly kicked him. “You can continue being a clown after he gets used to us.”

“Whatever.” Minghao said and stood up. “I’m going to the cafeteria, I need comfort food for my damaged feelings.”

“What a drama queen.” Ryujin snickered.

Minghao flicked his hair, that were longer at the back, behind his shoulder theatrically, like he was really a suffering queen. Mingyu didn’t know what to make of him. His words were not nice, but they were full of sarcasm, making Mingyu confused. As he walked away though, Minghao ruffled Mingyu’s hair playfully, to make sure that he wasn’t taking him seriously.

Mingyu smiled up at him with hope. Minghao winked. This was going to be interesting.

~~~

“Excuse me for interrupting this lovely conversation, but Mingyu needs to work.” Wonwoo stood at the door of the balcony half an hour later.

“Oh, right, you have to work.” Ryujin realized.

“It’s okay, I’ve got this. I will get through those two weeks and then we can start training together.” Mingyu grinned at her.

“That’s the spirit.” Junhui clapped his back.

Mingyu got up to join Wonwoo on the doorstep, feeling a little disappointed to part from the people that were going to be his future friends. They were so weird, but in the best way possible. Their personalities were visible from ten miles away, and they were so vastly different from each other. The prospect of getting to know them better excited Mingyu more than anything he had seen already in the circus.

He nodded goodbye to Seulgi and Jisoo and followed Wonwoo back inside the train.

“Did you like them?” Wonwoo asked him when they were alone again. “I kept an eye on you from in here, you seemed to be getting along well.”

Mingyu was surprised to hear that Wonwoo had actually been paying attention to him. Everyone kept saying about how he just wanted to get out of his work and pass Mingyu to someone else, but Mingyu realized they might have been mistaken.

“They’re interesting, all of them. Eccentric, I believe would be the word.” he told Wonwoo.

“Yeah, they are. Most of the people here have… loud personalities. Don’t forget you’re in a circus.” Wonwoo replied.

“I could never. My life looks so dull compared to my last few hours here.” Mingyu admitted.

“Well, you haven’t been through a little the past few hours. It’s a brand-new beginning for you.”

Mingyu glanced at him from the corner of his eye. They were making casual conversation. For the first time since they had met, they were speaking just for the sake of filling the silence. Wonwoo didn’t look hostile or distant like this. That was not the image Mingyu had been slowly building up for him.

When they reached the first gap between the wagons, Wonwoo stopped behind him.

“Do I need to threaten you again?” he asked.

It wasn’t sarcastic. It was spoken so naturally, like he would not only genuinely threaten him if Mingyu asked for it, but carry through his threat if he failed.

“I think I’ve got this.” Mingyu gulped, pointedly not looking at the speeding rails below his feet.

Wonwoo watched him silently as he took a deep breath and counted to three. Mingyu jumped faster than every time before. The fear was still there, but as he landed on the other side, Mingyu realized he was making small progress. That was all the proof he wanted he was going to get used to jumping over the gaps in the future.

Wonwoo jumped behind him and patted his shoulder as he passed in front of him. “Come on. We’re going to the front. You’re helping with the coal today.” he informed him.

“Okay.” Mingyu said, mentally preparing himself for all the other jumps that were going to follow.

“Chan gave you a tour as you came here, didn’t he?” Wonwoo asked.

“The others said you paid him to do that.” Mingyu glanced at him again.

Wonwoo snorted. “Of course they’d say that.” he said amusedly.

He neither confirmed nor denied if what Mingyu had said was true. Mingyu looked away again. The other didn’t have anything to gain by telling him the truth. He had to keep that in mind as they talked and be careful of his motives.

“Feeding coal to the train is a dirty job.” Wonwoo changed the subject of the conversation. “You’ll be right next to the engine so you will get hot pretty quickly. Don’t be afraid to ask for water breaks, but don’t overdo it.”

“I won’t be alone, right? Someone will explain what exactly I have to do.” Mingyu said.

“I’m explaining it to you right now. Pay attention.” Wonwoo said dryly.

And there it was, the hostility was back. Mingyu lowered his head. He didn’t even realize they had reached the door until Wonwoo put a hand on his lower back.

“Come on, time to jump.” he said, not unkindly.

So Mingyu did. He tried not to think about it, but his heart still started beating faster at the leap. At least he was doing it fast now. He didn’t have to make anyone wait for him.

“So, as I was saying,” Wonwoo continued when he landed next to him, “you’ll be given a shovel and you have to throw coal at the fire every time the steam gets thinner. Don’t be afraid of getting dirty, but wash yourself before you come back to the room.”

“Okay.” Mingyu nodded. “Where can I wash myself?”

“There are some buckets of water up front for this purpose, so no one will spread coal dust all over the train. The damn glitter is enough of a nuisance on its own.” Wonwoo grumbled.

Mingyu wanted to laugh at that. So he had been right about the glitter. He settled with a small smile on his lips as he kept walking towards the front of the train.

They didn’t meet anyone in their way, until they reached the kennel. There, Mingyu’s fast beating heart didn’t calm down when the door safely closed behind him after the jump. He froze on his steps, causing Wonwoo to hit him as he jumped behind him.

Wonwoo gasped and grabbed his waist tightly to not fall back, and Mingyu immediately felt bad. He put his hand over Wonwoo’s and pulled them both forward, an apology at the tip of his tongue, before Wonwoo steadied himself and slapped the back of his head.

“Don’t do that.” he said simply, not even sounding afraid that he could have fallen to his death.

The reason of Mingyu’s fear turned his head abruptly at the commotion. His bright pink hair was so hard to miss amongst the brown and grey boxes, especially because the man was surrounded by all twelve dogs that lived there.

“No way.” the familiar voice said when his eyes locked on Mingyu.

“What’s wrong Jihoon?” Wonwoo stepped in front of Mingyu with a questioning look.

The man, Jihoon apparently, stood up and stared at Mingyu, completely ignoring the other.

“I can’t believe you’re here. How?” he asked.

“Well, I…” Mingyu tried to say, but Wonwoo interrupted him.

“He’s here for the trapeze. Do you know him?”

“This is seriously mind-blowing, you actually managed to get a job?” the pink haired man asked, bewildered. “ _How?”_

“ _How_ do you know him?” Wonwoo pressed.

Jihoon’s eyes finally snapped on Wonwoo. “He came to me while we were packing up and asked for a job.” he explained. “I told him to kindly fuck off.”

“ _Kindly_ …” Mingyu muttered, involuntarily taking a step further behind Wonwoo.

Wonwoo snickered and shook his head. “Thank you for not keeping him Jihoon. I owe you.” he said.

“Owe me what?” Jihoon narrowed his eyes. “Did you make a deal with him after I left him?”

“Did I?” Wonwoo smiled enigmatically.

Jihoon huffed. “Of course _you_ won’t say.” he said and walked closer. “Anyway,” he cleared his throat, “there is no point in keeping hostilities if we are to live together. I am Jihoon.” he offered his hand to Mingyu, sidestepping Wonwoo who was on the way.

“I’m Mingyu.” he hurried to shake it. “Don’t worry, I understand where you were coming from.” he said, a bit relieved he didn’t have to worry about randomly running to the pink haired man anymore.

“Yeah, it’s not often someone new gets to join.” Jihoon said. “You got lucky.”

Mingyu knew he had. What were the chances that of all the rooms he could have run in to hide, he chose the one that had a person who needed something from him? If it was anyone like Jihoon who had found him, Mingyu had no doubt he would be laying somewhere on the fields outside right now, heavily injured if not dead.

“The trapeze you said? You’re an acrobat?” Jihoon asked with interest.

“No, not really. They are going to train me.” Mingyu answered

“Completely from scratch?” Jihoon’s eyes widened again. He eyes turned to Wonwoo suspiciously. “What strings did you pull to manage that?”

Wonwoo shrugged innocently. “Junhui likes him, Minghao likes him and Seungcheol was quickly warming up to him. He is likeable.” he said simply.

_You have a friendly face,_ Junhui had said. If Wonwoo, who was seemingly as hard to approach as a cactus, thought the same, maybe Mingyu could really believe it. He offered a smile at Jihoon, as if to confirm Wonwoo’s words.

“Good for you.” Jihoon said to Mingyu. “If you don’t mind me now, I was feeding my dogs.” he offered a tiny smile of his own.

“Mingyu was going to help the coal man too, we were on our way there.” Wonwoo said, linking his arm with Mingyu.

“Ugh, good luck boy.” Jihoon said with a disgusted face. “I hate that job.”

“I’ll do my best.” Mingyu’s voice managed to regain some of its cheer as Wonwoo pulled him away from Jihoon and towards the next dreaded jump.

Wonwoo rushed him through the next few wagons, especially the cafeteria. He simply yelled an “Everyone! This is Mingyu!” as he dragged him over, not giving him a chance to look at the people around them.

He did manage to catch a glimpse of Minghao, who was sitting on a table with a black-haired boy, but he didn’t even manage to wave at him between all the curious stares and Wonwoo’s insistent pull. Wonwoo practically shoved him over the next gap, not even caring that Mingyu almost had a heart attack.

“Please slow down.” Mingyu whined once their surroundings were quiet again. “You’ll kill me before I can shovel any coal!”

“You’d be buried under questions if we stayed at the cafeteria any longer.” Wonwoo told him unapologetically.

Mingyu leaned against the wall with a groan, head dizzy from the speed run he had just been subjected to. The floor shook under his feet as the train took a turn and he pressed his head against the wall in attempt to collect himself.

“Come on.” Wonwoo pressed his arm. “You’re alright. Just one more wagon.” he tugged at him to continue.

Mingyu nodded stiffly and pushed himself to continue walking. For the time being, moving inside a speeding train was his worst enemy. It would be a huge victory when it stopped bothering him so much.

Wonwoo held his hand as they walked this time, and even though it didn’t make things any better, at least Mingyu knew he wasn’t going to really fall. He made the final jump with gritted teeth, and he swore he had never felt more relieved to see a dirty, hot room, full of coal and loud noises.

A chubby old man was sitting at the very front of the train, handling its breaks and turns and leading them all to their next destination. Another man in his forties, far thinner and worn out, was standing in a pair of jean suspender pants, that had almost turned black from the coal. Even the skin around his tired smile was blackened in parts, along with the lines on his forehead.

“Ah, welcome. Seungcheol told me you would be helping me today.” he said, his voice hoarse from all the smoke he probably inhaled every day.

“Good morning.” Mingyu greeted him politely. “I am at your service.” he bowed.

“What a nice lad.” the man chuckled, looking at Wonwoo. “Will you be staying too, son?”

“Ah, no, I’m just here to make sure Mingyu is okay.” he waved his hands in front of his chest and then turned to Mingyu. “I’ll be at the room if you need me.”

“Okay. Thank you.” the words were out of Mingyu’s mouth before he could really think them through.

Wonwoo’s eyes narrowed at him. Mingyu had never regretted his words so fast. He hurriedly reminded himself that Wonwoo thought being thanked was disrespectful, but he was too late. Wonwoo tsked annoyed and abruptly turned his back, leaving without even a goodbye. Mingyu gulped.

Thankfully he wouldn’t be going back to their room anytime soon.

“He’s a handful, isn’t he?” the chubby man chuckled from his seat. “Junhui keeps calling him pissy.”

“It’s my fault.” Mingyu shook his head. “He told me that thanking him annoys him, but I did it anyway.”

“You’re his roommate, right? You’ve got solve this fast.” the coal man told him.

“It’s okay, I’ll talk to him later.” Mingyu smiled at him dismissively.

Even if this was something Mingyu disagreed with, this was no way to start a friendship. They had to respect each other’s limits before anything, and Mingyu had just taken a huge step backwards.

“Alright. My name is Kong, and this is Lee.” the coalman, Kong, introduced them. The driver lifted his hat in a greeting.

“I’m Mingyu, pleased. I’m ready to work!” he clapped his hands once to motivate himself.

“That’s the spirit, son.” Kong smiled and handed him a shovel. “Try to keep that attitude until the end of the day.”

~~~

Mingyu did, in fact keep this attitude for the rest of the day. Back at his town, when he worked from the crack of dawn until midnight as a bartender and waiter, he was made to have a smile on his face throughout his entire shift, to seem approachable and friendly to the customers. He had learned from a young age that it was better to smile for no reason than to not, so this time too he managed to keep himself motivated with funny songs and anecdotes he shared with the two other men.

Wonwoo came by during lunch and tossed him a bag of fruits and bread, along with a change of clothes, without saying a word. Mingyu was surprised he even showed up at all. He ate the food that was given to him full of gratefulness he was never going to express.

And when the night rolled and his hands were full of callouses, his poor clothes blackened to the bone and his face smudged with coal dust, Mingyu happily washed himself at the appointed corner of the wagon. He wore the fresh clothes Wonwoo had provided him with and bid goodnight to the other two. He kept smiling even as his feet stopped touching the earth briefly, until he landed on the next wagon. As soon as the door closed behind him though, Mingyu sank to the ground. His arms were trembling and his feet were burning but he couldn’t will them to stop. It hurt. It hurt so much. Even as tears appeared at the corners of his eyes, it was all he could do to slap a hand over his mouth to stop his sobs.

He brought his legs to his chest and buried his face there, trying to relax his muscles enough so he could stop trembling. It was such a terrible feeling to have no control of your own body, to be unable to stop your limbs from spasming. His shoulder shook from unreleased sobs and he felt his chest clenching and unclenching dangerously.

Every time an arm or leg jolted uncomfortably, Mingyu felt even more scarred. Just how far had he pushed himself today? Would he ever be able to stand again? The logical part of himself was telling him that he was overreacting, but there was nothing logical about his emotions right now. This was just like when he had been working for his parents and Mingyu really hadn’t wanted to experience anything like that again.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed on the floor, a few meters away from the red door that led to Seungcheol’s office. How disastrous would it be for the director to see him in this state? The thought only worsened his nerves, but he couldn’t find it in himself to get up and go continue this pity party at the relative safety of his room.

Suddenly, the door at the end of the car opened and Mingyu heard the loud voice of a person jumping in.

“If she bites me again, I swear to God, I’m putting her down, I don’t care what Jihoon says!”

“If you listened to me, perhaps she wouldn’t have felt the need to bite you.” another male voice followed.

“She’s just a demon dog who only likes Jihoon because he is a demon himself, but everyone refuses to see it except me!” the first exasperated voice replied.

“Kwannie, she is the size of a fucking banana, I think you’re overreacting.”

“Me?! Overreacting?! I’d never!”

That loud voice was vaguely familiar. The different shades and pitches used in one sentence, the dramatic effect and the volume… They were familiar, but Mingyu was in no state to think back on where he might have heard it before.

His fears were coming true. These two, whoever they were, were going to see him in this pitiful state and report it to Seungcheol and then Mingyu was done. He would have failed on his first day here. He heard a loud gasp when the duo inevitably noticed him, and he felt doomed.

“Oh my god, are you alright? Who is there?” the first voice suddenly sounded a lot closer, as if the man had run towards Mingyu. “Wait, who are you?” it sounded a lot more hesitant when he looked at Mingyu’s unfamiliar body.

“Are you the new guy?” the second voice, a lot calmer sounded.

Mingyu hid his face behind his hand, in one last, desperate attempt to stop shaking so hard and _do something_. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything in this state. If these two ran to Seungcheol right now, the only one capable of saving him was Wonwoo. They had a deal, and even if Mingyu was pushing it, it would be in Wonwoo’s benefit to keep him here. Maybe he couldn’t trust Wonwoo himself, but he could trust his desire to learn the ways of the trapeze.

“W-Wonwoo…” he managed to choke out.

“What?” the loud voice said. “What did you say?”

“Shh, we won’t hear him if you speak!” Mingyu heard the sound of a slap to the arm.

“Don’t slap me!” Mingyu heard another, harder slap.

“Shhh!”

Mingyu tried to take a breath. “Wonwoo… Get Wonwoo…” he said, a tiny bit louder.

“Wonwoo? You said Wonwoo?” the first voice asked. Mingyu tried to nod. It must have been enough for the man to understand him, because he abruptly turned to the other. “Go get Wonwoo, Hansolie! I’ll try to calm him down.”

“Okay.” the other hesitantly agreed. “Mingyu was your name, right? Don’t worry man, I’ll be right back.” he tried to comfort him, and even if Mingyu couldn’t lift his head to look at his face, he was grateful.

He heard footsteps getting away and then a body dropped next to him.

“First day, huh? These are always the hardest.” the man said. “I’m Seungkwan, by the way. It’s nice to meet you, even under those circumstances.”

Mingyu couldn’t reply without his voice breaking. He really hoped this Seungkwan could continue speaking until Wonwoo came here, he didn’t want the room to plunge in awkward silence.

Well, _if_ Wonwoo came. Mingyu couldn’t be sure he would care enough to show up.

“I think I saw you when Wonwoo dragged you through the cafeteria this morning. Mingyu, right?” a beat of silence. “Right. I’m sure it’s Mingyu. My memory never fails me.” Mingyu could hear the pride in his voice.

He then felt a hand drop on his shoulder. “So Mingyu, have you met Jihoon yet?” Seungkwan asked conversationally, as if they weren’t sitting on the wooden floor of a moving circus train with Mingyu curled into a pitiful ball. Mingyu appreciated the attempt at normalcy.

“I… I have. He… he trains dogs, right?” he replied behind his hands.

“Yes! Or at least, he’s trying to. One of his demon dogs, Jasmine, bit me before we found you! Can you believe it? She is such a nightmare, but nobody cares because she is cute! How disgusting is that? Wait, did you see our performance in the town? Jasmine is that dog that Jihoon carries on his hat all the time. Seriously, that’s all she’s good for, just laying still on a damn hat. She literally can’t do anything else but Hansol, the guy I was with, treats her like a precious princess! ” Seungkwan babbled, complaining like a pro.

From this entire speech, Mingyu picked out the words _our performance._ Was Seungkwan a performer too? Mingyu shyly peeked his eyes over his hands to try and get a glimpse of him.

“Oh, hello there!” Seungkwan smiled brightly when he saw his eyes.

His hair was dark blue. Just with this, Mingyu immediately remembered where he had seen him before. His voice, the way he had with words, his extremely friendly aura, Mingyu should have made the connection earlier.

“Are you Boo?” he asked shyly.

Seungkwan brightened up even more, if it was possible.

“Oho, I see my reputation precedes me.” he fixed his hair with a pleased expression. “Yes, my name is Boo Seungkwan, the ringmaster of this glorious circus!” he introduced himself grandly.

Mingyu felt his muscles relaxing slightly, but the shaking didn’t stop. His whole body was jerking at random times, as if his insides were throwing a riot. He lifted his head a bit, but he kept both of his hands firmly clasped around his cheeks.

“Are you alright, sweetheart? Does it hurt anywhere?” Seungkwan’s expression immediately turned worried when he saw his red eyes.

Mingyu shook his head. It did hurt, but he didn’t want to worry the other any further. He was used to it. This was nothing. It was the overwhelming shaking that he wasn’t used to. This was what was scarring Mingyu to no ends.

Seungkwan rubbed his back. “This is normal in the first days, no one is going to judge you.” he said softly.

“Seungcheol…” Mingyu mumbled, averting his eyes.

“Seungcheol least of all. Trust me, he knows how pressure feels. He’s so young, but after his father died, he had to take over everything. We were all depending on him to survive and he made some drastic choices to rise to the expectations everyone had of him. The only way he is sending you away is if you decide to leave on your own.”

Mingyu took in a shaky breath. Wonwoo had told him not to trust anyone here if he didn’t know their motives, but Seungkwan had this amazing quality that put you immediately at ease when you were around him. It was the same when he was amidst a crowd, the way he spoke to them all was like he was talking to a lifelong friend.

“Don’t worry, Wonwoo will be here soon. Although I fail to see how that would make you feel better.” Seungkwan snickered.

“He’s… he’s fine. He takes care of me.” Mingyu mumbled quietly, desperately wanting to believe those words himself. It suddenly hit him how much of his stay here, of his entire future and career he was basing on Wonwoo and their deal. It was dangerous to think about it.

“I sure hope he does. But just in case he doesn’t, you’re not alone okay? I know you met the rest of the acrobats this morning, but if you don’t feel comfortable with them you can go to literally anyone and ask for help.” Seungkwan reassured him. “Many will be glad to provide it with nothing in return because you’re new here.”

That was not… how Wonwoo had put it the previous night. Maybe he had just wanted to toughen him up for the future, but Mingyu felt a little better knowing that not everyone had it out for him.

As he was thinking this, the door opened and two figures appeared from the next wagon. One was Wonwoo, tall and intimidating, especially now that Mingyu was looking at him from below. Wonwoo sighed when he saw him, but he approached him immediately. At least he was here. Mingyu was grateful once again, but he was going to take that gratefulness to the grave.

Wonwoo kneeled in front of him and put his hand above Mingyu’s on his face. “It’s okay.” was the first thing he said. “You’re fine, you made it through the day. It will be easier tomorrow.”

Mingyu didn’t know why it was him he listened to and not Seungkwan, who had been saying the exact same thing before, but he did. The muscles of his mouth contracted painfully, as if the sobs he had been holding back for so long were ready to burst out. Mingyu tried to control himself and stop them, but it hurt.

It hurt, and he closed his eyes in defeat. He heard Wonwoo sighing again, his shoulders slumping forward.

“Come on Mingyu, it will be okay.” he tried to say again. “Shit, help me with this Boo.” Wonwoo turned to Seungkwan for help.

“Hug him.” Seungkwan said quickly, and Mingyu could practically hear his cheeky smile, as much as he could feel Wonwoo’s glare. “I’m serious, he reacted to physical contact and he is attached to you. Hug him.” Seungkwan insisted.

“Whatever.” Wonwoo said and he brought one of his hands to Mingyu’s hair. He patted him lightly and Mingyu felt a small sob escaping him. He wanted to stop shaking. He wanted to relax. He wanted to bring things back to how they were in the morning.

Suddenly, he felt a pair of arms circling his shoulders and then a chin resting above his lowered head.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” he heard Wonwoo’s murmur on his hair.

It wasn’t because Wonwoo was hugging him. It was because he was going out of his way to comfort him when he had no reason to that the dam broke. The cry of relief that felt Mingyu’s lips was too loud. His hands dropped lifelessly on the ground, but he didn’t dare touch Wonwoo back. This was enough. He had already done too much for him.

Mingyu had never had a person to hold him before as he cried. It shouldn’t be comfortable, what with how Wonwoo clearly didn’t want to be in this position, but just the warmth of having another body next to him helped. Worrying about how Wonwoo was going to react after this was ten times better than recalling terrible memories and getting lost in hopelessness, so Mingyu decided to focus on that.

“Good job Mingyu.” he heard Seungkwan on his side, patting his back encouragingly.

The worst was thankfully over. Soon his sobs subsided on their own and Wonwoo hastily pulled back. Mingyu wiped his eyes and dared a look to the people around them. Seungkwan was still smiling in a friendly way, his pretty face not looking bothered at all that he had to see Mingyu like this. Wonwoo was sitting on his knees, his face blank and awkward.

And the other boy that Mingyu hadn’t had the chance of meeting yet was standing a little further away, giving them privacy but still close to Seungkwan. His light brown hair were long-ish and curly, and they fell over his curious eyes soflty.

“I…” Mingyu said, looking around him once again. He wanted to say thank you, but not in front of Wonwoo. “I’m sorry.” he said in the end. “I wish you didn’t have to see me like this.” he lowered his legs to the ground.

“Nonsense!” Seungkwan wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “It was an honour to witness your first day break-down and help you through it. I feel we just bonded, you know?” Seungkwan said, his eyes shining mischievously.

Mingyu offered him a timid smile. He couldn’t help but notice how Wonwoo was looking at Seungkwan on guard.

“Anyway, Hansol, come introduce yourself.” Seungkwan pulled his friend to crouch down next to him. “Mingyu, this is Hansol, he is Jihoon’s assistant.”

“Hi man.” Hansol nodded at him.

Oh, right. The guy who had brought the dogs to the audience, the least weird-looking one. If Mingyu hadn’t known he was a circus performer, he never would have guessed.

“Hey.” Mingyu greeted him back.

“Can you stand up now? We should go back to the room.” Wonwoo interrupted the introduction.

Mingyu felt only a little disappointed. “Okay.” he agreed non the less. “I will see you around, yeah? Both of you?” he asked the other two hopefully.

“All day, every day, for the rest of your life. Don’t worry, you’ll get sick of us.” Seungkwan ruffled his hair and stood up.

Mingyu stood up as well. The shaking had lessened considerably. He just hoped he could walk without a fuss now.

“Woah you’re tall.” Seungkwan exclaimed. “You looked so tiny on the floor.”

“Come on, let’s go.” Wonwoo grabbed Mingyu’s hand before he could answer.

Mingyu had a feeling that if Wonwoo hadn’t dragged him away, the conversation would have never ended. He made a mental note to spend more time with Seungkwan from then on. The boy was such a great stress relief.

Wonwoo must have noticed that Mingyu’s walking was forced, because he paused at the door. “Don’t push yourself with the jumps. Take your time.” he murmured.

Mingyu nodded, but after the emotional rollercoaster he had just went through, the little jump was no harder than walking. If Wonwoo was surprised to see him move across the two wagons and into their room without hesitation, he didn’t comment on it.

“Here, drink some water.” he passed Mingyu a bottle before he had the chance to climb on his bed.

“Good. I was thirsty.” Mingyu gulped it down eagerly.

His mouth had gotten so dry during his little episode, but he only noticed it now that he was better. His fingers trembled when he brought the water to his lips, but he managed not to spill it.

“You will be cooking at the cafeteria tomorrow. Many people gather there, I’m sure you’ll have many friends by the end of the day.” Wonwoo sat on his bed. It was unmade, as if he had just woken up from it, which probably wasn’t far from the truth. Wonwoo had said he was going to stay in the room all day.

“Work is easier when you have a lot of people to talk to.” Mingyu agreed.

“Spoken like a true bar tender.” Wonwoo lay down and pulled the covers over him.

Mingyu smiled at him and put the water bottle back on the table. He climbed on his bed with a little bit more difficulty than the previous day, due to his sore arms from shoveling coal all day. But because of this, the feeling of the sheets beneath him was ten times more comfortable. Mingyu sighed with satisfaction and wiggled under the blankets just on time for Wonwoo to turn off the light.

Much like the previous night, silence spread along the darkness. Mingyu might have been mentally exhausted after his little episode, but there was still one thing he wanted to say to Wonwoo before they fell asleep.

“Hey.” he called, turning on his side to face the room.

The answer came within a few seconds. “What?”

“I’m sorry.” Mingyu said, thumbing the glitter at the side of his pillow.

A few moments of silence. Mingyu partly expected Wonwoo to say an absent-minded “it’s okay” and go back to sleep without really caring about what Mingyu was apologizing for, but he surprised him once again.

“What for?” he asked after a while.

“You told me you didn’t want my gratitude, but this morning I forced it on you. I’m sorry for that.” he eagerly explained.

Did it always take so long for Wonwoo to reply to him, or was this a special occasion? It was not until Mingyu thought he had actually fallen asleep without answering that a reply came.

“Noted.” was all Wonwoo said.

Of course, Mingyu hadn’t expected a “thank you”, of all things. The fact that Wonwoo acknowledged his apology was enough. Mingyu didn’t apologize to him while expecting a certain answer. He had no expectations of Wonwoo other than making sure Mingyu stayed at the circus. That was their deal. Anything else that came with it, Mingyu was going to accept as a bonus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, chapter 3, my eternal enemy. For some reason, whenever I write anything, I always end up hating chapter 3 :) I hope it's not the same for you :')
> 
> Also, Lee and Kong are ocs, no need to google them lol.
> 
> Thank you for reading, feedback is always appreciated, new chapter in 5 days!


	4. Wir betreten feuertrunken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!   
> The circus is baaack~  
> Go on, read the chapter, a lot of things happen this time huhuhuhu

“Mingyu…” Wonwoo shook the sleeping form of Mingyu’s body the next morning.

Mingyu groaned and opened his eyes. He had learned from a young age that he had to get up the moment someone called for him. There was no time to relax and sleep in. Instead of coming face to face with his mother’s sour face first thing in the morning though, he saw Wonwoo’s sleepy face, illuminated be the morning sun from the window behind him.

“Hi.” he told him, voice hoarse from the sleep as he rubbed his eyes.

“Hi.” Wonwoo echoed, resting his chin on top of his arms at the edge of Mingyu’s mattress, right in front of his face. “When you’re ready, I’ll take you to the cafeteria.” he said with the softness that came with tiredness.

“Okay.” Mingyu smiled sleepily.

This was far better than his mother yelling at him to wake up. Mingyu turned on his back and stretched his hands above his head, spine arching with a crack. This was his second day on the circus and he was less nervous than the previous.

“You should wear something light so you don’t get too hot.” Wonwoo offered his advice, leaning his head on the side, over his folded arms.

He hadn’t been so thoughtful the previous day, when he sent him to shovel coal with only a minute’s notice. The previous day, he hadn’t even stayed to wake Mingyu up himself. He had sent Chan instead, probably paying him to do it for him. Today, he was staring at Mingyu with less intensity than usual, his cold eyes a little softer.

Mingyu got up from his bed and climbed down, not thinking too much about it. He had another hard day in front of him. He told himself than he shouldn’t push it to the point of yesterday. It was okay if he didn’t spend the entire day in a good mood, Seungkwan had said that no one would judge him if he stopped smiling for a second.

It was easier saying it than doing it though.

Mingyu made his bed, grinning at the sparkling covers. He liked the glitter. It reminded him exactly of the life he had chosen to follow. When he was done, he turned around to see what his roommate was doing.

Wonwoo was wearing a green blouse and his pajama bottoms. He hadn’t even tried fixing his hair, but he was already wearing his shoes, ready to head out.

“Aren’t you going to get dressed?” Mingyu asked, taking his own shirt off.

“Just for going at the cafeteria? No way.” Wonwoo looked away and yawned. “Half of the people there have seen me naked while changing costumes backstage.” he said with a shrug.

The backstage. Mingyu hadn’t thought about the part of the tent that has hidden to the audience, but must have been filled with performers and staff, putting on make up and sorting the props for each stage. It sounded like a dream.

No, not just any dream. Mingyu’s dream. Mingyu’s future.

The only thing standing on his way was some cooking and cleaning for a few days. Mingyu had nothing to be scared of.

“I’m ready.” he said after he brushed his hair and washed his face out of the window.

“Good.” Wonwoo said, standing up from the bed he had sat while waiting for Mingyu. “Let’s get you something to eat. You can always do this when you wake up, the kitchen is always open for breakfast.” he explained.

Mingyu nodded. Wonwoo was taking this more seriously, he realized. He didn’t leave him to simply fend for himself like he had yesterday, he didn’t push him off to someone else. Had the previous night’s episode scared him? Maybe he thought Mingyu was too fragile and he could call off the deal if he was left alone.

Whatever his motive was, it worked for Mingyu. He much preferred going out of the room with Wonwoo, whose presence he had grown somewhat accustomed, than a complete stranger, no matter how nice Chan had turned out to be.

Wonwoo opened the door and motioned for him to go out first. They walked together to the end of the wagon and Wonwoo didn’t have to say anything for Mingyu to cross over, after a moment of consideration. There was going to come a time when even that slight hesitation would be gone. He just needed to practice.

The cafeteria was the place that most of the troupe gathered while they were on the road, Chan had said. Mingyu wasn’t surprised when the first to walk up to him and Wonwoo when they entered the crowded room was the young boy.

“Hello!” Chan called. “How are you today?” the question was for both of them, but his eyes flickered to Mingyu.

“Good morning Chan.” Wonwoo said simply, not bothering to elaborate.

“Good morning!” Mingyu decided to step up. “We slept fine, it’s amazing how the wheels of the train can lull you to sleep.”

“It’s the shaking.” Chan nodded, as if he knew exactly what Mingyu was talking about. “It’s like when a mother holds her baby in her arms and wants to make it sleep. You could say that the train is our mother.” he snickered.

Wonwoo made a face at him. “My mother wishes I loved her as much I love this train.” he said.

Mingyu’s eyes widened at the new information, but Chan just laughed, as if this was common, every day conversations.

“Same. But I’m sure there are mothers out there who are actually nice.” he shrugged.

“Whatever. I’m taking Mingyu at the kitchen. Feel free to visit him and tell the others to spend some time with him too.” Wonwoo said, grabbing Mingyu’s hand, like he always did when he was about to drag him away.

“Wait.” Mingyu put his hand over Wonwoo’s to stop him. “Nobody has to visit me if they don’t want to, it’s fine.” he told Chan.

“Oh shut up, Seulgi is already knitting a bat sweater for you.” Chan waved him off.

“A what?” Mingyu blinked.

“You know. Acrobat. Bat. I don’t know okay, she has made random sweaters with a picture of a bat for all of us.” Chan scratched the back of his head.

“Oh.” Mingyu said, touched at the gesture.

So Seulgi thought he was already part of the group? But he hadn’t even managed to pass the two weeks of trial yet. Was it really so easy to befriend people?

“Don’t make that face, you’ll pass the test and you know it. We all know it.” Chan bumped his shoulder.

“He will if he gets to the kitchen already.” Wonwoo tugged Mingyu’s hand impatiently. “Come on.”

Mingyu smiled sheepishly at Chan and hurried behind Wonwoo. Hopefully, Chan would come to visit later and they would have time to talk.

Mingyu saw Junhui and Minghao somewhere on the other side of the car, but they were too immersed in their own conversation to notice him. They were really attached to the hip, judging by how close they were sitting. They were even sharing a coffee from the same mug. It was as if they were in a whole different world at the little table they had occupied, just the two of them.

As it turned out, the only thing separating the kitchen from the cafeteria was a large sheet of yellow fabric. The kitchen itself was nothing fancy. A gas stove was the only thing that could actually be used to cook stuff. All the other space was occupied by cupboards nailed to the walls, filed with plates, cutlery and pans. There were sacks of potatoes on the floor, many different cans of meat and a lot of dried food, like nuts and raisin cookies. The fresh vegetables and fruits were few. Mingyu imagined they didn’t last long out here anyways.

“Mingyu!” a loud voice called him over. “I managed to wake up early enough to wait for you!” Seungkwan waved him over.

He was sitting cross-legged on the potato sack, like a king on his throne. Two other people were sitting on the floor in front of him, his loyal subjects. One had platinum blonde hair and his sleeveless shirt showed off his biceps nicely. The other was already smiling, his lips heart shaped and wide. Upon laying eyes on them, Wonwoo abruptly stopped walking.

“Oh no…” he murmured before all three of them simultaneously stood up.

“Kim Mingyu!”

“We’ve heard so much about you!”

Wonwoo took a step backwards while subtly pushing Mingyu in front of him.

“I’ll be leaving you now. Peel eight sacks potatoes and two sacks of carrots, clean up after your work and you’re free for today.” he patted his shoulder and before Mingyu could even question what was happening Wonwoo had left him alone.

Mingyu turned to Seungkwan, confused. The ringmaster was looking at the scene with a disapproving face, but he quickly shook it off and came to stand between his two friends.

“Mingyu, come meet the best people of this entire train!” he said, linking his hands with the two others.

“I’m Soonyoung!” said the blond.

“I’m Seokmin!” said the taller one.

“Hello.” Mingyu greeted them politely.

“They’re here to help make your job easier today.” Seungkwan explained.

“That’s right!” Soonyoung clapped, to get the attention on himself. “Seokmin get the knives! Seungkwan get the trash cans! We’re going to peel the heck out of these potatoes!”

Mingyu’s eyes darted between all three of them as they rushed around the room. He felt like he was watching tiny hurricanes raiding the kitchen. Drawers flew open, paper towels where thrown around, a pile of pans tumbled to the ground, and all these amidst of yelling.

“So, watch and learn rookie!” Soonyoung threw an arm around Mingyu. “On that cupboard over here, you will find bags for garbage and towels.” he said and threw the door of it open.

They were both met by the sight of porcelain plates and bowls instead of bags and towels. There was a moment of silence and then, Soonyoung slammed the cupboard shut.

“Ahem!” he coughed loudly. “That mistake was intentional.”

“Oh please, don’t pretend that you’ve been in this kitchen more than two times in the five years you’ve been staying here.” Seungkwan said, swinging a peeling knife in his hand.

“That’s irrelevant!”

“Okay, but where _are_ the potatoes? Do we even have any?” Seokmin yelled from the other side of the room.

“Oh my god Seokmin, _look down!”_

Mingyu looked down at the same time the others did. The tall boy was standing on a bag. A bag which was clearly labelled with bold red letters that read ‘ _potatoes’._

Mingyu took a step backwards as the guys all started screaming at each other simultaneously. Just what mess had he walked upon? In the span of a few minutes the kitchen had become so much messier than it was when Wonwoo first brought him here.

These guys were loud and colorful. They were yelling when they introduced themselves, they were yelling as they run around, they yelled as they finally got their hands in all the things necessary for Mingyu’s work.

But what was really loud about them, what could be heard and seen from miles away was their friendship. This was what Mingyu, who had grown up without anyone close to him, has always imagined it would be like to be surrounded by friends. Friends were meant to help each other during hard times, they were meant to fill those times with laughter and joy and fix everything.

“Alright, now we’re set.” Seokmin sat down in front of Mingyu and patted the space next to him, urging him to join him. “Do you know how to peel potatoes?” he asked, handing him a knife.

“Yes, I do.” Mingyu nodded at him.

“Great. You can teach me.” Seokmin smiled at him sheepishly.

A snort came from the other side of the kitchen, where the other two had made themselves comfortable.

“He doesn’t even know how to peel potatoes.” they laughed amongst themselves.

Seokmin shrugged, unashamed. “Maybe not, but I can always make them disappear.” he smirked and tossed a potato behind his head.

Mingyu’s eyes tried to follow it as it fell to the ground. It should have landed a few steps away from Seokmin’s back, Mingyu even heard the thud as it hit the ground. But the potato was nowhere to be found.

“Wait a minute.” Mingyu said, perplexed.

He run his eyes all over the floor, from Seokmin’s hands, to his back and all around him, but the potato had literally disappeared.

Mingyu blinked. “ _What?”_

Seokmin chuckled and grabbed another potato from the pile. “Your potato is gone, banished to another realm, never to return.” he said theatrically. “Its comrades will mourn its loss, but it is too late to bring it back.”

Mingyu gaped at him. “I mean… As long as you don’t do that to my wallet.” he said, an impressed smile blooming on his face.

Seungkwan snorted again. “How much do you want to bet the potato is under his shirt?” he said loudly.

“No bets allowed!” Seokmin hurried to say, putting a hand on his clothed tummy protectively.

Mingyu stared at him for a second longer. It suddenly hit him that he had seen that kind of tricks before. The last time, instead of making things disappear out of thin air, Seokmin had made them magically multiply.

“You are the wizard, aren’t you?” Mingyu asked, his eyes shining.

Seokmin coughed. “I’m the _clown._ ” he said pointedly. “ _The wizard_ sounds too scary.” he pouted.

Mingyu remembered bits and pieces of his backstory, the one that Boo had narrated to the crowd to build up the suspense, the one about Seokmin’s dark magic descent. He wondered how much truth the clearly exaggerated story had actually withheld.

“Anyway, we should get to work if we want to finish sometime before lunch.” Soonyoung said, tossing two potatoes in the air impatiently and catching them both with the same hand.

“Right.” Seungkwan agreed, stabbing his own potato with unwarranted glee.

These three were serious about helping him. Mingyu had no idea why they would do something like that, there was nothing for them to gain by wasting their time.

“You…” he began saying. “It’s okay, you don’t have to actually help me. This is my responsibility.”

“It’s important to have a healthy start to your circus career.” Seokmin told him seriously. “Until you are comfortable enough to pick your own friends, we want to make sure you won’t be alone.”

Seungkwan and Soonyoung didn’t add anything to that explanation. Seokmin’s eyes were full of certainty, like he knew exactly what he was talking about. He had the kind of kindness that came from experience. Much like Seungkwan’s innate comforting aura, Seokmin’s presence was full of understanding. 

“Okay.” Mingyu found himself saying. “Thank you.” he added instinctively.

“Don’t thank me.” Seokmin ruffled his hair. “Show me how to peel potatoes instead, or we’ll be here all day!”

“I don’t understand how you _can’t_ peel potatoes.” Soonyoung said from his corner. “It’s so easy.”

“Says the man with the twenty fingers.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes fondly.

“The what?” Mingyu eyes tried to find the blond’s hands.

No, he only had ten fingers. Mingyu was relieved for some reason, but also confused.

“Observe.” Soonyoung told him, catching his confusion. He grabbed two knifes, one in each hand, and two potatoes. “I’m going to peel them at the same time.” he smiled proudly.

Mingyu’s eyes widened. That was surely impossible, wasn’t it? He tried to recall the performance he had witnessed, picking out what kind of skills Soonyoung might have to allow him to do something like that.

It became clear when the other tossed the potatoes to the sky and began juggling them. The didn’t touch the knives in the beginning, but soon enough, Soonyoung positioned them in an angle to allow them to scrape a bit of the potatoes each time they landed on his hands.

“Woah!” Mingyu clapped.

“Woooo!” Seokmin clapped alongside him, hyping Soonyoung up.

Soonyoung smirk, eyes concentrated to the object flying around him. When the potatoes were clean, without even a hint of their brown skin, Soonyoung skillfully tossed them to the bucket that was positioned in the middle of the room.

Instead of stopping his show though, he began juggling the knives he was still holding and Mingyu let out a terrified squeak.

“Don’t worry, I can do this with my eyes closed.” Soonyoung said, turning to look at him with a smile.

“Two objects is nothing for him. You should see him juggling seven of these babies.” Seungkwan pointed at the blond with his thumb.

“Amazing, fantastic, show-stopping, brilliant!” Seokmin kept clapping.

Soonyoung slowly stood up from the floor, knives still flowing between his hands. He tossed them one last time, higher than the rest, and caught them both in one hand.

“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen!” he bowed, as if he was on the stage.

“This had been our most talented, our most spectacular juggler!” Seungkwan adopted his ringmaster voice. “Give it up for our one and only, Hoshi!” he yelled.

Mingyu got so swept up in the happy cheers, that he didn’t realized the yellow curtain pulling over and someone entering.

“Yah!” a voice shouted over them. “Will you let Mingyu work in peace? I can here you all the way from the dorms!”

Mingyu and Seokmin jumped in surprise at the sudden noise behind them. Soonyoung though just stood up a little straighter and smiled widely.

“Sorry Jihoonie! We’ll get right to work!” he put a hand on the side of his forehead in a military salute.

Jihoon grumbled something and Mingyu saw him ruffling his pink hair. “Don’t let them distract you. They have a talent for that.” he told Mingyu before turning his back on them and strutting back out.

“Welp, time to work.” Seungkwan raised his shoulder, like he was announcing their doom.

This day’s work turned out so much better than the previous. It wasn’t just because Seungkwan, Seokmin and Soonyoung stayed with him through its entirety, but it was also because others came to visit, just like Chan had promised.

Junhui spend about ten minutes with him before Wonwoo called him over to continue teaching him how to throw daggers. Wonwoo gave Mingyu a green bandana to tie around his head to hold his hair back while cooking. Then Jeonghan with Jisoo and Seulgi came in, laughing about how he looked like a housewife. Mingyu blushed in embarrassment, but it was soon forgotten as Seulgi started measuring his upper body for her sweater.

Ryujin, Minghao and Chan came together and stayed the longest. They filled his labor with small talk and jokes, and Mingyu was grateful for it. He felt relieved to work in a friendly environment for once. The patience, the pressure he had managed the previous day was paying off. Maybe it was worth it standing through some hardship if it meant there was something much brighter waiting for him.

~~~

Not all days were like his second day at the circus. Mingyu had deeply enjoyed that day, but he soon found out that it was one of the rarest in his line of work. Cooking was fun, because he could joke around and mess with the people he was slowly but surely starting to befriend.

Most of the time though, he had to work alone. Sometimes he cleaned the dorms, sometimes he cleaned the kennel and took care of the dogs, sometimes he had to go back at the first wagon and shovel coal. These days were the hardest, because they always reminded Mingyu of his first day break down.

But there were undeniably good days, and Mingyu powered through the bad ones so he would get to enjoy them. This routine wouldn’t last forever. Wonwoo had told him that he would have to work way less when he started learning the trapeze. That would be a trying task on its own, especially because he would have to go over everything twice to teach it to the other.

Wonwoo was… he was strange, Mingyu realized. He had terrified him in the beginning when he had explained that everyone only cared about themselves, but Mingyu was finding out that it was slightly inaccurate. The others were a lot warmer than Wonwoo, even though they weren’t entirely innocent themselves.

The longer Mingyu spent time with them all, the more he realized that Wonwoo’s guarded attitude was more like his own personality trait and less the general state of the rest of the troupe. There were times when Wonwoo snapped at him for no reason and there were others he was mellow, joking alongside the rest of them.

He woke Mingyu up everyday and accompanied him to the cafeteria to get breakfast together, always staring at him a little longer than necessary during those mornings. He could be fun to be around, but he could also turn cold very easily, often without notice.

Mingyu figured that no matter how hard he tried to figure him out now, their real relationship would start when he started fulfilling his own part of the deal. Their relationship now was too one sided, with Mingyu the only one to rely on Wonwoo to help him through the day. Mingyu hoped things would get better when they evened out the battlefield.

Mingyu spent his first ten days on the circus working like a slave, but gaining more experience than he had all his twenty years combined. Ryujin loved to mess around with make-up and glitter, especially together with the tightrope girls that Mingyu soon figured out were her best friends. Jeonghan was often her victim, because he was one of the few who let her mess around with his hair. He let her braid them, curl them, make ponytails and complex designs. Mingyu rarely ever saw Jeonghan with his hair simply left on their natural, straight flow.

When the first ten days passed, Mingyu woke up to find out that the train had stopped moving. He jumped off his bed, almost falling to the floor in his excitement to look out the window.

“Why are you jumping around like a monkey?” Wonwoo whined from his bed, still trying to chase sleep.

“We stopped!” Mingyu told him. “We’re at a train station!”

Wonwoo sighed and sat up. “We’re performing tonight. Did I forget to inform you?” he said through bleary eyes.

“Yes, you did! Come on, how could you forget to mention something so important?” Mingyu cried, throwing one of the pillows on his bed on Wonwoo’s lap.

Wonwoo merely hugged it to his chest and lay back down. “I need to rest today, go find Chan to vent your excitement.” he murmured.

“We’re at a new town, how can you _not_ want to explore?” Mingyu said incredulously.

“New for you, I’ve been here before.” Wonwoo replied.

“But still, don’t you want to stretch your legs? We’ve been cooped up in here for ages!” Mingyu pressed.

“Leave me the fuck alone Gyu.” Wonwoo snapped, abruptly turning his back to him.

Mingyu sighed. There was no talking to Wonwoo when he was in such a mood. He got dressed quickly and wore his shoes. If Chan wasn’t up yet, he was going to have to wake him himself. It was going to be quite a task to tip-toe around Minghao, Junhui and Hansol, Chan’s roommates who were definitely asleep at this time of the day.

“I’ll get you something sweet from the town so you can stop being so bitter~.” Mingyu called over his shoulder before he left the room.

He heard Wonwoo cursing at him behind the closed door.

Mingyu had learned to stop feeling bad when Wonwoo got like this. It wasn’t his business to figure out what was wrong with him, and he had no reason to find out.

He wiped the ever-present glitter off his shirt, or at least he tried to, and he walked a few doors over, where Chan lived. It had been ages since his walk had been so steady. He had almost forgotten how nice it was to walk on a ground that wasn’t shaking.

He opened Chan’s door quietly and peeked inside the room. The floor was only slightly wider than his own room’s, but instead of two bed, it had four. Two were on the ground on opposites walls, and the other two were nailed above them.

There might have been four people staying in this room, but only three beds were occupied. Junhui and Minghao were sleeping on the bottom bunk of the bed the furthest away from Mingyu, limbs tangled in what looked an extremely uncomfortable position. Only Minghao’s face was visible from the door, but he looked more peaceful than ever, not a hint of pain on his delicate features. 

Hansol on the other hand, was sprawled like a starfish on his own bed, limbs and blankets hanging dangerously over the bottom bed Chan was occupying. Mingyu walked as silently as he could and kneeled down in front of Chan’s face.

“Channie…” he whispered and shook him slightly.

“Waa?” said boy exclaimed, louder than Mingyu wanted him, so he put a hand over his mouth to silence him.

“Shh.” he said.

Chan’s eyes opened then and he looked at Mingyu. It took him a while to focus, but then he must have realized the train wasn’t moving because he perked up.

“We’ve reached a town?!” he whisper-shouted, flinging Mingyu’s hand off his mouth.

“Yes!” Mingyu nodded, happy to find someone who shared his enthusiasm. “Let’s get out of here!”

“We’ll meet at the cafeteria in a few, let me get dressed.” Chan sat up and shooed him away.

“Okay, see you in a bit.” Mingyu ruffled his hair and hurried out of the room.

In his rush, he knocked his shoulder on Hansol’s foot on his way out and a loud groan echoed all around the room. Mingyu froze, but it didn’t look like anyone noticed it was him who caused the sound.

“Hansol what the hell…” Minghao murmured, his voice hoarse and tinged with an accent Mingyu was hearing for the first time.

“Something touched my foot.” Hansol said dryly.

“Ghosts!” Junhui exclaimed.

Mingyu made eye contact with Chan and they shared a mischievous smile. Mingyu stepped outside the room quietly, but then he slammed the door shut with a loud bang. The screams he heard from inside the room were as satisfying as they were amusing.

Mingyu’s walk to the cafeteria had never been easier. Because the train was no longer moving, he didn’t sway, he didn’t get dizzy and the jump between the wagons was a piece of cake. Mingyu sat on a chair impatiently. As he waited for his young companion, he looked outside of the small window, trying to take a glimpse of the town above the roof the train station.

From the few buildings Mingyu could discern, it didn’t look like it was much bigger than his own town. The biggest building was of course the town hall, but apart from that, only a few houses were tall enough to be seen all the way from here.

“Mingyu, come on!” Chan burst through the doors, grabbing the roof of the train and hanging up in the air in his excitement.

“You’re going to the town?” a voice interrupted Mingyu, just as he was ready to sit up.

He turned his head to the yellow curtain, only to see Seulgi emerging from the kitchen with a piece of bread on her hands. Mingyu’s eyes widened momentarily. He had never seen Seulgi so… put together. She was usually either in her pajamas, or Ryujin’s ridiculous make up. But this time, her pants were replaced by a black skirt that highlighted her fit legs. She was wearing lipstick and a light pink eyeshadow that complemented the colour of her face. The most remarkable accessory though was a fancy hat that she wore over her curled hair that looked quite expensive. If Mingyu was her, he would have saved it for special occasions only.

“Wow.” Chan whistled when he saw her and dropped to the ground. “You’re gorgeous.”

“Thank you, love.” she smiled confidently, like she knew exactly how pretty she looked.

“You got a date in town?” Chan asked.

“You bet I do.” Seulgi winked. “Will you accompany me?” she asked again.

Chan looked at Mingyu and he shrugged. He didn’t care what he did as long as he got out of the train.

“Alright then, let’s go!” Chan said and opened a metallic door on the side of the wagon that Mingyu had never seen open before.

The morning sun filtered in the cafeteria and Mingyu squinted against it. It had felt so long since Mingyu had last been under the sky. His life had been majorly different ten days ago. It was almost like he had been a caterpillar, crawling through the world helplessly, when he stumbled on the circus. This train had been his cocoon. Now, the outside world was waiting for him to start exploring it like a butterfly.

This town was a whole new world and he couldn’t wait to step foot in it. The train station was near the edge of the town, where there were less houses around. All the noise the trains made as they came to and fro would disturb the peace and quiet of whoever lived next to the station. The houses that were located there were cheap and unattended, with paint chipping of the walls and broken fences around the gardens. They were probably occupied by the poorest people of the town.

Behind the train station, a forest of thick trees expanded. Unlike Mingyu’s town which had been built in the middle of a plain, this town was located at the edge of a mountain. The yellow crops of the field had given way to green bushes and trees that slowly got bigger and bigger the longer to the north the train travelled.

“Where will we built the tent?” Mingyu asked his companions when they stepped foot in a cobble street.

The buildings got taller here, just like Mingyu had seen from the station. There was a cluster of stores a few blocks away that was probably the center of the town, but Mingyu couldn’t see a plaza. The tent would need a lot of space to be built, especially if they took into consideration of the little stalls and games that were placed around it to entertain the guests when a performance wasn’t on.

“Behind the town hall.” Seulgi told him. “You can’t see it from here, but the mayor has a huge garden that he lets us use when we perform here. It’s good for his publicity, so we don’t even have to pay.” she shrugged.

“Wonwoo mentioned that you’ve been here before, but to have such an arrangement that must mean you visit here often.” Mingyu noticed.

“We do have towns that we visit regularly. This one is very conveniently placed at the bottom of the mountain we are going to cross, so we usually stop here to get supplies.” Seulgi explained.

“Also, it’s fun to have regular towns because we get to meet people and have fun with them, don’t we Seulgi?” Chan elbowed the girl conspiratorially.

Seulgi smirked proudly. “Yes, it’s quite fun.” she said, throwing her black hair over her shoulder.

Mingyu looked at the girl curiously. The fact alone that they were escorting her to her date should have told him that Seulgi was probably romantically involved with someone, but he couldn’t understand how a relationship could be maintained when she was always on the road.

“You dressed up so nicely for this outing. Do you have a boyfriend that lives here?” Mingyu asked her conversationally.

Both Chan and Seulgi snickered at the same time, as if they had planned it. Mingyu failed to see what was amusing in his question though.

“You’re so innocent Mingyu.” Chan cooed at him. “Does Seulgi look like a person who dates men?”

“What?” Mingyu said confused. “If you don’t date men, does that mean you just sleep with them?” he asked, trying not to sound to scandalized.

Chan laughed loudly and Mingyu threw him an annoyed look. What did he say that was so funny?

“Darling.” Seulgi linked her arm with him. “I’m sure men are nice and all to sleep with, but have you seen women?” she looked at him pointedly.

Mingyu blinked. Of course he’s seen women, all this mess started because he had wanted to foolishly sleep with one. But why would _Seulgi_ say that women were nicer than-

_Oh._

“Pretty and elegant or loud-mouthed and adventurous, girls are so beautiful no matter what.” Seulgi waved her hand as she talked.

“So you have a _girlfriend?_ ” Mingyu asked again, because that didn’t clear any of his confusion away. A relationship was a relationship, and the distance would make it impossible for it to work.

Chan snickered again. “She wished she had a girlfriend.”

“Unfortunately, he is right.” Seulgi sighed. “I have mistresses waiting for me, but nothing remotely close to emotional connection with them.”

“Wow.” Mingyu couldn’t help but smile at her, impressed.

Honestly, how cool was that? It sounded like heaven travelling from town to town and have different girls waiting for him there to spend their few nights together before he was on the road again. Seulgi was living the dream.

“I’m going to quote that “no emotional connection” next time you start whining about your beautiful Irene again.” Chan jibbed at her.

“Irene?” Mingyu asked.

Seulgi’s eyes shined just at the mention of the name. “I don’t know her real name, much like she doesn’t know mine. But she is actually the one I’m visiting today.” she said happily. “She’s so beautiful, it’s unreal. It makes me want to put extra effort to look presentable for her.”

“You look amazing, don’t worry. Acrobat body perks.” Chan raised his fist towards her.

“Hell yeah.” Seulgi fist-bumped him. They reached the first pub of the town, but it was remarkably empty because of the earliness of the hour. Nevertheless, Seulgi stopped walking and lifted her hat off her head in a goodbye. “Now gentlemen, I’m afraid you’re going to have to leave me behind. Excuse this beautiful lady as she waits for her mistress in this mess of a pub.” she said apologetically.

“Have fun.” Chan patted her back.

“And be careful.” Mingyu added. He had noticed that because Seulgi was older, very few people actually paid any mind to her safety, trusting her to take care of herself. It looked like she had control of whatever she was doing, but Mingyu still was a bit worried for her.

“Don’t worry about me love, go have fun.” Seulgi ruffled his hair. “You’ve earned after it those ten days in hell.”

Mingyu wanted to tell her that those days were considered paradise compared to the life he had lived before. Maybe things still weren’t great, but they were a lot better than they had ever been back at his place. At least in the circus, Mingyu could imagine himself being happy in the future, something he had never managed to do as long as he had been with his parents.

“We don’t have much time anyway. We’re going to have to set up the tent in a few hours.” Chan said, replacing Seulgi’s hand with his own on Mingyu’s bicep. “Let’s go see the shops while we still can.”

“Do you have any money? I kind of want to buy something.” Mingyu smiled at the boy hopefully.

Chan sighed, pretending to think about it for a second. “I’ll see what I can do for you. You’ll owe me though.” he winked in the end.

“Definitely.” Mingyu nodded. _Thank you,_ he added in his head.

“Now hurry up and leave before Irene arrives.” Seulgi shooed them away.

“Right.” Chan chuckled. “I wish you an _interesting_ morning, my friend.” Chan waved at Seulgi as they walked away.

Mingyu heard a mumbled “ _oh, it will bel”,_ and he took a moment to think about it. Every day that passed, he learned more and more about his future co-workers. Every new information was unusual and unexpected, befitting of everyone’s quirky personalities. Mingyu was slowly learning not to be surprised, but just respectfully accept everything the others chose to share with him.

For him, it was enough that he was starting to be included in their precious circle of friends.

~~~

Of all the unfair things that Mingyu had to endure those first days in his circus life, this had to be the unfairest.

“What do you mean I can’t leave the train?” he whined loudly when Wonwoo sat him down on his bed in their room and told him that his responsibility for the first night of the performance was to guard the train along with the two conductors, Kong and Lee.

“Don’t throw a tantrum please.” Wonwoo said, leaning against the table without an inch of pity in his voice.

Mingyu pouted hard. He had spent his entire noon and evening preparing the tent with the others, setting up equipment and being excited about getting to witness another circus performance, this time _for free._

But no, Wonwoo had to destroy everything.

“Can’t you give me a break for one day?” Mingyu pleaded. “I’ve been doing everything else you asked of me all this time, please-“

“These are Seungcheol’s orders. You’re staying in here today and that’s the end of it.” Wonwoo said, examining his nails.

Mingyu wasn’t surprised to see that they were full of glitter. His own hands and clothes were covered in it after spending his entire day amongst all the equipment. That was another reason he was sad he was forced to sit in the train tonight. He had worked hard today, and he wanted to see all his work paying off. He wanted to see the expressions of the audience, the joy and surprise he had helped them feel by putting together their seats.

He wanted to watch all the acts again, now knowing the people that were behind them personally. He wanted to see Seokmin trying to not be intimidating with his funny magic tricks, he wanted to see Soonyoung growing eight more arms and legs to juggle clubs while skipping a rope.

He wanted to see Minghao and Junhui on the trapeze, whose co-operation was said to be legendary amongst the acrobats. He wanted to see Jihoon with Jasmine the dog on his hat. Hell, he even wanted to see Seungkwan getting into the role of the ringmaster once again, a role Mingyu was convinced he had been born for.

“I have to go get ready now.” Wonwoo told him. “Don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

Mingyu looked away, not replying to him. He was allowed to be mad for once, even if he knew this was technically not Wonwoo’s fault.

He didn’t expect Wonwoo to chuckle all of a sudden. Mingyu looked at him from the corner of his eyes, his brow furrowed in suspicion.

“Don’t be a baby.” Wonwoo reached over and ruffled his hair. “You’ll get to see a lot of performances in the future, okay?”

Mingyu’s pout intensified and he looked away again. He was in no mood to be mature about this.

“Fine, be a baby.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes when he realized Mingyu had no intention of answering him. “I’ll see you after the performance.” he said and pushed himself off the table.

Mingyu turned to look at him as he walked out of the room. It actually did make him feel a little better that Wonwoo wasn’t an asshole to him, but it wasn’t enough to fix his mood. Only attending the performance would manage that.

He sighed and looked out of the small window at the almost set sun. The entirety of the train’s residents were either clustered at the backstage of the tent, drawing each other’s make up and helping with their suits, or patrolling the area around the tent, inviting people to eat candy and try their games of luck. The blue and pink masks were on, he could no longer tell who was who from afar.

Kong, Lee and he were the only ones that were still barefaced and in their normal clothes. Mingyu had seen the two older men sitting in front of the train, leaning against the first wagon and talking amongst themselves. They hadn’t looked as bothered as him to miss such a glorious performance. Perhaps Wonwoo was right and he too would get used to it after a while. Maybe he should try being patient one more time.

He walked out of his room. If he had to stay here to work, the least he could do was make sure he was being a proper guard. He started walking circles around the train, kicking pebble and grass as he walked.

This was pointless. Who would ever think of raiding a circus train? They didn’t have any valuable things in their stores, and the money they made was barely enough to survive and keep the business going. As the time passed and the sky darkened completely, Mingyu’s sulking hadn’t subsided even the tiniest bit.

The next time he passed from the place of the station that the town hall was visible from, Mingyu was awed. The lights were lit, purple, green and white, alerting everyone of their arrival by illuminating the largest building of the town. Mingyu stood still to marvel at the sight of the lights piercing the sky.

He should have been there, shining together with them. His place wasn’t here, guarding the shadows.

The final straw was the echo off loud cheers as Seungkwan presumably entered the stage. His voice was loud and clear, so when the loudest of the cheers faded, Mingyu could faintly hear him greeting the crowd.

That was it. He had to get there. He had to see this performance. Kong and Lee were still here to guard the train, he didn’t need to stay with them. There would be no harm in briefly leaving his position without anyone noticing. If he was back before the others returned, then no one would figure he was gone, right?

Mingyu gulped. He always had a tendency of making impulsive decisions. He wouldn’t be on the freaking circus otherwise. Those decision were what had gotten him this far. So, without missing a bit, he crouched to the ground and slowly started moving towards the town hall.

He had to be careful of Kong and Lee. If they saw him, this whole plan would be ruined. Mingyu headed to some bushes to hide behind, to make sure that the two men weren’t looking his way. He held his breath as he approached the front of the train and started hearing their conversation. He had to be sneaky.

He lifted his head from behind the bush enough to see the men’s position. Kong had his back on him, but Lee would be able to see him if he lifted his head. Now what? Did he take the risk and run to the tent in hopes of no one noticing him, or did he lose precious time by making sure the coast was clear?

Thankfully, luck was on his side. A particularly loud noise came from the tent, followed by wild cheers, and both conductors turned their heads towards it. Mingyu grabbed the god sent chance and run, as quietly as his large legs allowed him. His dark clothes weren’t attention-grabbing in the middle of the night, so he dashed towards the town hall with no looking back.

Once he was away from the train station, he relaxed a bit. The circus staff would be gathered either inside or around the tent while the performance was on. Mingyu straightened his shirt and walked slower so the people of the town that were simply minding their business wouldn’t be alarmed by him.

The road to the town hall was a straight line and not even Mingyu, who had never travelled before, could get lost. It was impossible to miss the lights and the charged atmosphere that surrounded a circus’ tent. It was meant to draw people in like moths to a flame. Even if Mingyu’s intention hadn’t been to sneak to the back and watch the performance, he still would have wanted to check it out.

Like he had suspected, it wasn’t hard to get past the circus staff. They guy in stilts was sitting on the stairs of the town hall that faced the entrance of the tent, waiting for a break to entertain the people. Mingyu made sure to stay out of his line of vision and hurried to the back of the tent, the side that was the closest to the forest.

He made sure to not go as far as the backstage. This isolated place he had found himself at should be at the side of the stage, if his calculations were correct. He looked around him one last time to make sure no one would see him and took a deep breath.

With tiny motions, he grabbed the edge of the fabric and lifted it to the side, so he could make an opening just as big as his eye to see through. There were a few heads in front of him, obscuring his vision, but he could still take small glimpses of the stage.

A smile immediately graced his face. Soonyoung was on the stage, his extraordinary performance highlighted by suspenseful music. He was currently juggling five clubs while sitting on chair that was dangerously balancing on a shaky table.

Mingyu watched mesmerized as the juggler called for his assistant to throw him another club. Mingyu had seen him practice that part, and he knew that he was intentionally going to make it look like he was struggling, so the audience would feel worried, but happier when he managed to succeed in the end.

The fact that Mingyu knew this, didn’t stop him from exclaiming in surprise along with the audience as Soonyoung suddenly lunged up, jumping on top of the chair to catch the sixth club. The drums started rolling and crowd clapped loudly as he found his balance again, and Mingyu had to hold himself from clapping with them and make noise.

It was magical. _This_ was what he had signed up for. It gave him a lot of strength to have a clear vision of his goal, instead of just dreaming about it. Watching the others perform motivated him to work harder, make sure he was going to get on that stage with them one day. He could see the dream materializing right in front of his face and it filled him with confidence. He couldn’t believe he had almost listened to Wonwoo and missed this. If he had stayed back, his morale would have been low for the rest of the week, if he even managed to make it that far.

“One more!” Soonyoung called from inside the tent, sweat visible on his forehead even from the tiny hole Mingyu was watching him from, and the suspenseful music picked up again. The audience held their breath. Soonyoung’s assistant threw the seventh club.

But it was too high compared to the rest of them. Mingyu’s heart started beating faster as silence spread, everyone waiting to see how the juggler could save his act.

Suddenly, Mingyu heard a mumbled voice in the silence.

“Can you not count it here? I’ve been doing business with your partner for years, you know I’m safe.”

He immediately whipped his head to the side, letting the curtain fall back on its place. He frantically looked around him to see if his position had been compromised. When he saw no one, he tried to listen for that voice again, only for the loud cheers from inside the tent as Soonyoung apparently made it to mask any other noise from the outside.

Mingyu crouched down. Better safe than sorry.

As the cheers died down again, Mingyu turned his ears towards the forest. That was where the voice had come from.

“You’re good, Seungcheol. Keep that up.” another voice said.

_Seungcheol?_ Director Seungcheol was out there? Mingyu tried not to panic, there was no reason to. He just had to leave, fast. He could circle around the tent and watch the performance from the other side.

“As long as Nam Hyungmin keeps his side of the deal, I will too.”

This time Mingyu recognized the voice of the director. What deal? Why would Seungcheol meet a man in secret in a forest, when everyone else was busy with the performance? Mingyu was confused, but that sounded awfully important.

His feet carried him to the edge of the forest to try and get a better look at the situation. There were no lights pointed towards the forest, as if they had pointedly turned them towards the town hall to get everyone to focus there and not between the dark trees.

“Don’t say his name out loud.” the other man said.

This whole thing was too shady. Mingyu cautiously hid behind a tree to at least get some cover. He only stuck his head out and narrowed his eyes towards a small clearing.

And then he saw them. The unmistakable red hair of the director were partly covered by a hat, but they were still visible. Another dark figure stood in front of him, holding a big bag on his back. Mingyu recognized it was one of those he had seen when he had first entered the train, the ones that were blocking the entrance. Why was Seungcheol giving one of them to this person?

Mingyu’s question got answered when he saw the stack of bills in Seungcheol’s hand. His jaw dropped. That was a lot of money. What was in that bag that was worth so much? This whole deal suddenly got a lot more ominous.

Without warning, Mingyu felt a hand wrap around his mouth and he was immediately pulled back, away from the clearing. He quickly grabbed the person’s hand tried to scream, but another hand slapped the back of his head lightly.

“Stay quiet until we’re out of the forest.” the familiar voice of Jeonghan greeted him.

Mingyu’s eyes widened. What the hell was going on?

He let himself be dragged anyway, because Jeonghan could get scary sometimes, and he would have to explain everything when they reached the lights again.

“You messed up Mingyu. You seriously messed up…” Jeonghan whispered as they walked back to the front of the tent. “Just what were you thinking going out there?” he released his death grip on Mingyu’s head, only to firmly wrap his fingers around his wrist. “We’re going back to the train.” he said curtly.

Mingyu stared at him, a thousand questions running through his head. Jeonghan was in his royal blue suit, his face already full of glitter and eye shadows. He was dressed to perform, so what had he been doing at the forest?

Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. Mingyu was a naïve boy, growing up under the shadows of his parents in his small town his entire life, but he wasn’t _that_ naïve. There weren’t many things you could trade for so much money, especially in bags that had felt like they carried powder. A very special kind of white powder.

“Jeonghan. Please tell me this is not what I think it is.” Mingyu said lifelessly.

“I have nothing to say.” the other replied. “Seungcheol will speak to you after the performance. You’re going to have to wait for him at his office.”

Mingyu bit his lips and looked at the ground. He couldn’t face Kong and Lee, who were looking at Jeonghan dragging him back to the train with wide eyes. Mingyu hoped he hadn’t gotten them into any trouble with his escape.

Jeonghan took him all the way to the second wagon, inside the red door of the director’s office. He sat him down on the chair on front of Seungcheol’s desk. It was as messy as the last time Mingyu had been there. He sincerely hoped this wouldn’t be the last time he ever found himself in this room. He didn’t want to leave the circus, not when he hadn’t even properly begun his life here.

“I’m sorry for the rough treatment Mingyu.” Jeonghan said, his voice genuinely apologetic. “I… we have all hoped it wouldn’t come to this.”

Mingyu didn’t reply. He had nothing to say to Jeonghan. The man was just doing his job, whatever job that was. His real battle would be with Seungcheol, and Mingyu had to save his strength.

“I have to perform in a few.” Jeonghan said, running a hand through his low ponytail. “I’m going to have to lock you in here until Seungcheol can talk to you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Mingyu said, not looking at the other.

Frankly, he didn’t know what to think of Jeonghan right now. Both he and Seungcheol were involved in extremely shady business, and until Mingyu got some clear answers, he was suspicious of him. Jeonghan had always made him feel nervous for no reason, but it wasn’t until this moment that Mingyu realized that there maybe was some reason after all.

When Jeonghan left, locking the door behind him as promised, Mingyu could only see the little particles of glitter that had fallen to the floor when the other had shaken his long hair. For once, the glitter didn’t make him feel happier. It couldn’t take his mind away from the fact that he was locked in the office of the director, waiting to have a talk that was going to change his entire view of the apparently not-so-innocent circus, as well as his future.

So the butterfly had been caught too close to a spider’s web during its first, hesitant fly. It was forced back to its cocoon, realizing that maybe it wasn’t ready to face the real world yet. He realized he had been creating an ideal image of the circus on his head. The train couldn’t be just dreams and happiness, light and glitter. There had to be a catch, that Mingyu had been too naïve to see until this point.

The circus was nothing but a small-scale illustration of the real world, after all. It sold spectacular, breath-taking performances at its best, but perhaps there were other things it sold at its worst. Mingyu placed his face in his hands. He didn’t know what to do with this information.

The time felt endless until Seungcheol arrived. It felt like the night before he had left his house, the anxiety and anticipation of an important talk killing him inside. Like last time, Mingyu was going to be at a breaking point when it finally happened. He was not confident he would make the right decisions based on the facts the director gave him.

When to door finally opened, Mingyu immediately stood up. Seungcheol emerged from the corridor, a chain of keys in his hand and a deep, serious frown on his face.

“Sit back down Mingyu.” was all he said as he took his own seat behind his desk.

There was a bit of silence as Seungcheol placed his fingers on his lips, carefully picking his words. The atmosphere was tense, especially because unlike the last Mingyu had been here, he didn’t have Wonwoo to support him. He was alone.

“Jeonghan told me you had a little adventure this evening.” Seungcheol said at some point, crossing his arms on his lap. “You left the train when you had precise orders not to.”

Mingyu bit his lip. “I did. But… why did you give me those orders in the first place? Kong and Lee would have been enough to guard the train.”

Seungcheol sighed. “I see you want to get straight to the point. How much did you see?”

Honestly, not a lot. Mingyu only had the faintest idea of what had happened back at the forest, but he shouldn’t mention that to Seungcheol, should he? He wanted the truth, and the other would be much more inclined to give it if he didn’t have a clear view of where Mingyu was standing.

“I saw enough…” Mingyu replied vaguely.

Seungcheol’s eyes narrowed. “Enough, eh? Then you understand the grave situation we are in right now.”

Mingyu did and didn’t. He wanted to hear the truth, plain and clear. “Can you say it out loud so I can realize this is not a dream?” he asked.

“If it was a dream Mingyu, it would be a nightmare, and you know the circus only sells happy dreams.” Seungcheol replied. “What do you want me to say?”

There was no choice but to be the first to say it. Mingyu hoped he hadn’t been wrong in his assessment, but at the same time, he wished more than anything that he was wrong.

“The bags at the storage… The money to sustain the circus… Where do they all come from?” Mingyu asked, looking at Seungcheol straight in the eyes. “Are you… are you smugglers?”

The silence that followed his words was so heavy, a pin would have been heard if it fell to the ground. Seungcheol looked at him for a moment longer and then buried his face in his hands with a loud sigh.

“You weren’t supposed to learn about this.” he said. “I told you to stay on the train.”

Mingyu was horrified. “What exactly are you selling?” he asked alarmed. “Drugs? Weapons?”

“Mostly.” Seungcheol nodded.

“And _who_ are you selling these illegal staff to?” Mingyu asked intensely.

That seemed to snap Seungcheol awake. “Our buyers names are none of your business.” he said sharply. “You have been a promising rookie Mingyu, but you understand I can’t let you continue travelling with us, right? It will be extremely dangerous if you mess up now and I can’t risk my troupe.”

“Are you… firing me?” Mingyu asked with wide eyes.

“I am.”

_No._

That was not the way Mingyu wanted to leave, not without it being his own decision. Did he even really want to stay here anymore though? Did he want to continue living with a bunch of people that regularly interacted with the worst of the underworld just to make more money? Could he really stay amongst those criminals that wore the blue and pink masks of entertainers? This was wrong on so many levels.

This entire country, this entire world was wrong on so many levels. If Mingyu left the circus, what guarantee did he have that he wouldn’t stumble on a worse situation on the streets? The world he lived in wasn’t all sugar and spice and everything nice. Darkness was everywhere. It was just a matter of picking the least dark place to build your life.

At least here at the circus, he could experience the light every day. He could still perform and meet people and make friends. That would keep him grounded. It would remind him of the good parts of this world, the happier ones that made life worth living.

At least in the circus, he wouldn’t get lost in the darkness, even if he toyed around with it. At least in the circus, he could find a place to belong, something that was going to be extremely hard if he went to live as a homeless person on the streets.

Bad decisions and good decisions were mixing up in Mingyu’s head, until all he could think with was his heart. And his hear didn’t want him to leave the circus.

But that didn’t mean that Seungcheol wasn’t going to fire him.

His internal debate gave way to a much more pressing matter. Mingyu didn’t have _the choice_ of staying. The director wanted him gone. And if he didn’t manage to change that in the next few minutes, then what he wanted to do didn’t matter at all.

_Nothing is free on the circus. I will always have ulterior motives._

Mingyu hated that he remembered Wonwoo’s words at a time like this. He didn’t want to think about a person who always acted through deals and plans, a person that didn’t trust his own shadow. Wonwoo would try to use a leverage here and make a deal with Seungcheol.

Did Mingyu even have any leverage over the director?

…

He did.

“Nam...” he mumbled quietly.

“What?” Seungcheol leaned forward to hear him better.

“Nam Hyungmin.” Mingyu closed his eyes. “I… I guess he is someone wanted by the police. Someone that you don’t want this circus to be associated with.”

Seungcheol’s lips parted in surprise. “Are you threatening me?” he asked, shocked.

“No!” Mingyu hurried to reassure him.

No, he really didn’t want to threaten him. He didn’t want to be someone that used tactics like these to get his way, but if he had learned something from Wonwoo these ten days was that deals _worked._ Mingyu was in desperate need of something that worked right now.

“I don’t want to go to the police.” he explained to the other. “But if you kick me out of here, I will.” he said, feeling the guilt choking him.

Seungcheol sat back down on his chair, fire in his eyes. “I can throw you off the rails when we cross the mountain. You’ll either get out of here now, alive and healthy, or in a few days, dead and broken.”

Now _that_ was a threat. Mingyu felt terrible that he didn’t feel as terrified as he would have felt ten days ago. He was making a deal right now, and he knew that he had to bargain.

“How possible do you think it is for the police to not find my body at the mountain?” Mingyu asked, talking about his death far calmer than he had ever thought possible. “And if they do find it, how hard would it be to link the time of death to the time the circus train passed from the very same mountain?”

Seungcheol blinked at him once, twice, and then buried his face in his hands again. “I knew it would be a bad idea to have Wonwoo take care of you. He never takes people in, why did I assume he would suddenly do it without a reason?” he mumbled to himself. He took a deep breath and pushed his hair back. When he looked at Mingyu again, his eyes were tired, but cautious. “What do you want?” he asked, finally starting to discussing the deal as Mingyu had wanted him to.

“I just want to stay with you. Seungcheol, I really have nowhere else to go. If you throw me out now, I don’t have a future.” Mingyu said, trying to sound apologetic that he had to use blackmail. “Your secret can be my secret, I can work with you. Let me properly join your circus, start training me and I promise I will never betray you.”

“ _Promise.”_ Seungcheol snickered, more desperate than amused. “That holds no power here. You know I can’t trust you after that little stunt you just pulled on me.”

Mingyu winced. “…I know. And I’m sorry, I truly am. But if I join the circus and we get caught doing illegal stuff, then I’m going to the same prison as all of you. I have no reason to betray you.” he reasoned.

Seungcheol pursed his lips, contemplating those last words. He didn’t speak, and Mingyu thought this would be good time to smile and press him a little further.

“We need to trust each other. My means of bargaining my stay here might have been unethical, but I have only the best of intentions.” he said. “I don’t want to do what Wonwoo does. I don’t want to spend my entire life plotting and scheming, but just this once, I had to. You understand that, right?” he asked the other hopefully.

Seungcheol sighed again. “I do. I understand you as much as I understand Wonwoo.” he shook his head. “I don’t really have a choice here, do I?” he said with resignation.

No, he didn’t, but he didn’t need Mingyu to remind it to him. Mingyu couldn’t believe he managed to pull this off.

“You can skip the rest of the manual labor. You can still share your room with Wonwoo and you will begin to get paid the appropriate amount of a trainee. Will it be okay for you if you started training tomorrow?” Seungcheol asked, fine tuning the deal.

“That would be awesome.” Mingyu nodded eagerly.

“Alright. If you as much as breathe a word of what you saw tonight to anyone though, this whole deal is off. I will find a way to get rid of you without the police ever hearing from you.” Seungcheol pressed.

“You won’t have to.” Mingyu reassured him. “You can trust me as much as I trust you.”

“I really can’t.”

“I will prove myself then.” Mingyu didn’t give up. “Thank you for this chance, Seungcheol.”

“Don’t thank me, this was a fair deal.” Seungcheol mumbled.

“No. I am thankful and you have to live with it.” Mingyu replied. “I can’t pretend I’m not, no matter what everyone here says.”

Seungcheol glanced at him again, this time with positive interest but also curiosity. “Well then, living with Wonwoo is going to be a hell of an experience for you.”

Mingyu chuckled. He had succeeded in claiming his place on the circus and nothing could dampen his mood right now. “It already is a hell of an experience.”

Seungcheol cracked a bittersweet smile for the first time since their meeting began. “You really are an interesting addition to my troupe, Mingyu. What can I say except _welcome to the Circus Of The Million Carats._ ”

Mingyu almost heard the drums roll inside his head, the curtain lifting to reveal an illuminated stage. Next time he broke out of his cocoon, he was going to make sure he flew higher than ever before with the help of the trapeze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, the plot thickens! Was this what you expected? 
> 
> Thank you for reading, feedback is always appreciated. See you in five days!


	5. Himmlische, dein Heiligthum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain during this chapter: ratatatatata circus ratatatatata circus~

The next day, Mingyu was awakened in a most unusual way. Instead of Wonwoo lifelessly calling to him from the bottom bunk, even sleepier than Mingyu himself, this time Mingyu felt an insistent poking on his side.

“Mingyu wake up!” Wonwoo called, his voice more alive than it had ever been.

“Hm?” Mingyu turned to look at him, and he was surprised to not only find him fully dressed like he had been up for hours, but also smirking like a fox who had just caught a chicken.

“Minghao just told me that Seungcheol asked of him to train you.” he said, eyes shining.

Mingyu frowned. Word travelled fast around here. He expected Wonwoo to start asking questions then, questions he wasn’t prepared to answer at all. Seungcheol had told him to not mention their conversation to anyone. Mingyu had no idea if Wonwoo, or anyone else from the troupe, was actually involved in the illegal smuggling. 

He wasn’t going to risk his position by asking him. He had to think up of an excuse to explain why Seungcheol accepted him earlier than planned. But then, Wonwoo surprised him by not only avoiding any questions, but offering him a knowing, even more satisfied smirk.

“You did good.” he said in that vague way of his.

Mingyu stared at him, his sleepy brain trying to make sense of his words. Did that mean he _knew?_ Or was he simply baiting Mingyu to reveal what had actually happened? He seriously couldn’t trust Wonwoo when he had an expression like that on his face.

“Now get up, get up!” Wonwoo patted his cheek repeatedly. “Minghao told me to bring you at the tent. He wants to show you the trapeze while it is still built.”

“I’m up, I’m up.” Mingyu groaned and sat up.

He couldn’t really stay mad and confused. There was something about Wonwoo waking him up and being energized that got him to want to match that energy. Everything had gone well. Seungcheol was keeping his part of the deal. Now, it was time for Mingyu to start fulfilling his own deal with Wonwoo.

“You really are excited about the trapeze, aren’t you?” Mingyu commented as he got dressed, watching Wonwoo tapping his foot impatiently on the floor.

Wonwoo immediately stopped and turned his head to the side, as if he was caught red-handed. That was honestly so out of character for him. Wonwoo was never uncomfortable, he was usually the one to make everyone else around him uncomfortable. There was something about the trapeze though… something that brought a whole different side out of Wonwoo. A side Mingyu would have never realized existed if they didn’t have that deal of theirs.

“Just hurry up.” Wonwoo murmured.

Mingyu didn’t press him any further. He knew that if he did, Wonwoo would snap at him, and he didn’t want to destroy neither of their moods.

“Have you eaten breakfast already?” he asked instead, changing the subject.

Wonwoo shook his head. “We can eat together after your practice.” he said.

There was nothing unusual about eating with Wonwoo, they did it almost every day. But they had never explicitly acknowledged it out loud. They just ate together because they woke up together, and they happened to need to eat at the same time. Wonwoo had never actually asked Mingyu if he wanted to eat with him.

Apparently, Wonwoo seemed to think that this little habit was permanent. Mingyu wasn’t about to complain. When their mouths were stuffed with food, they were less inclined to argue.

Dressed in black elastic pants and a thin t-shirt, Mingyu followed Wonwoo out of the train. He felt way different than he had the day before. Something had changed in him, something was maturing after his experience at the forest.

Mingyu was no longer mesmerized to step outside of the train to the real world, but he was still happy that his training was finally beginning. And maybe he wouldn’t admit it, but Wonwoo looked happy as well.

It was a good look on him, Mingyu realized.

The tent in the morning wasn’t as spectacular as it was at nights, but it’s red and white stripes were still eye-catching. There was also a silence around the town that hadn’t been there the previous night with the circus making a ruckus.

While Mingyu was looking away, Wonwoo reached over and snapped a pink mask on his face.

“We always wear them when we’re out of the train.” he offered as an explanation to Mingyu’s questioning look. “Rose Quartz for composed passion, Serenity for weightless tranquility.” Wonwoo waved his finger as if reciting words he had learned by heart. “Together they represent connection and wellness, which is all our circus needs to survive.”

Mingyu touched his light pink mask as Wonwoo wore its complementary baby blue. “Sounds nice.” he said. “I could go for some passion right now.”

“The trapeze needs passion.” Wonwoo nodded. “It needs passion as much as it offers it. Rose Quartz represents the kind of passion that is warm, comforting instead of challenging. That is the kind of feeling the trapeze is supposed to offer.”

Then why did Wonwoo choose the blue mask if the pink was what he was really aiming for? Wonwoo had gone out of his way by taking him under his wing just so he could stand on the trapeze one day. Even if he hadn’t expressed it specifically, Wonwoo was searching for something, something that he thought the trapeze was going to offer him. Something important, judging from all the effort he had put in making his dream a reality. Mingyu was curious about what Wonwoo was really searching for, but he didn’t think he was going to get an answer if he asked him, so he decided to keep quiet.

Minghao and Junhui were sitting on the steps of the town hall, wrapped in a conversation as they waited for their arrival. They both had pink masks on, Mingyu noticed. It was Minghao who saw him first, slapping the back of Junhui’s head and nodding towards their direction.

“Good morning.” Mingyu greeted them as he approached.

“Good morning!” Junhui echoed, rubbing the back of his head.

“How did you do it?” Minghao asked immediately. “Seungcheol told me to start training you even though the two weeks weren’t up yet. _How?_ ”

“Good morning to you too.” Wonwoo said with distaste.

Minghao merely glanced at him. “I’m not asking you. You wouldn’t tell me even if you knew.”

“So why should _Mingyu_ answer you then?” Wonwoo asked him with a smirk.

“Now, now!” Junhui threw his arms over both Minghao’s and Wonwoo’s shoulders. “There is no need to get this serious, is there? We all wanted Mingyu to join us officially and now he finally did. Let’s just be happy and get inside the tent already!”

“Whatever.” Wonwoo shook him off.

Mingyu stared at him as he walked away, dumbfounded once again by how easy it was for Wonwoo to go from being happy to snapping at people.

“ _Whatever.”_ Minghao mocked him under his breath and turned to Mingyu. “Sorry if that sounded rude, you don’t have to tell me.” he smiled. “It’s just…”

“Let me guess, you hate every moment of this?” Mingyu smiled back.

“Precisely.” Minghao nodded. “Let’s go, my young trainee.” he linked their arms together.

“Ahem, he’s _my_ young trainee.” Junhui pipped up, grabbing Mingyu’s other hand.

“Did Seungcheol call you in his office to give you instruction? I don’t think so.” Minghao stuck his tongue at his friend and dragged Mingyu ahead. “Today we won’t be doing much.” he started explaining. “I just want to get you up on the board and maybe the catch bar to start getting you used to the height. Junhui and I will demonstrate a few things you might have not caught by simply watching us perform at a show.”

“So no jumps today?” Mingyu asked.

“No way. You don’t get to jump until we have covered a lot of theoretical aspects. You need to learn how to land on the net safely first.” Minghao replied quickly.

Mingyu couldn’t say he was a bit relieved after hearing this. It looked like the other knew what he was doing. He felt like he was in safe hands.

The inside of the tent looked awfully empty compared to the previous night, when it was filled with people on the circular tiers and performers spread all around the stage. Faint rays of sunlight passed through the fabric and fell on the stage, making it look even larger than it actually was and adding an eerie calmness to the atmosphere. It was peculiar being at place when it wasn’t used for its official purpose, like entering a shop or a pub when it was closed to the public.

Now, it was just Wonwoo at the seats the furthest to the back, arms crossed on his chest and trying to mingle with the shadows. Mingyu wanted to laugh at the glare he exchanged with Minghao upon their entrance. Wonwoo wasn’t _that_ terrifying when his anger was not directed at him.

“We warmed up a little before you came here.” Junhui said, kicking his shoes to the side. “Are you ready for your first climb?” he asked Mingyu.

Mingyu glanced at the looming structure at the middle of the stage that was the trapeze. It still stood tall from last night’s performance. Was he really ready to get up there?

“Patience Jun.” Minghao scolded the other. “Take off your shoes here, before we get to the stage.” he instructed Mingyu.

Mingyu hesitantly leaned down to untie the only pair of shoes he had brought from home. They were nicer than both Minghao’s and Junhui’s, less worn out. Mingyu felt a little embarrassed when he realized that his previous life had probably been a bit more luxurious than the life on the circus.

“Now for some basic theory.” Minghao crouched down next to him. “One of the main parts of the trapeze structure is the board, that wooden panel that the flyers, the people who perform the jumps, stand on when they don’t perform tricks. Another one is the fly bar, the rod that we hold on when we take off that helps us leap across the air. And the last part is the catch bar, the swing that you will be using. You got it?”

Mingyu followed his hand as he pointed each part of the structure. Those three parts were the most obvious. Them and the safety net that stretched from side to side, ready to prevent any accidents from being harmful. He had seen all those during the very first performance, even when he hadn’t been explicitly looking for them.

“Yeah, I got it.” he nodded at Minghao.

“Good. I’ll explain everything else as we see it. That’s your first lesson. Get familiar with the structure of the flying trapeze.” Minghao patted his back.

“ _Now_ let’s start climbing!” Junhui said impatiently and hopped off the railing that separated the seat area from the stage.

“Now let’s start climbing.” Minghao sighed in agreement. “Come on.” he offered his hand to Mingyu to help him stand up.

Mingyu’s eyes were on Junhui, even as he walked to the stage with Minghao. The other had run to the left side of the stage, arms flexing and unflexing as he moved them around him to stretch them. It was only when he grabbed the bottom of a rope ladder than Mingyu saw it. There were two ladders on each side of the trapeze, one that led to the catch bar and one to the board. The ladder Junhui was on started wobbling dangerously the further up he climbed, but the man didn’t even look like he noticed it. His steps were certain, his lithe body steady. It exuded the confidence of years of experience.

Mingyu turned to his right and saw Minghao was the same. He grabbed onto the bottom rod of the ladder and held it tight for Mingyu.

“Come on.” he said. “That’s how we get up. Let me show you the board.”

Mingyu gulped. He didn’t have a choice, did he? It was just a ladder, how hard would the climb be? Junhui had made it look easy enough. And Mingyu would have to get used to it anyway. This was not the hard part of the trapeze.

It was like the smalls jumps between the wagons. Once he got used to them, there was nothing to be scared of. He had reached a point that he didn’t even pay them any mind anymore. These rope ladders, that extended at least ten meters in the air and could probably snap at any moment, were something that was going to be routine for him.

Mingyu touched the bottom rod. It shook in his hand, even before he put any of his weight on it. He looked at Minghao worriedly.

“It’s safe, I swear. We maintain all of the equipment regularly so it is always at its best condition.” the other reassured him.

“Come on!” Junhui called loudly, already sitting on his swing. “You’ve got this Mingyu! This is the easy part!”

As if to prove his words, he suddenly dropped his upper body backwards, his legs simultaneously wrapping around the iron swing to support him. Mingyu’s eyes widened as he saw him casually hanging off the swing upside down, the grip he had with his legs the only thing keeping him up. Junhui let his arms drop down weightlessly as he hung like a bat and swung back and forth lightly.

“Mingyu, focus here.” Minghao tugged at the ladder to get his attention. “Don’t let Jun scare you. We’ll take it one step at a time.”

“One step at a time…” Mingyu parroted, steeling himself.

If he had managed to jump between the gaps of a moving train, he could damn well climb a ten-meter ladder. Whatever else he was made to do in the future didn’t matter now.

“Okay.” he said to encourage himself and brought both his hand on the ladder. “I’m just going up? Nothing else?” he asked Minghao, just to be certain.

“Get on the board and hold on tightly. That’s all you have to do today.” Minghao nodded.

“Alright. Here I go then.” Mingyu said, and with a mental push, he put his whole weight on the wobbly ladder.

The thing kept spinning around even when Mingyu just stood still and it was damn scary. But he was strong enough to manage to keep his body uptight. That’s why he was picked for this position after all, because of his adequate physical condition. So without looking down, and while listening to Junhui’s continuous words of encouragement, Mingyu managed to pull himself up to the board.

Once his feet safely touched the wood and his hands were wrapped around metal instead of rope, only then did Mingyu dare to look down.

“Shit.” he cursed loudly, instinctively holding on to the metal pole next to him a little tighter.

“It’s fine Mingyu, you made it!” Junhui clapped, still hanging upside down.

Mingyu’s eyes fell on Wonwoo, who was still sitting at the audience seats. He looked so much smaller from up here. His hands were still crossed right in front of his chest, but he didn’t look as… pissy as before. Mingyu couldn’t see his eyes, but his body posture was more relaxed than before, his legs open comfortably as he leaned back.

Mingyu reminded himself that he was doing this for Wonwoo as much as for himself. He couldn’t let fear get in his way, especially the kind of fear that was irrational. Even he fell, there was a net underneath him. He wasn’t in danger.

Minghao came up to stand next to him in seconds, with an ease that paralleled Junhui’s. Not even his hair moved as he walked around the small board, organizing a few things. He wasn’t even holding on the metal rode Mingyu was basically clinging to and there wasn’t a hint of nervousness on him.

“Okay, so,” Minghao turned to him abruptly, untying a ribbon above his head. “Welcome to the board. You won’t usually be here, but it is the safest and closest place to observe the action from. What I’m trying to undo here is the noodle.”

“The what?” Mingyu asked.

“It’s this long thing we use to grab the fly bar when it’s too far away to catch it naturally. We tie them together at the end of a performance.” Minghao explained with a patient smile, while he puffed his palms with chalk powder. “Also, look at that powder. We use this to make our hands less slippery. And these,” he grabbed two pieces of tape and wrapped them around his hands, “are called grips, and they are used to protect our skin from the burn.”

“Oh, okay.” Mingyu replied, taking everything in.

“Now, to make both a fly and a return we need at least three people up here.” Minghao continued. “The flyer, the catcher, and one on the board to control the fly rode to make sure we get the timing right. It’s just Junhui and me now though, so he’s just going to drop me after the trick.”

“D-drop you?” Mingyu asked with wide eyes.

“Yeah, like, on the net. It’s one hundred percent safe.” Minghao patted his shoulder to get him to relax a little.

“Come on Haohao, I’m waiting!” Junhui swung harder on the other side.

“Alright!” Minghao called and held the rod to his chest. Two long strings connected it to the highest place at the middle of the structure. “Watch this Mingyu.” Minghao pointed at Junhui, who had sat back up again and was swinging his body to get momentum. “The concept is that the catcher builds enough altitude, then calls for the flyer to jump. After two full swings, the flyer performs their trick, the catcher catches them and then he either pulls him up to stand to the rod above the catch bar, or swings him back to make a return. The key is the timing, so watch how Junhui and I do it.” Minghao finished his explanation.

“Ready~!” Junhui called from the other side and dropped his back again. He was swinging a lot higher than before, but he still had a natural smile on his face.

Mingyu saw Minghao smiling back at him. It was such a strange smile. It wasn’t exactly amused, or fond, or anything of the like. It was… fulfilled. It was like _this_ was all Minghao wanted from his life, like he had achieved everything he had wished for.

 _Composed passion,_ Wonwoo had called it. Mingyu didn’t think there was anything else to call the emotion behind that smile.

Minghao bent his knees briefly and then he took off. Mingyu tried to observe the way he folded and unfolded his legs, how he bent his body according to the gravity, but he was finding hard to focus on the technical aspects of it. The sight was mesmerizing. A person was moving in the air, like he weighed nothing, right in front of him. His lips parted as he watched Minghao momentarily return close to him, and then flying away again.

“Hup!” Minghao called and then he let go of the bar. He made a full backflip and Mingyu’s breath caught in his throat. That looked so elegant, so effortless.

The timing was perfect too. The moment Minghao stretched his hands above his head, Junhui was in front of him, linking their arms together.

“Gotcha~!” Junhui said, his voice only a little tense from holding Minghao’s body.

They swung together once, hands interlocked and eyes looking at each other with mutual trust, and then, when they reached the middle of the net again, Junhui launched Minghao off.

“Woo hoo!” the boy made another flip as he happily split the air in two and landed on the net on his back.

Mingyu dared glance down to see him standing up. Minghao looked satisfied, his back straight and his eyes glinting.

“Nice one!” Junhui said, sitting up again and making the catch bar stop moving.

“Did you see it Mingyu?” Minghao called towards him, heading back to the ladder. “You heard the words we said? That’s what you say when you are ready to take the next step with your partner!”

“O-okay.” Mingyu said, a lot more uncertain for himself now.

They wanted _him_ to do that? They wanted him to _replace_ Junhui? Mingyu shook his head. Maybe he could learn to stop being afraid, maybe he could even get the moves and the timing right. But that _trust,_ the complete belief that Minghao had that the other wasn’t going to let him fall, that probably took _years_ to build. It was just this kind of trust that Wonwoo had told him didn’t exist in the circus, but lo and behold, that was another thing he had been wrong about. Mingyu could never replace Junhui like that, not in a way that would ever be adequate for Minghao.

Now he understood why Minghao didn’t want anyone else to catch him but Junhui. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t be able to co-operate with anyone else, but this feeling, this rush of excitement and urge to jump again and again, this was something that he could experience solely with Junhui.

Junhui, who was now rubbing his knee with a disappointed look on his face. Mingyu felt bad watching him. These were probably one of the few last moments these two would have together on the trapeze. It was really such a pity.

~~~

Mingyu spent one hour up on the board, watching Minghao perform various tricks with Junhui while giving continuous explanations. Wonwoo stayed at the bottom the entire time, still as a statue and watched them closely. No one commented on it though. His presence was taken for granted for some reason Mingyu wasn’t aware of.

After this one hour, Mingyu climbed down from the board and went up to the swing. He didn’t step foot on it, but Junhui talked to him as he lazily swung back and forth and by the end of it, Mingyu’s heart stopped feeling like it was going to leap out of his chest from being on the unsteady rope ladder for so long.

When Minghao finally shouted that the lesson was over and he could come down, Mingyu sighed with relief. This height would take more time and effort that the jumps between the cars to get used to. He wondered how he could convey that feeling of standing so high up in the air to Wonwoo, who hadn’t moved from his seat at all during the time Mingyu tested his nerves.

“Good job for your first day.” Minghao patted his back as he wore his shoes again. “You’re going to master this soon enough, you’ve got what it takes.”

“I do?” Mingyu asked.

“Yes, Mingyu, you do. It took us three days to get Chan up to the board the first time and you see how amazing a flyer he is now. You on the other hand, didn’t even need ten minutes to get your bearings together and do it.”

Mingyu’s pride flared up a little, he couldn’t deny it. His parents never told him if he did good. The only way they acknowledged his action was when he made a mistake for which they punished him. He rarely ever got this kind of positive confirmation Minghao was giving him now.

He smiled to the ground, satisfied. He liked this. All the effort he had put on his mind and body today was worth it. For the first time in a long while, he felt accomplished.

“Now go talk to Wonwoo, he is dying to ask questions.” Minghao smiled and nodded towards the other, who was still sitting on his seat very passively.

“How can you tell?” Mingyu asked, glancing at the other’s blank face.

“He’s here, isn’t he? He wouldn’t have stayed without a reason.” Minghao shrugged, but then he got a bit more serious. “Wonwoo never does anything without a reason. Be careful of him, okay?” he whispered.

Mingyu averted his eyes. He knew Wonwoo’s reason for staying here. He wanted to learn the trapeze. That sounded innocent enough, but Mingyu had to remind himself he didn’t know _why_ Wonwoo was so invested in learning an art that had nothing to do with his own. He supposed he should be a little weary of that.

“Okay, I’ll be careful.” he said to Minghao.

The boy nodded affirmatively. “I’ll stay here with Jun a little longer, you are free to go.” he said and jumped back to the stage. “I’ll come find you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, thank you.” Mingyu said with a smile.

“Don’t-“ Minghao made a face.

“ _Thank you._ ” Mingyu pressed. He was done masking his gratitude.

Minghao sighed. It was so obvious he didn’t know how to reply. Mingyu decided to spare him and leave him to his practice. He had intruded in his special time with Junhui enough, it was time to go. He hadn’t even eaten breakfast yet and it was already time for lunch. If _he_ was hungry, Wonwoo must have been starving.

He waved goodbye at Minghao and headed to the back of the tent. Wonwoo stood up when he saw him approaching, rolling his shoulders to stretch them.

“Hi.” Mingyu greeted him. “Did you have fun watching?”

Wonwoo didn’t reply. He linked his arm with Mingyu’s and led him outside, away from Minghao and Junhui’s ears.

“I’d prefer if these two didn’t know the exact details of our deal, okay?” he whispered.

“Okay.” Mingyu nodded. He could respect that. Once they were outside, Wonwoo let him go. The sun was further up the sky than it had been when they had entered that tent. Mingyu put a hand over his eyes to shield them against it. “I’m starving.” he said.

“Yeah, let’s go eat.” Wonwoo yawned and lazily started walking back to the train station. “So, uhmm…” he began a little hesitantly. “Minghao showed you some tricks, right?” he asked.

“Yeah he did, but it was mostly to get me used to the height and stuff.” Mingyu said. “I’ve been meaning to ask, are you okay with the height? Because it was damn scary up there, you might need some time to get used to it too before you can jump.”

“I’ll be fine. I have worse fears than the height.” Wonwoo said quietly, eyes locked to the ground.

Mingyu side glanced him. “Worse?” he asked cautiously.

Wonwoo shook his head, as if to dismiss him. “Forget it.” he said curtly, voice tense. “What else did Minghao teach you today?”

Mingyu looked away as well. He shouldn’t pressure Wonwoo into revealing anything, it would have the opposite of the desired effect. While he knew this, he was curious now. Why did he change the subject so abruptly?

“I’ll tell you over lunch, let’s take it easy.” Mingyu decided to say. It wouldn’t be good if Wonwoo was on edge while they talked. Mingyu wasn’t in the mood for fighting, especially considering how nice their morning had started. “This is supposed to be fun, okay? Let’s not feel pressured.” he told Wonwoo.

“Fun?” Wonwoo frowned. “It’s just a deal.”

“Yeah but…” Mingyu said uncertainly. “You can relax with this, okay? That’s all I’m saying.”

“I am relaxed…” Wonwoo mumbled.

“That’s good then.” Mingyu patted his back encouragingly. “Let’s go eat.”

Wonwoo looked at him in ten different levels of confused, but Mingyu just kept walking. The walk to the train was predictably silent, and Mingyu didn’t try to disturb that. A little before they reached the cafeteria wagon, Wonwoo took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

“Why do you want me to relax?” he asked suddenly.

“What?”

“What’s it to you? The deal was to just tell me whatever you have been taught, not make it _fun._ ” Wonwoo said.

Wow, Wonwoo was really on edge. When he was in that mood, it usually took one tiny nudge to snap and retreat to his room, away from everyone. It didn’t bother Mingyu most of the time, but now that they were actually supposed to spend time together instead of merely tolerating each other’s presence, things were different.

“It’s better to have fun while doing business, trust me.” Mingyu tried for a casual approach.

“I don’t trust you.” Wonwoo hurried to say, his eyes narrowed.

Oops. That had been the wrong thing to say.

“Yeah, me neither. It’s just a saying” Mingyu replied. He couldn’t understand why something like that would ever put Wonwoo more at ease than before, but it somehow did.

“Good.” the other replied. “As long as this is clear…” he mumbled.

They headed towards the kitchen and they grabbed two plates of the food that had been set out for everyone to serve themselves. In the front side, at the tables, Mingyu saw Ryujin with her friends all sitting together and making bets about who could eat the most strawberries. Mingyu smiled under his breath. Even _he_ knew that this girl named Jisu owned anything that had to do with strawberries.

The mood was bright in the cafeteria, and Mingyu hoped it would get to Wonwoo as well.

“Let’s sit there.” Wonwoo told him, pointing at a table at the far end of the wagon, away from most people.

“You really like remote places, don’t you?” Mingyu smiled, hoping to lighten the mood.

“I value my privacy.” Wonwoo replied. “A trait we don’t seem to share, right?” he glanced back at Mingyu.

“I prefer being with people than being alone.” Mingyu shrugged. “I don’t mind though, you are nice company.”

“I am?” Wonwoo raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

“You are the one I am the most familiar with here.” Mingyu said.

Wonwoo looked away again as they took their seats. They started eating silently. Even though Mingyu didn’t like it one bit, he decided to let Wonwoo take the first step.

“So, the trapeze?” Wonwoo said after a few bites, voice calmer than before.

“Right!” Mingyu said, swallowing a mouthful of potatoes. “Minghao showed me the different parts of the trapeze, like, the names of all the rods and woods and stuff. He explained the terminology.”

“Oh, alright. I know a bit of this stuff.” Wonwoo said, perking up a little.

“Do you want to write them down or something? I intend to do that anyway when I got back in our room.” Mingyu suggested.

“I’ve got this.” Wonwoo stood up. “I’ll bring a notebook, be right back.”

 _Crisis averted,_ Mingyu thought as he saw Wonwoo walking away a bit more cheerfully than before. There was something with Wonwoo and the trapeze. It affected him in a strange way, but if it put him in a good mood, Mingyu could not complain.

When Wonwoo returned, not even five minutes later, he set an empty notebook down between them and twirled a pencil around his fingers.

“Speak to me and I’ll take notes.” he told Mingyu.

“I can read them over afterwards if I forget something, right?” Mingyu asked, leaning a bit forward to see the blank, yellowish pages.

“I guess.” Wonwoo said. “These might as well be your notes.”

“Great. Let’s begin then.”

Mingyu figured out that Wonwoo was a very attentive listener. He looked at him carefully as he talked and noted down _everything,_ with an efficiency someone would expect from a college student, not a circus artist. Mingyu didn’t think he had ever had someone’s attention so focused on him, but Wonwoo eagerly absorbed his every word with the capacity of a sponge.

The more Mingyu talked about the structure of the trapeze, the more Wonwoo became at ease. As he slowly relaxed, he started being more vocal as well, asking questions and telling Mingyu to repeat something if he had missed it, instead of silently and coldly writing everything down like a machine.

He even laughed when Mingyu mixed up the word “rod” with “rob”.

“Rob, the flying bar of the trapeze.” Wonwoo chuckled.

“Shut up, I meant rod.” Mingyu slapped his arm lightly.

“Be careful what you say Gyu, you might insult Rob.” Wonwoo teased him.

“It’s _rod,_ not _rob._ ” Mingyu whined. “Please don’t name the flying bar _Rob_.”

“What’s a flying bar?” Wonwoo asked innocently. “All I know is the catch bar and _Rob._ ”

“You’re not funny.”

“ _Rob_ would never talk to me like that.” Wonwoo shook his head disappointedly.

“Rob is a literal piece of wood.” Mingyu said, trying to hold back a smile.

“Aha, you called him Rob.” Wonwoo pointed a finger at him. “It’s official, his name is Rob.” he clapped once, lips stretching to a satisfied smile.

Mingyu snorted. _Rob._ Whatever. At least they were finally having fun, like he had initially wanted.

“Alright, Rob it is then.” he shook his head. “If Minghao scolds me for naming his precious trapeze something so ridiculous, I’m blaming you.”

“If Minghao doesn’t find this as funny as we do, he can stick Rob up his-“

“Okaaaay!” Mingyu interrupted him loudly, slapping a hand over his mouth and gathering the attention of some people around them. Mingyu smiled apologetically to them. “Let’s keep this conversation decently polite.” he hissed at Wonwoo.

Wonwoo snorted, but nodded. They soon went back to their notes, Mingyu trying to remember every tiny detail for the other to write down. When they were done and Mingyu’s brain was squeezed dry, they went over them together, easily memorizing everything while making small talk.

It was nice. When Wonwoo was in a good mood, Mingyu found they had a similar sense of humour and conversation was easy. It left Mingyu wondering what made Wonwoo snap so bad sometimes, if a part of him could be so friendly.

It wasn’t his business to get involved further with him though. They could have fun together as they honoured their deal, but that was the extent their relationship should evolve.

~~~

Mingyu had no reason to stay on the train for the night of the troupe’s second performance. He sat outside the tent on the steps of the town hall, making sure he had a good view of the stage from the entrance.

Wonwoo sat with him during the first act of the second night, which was the trapeze, as it was already built from the previous night. He had his black suit on, cape and all, and Mingyu had to resist from staring too hard. At least they were both in their masks, and Wonwoo couldn’t catch him starring at the bizarre costume.

“See, that’s what Minghao did before the backflip.” Mingyu murmured after a particular trick.

“Was this the one with the one-handed take off?” Wonwoo squinted his eyes to take a better look.

“Yes, the one he made from the riser, the board on the rungs above the main board.” Mingyu nodded.

It felt surreal to be able to recognize a few things from the act after only one lesson. Mingyu attributed it to the fact that he had spent his entire day discussing what he had learned with Wonwoo, until both their brains were only filled with trapeze thoughts.

“I have to go get my make-up done.” Wonwoo stood up at some point. “Do you want to come with me backstage?” he offered.

“No thanks, it will be crowded enough without me there.” Mingyu shook his head. “I’ll just stay here to watch the rest of the performance.”

“Alright.” Wonwoo dusted his suit. “See you later, then.”

“Good luck with your daggers.” Mingyu snickered and Wonwoo rolled his eyes before walking away.

Mingyu listened to the up-beat music of the acts, the drums, the trumpets and the saxophones and he sighed happily. Mixed with the cheers of the crowd and Seungkwan’s booming voice, it was the best sound Mingyu had ever heard. He could listen to the sounds of the circus forever.

It was a little before the break that Mingyu’s focus broke from the stage as someone suddenly plopped down next to him. Mingyu jumped in surprise, not having noticed when the man next to him arrived.

“Hi there.” the guy greeted him, his face invisible behind his blue mask.

“Hi. I’m sorry, I didn’t see you approaching.” Mingyu offered a sheepish smile.

“It’s fine, I should have probably picked a better time to introduce myself either way. Do you remember me?” the man asked, tilting his head to the side.

His voice was familiar, Mingyu could give him that. He raked his eyes over the rest of his body to see if he could get any more hits, until they landed on the pair of stilts laying limply by his side.

“Oh! You’re the guy with the stilts!” he said, recognition lighting up his face.

“Yep! My name is Changkyun, you gave me your pub flyer, remember?” the other replied.

“Oh.” Mingyu said, a lot less enthusiastically as he remembered that night. “You actually came that day to the pub, didn’t you?” he said, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

“Yeah, I did. A couple of us did, actually.” Changkyun nodded.

“I’m so sorry for that, I don’t know what got into me that night…” Mingyu felt his ears turning red.

“Don’t worry about it, Junhui and I had a good laugh after we returned to the train. Admittedly, it was the least we expected to see you joining us after getting beaten up like that, but hey, the circus is nothing if not full of surprises!” Changkyun said, bumping Mingyu’s shoulder with his fist.

So Junhui knew too? Mingyu wondered how many else had seen him that night. He hoped they would never mention it to him again, he hoped everyone magically forgot.

“Break’s soon. Will you help to direct the crowd towards the most profitable stalls?” Changkyun asked.

“Which stalls are the most profitable?” Mingyu asked.

“Ahaha, this is great! Let me educate you in the fine art of marketing during the breaks, rookie!” Changkyun threw an arm over Mingyu shoulders and Mingyu smiled.

There were so many more things to learn about the circus. There were even more interesting people to meet and make friends with. Changkyun looked nice enough, and it was so obvious he loved his job. He wasn’t exactly a performer, but he was still tied to the heart of the performances. He thrived on the twenty-minute beaks, he guided the people around and made them laugh with caustic humour.

Mingyu did his best to learn from him, but his brain was already filled with too much information for the day. All he could do until the show was over and it was time to return to the train, was run behind Changkyun’s wooden legs and laugh about the comments he made at the people around him.

“Would you like some cotton candy sir? You could do with something sweet, what with that sour face you have there!”

“My fair lady, come play this hammer game! You can pretend it is your husband’s face you are hitting every time!”

“Hey little girl! Have some more candy so the tooth fairy can visit earlier!”

No matter how rude Changkyun got, because of his appearance no one took him seriously. All the people just laughed heartily at the expense of their loved ones, keeping the mood light and euphoric.

Mingyu retired earlier than the stilts guy though, tired from his morning training. He went to his room and crawled in his bed, but he didn’t fall asleep until an hour later, when Wonwoo returned to the room as well. He looked exhausted, but he had glitter shining on his hair from his make-up and costume, glitter that was inevitably going to get on his pillow. It was so eye catching beneath the moonlight that entered their room through the window.

The last thing Mingyu heard before he fell asleep was “That damn glitter better be gone by tomorrow…”

Spoiler alert, it wasn’t.

The next morning, Mingyu dangled his legs off the edge of his bed, watching as Wonwoo stuck his head out of the window and shook it with fervor.

“You look like a dog sticking its head out of a window.” he couldn’t help but comment, only for Wonwoo to flip him off and continue trying to get rid of the glitter.

Mingyu reveled in being able to stay in his bed a little longer than usual, as he waited for orders. Until then, he hadn’t had the time to just crawl under his blankets and rest, sinking in the comfort of a quiet morning.

“Don’t get too cozy.” Wonwoo said, his face red from all the shaking once he brought it back inside. “We’re packing up soon. You’ll most likely help with the tent because you’re a bean pole.”

Not even that managed to dampen Mingyu’s mood. He merely smiled at Wonwoo, face squished on his pillow. “I’m ready to use my height to everyone’s advantage~” he said lightly.

“Your positiveness is disgusting.” Wonwoo said, sitting on his own bed.

“Your grumpiness is disgusting.” Mingyu replied, smile not leaving his lips.

Wonwoo threw a pillow at him, but Mingyu caught it before it could hit him. He merely hugged it to his chest and enjoyed the fact that he could now get away with saying things like that to Wonwoo without making the other neither snap at him nor pointedly ignore him for the rest of the day.

Wonwoo had been right though. A few moments later, Jeonghan was knocking on their door and calling them to help move all their equipment back to the train. Mingyu jumped off his bed, ready to face the day, while Wonwoo dragged his tired body behind him.

The morning sun that was beating down on Mingyu as he worked at folding the tent alongside Jihoon, who was once again unscrewing the lowest bolts, was thankfully not unbearable. It warmed his body up and gave him energy to continue working. Hard work was the one thing Mingyu had no trouble in committing himself to doing.

“Is Seulgi back yet or do I have to go beat some random chick’s butt?” Mingyu heard Ryujin calling from a little further away.

“She’s not back. She spent her entire night away.” Jisoo said, stuffing empty pop-corn baskets in her arms.

“She’s with her Irene, did anyone seriously expect her to return until the last moment possible?” Chan snickered. “I bet you she is going to jump on the train just as it begins leaving the town.”

Mingyu paused on his folding momentarily to look at them. “Is no one worried about her? What if something happened to her last night?” he asked.

“Don’t worry Mingyu, she always does this. I would be more worried for anyone attempting to stop her from spending time with her precious mistress.” Jisoo reassured him. “Doesn’t mean we’re not going to kick butts if anything _does_ happen to her.” he murmured under his breath and Ryujin high-fived him, dropping some pop-corn baskets in the process.

“Dude.” Chan slapped her arm, leaning down to pick up her mess.

“Sorry.” Ryujin said, holding the rest of the pile a little tighter against her chest.

Mingyu shook his head and returned to his own work. He fixed his mask on his face and turned his back on his new friends. He had to trust that Seulgi knew what she was doing. Everyone else seemed to be confident in her, and they all knew her better than Mingyu.

With the entire troupe helping to pack up and store everything back in the train, it didn’t take long for them to be ready to leave. Mingyu was little more conscious of the bags and the crates at the storage wagons now. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what they all contained. He turned a blind at them though. He had made his decision to stay with the circus no matter what, and he was going to stick with that decision.

Seulgi managed to return just in time, hair disheveled, shirt crumpled and buttoned up in the wrong way. Mingyu helped her up the stairs of the train with an impressed smile. Damn, Seulgi was a lucky girl.

As soon as the train began moving and everyone settled down, Minghao came to collect Mingyu for their lessons. They stopped by the cafeteria to get some snacks and saw Chan fussing all over Seulgi, pestering her for details of her night, while Hansol was napping on Seungkwan’s shoulder with a dog on his lap. Junhui was voluntarily helping in the kitchen, and he just blew Minghao a kiss when they passed by him.

That meant that Minghao’s room was empty at the moment. Mingyu and Minghao holed themselves up in there, leg’s thrown over random beds and Minghao started lecturing him about the many different types of tricks that were there, and how they were performed.

Minghao informed him that this theoretical part of their lessons was going to last until they reached a clearing on the mountain so they could set up the trapeze again. Mingyu dutifully took notes of whatever Minghao told him, until his brain was too exhausted to retain any more information.

He spent the rest of his days like this, learning new stuff with Minghao and later reviewing them with Wonwoo. They travelled four days, going steadily up the mountain they were supposed to cross, until they reached the clearing Minghao had promised him. It was nothing special compared to the rest of the mountain. The trees that usually cluttered around the train as it maneuvered inside the forest briefly gave way to a large patch of grass. The earth evened out as well, so the place was perfect for a small stop.

Mingyu was forced to watch as the other acrobats set the trapeze, memorizing which part went where. And when everything was set up, Minghao rubbed his hands evilly. It was time to teach Mingyu how to fall down the net safely.

Mingyu could have sworn he heard Wonwoo laughing from the grass he had made himself comfortable on the first time Mingyu found the courage to jump off the board, squealing like a little girl and then staying curled on the net as his nerves calmed down. Mingyu only managed to collect himself just to glare at him. Wonwoo was evil. He always laughed at his misfortune.

But at least he was laughing instead of snapping, Mingyu reasoned with himself. Not that they had completely managed to avoid fighting now that they had the trapeze to keep them occupied. Wonwoo was Wonwoo, and Mingyu realized quickly that there were a lot of things that triggered him. He did his best to avoid ever thanking him, or showing any kind of trust. As soon as their relationship tried to venture into anything more than strictly professional, Wonwoo shut himself down with iron bars.

It was such a pity, because they genuinely had fun together most of the time. It was rare for Wonwoo to be so casual, but Mingyu found that talking about the trapeze always seemed to relax him somewhat. And because the trapeze was what they mostly talked about when they were together, Mingyu found himself somewhat relaxing around Wonwoo too.

Wonwoo was the first person that had found him and accepted him in the circus. Mingyu had been attached to him from day one, no matter how terrified he had been of him. The fact that they shared a room only managed to make him more used to the other’s presence around him. Wonwoo was actually an _interesting_ person once he started to get to know him. He had his issues, but because of them he had a depth that Mingyu had to actively remind himself than he didn’t want to explore further, that _Wonwoo_ didn’t want him to explore further.

At least they were having fun while fulfilling their deal. That was all Mingyu could ask for.

He fell asleep before Wonwoo on the first night they spent at the clearing. He lulled himself to sleep while the lamp was still turned on, making the atmosphere of the room a comforting orange. Wonwoo was quietly reading a book below him, the only sound that broke the silence and the sounds of the forest the steady turning of the pages. Mingyu thumbed at the glitter on his blanket. It was a peaceful night.

~~~

It was _not_ a peaceful night. Mingyu had spoken too soon.

It was pitch dark outside when Mingyu was harshly shaken away.

“Wakey, wakey.” Wonwoo called, a lot more awake than Mingyu would have expected of him at this hour.

“What? What happened?” Mingyu asked confused.

“We have a job.” Wonwoo said, already having turned his back and putting on his shoes.

“In the middle of the night?” Mingyu whined.

“Technically, it’s morning.”

“Am I going blind?” Mingyu sat up and looked out of the window. “I don’t see the sun outside.” he frowned.

“It’s 4AM smartass, come on, hurry up.” Wonwoo just rolled his eyes.

“Oh, it’s 4AM.” Mingyu said, as if everything made sense suddenly. “Really, I wonder how I didn’t immediately understand what is going on. It’s such a common thing to wake me up at ass o’clock in the morning _for work_ , how did I not see this coming?” he deadpanned, words dripping with sarcasm.

Wonwoo smirked at him. Uh oh. That was not a good sign.

“Aren’t you such a good boy, Mingyu?” he said, coming closer to his bed again. “Did you think that joining this circus when you knew _full well_ what we do meant that you would only work under the sun?”

Mingyu quickly sobered up. This was… This couldn’t be what he thought.

“So innocent...” Wonwoo said, tracing his palm over Mingyu’s exposed arm. Mingyu followed his movement with his eyes, petrified. “Nothing a few trades with our clients can’t fix.” he smirked again, squeezing Mingyu’s hand tightly, as if he wanted to stop the blood from circulating in it.

So Wonwoo _knew_? He was aware of the illegal training? It made so much sense, what with how he had greeted Mingyu the first morning after his private talk with Seungcheol. How could Wonwoo manage to not only keep this a secret, but also act like nothing was wrong this entire time?

Wonwoo was such a good actor. Maybe Mingyu’s fear had subsided after they spent time talking about the trapeze, but now it was dangerously close to returning.

“What… What do you want me to do?” he asked hesitantly.

“We’re Seungcheol’s guards for tonight.” Wonwoo let his hand go and stepped back again. He rummaged through that box on top of the table and grabbed something from inside it.

Something metallic and small. Something awfully familiar from Mingyu’s hunting trips, back at his town. Something dangerous. Something that he had never thought he might need to use on a human someday.

Wonwoo tossed it to him, and Mingyu barely managed to catch it his arms. He didn’t dare look down at the gun, but he could feel it weigh on him a lot more than physically possible.

“You know how to use it?” Wonwoo asked.

Mingyu couldn’t reply immediately. This was… not what he had signed up for. Risking his life on the trapeze? Yes. Cleaning around and cooking? Yes. Keeping the secret of dangerous smugglers. Hesitant yes. But being an _accomplice_ to said smugglers? His first reaction would have been a _hell no._

With the way Wonwoo was looking at him though… With everything he had risked to even be accepted at the circus in the first place… He didn’t really have a choice, did he?

Mingyu closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He _had_ signed up for this. The moment he shook hands with Seungcheol, he had sworn to devote his life to the circus and its purpose. This was simply another requirement he needed to fulfill to finally fit in. It had been unexpected, but like everything else, Mingyu had to deal with it. His life still depended on it, after all.

At least Wonwoo was going to be with him. With those daggers of his, Mingyu sent a silent thanks to whatever god was watching over him for having Wonwoo on his side. He would never want to be his enemy.

“I can use it.” he said after he collected himself. “I’ve been hunting before.”

“Good. Now get dressed.” Wonwoo replied.

Surprisingly, Wonwoo had given him the time to sort things out with himself before pressing for an answer. Mingyu supposed this was Wonwoo’s equivalent of being nice. If Mingyu wanted to survive this, he had to think positively. Right now, Wonwoo was in the mood of being nice to him. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

Mingyu hopped off his bed and grabbed some black clothes from the small pile under the bed. He supposed they would need to remain hidden if they were to guard Seungcheol. Some camouflage would be nice. Wonwoo didn’t make a disapproving comment, so Mingyu assumed this was the right choice.

“Does everyone know?” he found himself asking as he pulled his pants on.

“Yes Gyu. Of course everyone knows.” Wonwoo answered.

“Seungcheol told me to keep it a secret.” Mingyu noticed.

“As you should. We don’t talk about that stuff daily. You have to pretend that you know nothing, even amongst your teammates. It’s to keep everyone safe.” Wonwoo explained.

“Okay.” Mingyu said, tucking his shirt in his pants. He quickly wore the only pair of shoes he had and stood next to Wonwoo, gun in hand. “I’m ready.” he said with determination.

“You are?” Wonwoo raised an eyebrow and looked at him up and down, in that way of his that conveyed full attention.

Mingyu stood a little straighter. He was ready. He had to be.

“You’ll be with me.” he reasoned. “You won’t let anything happen to me, we have a deal going on.”

Wonwoo snorted. “Don’t fool yourself. If it comes to saving myself, I’ll drop you in a second.”

“Well…” Mingyu didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t want to waver, no matter how insecure those words made him feel. “I’ll make sure you won’t have to.”

“Good.” Wonwoo nodded. “That’s the spirit.”

Mingyu pursed his lips as Wonwoo opened their door and headed to the front of the train. When he fell asleep last night, he hadn’t expected to be walking down eerily dark corridors in the middle of the night, with the only ally on his side being _Wonwoo_. Here he was again, relying on Wonwoo for survival when it was clearly a bad choice. He wondered where this series of bad decisions was going to lead him in the end.

Wonwoo led him outside, at the front of the train. It was really too dark outside, Mingyu noticed. It was this time of the night that the moon had just set, but the sun wasn’t up yet. A neutral time of darkness. The perfect time to make illegal deals amongst the shadows, Mingyu realized. There had been a lot of thought placed on this little escapade.

Seungcheol was waiting beneath the shadow of the train, with Jihoon and a stack of wooden boxes on his side. The closer Mingyu got to them, he noticed Lee and Kong on the side, talking quietly with the director.

“Good morning.” Wonwoo greeted them when they were near enough.

“Shut up, it’s not morning.” Jihoon glared at him, his eyes puffy from lack of sleep. Jihoon was probably the only person in this train that could talk to Wonwoo however he wanted to and get away with it.

“Thank you…” Mingyu muttered under his breath, eyes locked to the ground. He received an elbow to his side from Wonwoo that he gladly ignored.

“Hello Mingyu.” Seungcheol said, smiling lightly at him. “Is everything alright?” he asked, eyes shining with something deeper than curiosity.

Mingyu felt like this was another test. Seungcheol might have been understanding, but he was serious about his job. This was nothing but the trait of a good leader, Mingyu supposed.

“It’s alright. Just another part of the job.” he tried to offer a smile of his own.

“Good.” Seungcheol nodded. He then turned to Wonwoo, a bit more serious. “Take care of him. I’m serious.” he said pointedly.

“Of course I’ll take care of him.” Wonwoo linked their arms together to show off their bond. “I found him, he’s my responsibility, remember?”

Mingyu tried not to make a confused face at those words. That was not what Wonwoo had said when it was just the two of them. Mingyu didn’t know if he should feel glad that at least Wonwoo had shown his true colours to him, instead of just acting like he did now, or be worried that he was trying to trick the others.

Thankfully, Seungcheol didn’t look fooled. Mingyu remembered what the director had said about being able to understand Wonwoo. Maybe that meant that even though he could tell when he was bluffing, he still let it slide for some reason Mingyu wasn’t aware of.

“We’ll be going back then. Be careful boys.” Lee said seriously.

“Don’t worry, they know what they’re doing.” Kong reassured his friend.

“Thank you for helping us.” Seungcheol told them with a polite bow. “Sleep well.”

“Goodnight.” Kong waved goodnight for both of them.

As the two older men retreated back to the first wagon, the silence was a bit more heavy. It was Seungcheol who broke it, placing a hand on Jihoon’s shoulder.

“It’s almost time. Let’s go.” he said.

The two of them bent down and picked up the two crates. They held them between them with seemingly no effort, testament to their experience.

“See you back here.” Seungcheol turned back to Wonwoo. “Stay safe.”

“Right back at you.” Wonwoo said, tugging Mingyu’s hand to lead him to the forest, away from the other two.

The dark woods didn’t look welcoming when there was no light in the sky. Mingyu had to remember that this was the same clearing he had spent his day in, amongst his friends. The trapeze was still there, proof that a few hours ago Mingyu had been having fun while challenging himself to learn a new art.

Now, he was going to be the guard of criminals.

The irony of the situation. During the day, Mingyu spent his time brightly, doing something that he had dreamed about for a long time. During the night though, he lurked to the deepest shadows with a gun in his hand. The darkness of the night was the price to pay for being able to experience such light during the day. Life at the circus was full of extremities. Everyone here was used to this double life, the dream that interchanged with the nightmare.

Wonwoo took him past the clearing, amongst the tall trees of the forest. To Mingyu, it looked like they were just walking around in circles, but the other obviously had a destination in mind. He stopped suddenly in front of an oak tree. He placed a palm on its gray trunk and cautiously looked around it.

Mingyu stepped closer to him and looked as well. A few trees away from them, there was another clearing. It was tiny compared to the one they had set up the trapeze on. The grass could barely fit five people.

“Is this the place?” he asked Wonwoo quietly.

“Yes.” the other nodded. “Climb up.”

“What?”

“The tree. We need to have the high ground during the exchange.” Wonwoo said.

Mingyu wasn’t going to question that order. He took a step back and wrapped his arms around the trunk of the thick oak tree. It thankfully wasn’t a long way to the first large branch. Mingyu could reach it if he stood on his tip toes. He pulled himself up, throwing a leg over the branch to regain his balance.

The next step was a little harder. Now there were tiny twigs and leaves blocking his way to the second thickest branch. He felt a scratch at his cheek as he wiggled up there. Mingyu bit his lip to stop himself for reflexively wiping away at the tiny droplet of blood that formed there. He couldn’t take his hands off the trunk, or he would suffer a lot worse damage than a measly scratch.

The tree shook dangerously at his weight. Mingyu didn’t know if he would be able to go any higher than that without risking falling to the ground like an overripe tomato.

Wonwoo climbed up behind him with a bit more ease. He was smaller, so he was able to maneuver his body up to the second branch without nicking himself. Mingyu tried to make way so they could both fit together. He sincerely hoped the branch didn’t break under their combined weights.

It was rarely a good sign when Wonwoo had to stand so close to him. Last time it had happened it was when they had to convince Seungcheol to take him in. Back then, everything had turned out phenomenal. Mingyu hoped that the same would happen again, even though this situation was vastly different than the other.

“Be very quiet okay?” Wonwoo leaned even closer and whispered. “We don’t want anyone to know we are up here.”

Mingyu opened his mouth to reply, but he didn’t get the chance. Wonwoo brought his pointer finger against his lips to silence him. “Shhh.” he mumbled, their faces inches apart. “Look.” he pointed towards the clearing.

They both turned their heads to look just in time Seungcheol and Jihoon appeared in their field of vision. Their eyes didn’t flicker towards the trees and they made no gesture to acknowledge that they knew they were being watched. They weren’t even speaking to each other. They just stood still, mimicking the stiff trees around them. Seungcheol’s red hair looked so much more intimidating during the night, surrounded by shadows. His locks appeared bloody, his eyes concentrated and hard, nothing like when he was joking around with his troupe. He looked like a demon appearing in front of an unsuspecting human, ready to make a deal and steal their soul away.

Only that the people that they were meeting tonight were anything but unsuspecting. The three men that appeared after only a few minutes looked every part of their reputation. Smugglers and criminals. That was what they all were, but the people of the circus knew how to hide behind masks very well. These thugs right there probably never had to hide a day in their lives.

The corner of Wonwoo’s mouth turned up to a smirk when the men below them started speaking in hushed voices. Mingyu’s eyes danced between his face and the scene below him. For some reason, Wonwoo looked like he was in his element with this and that was terrifying.

Terrifying, but also reassuring. At least one of them knew what he was doing.

Admittedly, the whole exchange was far less intimidating than Mingyu would have thought. The men took the box and one of them handed Seungcheol a bag of money, not many words exchanged. Seungcheol gave the bag to Jihoon as he started listing some dates, probably for their next meeting.

Everything was running normally as far as Mingyu could understand. Nothing bad happened during the exchange of products and information. It was after that, when both parties seemed to relax after a successful meeting that there was a change in Wonwoo’s position.

Mingyu barely caught the movement. One moment, the men below him were talking almost in a friendly way and the next a knife was embedded on the tree behind the tallest one of the thugs. Mingyu froze, Seungcheol and Jihoon froze, the thugs froze. Wonwoo just kept smirking.

“What was that for?” Mingyu mouthed at his partner, eyes wide.

“They were getting too close.” Wonwoo whispered in his ear.

Mingyu’s lips parted an he turned down again, where silence had spread like a disease. The lack of sound was so prominent, as if the entire mountain had gone silent in fear of Wonwoo’s knives. It was so quiet Mingyu even managed to catch the next part of the conversation.

“I see how it is.” one of the thugs said, taking a step back.

“You’ll have to excuse my men. They have orders to keep this a strictly professional meeting.” Seungcheol nodded at him stiffly.

“Of course they do. They wouldn’t be Choi Seungcheol’s men if they didn’t.” the other clicked his tongue, irritated but not surprised.

“I’m sure your men would have done the same if we came to your side of the clearing.” Jihoon added.

Mingyu’s eyes widened and he looked at Wonwoo alarmed. It hadn’t crossed his mind until then, but they probably weren’t alone up in those trees.

“Don’t panic.” Wonwoo muttered, dangerously twirling another knife in his hands. “We’ve got this.”

Mingyu couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Wonwoo was enjoying this. He wasn’t exactly happy, he didn’t smile genuinely like he did when they were talking about the trapeze. No, now he was smirking, his hands obviously itching to throw more knives.

Wonwoo was enjoying the risk, the danger. He was certain of himself on this situation and… it suited him. Confidence suited him.

It was in the way Wonwoo’s long fingers were wrapped around the hilt of his knife, loose but betraying the expertise behind them. It was the way the veins in his arms were visible, making Mingyu want to trace them with his own fingers. The muscles of Wonwoo’s back kept shifting as he discreetly changed positions to get a better view of the clearing. Mingyu realized he was staring at him and he didn’t know what exactly about him he thought was attractive in this moment, but there was something.

Mingyu’s gaze was on the curl of his lips again, when Wonwoo caught his stare. Instead of saying anything to embarrass Mingyu, he just winked.

Mingyu gulped down the saliva that suddenly gathered to his mouth. He ripped his eyes of his partner’s face and looked back down the clearing. The others were gathering themselves and were slowly leaving from opposite direction. Notably, neither party turned their back to the other until they were well out of sight.

“Throw it.” Mingyu found himself saying when the coast was clear again.

“What?”

“Your knife. Throw it like you wanted to do from the beginning of this meeting.”

Wonwoo’s lips parted for a moment in surprise, but then the smirk was back. He made a show of closing one of his eyes to aim, even though Mingyu knew full well he didn’t need to do it. The dagger left his hand and pierced the tree opposite of them, right next to the other one. A perfect aim.

“Good.” Wonwoo said to himself, satisfied. “You liked it?” he then asked Mingyu cockily.

Mingyu’s brain malfunctioned for a second there. There was tension behind this question, and he had no idea where this tension was coming from.

“I told you to throw it, didn’t I?” he said, feeling the same tension behind his own words.

“That’s not a straight answer.” Wonwoo raised an eyebrow.

“I learned from the best.” Mingyu bit his lip and looked away.

There was a beat of silence before Wonwoo let out a quiet laugh and started climbing back down. Mingyu glanced at him when he landed and went to retrieve his knives, a fair distance away.

His head was buzzing, and he didn’t know if it was from the nerves of overlooking his first deal, from Wonwoo’s general existence, or both. He carefully started climbing down as well, trying to shove all thoughts out of his head.

This was nothing. This was just a weird moment in the middle of the night, he probably imagined the tension. Tomorrow they were probably going to go back to normal, laughing together about the trapeze and arguing about everything else. That was just how Wonwoo was. That was how _Mingyu_ was when he was with him.

That little moment they had was probably another weird reaction Wonwoo brought out of him. He shook his head once he was on the ground. There was no point overthinking this. Wonwoo was returning to him after all.

“Let’s go back. Seungcheol is going to wait to make sure we are okay.” he said in a normal tone, the way he always spoke.

“Okay.” Mingyu nodded. “Lead the way.”

As promised, the moment they stepped foot inside the train, Seungcheol was on both of them, eyes half worried, half thankful.

“Are you okay? No problem after we left, right? I got fucking worried when you threw that knife Wonwoo!” he hugged them both tightly.

“You told me to not let them get too close. They’re not your friends.” Wonwoo patted his back awkwardly.

“Thank you. You were just in time.” Seungcheol told him. “You weren’t too sacred Mingyu, were you?”

Mingyu smiled stiffly. _Scared_ wouldn’t be the first word that came to his head while thinking about Wonwoo throwing that knife. Maybe _that_ was the main concern here.

“Were you scared Mingyu?” Wonwoo parroted, fake concern in his voice. Mingyu glanced at him with irritation. He knew exactly what was going through his head and he was trying to make him uncomfortable again. For once, Mingyu didn’t want to let this slide.

“About as much as you were, actually.” he bit back, clearly not talking about fear anymore.

Wonwoo’s eyes shone with understanding. He kept staring at Mingyu as a small smile formed on his face.

“This is scary. You know each other less than a month and you’re already having secret conversations right in front of me.” Seungcheol frowned, taking a step back.

“Yeah.” was all Wonwoo said, completely ignoring the director’s judging face. “We should go to sleep. There are still a few hours before the sun rises.”

“Okay, get out of this conversation.” Seungcheol rolled his eyes. “I didn’t expect anything less.”

“Goodnight Seungcheol.” Mingyu said, trying to pacify their director with another hug. It seemed to do the trick. The man sighed and wrapped his hands around Mingyu too.

“Okay, go sleep. You have practice tomorrow.” he said defeated.

“Yes, sir!” Mingyu said, pulling back.

“Night.” Wonwoo nodded as well and nudged Mingyu to go towards their room.

“Ah, so you admit it’s night and not morning?” Mingyu told him when they were alone again.

“It is whatever I think is most inconvenient for the others at the time.” Wonwoo shrugged.

“You’re evil.”

“You’re the one who just became an accomplice at smuggling. Who’s the real evil person here?” Wonwoo said, pushing their door closed behind him.

Mingyu cringed and tossed his shirt at the ground. He was too tired to fight with his roommate right now. Maybe another time.

Wonwoo must have gotten the message because he didn’t say anything else as they changed into sleeping clothes and climbed to their beds. He turned the light off and the familiar darkness spread to the room. After such an intense night, it was more than welcoming, especially along with the glitter particles mingled in the blankets that seemed to find the smallest rays of light to reflect.

Mingyu closed his eyes and wondered if there was going to be any more unexpected hardships to his stay in the circus. He honestly hoped this was the last one. There were not many more things he could tolerate without scarring himself, at least ethically. He knew he was going to do whatever they asked of him, but he wished from the deepest part of his heart that this would be all.

This was a risky game they were playing. Even if today he had Wonwoo to distract him from the danger and provide him a false sense of security, there were so many things that could still go wrong next time, or all the times that followed. Putting aside the cooperation with actual criminals that could turn sour any moment and result to their death, they also had the police to worry about. Their cover was good, but was it really foolproof?

They were all alone in this world, with no allies but themselves. One circus troupe against the entire system of justice. The odds of surviving suddenly didn’t look too good to Mingyu.

“Wonwoo?” he said to the ceiling, his voice more worried than he would have liked.

“What?” came the muffled reply.

“What if…” Mingyu closed his eyes and gulped. “What if they ever catch us? Is there an escape plan or something?”

He didn’t need to specify who would be the one chasing them. He was certain Wonwoo knew. There was probably a reason he didn’t trust anyone after all.

Mingyu heard Wonwoo turning in his bed as well, as if thinking over the question. He didn’t have a reply ready like most of the time. In the end, his voice came maybe a little amused, maybe a little regretful.

“I have nothing to gain by telling you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end for this chapter! I'm really so happy to be sharing this fic, I'm grateful to all of you reading it <3
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, feedback is always appreciated! New chapter in five days!


	6. Deine Zauber binden wieder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> This chapter was a pain™ to write but let's get this relationship development ( ಠ ͜ʖ ಠ)

“One.”

Soonyoung was serious. This was a rare, dangerous phenomenon.

“Two.”

He counted down slowly, the tip of his finger touching the balcony door of the observatory. Mingyu braced himself.

Soonyoung took a deep breath, stalling on purpose. The anxiety in the wagon skyrocketed. From the corner of his eye, Mingyu could see Seulgi slightly bending her knees in preparation for the inevitable.

Soonyoung took one more moment to stare at them all in a calculating way Mingyu had no idea the juggler possessed. His eyes locked with Mingyu’s and he smirked.

Mingyu felt damn terrified.

As a result, his eyes briefly left Soonyoung to look at the door that led further inside the train. This was his only chance, his only escape. In the split of the second Mingyu got distracted, Soonyoung grabbed his chance.

“Three!” the juggler roared and all hell broke loose.

“Go, go, go!” Chan yelled and pushed the door that connected the wagons open.

Mingyu would have been worried about Chan’s blind leap across the cars, if he himself wasn’t pushing Minghao out of the way in an attempt to do the same.

“Mingyu what the hell!” Minghao stumbled behind, not amused.

“Nice one.” Jeonghan said with a smirk, catching an already unbalanced Minghao and throwing him straight on Soonyoung’s arms.

“TAG!” Soonyoung yelled at the top of his lungs, pushing Minghao against the balcony door. “YOU’RE IT!”

That was it. After Mingyu, Seulgi and Junhui rushed through the narrow door and spread around the dusty storage rooms.

“Minghao will find you there!” Chan yelled, rushing to the next wagon.

“Close the door, Jeonghan and Soonyoung still aren’t through! Hao will tag them first!” Seulgi said, her mind already filled with plans about this game.

Mingyu followed Chan. From the little he had met Minghao, he knew that he was one to go for revenge. Mingyu had chosen to backstab him right at the beginning of the game, so he wasn’t taking his chances. He jumped through the second storeroom and dashed to the next door.

“So what’s the plan?” he asked Chan, excitement leaking along his voice.

“What plan?” the boy laughed. “We just run until someone catches us!” he said and jumped to the next wagon.

Mingyu rushed after him. Before he left though, he heard screams from the wagon behind him, just as Junhui was jumping across.

“Soonyoung’s it again, run, run, run!” he said, heading straights towards Mingyu at full speed.

Mingyu yelped and in an impromptu moment of absolute treachery, he slammed the door shut behind him, trapping Junhui with their chaser. Wonwoo would have been proud of this betrayal.

In hindsight, maybe it hadn’t been such a great idea to betray both Junhui and Minghao like that. Oh well.

The whole point of this game of tag was to make them run around the entire train to get some exercise in a fun way. Instead of just running laps, which would only tire and bore everyone out, Soonyoung got them to mess around instead. It didn’t matter if Mingyu was the one chasing his new friends or being chased. The fun would still be there.

Jihoon and Hansol were at the kennel, but Mingyu didn’t manage to greet them as he dashed past them, towards the dorms. The dogs barked loudly when they spotted him, already agitated from Chan’s sudden appearance before him.

“Good doggies!” Mingyu yelled over his shoulder as he yanked the door open and jumped, not even seeing the gap anymore.

They had agreed at not hiding inside the dorms. There was only a straight line Mingyu could run now, his chasers and the rest of the victims not far behind him. The showdown would be in the cafeteria. Mingyu hoped that he could get a good advantage from being one of the firsts to get there.

The chaos in the cafeteria was worse than he had predicted. Most of the people of the troupe that weren’t participating in the game were there. Mingyu saw Chan ducking behind Seungkwan and Seokmin, using their long sleeping gowns as cover. The two didn’t look like they even understood what happened, their bleary eyes focused on their morning coffees.

“Go, go Lee Chan!” one of the tightrope girls, probably Yeji screamed from one side.

“Go, go Lee Chan!” the rest of them echoed, along with Ryujin and Jisoo.

Mingyu turned to look at them amused. They were clapping and cheering loudly, their energy unmatchable, even in the morning. The funny thing was, Jisoo didn’t look at all out of place amongst girls that were at least five years younger than him.

“Go, go Kim Mingyu!” Yeji yelled when her eyes fell on him.

“Go, go Kim Mingyu!” the girls and Jisoo repeated, clapping in synchronization like they had practiced this before.

Knowing Ryujin and Jisoo, they probably had.

Unfortunately, Mingyu didn’t manage to hide, like Chan had, before the door slammed open.

“Go, go Yoon Jeonghan!” Yeji lead the chant again.

“Go, go Yoon Jeonghan!” the others parroted. Jisoo could barely hold his laughter back as his friend winked at him.

The next three people that entered the cafeteria appeared in a mash of limbs and yells, dangerously making it over the gap.

“JUN’S IT!”

“SOONYOUNG’S IT!”

“MINGHAO’S IT!” they kept screaming as they slapped each other.

Minghao’s eyes snapped at Mingyu and he broke the circle.

“Oh Mingyuuu~” he said threateningly and run straight at him, ignoring all the others.

“Wait, that’s unfair, that’s unfair!” Mingyu tried to run to the kitchen, but before he knew it, he lost the earth under his feet. It wasn’t hard to fall to your butt on a moving train.

Junhui cackled evilly, pulling his leg back after having tripped Mingyu. It had _definitely_ been a bad idea to double-cross the both of them.

“TAG!” Minghao screamed and slapped the back of Mingyu’s head. “MINGYU’S IT!” the words were a bit slurred in his hurry to back off.

“FALL BACK, FALL BACK!” Soonyoung roared, disappearing back towards the dorms.

“Shit, Seulgi was right to stay back.” Jeonghan cursed, trying to run away before Mingyu could stand up.

“Go, go Yoon Jeonghan.” Jisoo laughed mockingly, watching the other stumble over his feet to go back to the observatory.

“Go, go Yoon Jeonghan!” the girls followed his lead, only adding to the sarcasm.

When Mingyu managed to find his balance, which was not easy at all on a speeding train, everyone was out of sight. He groaned and dashed behind them, zooming past Seungkwan and Seokmin who still had no idea what was happening.

It was not until Mingyu reached the end of the fifth wagon that he abruptly stopped in his tracks.

“OH SHIT!” he exclaimed in shock.

Out of the blue, the door to his right opened wide. Mingyu’s head whipped to the side, only to see Wonwoo starring at him with a confused expression.

“What is wrong with you?” Wonwoo raised an eyebrow when he took in his disgruntled appearance.

“I FORGOT CHAN!” Mingyu screeched and slammed the door shut right in front of Wonwoo’s bewildered face. He run back to the cafeteria like he was on fire.

~~~

The intense game of _train tag_ lasted well into the noon. By the end of it, Mingyu’s legs were burning as much as his throat did from all the screaming and wheezing. He had lost count of how many times he run the entire length of the train, all nine wagons, while maneuvering around people as wild as him.

The shower after being drenched in sweat for hours was well-deserved. He got dressed straight with his sleeping clothes and laid down on Wonwoo’s bed, too exhausted to climb to his own. His wet hair were touching the other’s feet, but he didn’t care. Wonwoo on the other hand, put the book he was reading down and glanced at him weirdly.

“Any reason you’re wetting my bed?” he asked, sitting a little straighter.

“My bed is too far away~” Mingyu whined bringing his legs to his chest, curling up at the bottom of Wonwoo’s bed.

Wonwoo just stared at him for a second longer before a long sigh left his lips. He shook his head and returned back to his novel. Mingyu was a bit surprised. He had been half counting on Wonwoo kicking him out of the room. How else was he supposed to find the motivation to go back outside? It was still too soon to retire for the night.

“Why are you allowing this?” Mingyu asked perplexed.

“Hm?” Wonwoo looked up at him again. He was distracted. “This story’s too good. No distractions.” he mumbled, putting his legs over Mingyu’s to get more comfortable and getting lost in the pages again.

“What’s it about?” Mingyu placed his head on his palm.

“A monk living at the top of a mountain.” Wonwoo replied absent-mindedly. He sighed again. “The view from his window is the entire world…”

“Really?” Mingyu asked.

Wonwoo nodded, a longing expression on his face. He sighed for the third time and curled in on himself, the book clutched tightly in front of his face.

He looked calm, but his mind was obviously drifting away, his eyes almost sad. His book must have been really affecting him to make him look like that. It was strange but… he looked different like this, more open.

Melancholy suited him.

Wonwoo was in a weird mood. This was a first. Mingyu had never seen him so quiet before, so lost. It was remarkable that Wonwoo was even allowing him to witness this side of him.

But on a second thought, was he really allowing this? Mingyu was intruding on his personal space after all. The fact that they were sharing a room meant that they had no choice but to let one another see ever part of themselves, no matter how private it may have been. Wonwoo had this room all to himself before Mingyu crashed in his life. Perhaps there had been a reason for that.

Mingyu pursed his lips and sat up. He had seen enough.

“I’m going out.” he called over his shoulder.

“Okay.” Wonwoo replied, not looking up from his book.

Mingyu closed the door behind him quietly, mindful to not disturb his roommate any further. He walked to the hallway, expecting to be met with the same silence that existed in his room, but there was anything but. There was a screaming match happening a few doors over, in Minghao’s room.

“Fine, fine, I’m out!” Hansol suddenly flicked the door open and walked out intensely. “You better not let Chan see anything you weirdos do!”

Mingyu chuckled. It was damn hard to make the usually chill Hansol mad. Just what had Minghao and Junhui done to him?

“Hey, everything okay?” Mingyu asked him, a friendly smile on his face.

Hansol took a deep breath. “Do you want to change rooms?” he asked seriously.

“What?” Mingyu’s eyes widened.

“Forget it.” Hansol instantly shook his hand dismissively. “I forgot you’re attached to Wonwoo.”

“I’m-“ Mingyu felt a little self-conscious at the declaration. It hadn’t even been a question. Hansol remembered Mingyu’s first-day break down, and Mingyu couldn’t say anything to deny his words.

“Whatever, it’s okay.” Hansol shrugged, regaining a bit of his usual calmness. “They can be as nasty they want, just not in front of me.” he made a face.

“Nasty?” Mingyu tilted his head.

“You don’t wanna know.” Hansol deadpanned.

Mingyu smiled at him again. At least now he had company in his exile from his room. “Well. I have nothing to do either. Do you want to go to the cafeteria?” he offered.

Hansol shook his head. “I’m heading back to my dogs. They’re man’s best friend, you know?”

“Oh. Okay.” Mingyu said a little dejectedly.

Upon his seeing his face, Hansol approached him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Come with me. The dogs don’t know you yet. They need to stop barking every time they see you.”

Mingyu’s smile brightened. He loved dogs. He was a dog person through and through. It was about time he got to properly meet the littlest circus performers.

Together with Hansol they went to the next wagon. The characteristic smell of the dogs immediately hit Mingyu’s nose. The dogs back at his home used to smell pretty heavily, but the ones here were obviously very well-cared for. All of their furs were clean, combed and shining. They looked more presentable than even the pink haired man that was sitting amongst them, an array of grooming tools spread around him.

“Have you not left the kennel at all since morning?” Hansol asked, opening the door of the gate that separated the animals from the storage boxes.

Jihoon just shrugged, carefully clipping the nails of a large, golden dog. “And risk getting caught in the tag game? I don’t think so.” he said.

Mingyu smiled sheepishly. It had really been a great game. That was Jihoon’s loss.

“Hi Mingyu.” Jihoon greeted him.

“Hey.”

The moment the dogs heard Mingyu’s voice, they started growling dangerously.

“Shush.” Hansol put a finger to his lips to silence them. “Mingyu friend.” he said slowly, as if the animals could understand him.

Jihoon sat up and extended his hand to Mingyu. “Here, let them smell you.” he led Mingyu’s hand downwards.

Their hands kept being interlocked as a few of the bigger dogs sniffed at him and then at Jihoon, associating the friendly smells together.

“Hello~” Mingyu said in a high-pitched voice, bringing his other hand to pet the ears of the golden retriever closest to him. “Good boy. You’re so pretty.” he cooed.

The dog kept sniffing him, but its tail started wagging happily. That was a good sign. Mingyu sat down and let the rest of the dogs surround him. None of them looked aggressive after they saw Mingyu with their two caretakers.

“Hi, hi, hello~” he kept petting every dog he could reach.

Most of the dogs seemed happy to meet him. Most of them.

A tiny chihuahua took a single sniff at him and started barking loudly.

“Jasmine shush.” Hansol picked the tiny dog up. “Don’t make even more people hate you. Kwannie’s bad enough on his own.”

Ah, so that was Seungkwan’s demon dog. Mingyu felt like he was meeting a celebrity.

“Yeah, I suggest you leave Jasmine alone for now.” Jihoon said, taking the dog from Hansol’s arms. It immediately calmed down once on the man’s lap.

“She’s so attached to you, it’s cute.” Mingyu cooed again. He just loved dogs, sue him.

Hansol went to sit next to him. He took the nail clipper from Jihoon and continued caring for the golden retriever. None of them spoke anymore, they just sat together in companionable silence, surrounded by dogs of different breeds and sizes.

In another life, Mingyu might have thought that this was heaven. The atmosphere here was so calming, no wonder Hansol had wanted to come here instead of the cafeteria. This was hands down the best job at the circus, at least according to Mingyu.

“Wonwoo likes cats.” Hansol said out of the blue.

“Hm?” Mingyu turned to him.

“You seem to like dogs. Wonwoo likes cats.” Hansol shrugged.

“…Okay?” Mingyu said, uncertain what to do with this information.

“I’m telling you because you two seem close. Don’t think of bringing him here, he won’t appreciate it as much as we do.” the boy explained, as if that made sense.

“Why would I-“ Mingyu started, but Jihoon interrupted him.

“Are you two really close?” he asked curiously.

Mingyu frowned. “I don’t think-“

“Of course they are. Have you seen Wonwoo spending that much time with anyone else before?” Hansol cut him off again.

Mingyu’s head turned back to him. What was that even supposed to mean?

“I don’t know him well enough yet.” Mingyu said. “I’m as close with him as with anyone.”

“That’s all you’ll ever know of him though.” Jihoon said with pursed lips. “I’ve known him for years, but I still can’t tell you anything about him other than the superficial.”

Mingyu looked at him strangely. That… that wasn’t the case with him. Every day that passed, he figured more and more about his roommate. If Jihoon has known him for so long, then he surely must have noticed a lot of things as well.

“It’s not that hard to talk to him.” Mingyu commented.

The moment the words left his lips though, he found them faulty. The only time it was not hard for him to talk to Wonwoo was when they were talking about the trapeze. The thing was, Wonwoo only ever talked about the trapeze with him. Maybe that was why the rest of them found him so secretive. They hadn’t seen the more open side of him.

Also, Mingyu shared a room with him. With or without his will, he saw a lot more of Wonwoo than the others.

“If you don’t think it’s hard to talk to him that means you are close.” Jihoon concluded.

“I really don’t know.” Mingyu confessed. “I know nothing about him, about his past or why he is the way he is. I don’t think he is ever going to tell me.”

“Wonwoo’s past is not private.” Hansol said. “Everyone knows how he ended up here.”

Mingyu couldn’t help the curiosity at those words. He shouldn’t ask, this was Wonwoo’s story to tell, but… damn, he really wanted to know.

“Everyone does?” Mingyu tried to not seem as curious as he felt.

“He’s been here ever since he was a child.” Jihoon took the reigns of the conversation. “His family was poor, no surprise there. One day when the circus was in town, the previous director saw him throwing pebble at some kids in the playground and was impressed with his aim. He talked to his parents and they decided to sell him for a small amount of money. He’s been training and performing here ever since.”

“Wait.” Mingyu said. “They sold him?” his eyes widened.

“Yeah, it happens.” Hansol nodded. “Yeji and the rest of them were also sold to the circus from their orphanage.”

“Orphanage?” Mingyu asked again.

“That’s not uncommon either.” Jihoon added. “Junhui and Minghao run away from one of those too, in a whole other country.” he paused a bit to collect his words. “No one here ever had a loving family to take care of them. In a sense, this is the first home for a lot of us.”

Mingyu couldn’t help but remember Wonwoo’s words about how he loved this train more than he ever did his own mother. It… kind of made sense now. What kind of mother sold her child to the rough life of the circus? Even his own hateful parents hadn’t dropped to that level.

“How… how long has Wonwoo been here?” he asked quietly.

“Long.” Jihoon answered. “He was one of the first ones here.”

Mingyu’s eyes fell to the ground. He imagined a young Wonwoo, way younger than he should have been, his eyes filled with the same melancholy he had seen in him when he was reading his book. He imagined him sitting in a foreign bed inside a cold train, looking out of the window for his lost childhood. He imagined him calling for his mother, his siblings, his friends, all the people he had ever known, but they all of them turning their back on him. Had he cried? Had he used his little voice to mourn for his old life, his family? Mingyu closed his eyes.

All of this for a little bit of money.

Mingyu felt a familiar burning deep inside him. Yeah, he knew that feeling. He knew what it was like to be used for other’s profit. No wonder Wonwoo didn’t trust anyone anymore. Mingyu had only ever been able to deal with the harsh reality of this world when he was 20 years old. Wonwoo had to go through this when he was barely a child. No wonder he hadn’t been able to deal with it properly.

“Don’t feel bad for him.” Jihoon said. “He’ll know if you do.”

“I don’t… I don’t feel bad. I feel _mad._ Both for him and myself.” Mingyu said gravely.

His fist had clenched at his side without him realizing it. There _had_ to be something more out there. There had to be other things other than profit to move a man. Wonwoo maybe couldn’t see it because he had grown up with the burden of his family’s betrayal, but Mingyu still had hope. He promised himself right there that if he ever found something stronger than profit, something deeper and more meaningful, then Wonwoo would be the first one he would share it with. He deserved as much.

“You know Mingyu,” Jihoon began, “I think you really are close to Wonwoo. Not because you now know his past, that’s something everyone does. But you should know, you’re the first one to ever get mad for his sake.”

Mingyu stayed silent. What could he even say to that?

“Also, it’s not solely our past that defines us. You’re close to him because you’re also one of the first he willingly spends so much time with now.” Hansol added. “He shares himself with you the way he is today. And you still haven’t run away.”

Jihoon stared at Hansol. “That was actually wise. Are you high?” he asked seriously.

“What the fuck, no.” Hansol frowned at him.

Mingyu sighed. Perhaps they were right. Perhaps he had miraculously gotten closer to Wonwoo in some ways. Did it even matter at all though? Wonwoo himself would never admit it. He wasn’t one to happily build friendships.

Mingyu just hoped that there would come one day when they were both actually happy. He himself felt like he was getting there, with all the nice people he had met and the new, exciting environment of the circus. Yes, he could see himself being happy here, but what about Wonwoo?

_What about Wonwoo?_

~~~

The next stop the train made was at the bottom of the mountain. There was a lot more space there, and they had more time to practice. The trapeze was set again, and this time, Mingyu was actually placed on the catch bar.

There was only one thought on his mind as he clumsily swung back and forth. _It’s too damn high._

Okay, Mingyu may have learned to fall safely on the net below, but that didn’t mean it still wasn’t terrifying. The air alone up here was enough to knock his breath out.

“Just relax, you’re not going to fall!” Junhui was yelling from the ground, as if it was so easy.

Mingyu’s knuckles were white with how tightly he was holding to the iron. And they dared tell him he had to let go and fall backwards?! Not in a million years.

“Mingyu I’ve checked your legs a billion times. They are holding on the catch bar exactly as they should. You’re not going to fall off.” Minghao said, lounging carelessly in the rope ladder next to him.

“You don’t understand Minghao.” Mingyu said seriously. “If I let my hands go, I will die.” he deadpanned.

“Then die.” Minghao said and pushed Mingyu’s body backwards with all his might.

Mingyu yelped loudly as the entire catch bar shook. Yeah, he let his hands fall free next to him, but his legs also unhinged. Mingyu’s screams were louder than ever as he fell on the safety net for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Nice one.” Junhui clapped his hands from below him. “Almost professional.”

“Don’t mock me!” Mingyu wailed, willing his heart rate to slow down.

No amount of complaints saved him from going back up the ladder though. Minghao was adamant that he had to learn how to build height and let go of his hands today. The lesson was longer and harder than all the others before it combined, but at least, Mingyu was making a little progress. He felt like he was going to explode if he had to study any more about all the technical aspects of the trapeze. Both he and Wonwoo could recite the entire tricks list in their sleep at this point. It was about time he made some physical progress.

One month later, and everything was a bit easier. His body had toned up even more, his diet and muscles adjusting to the acrobat life. He finally mastered swinging back and forth on the catch bar. He learned to build height, he learned to release his hands and fall back on command. He even managed to suppress his screams as he hung upside down while swinging back and forth like a madman.

It took some serious self-control to stay relaxed and smiling while you face was staring at the hard ground from 10 meters in the air. Mingyu admired Junhui even more than before when he realized how comfortable he was on that damned swing.

Mingyu patted himself on the back. In this month, they had stopped to perform in two different cities, two nights each. They had made two more stops along their way north, so that had given Mingyu 8 days total to knock himself out while practicing. The results were more than satisfactory.

“So now’s the hard part.” Junhui smiled brightly, unaware of Mingyu’s rapidly whitening face.

“ _Now’s_ the hard part?” he asked, a little more choked than he would have liked.

“Stop scaring him.” Minghao slapped Junhui’s arm playfully. They were going to stop the next day. That meant that today, they had all the time in the world to relax at the cafeteria of the train and go over what Mingyu was going to be learning next.

“Mingyu, it’s finally time to learn how to catch me.” Minghao announced proudly.

Mingyu buried his head in his hands.

~~~

“Gyu, get up.” Wonwoo shook him awake in the middle of the night, stifling a yawn behind his hand.

Mingyu wasn’t startled this time. This had become routine too.

It wasn’t always Wonwoo and him that were dispatched to go with Seungcheol at their usual trades. But when it was them, Mingyu had learned to function on auto pilot. In time, he reasoned, he would be able to relax and even enjoy these little escapades, much like Wonwoo did. For now though, Mingyu had to lock up his brain or else his guilty and panicking thoughts would make him dysfunctional. That was the last thing he needed in the circus.

Day after day, he learned the trapeze.

Night after night, he learned how to be a criminal.

This was his life now and Mingyu had to admit, it was heaps better than his old one. He didn’t have a luxurious bed to sleep on or much choice in wardrobe, but he would take sleeping in a warm, glittery room over working his ass of in a suffocating pub any day. 

This was the choice he had made, a choice that a lot of his co-workers and friends apparently didn’t have the luxury of making for themselves.

Mingyu tried not to fight with Wonwoo as much as he did in the past, even if he regularly woke him at ass o’clock in the morning for work. Mingyu tried not to be cranky, or easily offended, with or without his morning coffee.

They never talked much with Wonwoo while they were on a mission. The tension of the first day was always there, every time. They were almost different people during the night than they were during the day. And truthfully, Mingyu had no idea what the relationship of those two people that spend hours alone in the dark was like.

So, when Wonwoo woke him up one day after they had made their stop for Mingyu’s lessons, Mingyu was ready to seal himself off and stoically carry out his mission.

`Wonwoo though had other plans.

“Are you sleepy?” Wonwoo asked quietly, as if not to disturb him too much. Which was weird, considering they were going to be running in the woods in a few minutes.

“You just woke me up, of course I’m sleepy!” Mingyu whined.

“You’re not tired though, are you?” Wonwoo persisted. “We should go out.”

Something was wrong with this situation. Wonwoo wouldn’t be asking him all these things if they were going on a mission. Mingyu furrowed his eyebrows and tried to make sense of the situation, but it was still too damn early, and Wonwoo wasn’t elaborating.

“Are we going with Seungcheol?” Mingyu asked in the end.

“Ah, no… It’s not our shift today.” Wonwoo replied enigmatically.

“Then?” Mingyu tilted his head.

“You managed to catch Minghao on the trapeze in the morning, didn’t you?”

Mingyu’s lips parted in surprise. The truth was, he had managed to grab Minghao’s hands after he flied, but he had only managed it once and even then, he dropped the other literally two seconds after they made contact. It was nowhere near a complete, successful catch, Wonwoo must have known this. He hadn’t taken his eyes off him during the entire time.

“We can practice together.” Wonwoo said and immediately looked away, as if the mere suggestion was taking a lot out of him.

Mingyu could have complained that it was the middle of the night, that he was tired and that he needed to rest because he had more practice the next morning. He was tempted to do so, but then he remembered the only reason he was on this train in the first place.

Wonwoo and he had a deal. It was one of Mingyu’s first priorities to fulfil it.

“Let me get dressed.” Mingyu yawned, the acceptance easy on him. “A coffee would be nice too, but I have a feeling I will throw it up.” he grimaced.

Wonwoo remained quiet, looking at the floor. Mingyu looked at him sympathetically. Whatever thing he had for the trapeze, whatever peculiar feelings it caused him, tonight they’d be maxed out. Mingyu jumped off his bed and placed an arm on the other’s shoulder.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

Wonwoo nodded. “Yeah.” he murmured. “It will be.”

Mingyu left it at that. He turned his back on his roommate and got his practice clothes out. “You know,” he began, “don’t expect us to make much progress tonight. I barely caught Minghao, and he is a professional.”

“You’ll show me how to drop safely on the net first, yeah?” Wonwoo asked.

“You know all about that already.” Mingyu tied the knot of his pants. “There is nothing to teach you in theory, we’re going directly to the board.”

“The board.” Wonwoo repeated, a faint smile starting to form on his face. “All the way up.” he said, more to himself than the other.

“Uh huh.” Mingyu agreed, slipping his shirt on as well.

When Mingyu opened the door, he instinctively made a step towards the cafeteria, like he was used to. It was a habit to go with Wonwoo there every morning, before their days started. Now though, there was no sun outside, and their days wouldn’t be starting for hours to come.

Mingyu felt like they were stealing a bit of time for themselves, slipping out of their routine to try something new. They created a pocket of spacetime just for themselves to exist while everyone else was still sleeping. They could do whatever they wanted here.

Mingyu heard a whisper of a feeling that he would have chosen to go to the trapeze with or without their deal.

The night air was crisp, clean and cool. Not like the morning one, that was mixed with the deceptively warm rays of the sun. This, now, felt more real. Every minute at the circus was like a dream, but in this moment in the middle of the night, away from all distractions, Mingyu felt different.

“Shoes off.” he told Wonwoo when they reached the nets.

“Yes sir.” Wonwoo smirked.

Mingyu grabbed the ladder and held it still, much like Minghao had done for him the first time. It wouldn’t do much, but it would probably give Wonwoo a sense of security, much like it had been for Mingyu.

“Whenever you’re ready.” Mingyu urged the other on.

Wonwoo stepped closer and placed his palms on the first step. “This is it, huh?” he couldn’t hide his smile.

“Yup. Go on.” Mingyu nodded upwards.

Wonwoo took a deep breath and lifted his body off the ground. The determination in his eyes was shining through the night. There was no way Mingyu could miss it. He should have expected it. Wonwoo was serious about this, he had been since the first moment. Mingyu knew a bit more about him now, about his past, but he still had no idea what it was that made him climb up that cursed ladder without faltering even once, without looking at the ground with doubt.

And Minghao had said that Mingyu was a fast learner.

Wonwoo was up on the board in no time. Mingyu stayed on the ground, next to the nets, watching him carefully as he took in his surroundings for the first time. It was a little comforting that he was holding to the iron rods on his side as tightly as Mingyu had on his first day, proving that he wasn’t completely unaffected with the height.

Other than that, his head moved around, his gaze dancing among the horizon, the only thing illuminating it the sparkling moon in the sky. It wasn’t even a full moon, but Wonwoo’s hole posture was full of wonder.

…That suited him too. Discovering something new for the first time, something he had obviously deeply desired for a while. Mingyu found himself smiling too.

They were both in a good mood in that little pocket of spacetime, and he wanted to keep it that way.

“Jump whenever you’re ready! Be careful of your neck and waist, just like we learned in theory!” he yelled up.

Wonwoo slowly scooted to the edge of the board. Very slowly, but steadily. Slowly too, let go of the iron bar.

Wonwoo had said that he wouldn’t be afraid of the height when the time came. He had said that it would be no problem for him to jump. Tonight, Mingyu found that at least for that one moment, he hadn’t been lying to him.

Wonwoo jumped soundlessly. He didn’t scream or made a big deal about it like Mingyu. He kept his eyes open and before long, all his weight dropped in the net, right in front of Mingyu.

“You did it!” Mingyu cheered.

Wonwoo was silent, but his breathing was heavy. He kept starring at the sky, his lips parted in mental exertion. He licked his lips once, and then turned to Mingyu. “I did.” he said breathlessly. “I’m going to do it again.” he announced and promptly got up.

Before Mingyu could say anything, Wonwoo was already climbing the ladder, without even complaining that Mingyu wasn’t there to hold it steady.

It couldn’t have been that easy. Mingyu didn’t think for a second that it was easy to jump from 10 meters in the air without a second thought. There was something that was driving Wonwoo to do this, something that was probably even harder on him. Something that made free-falling from the sky seem easy in comparison.

 _I have worse fears than height,_ Wonwoo had said.

There were so many more things to discover about him, Mingyu realized.

Wonwoo jumped again and again, each time faster than the previous one. He was ready for the next step. The step that Mingyu wouldn’t be able to guide him with what little experience he had.

“I’m going up too.” Mingyu announced when Wonwoo fell in front of him for the fifth time. “Untie the noodle bar. You’ve got this, right?” he asked.

“Theoretically.” Wonwoo nodded.

Theory was all they had, the only common ground they shared. Mingyu didn’t know if it alone was going to be enough for them to perform a high-level acrobatic trick. Unlike the practice from the morning though, Mingyu wasn’t feeling pressured to succeed. He wasn’t the student this time, trying to follow the orders of people more experienced than him. But at the same time, he wasn’t the teacher either. They were figuring this out together with Wonwoo as they went.

Mingyu touched the catch bar softly and watched it as it slightly shook back and forth from the wind. Balance was so important when hanging upside down from that thing. It had to become a second nature to him. It had been tough for someone as clumsy as Mingyu to master this type of balance. He wondered if it would be easier for Wonwoo, who had already mastered a different type of balance while throwing knives.

He got his answer a few minutes later, after Wonwoo mustered the courage to jump from the board, the flying bar clutched tightly in his hands.

Wonwoo had done everything right. His hands were covered with the protectors, and they were full of the white chalk dust. But still, the moment his feet left the wooden board, it only took two seconds for him to let go of the bar and flop down on the nets.

Mingyu sighed and smiled understandingly. This was going to be as far from easy as possible.

He decided to start practicing as well. As tempting as it was to just stand there and watch Wonwoo trying to get the hang of the trapeze, he should be as ready as possible to do his part when the time came.

He wrapped his legs around the swing and started building height, just like Minghao had showed him. He pointedly didn’t look at the ground until the last moment possible, so he wouldn’t be able to chicken out. So he swung back and forth, all the while looking at the stars. Distracting himself. That was another one of the perks of practicing during the night.

It worked like a charm too. Soon enough he was ready to fall backwards.

The brief moment that took for his eyes to adjust from looking at the sky to staring at the ground, always made Mingyu’s heart stop briefly. He gulped and pursed his lips as the blood rushed to his head, but he tried to relax his facial expression. He had done this before, he knew he could do it without being in danger.

He let himself swing back and forth a few times, getting used to the chilly air hitting his face. His eyes watered and he struggled to keep them open, but it was better than it had been at the beginning. Practice made everything better. He stretched his hands above his head and let his fingers uncurl. He needed to keep his breaths even and controlled to not get dizzy, Minghao had told him. His belly muscles spasmed from the effort. The action hadn’t even started yet and this was still a full-body work out.

A few swings later, he pulled himself up again. His head hurt, but it was fine as long as he didn’t overdo it. Breaks were important in between the tricks to keep everyone healthy. After Mingyu’s head stopped spinning, he went back down.

This went on for a long while. Mingyu glanced at Wonwoo’s effort during every break. He was a little glad that he was struggling as much he did. He kept falling and falling, but he climbed up the board again every time. Sweat was already marring his forehead, unlike Mingyu, who remarkably hasn’t fallen even once during this entire time.

“You holding up?” Mingyu yelled.

“As much as you are.” Wonwoo replied breathlessly.

Mingyu watched as he pushed his body up the board for the nth time. Wonwoo used the noddle bar and brought the flying rod back to his hands.

“Watch this Mingyu!” he called and did a little jump before he left the board.

To Mingyu’s surprise, he didn’t fall the moment he was in the air. He held on to the bar, even though he looked like a fish dangling from a hook the entire time. His from was nowhere near as graceful as Minghao’s, which rivaled the lightness of a leaf dancing in the air. But still, Wonwoo managed to do a full swing, and instead of falling down the nets by the time it was time to land, he dropped to the board. Granted, he stumbled on his feet and fell face-first on the wood, but he had still made it.

Mingyu chuckled at the sight but clapped anyway. “Amazing.” he said, really meaning it.

“Right?” Wonwoo sat up, rubbing his nose that had received the most impact.

Excited Wonwoo was truly something else. Mingyu couldn’t understand how it was possible for his emotional palette to expand so much, simply because he was on the trapeze. He couldn’t understand it, but there had to be a reason for this. For now though, Mingyu was just content to watch Wonwoo express a kind of passion that was no where near when he threw knives.

And if he had learned one thing about Wonwoo during the nights they spent guarding Seungcheol, it was that he was always itching to throw those knives of his.

“Should I try to catch you now?” Mingyu asked, getting wrapped up in the excitement.

It was too early for this, he knew it. Wonwoo had spent too little time on the trapeze, he was absolutely not ready. And neither was Mingyu, in a matter of fact. Half-catching Minghao, a professional, was not an achievement he could brag about.

Still, he wanted to play an active part in Wonwoo’s attempts at learning a new art. He wanted to do more than share theories with him. He wanted… he wasn’t sure what he wanted. He reasoned that it was all because of their deal, but when Wonwoo got up and looked at him with a glint in his eyes, Mingyu felt his palms sweating.

He wanted to catch him. He wanted to be a part of this new-found excitement.

“How are we doing this?” Wonwoo asked, grabbing the flying bar once again.

“I’ll build the proper height, and then you jump. You swing twice, you let go of the rod, and I’m catching you.” Mingyu replied.

If only it was as easy as it sounded.

“Okay.” Wonwoo nodded. “I’m waiting for your signal.”

Mingyu was far more self-conscious about this now that he was being watched. There was no way they were going to make it. It was as obvious as a banana between apples that they were going to fail miserably on their first try, but what if? What if they made it? Mingyu wanted to play his part seamlessly and leave Wonwoo all the room for errors.

It was impossible, as they were both newbies, but he still wanted it. This was his goal.

He kicked the air and started swinging back and forth again. He tried to imagine how this would look like if there was music and lights surrounding him, if he was in a sparkly suit instead of practice clothes. It would be spectacular. It would be like a dream, only that he was going to be the one creating it for others this time, instead of receiving it.

He fell backwards and tried to focus his eyes on the board opposite of him. On Wonwoo. Who would be his fellow creator.

“Ready!” he called.

Wonwoo took off without a second to lose, as if he was anxiously expecting Mingyu’s signal. He did one full swing, just like he had before. It was only as Mingyu was readying himself to catch him that he realized their mistake.

“Wait!” Mingyu called, frantically swinging his hands in front of his face as he hung upside down. “You need the right-“

Wonwoo let go of the bar.

But Mingyu was not in place. He screeched and stretched his hands as far as possible, but Wonwoo was launched to the net on his back, legs up to the air. Mingyu sucked in a breath and sat up. He looked down below, partly worried that Wonwoo was hurt, but the other was already standing up. He was fine.

“You need the right timing, idiot!” Mingyu called, trying to stifle his laughter.

“But you said you were ready!” Wonwoo argued.

“ _I_ was ready! That didn’t mean that you didn’t have to calculate the proper time to jump! It is in the second notebook, remember?” Mingyu replied.

Realization dawned on Wonwoo’s face and his lips formed a small o. Mingyu laughed out loud this time.

“Come on, get up here, I’m waiting!” he said.

“Alright, alright.” Wonwoo bounced to the ladder. “Timing.” he added quietly.

Mingyu started moving his body back and forth again. Before Wonwoo could reach the board, he was already in position.

“I’m ready!” he said loudly. “Make sure you are too!” he added mischievously.

“Oh, shut up, it was only one mistake!” Wonwoo stuck his tongue out.

Mingyu’s lips stretched to his first smile while hanging upside down. Minghao had repeatedly told him to keep his expression light and smiley, but it had been practically impossible until this moment. In this little spacetime pocket though, everything was possible apparently.

“Come on already!” Mingyu stretched his hands towards Wonwoo at the peak of his course.

Wonwoo eyed him carefully. He let him do a few more pointless swings before he decided the timing was right and jumped. This was better. They were closer at reaching the center at the same time than they had been before.

Only…

Wonwoo let go of the bar and flew towards Mingyu, but he never reached him. He fell short. He had waited too long to find the right timing and Mingyu had lost height. Mingyu almost facepalmed.

At least Wonwoo fell more gracefully than before. Silver linings.

Mingyu didn’t know if he should have sighed or laughed at Wonwoo’s confused face when he looked up at him. This was going to be a long night.

~~~

A long, long night, but surprisingly, not tiring at all. At least not emotionally, like it was sometimes the case with Wonwoo. Physically though, Mingyu could feel the sweat running down his hair and falling on the ground below him like rain. It wasn’t even hot, but his muscles were burning.

It hurt everywhere, even his cheeks were in pain because of all the smiling. Another proof that they worked well with Wonwoo when they were not arguing. Laughing at their failure after failure, one more ridiculous than the previous one, was all that kept them up the entire night.

“The sun’s going to rise soon.” Mingyu noticed, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand.

“One last time?” Wonwoo asked, his voice coming out hoarse from exhaustion.

“Let’s do this.” Mingyu agreed and forced his legs to start working.

Wonwoo watched him carefully, already calculating the timing. He knees were bend slightly, his grip on the catch bar steady. He looked as ready as he was ever going to be.

“Ready!” he called for one last time.

One. Two. Three. Wonwoo jumped.

Mingyu narrowed his eyes. It was a good jump. The timing looked correct. Mingyu’s heart started beating faster in anticipation. Could they…?

Wonwoo must have thought the same, because Mingyu saw his arms shaking as he left the bar. Mingyu stretched his arms. They were so close, closer than they had ever been mid-air.

They almost touched. Wonwoo was right in front of him. Their fingers made contact and Mingyu gritted his teeth. But it wasn’t enough. A brief touch was nowhere near enough in succeeding. Wonwoo plummeted to the net and Mingyu let out a high-pitched, frustrated sound as he swung away again.

“Damn it.” Wonwoo mirrored his thoughts. “This is going no-where.”

It had been fun all this time, because in none of their previous attempts had they thought that they were actually going to make it. There was no hope to lose every time they didn’t meat each other on the air.

But now, they had really been close, and they both knew it. Disappointment hurt worse than failure. The loss of a newly-sparked hope was more damaging than a simple defeat.

Wonwoo didn’t get up from the net this time, like he had the previous ones. His face was red and blotchy, his lips parted to take in more air. He was too tired to continue. Mingyu sighed and stopped moving as well. The dawn was near. They needed to rest anyway. He had just hoped that they could have ended this practice in the same good mood they had started it.

Maybe he had asked for too much.

When the catch bar stilled, he jumped off of it to the net, away from Wonwoo. That was his first jump for the day, and the last one too. He took Wonwoo’s example of just laying down, while his gaze travelled they sky. He could fall asleep like that. Ignore that little spark of disappointment that had appeared between all the excitement, let them both forget it.

He knew he was going to forget it eventually. In a few days, or maybe hours even, he was going to forget about that bitter taste at the end of an otherwise very sweet practice session. It didn’t mean that much to him after all.

What about Wonwoo though? This was _everything_ to him. His excitement was rare, and Mingyu really didn’t want to leave any shadows to creep over it. What if Wonwoo didn’t forget this little moment? What if it remained, haunting him and discouraging him from putting his whole heart in what he felt passionate about ever again?

Mingyu turned his head to the side and saw his roommate with his eyes closed. He wasn’t looking to the sky like Mingyu was, he wasn’t looking forward to a brighter future. Mingyu crawled closer to him, not wanting to leave him alone with his thoughts for once.

“Hey.” he said when their arms touched each other. If Wonwoo had any problem with the lack of space between them, he didn’t mention it.

He didn’t reply either. Mingyu took a deep breath. He knew what he wanted to tell him. He knew what he had been wanting to tell him for a while now, but he knew Wonwoo would hate it.

If there was a time to say it though, this was it. This moment right here, with the sun about to reach the sky and signify the beginning of a new day. Mingyu collected himself and waited until the precise moment.

“Wonwoo, we need to trust each other.”

The first rays of the sun appeared in the sky. Wonwoo’s hand twitched. Mingyu knew how much he hated those words. He hated them with every fiber of his skin and he had made it obvious since day one.

They were still the words he needed to hear.

Surprisingly, he didn’t outright reject them. His eyes fluttered open and he gazed at the rising sun. His lips were pressed together, as if he was scared to open them, afraid of what would come out of them if he did.

Mingyu kept looking at him from his side, expecting a reaction. Wonwoo couldn’t get out of this.

It took a few moments, but in the end, Wonwoo’s eyes met his, slowly but steadily, like he first jumped off the trapeze.

“Would you trust a person who throws knives at you?” he asked.

Mingyu took in his question as it was. Not outright rejecting, but guarded and disbelieving. The truth was that no, Mingyu couldn’t trust Wonwoo the way he was right now. He wanted to, but they had a long way to go for it.

What was important though, what was the reason he had even wanted to talk to him in the first place, was to make sure Wonwoo could still have hope for their future, with nothing holding him back.

“I would trust someone who had been training their entire life to make to make sure they missed.”

Wonwoo closed his eyes again, to not let the words escape his brain. That was enough for Mingyu. He closed his eyes as well and let the warmth of the new sun bathe him while laying on the net of the trapeze.

After an entire sleepless night, it was the easiest thing to fall asleep like that. The one thing he noticed as the world woke up around him, was that Wonwoo’s hand had stopped twitching. Instead, his pinky finger was hesitantly wrapping around Mingyu’s own.

Mingyu decided to let it.

~~~

“So, how did you know you like girls?” Mingyu mustered up the courage to ask the next evening.

Seulgi spat out her drink.

She began coughing and Chan patted her back encouragingly. “There, there. We all knew he was going to ask this eventually.” he said.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Mingyu frowned at him.

Chan eyed him pointedly.

“What?” Mingyu insisted, confused.

Chan sighed and placed his head on the table of the cafeteria they were occupying. Seulgi chuckled and wiped her lips with a napkin. Her hair was falling tangled below her chin, and she pushed it back as well.

“I will answer your question, but first I need to know the reason you are asking.” she said kindly.

Mingyu tilted his head. “Should I have a reason? I was just curious. I’m sorry if it is a personal question…”

“No, no, no worries.” Seulgi waved her hands. “I’m comfortable talking about girls.” she snickered.

“No way.” Chan deadpanned, his voice muffled from the table. “We would have never guessed.”

Seulgi slapped the back of his head. Chan let out a fake, dramatic groan of pain, without lifting his head.

“Anyways,” Seulgi continued, “I like girls for the same reasons any straight man would. I’m simple like that.” she shrugged.

“Yeah, I get that, but how did you realize it?” Mingyu crossed his hands on his lap, listening carefully.

“How did _you_ realize you liked girls?” Seulgi replied with a question.

That caught Mingyu a bit off guard. How did he know he liked girls? He had never actively thought about it, it was just a given. He had grown up in a pub, where men picked up women on the regular. That was what had been normal for him.

“I… don’t know? I just did?” he said, his confusion intensifying.

Chan snorted. “ _Then how do you know you like girls and not another gender?”_ he said in a high-pitched, mocking voice, mimicking Seulgi’s way of talking. The girl slapped his head again.

“Feel free to shut up.” she said, her eyes narrowed.

“I don’t understand?” Mingyu asked.

“Don’t sweat it.” Seulgi turned to him again. “I knew I liked girls because I felt interested in them in a way I didn’t for boys. I saw girls and I thought _oh, I would like to get to know her intimately._ Girls are prettier than men too, that’s a fact.” she said, taking a sip of her tea.

“Not all of them.” Mingyu defended his gender.

“They are for me.” Seulgi shrugged. “It’s fine if you don’t think the same though.” she smiled, like she knew something he didn’t.

Mingyu’s first thought was no person on this circus was considered ugly, boy or girl. The make-up, the costumes, the theatricality, what was the difference between the genders? It didn’t make sense to him that Seulgi saw only girls pretty.

Chan looked at him pointedly again.

Seriously, what was Mingyu not getting?

“What helped me understand that I’m really into girls though, was when I met Irene. She was not… someone I wanted to befriend. I immediately knew I wanted to get to know her, but the more things I learned about her, the more I understood her, the more hooked I was becoming. She is such a colorful person, and I just… want to spend time with her, you know?” Seulgi placed her head on her palms wistfully.

“Spending time with her? Like staying up together all night at the trapeze?” Chan asked with a slight smile, looking straight at Mingyu’s eyes.

“Chan.” Seulgi warned him. “Quiet.”

Mingyu pursed his lips in thought. He felt like he had learned more than he asked for. It was one thing for Seulgi to explain that she realized she liked girls because she had a crush on one, and a completely different thing to start describing said girl with a tone that insinuated she was the love of her life.

“I’m sorry you can’t be with her the way you want to.” Mingyu told her in the end.

“Eh, it’s alright.” Seulgi patted his back. “I love my life just the way it is. I’d take the trapeze over a relationship any day.” she said sincerely. “But that’s just me though. I don’t think Minghao or Junhui could have been here without each other.” she said thoughtfully.

Mingyu could agree with that. These two were connected somehow, in a way that Mingyu couldn’t pinpoint exactly. Seulgi’s dream was to simply perform on the trapeze, experience the high of having people cheer at you. Minghao and Junhui’s dream though was not to simply perform, but to do so with each other.

It was so interesting to see how different these people were, despite all their similarities. Mingyu wondered what was Wonwoo’s dream. All the little things he had learned about him were not enough if he didn’t know that crucial detail.

“You know,” Chan lifted his head, “I know another person who wouldn’t have been here if someone hadn’t taken them in and put a good word on their behalf to Seungcheol.”

Another pointed look. Seulgi facepalmed.

This time though, Mingyu understood what Chan meant.

He wouldn’t have been here without Wonwoo.

He had never tried so hard to get to know a person until he met Wonwoo. The need to befriend him when he had first met him had gone away almost instantly after he got to know him. All those emotions he was slowly noticing on him… They all suited him. They made him… colorful, exactly like how Seulgi had put it.

Mingyu frowned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We had it coming, didn't we? Mingyu bi change my mind
> 
> Thank you for reading, feedback always appreciated. Chapter 7 in five days


	7. Was die Mode streng geteilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

“Three bags and two crates.” Seungcheol said, patting the top crate’s lid. “Pay up.”

He was a lot more confident this time than Mingyu had ever seen him before. A part of him felt worried, but another part was simultaneously relieved. A confident Seungcheol was always good news.

“Someone’s in a good mood.” the man opposite of the director said with an eyebrow raise.

“We’re performing tomorrow. If everything goes well, money’s going to be good for the next days.” Seungcheol smiled at him.

“Good for you. Your little troupe should be proud.” the other smiled back.

Mingyu practically _felt_ the dramatic eyeroll Wonwoo did from beside him. His partner’s hand was fiddling with a knife, obviously wanting to throw it for a while now, but he had no reason to. The two men below him obviously got along.

“His gay little ass has been hitting on Seungcheol for three years now.” Wonwoo leaned closer to whisper.

“What?” Mingyu asked confused.

Wonwoo eyed him with an expression that said _what do you not understand?_ Mingyu’s eyes fell back down to the clearing. Apparently, distance between the trading parties was not an issue this time, as it had been all the times before it. The young man with the messy black hair tucked a stack of bills down Seungcheol’s shirt and buttoned it up slowly, fixing the top of it in the end.

Seungcheol only chuckled and brushed his hair away.

“Is Seungcheol interested as well?” Mingyu whispered.

“Nah, he’s just comfortable. JR was the first person we ever made a deal with. They’ve known each other since they were children.” Wonwoo explained.

Mingyu’s hand absent-mindedly flew to the top of his own shirt. There was being comfortable with someone, and there was being _comfortable._ It was vastly different to just be friendly with a person you made illegal deals with, something that Seungcheol never condoned if the daggers that Wonwoo threw every other night was any indication, than being actually close.

The aura tonight was unlike it had ever been. Mingyu found himself not terrified for once. If Seungcheol and that JR man were close enough to be flirting, then they were probably safe tonight. That was a luxury that had never been there in the past, and Mingyu grasped the opportunity to relax a little.

From the looks of it though, Wonwoo was anything but relaxed. One of his hands was tracing shapes on the tree trunk below their feet, while the other kept playing with that knife carelessly. Mingyu placed a hand on his shoulder to stop the fidgeting.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, close to his face.

Wonwoo's eyes made a brief dip down Mingyu's body, like they always did when they were alone and guarding their director in the middle of the night. Mingyu braced himself. Maybe the aura was different today, but that weird tension between him and Wonwoo was still alive and well.

In the end, Wonwoo placed his fingers on top of Mingyu's and closed his eyes.

"There is nothing to focus on here other than you today." he said quietly.

Mingyu's brain short-circuited. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Whatever you want it to." Wonwoo opened his eyes and stared at him.

Mingyu wetted his lips and stared back. The spacetime pocket opened again, taking the two of them away of their surroundings, even though it really shouldn't be doing so in the middle of a trade.

The night was their time. With the sun away, they were less reserved to hide part of themselves from each other. Here, Mingyu's eyes fell to Wonwoo's lips like it was a second nature. Here, it was a lot easier for Mingyu to admit that he kind of wanted to touch those pouty lips, mold them until they became serene and pliant under him.

With the cool breeze blowing against his face, he wanted to feel warmth.

His head inched forward on its own.

"Tell Jeonghan I said hi." the man below them interrupted Mingyu's dazed thoughts, his head as close to Seungcheol's as Wonwoo's was to his.

Which was a lot closer than Mingyu had noticed.

He dared to look at Wonwoo in the eyes again, but neither was ready for it. Wonwoo's hands twitched, and suddenly, his face scrunched in pain.

"Crap." he hissed, dropping the knife on the tree trunk.

Mingyu didn't immediately realize what happened, because the next thing Wonwoo did was bring his middle finger to his lips and _suck_. Mingyu blinked slowly, the image burning in his brain.

A certain feeling started to pool in his stomach, hot and bothered, which was exactly what threw Mingyu out of the spacetime pocket and back to reality.

_What was that?_

Mingyu's eyes darted to the knife and only then saw a few drops of blood on it blade.

"Did you cut yourself?" Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo's wrist and tried to pull it down.

"It's nothing, it just hurts like a paper cut." Wonwoo mumbled around his finger that was still between his lips.

He was probably licking at the wound there. Mingyu closed his eyes. He had to stop looking at his partner before he did anything stupid. Why did he always have to look so handsome in the middle of the night?

"See you soon, Jonghyun." they heard Seungcheol call to the other as he walked away.

"Bye." the man tried to wave at him beneath the weight of all the new merchandise.

Mingyu held on to the branch next to him a bit tighter. He was always uneasy during this part of the trades, when Seungcheol left them alone. Alone with the guards the other party had brought, that were somewhere scattered in the forest, invisible and dangerous.

At least he had Wonwoo with him. In case of a brawl, he would be the first one to throw a knife. Mingyu's job would be to just watch his back. He snorted at the thought.

Wonwoo popped his finger out of his mouth and sat a little straighter.

"What's wrong?" he asked playfully, in the exact same tone Mingyu had asked him before.

Mingyu glanced at him from the corner of his eye. "Even if something does happen today, you're all I'll be focusing on as well."

Wonwoo smiled and looked away, but he didn't mock him. He brushed his thumb over Mingyu's hand that was still on his shoulder and his eyes fell at the opposite side of the clearing. He was pretending to look for enemies, Mingyu realized. His face was nowhere near as concentrated as it had been before.

Mingyu chuckled and brought his hand back to his lap.

"I think we're safe for tonight." he said, a little louder than before. They were most probably completely alone by now anyway.

"Yeah. Let's go back." Wonwoo agreed easily and jumped off the tree with the grace and speed of a leopard.

The trapeze was making him even more agile than he used to be. His body was getting lithe from the new layer of muscles he was slowly developing. Mingyu licked his lip as he watched him stretch his arms on the ground, his shirt riding up over his hips.

What was wrong with him tonight? He had already accepted that he was attached to Wonwoo, that maybe they were growing to be close friends despite all their spats. But this? This scorching hot feeling was new. Mingyu was confused.

He walked with Wonwoo back to the train in the same state of confusion and mild arousal. Seungcheol was waiting for them like always, and he hugged them both goodnight before he retreated back to his room.

This was usually the part when Mingyu felt comfortable again. He would walk with Wonwoo to their room and they would fall asleep together, like it was routine. This was the part when usually things returned back to normal.

Not tonight though. Tonight, there was something bothering Mingyu in the way Wonwoo walked ahead of him, his thighs flexing at every jump between wagons. Even though they were both wearing long pants, Mingyu had seen him in underwear before, being roommates and all. He grew even more confused that those images were coming back now, that they were pleasant instead of indifferent.

Mingyu shook his head and climbed to his bed as fast as possible, with a barely muttered goodnight. He got under the covers and stayed still as he heard Wonwoo move around a bit. It took a few moments, but Wonwoo eventually laid down as well, turning the lantern off behind him.

In the complete darkness, Mingyu's brain was running a mile per hour. He unbuttoned the top of his shirt, suddenly feeling too hot.

It… had been a while, he begrudgingly admitted. Ever since he joined the circus, had had never had the privacy to relieve himself, like any healthy person his age did.

He vividly remembered the blue balls he had suffered the last night he had spent in his village. That blonde girl had been so pretty. Mingyu had really wanted to sleep with her before that hell of a fight broke out. He hadn't thought about here ever since his adventure at the circus had started, but now that he thought about her again...

She didn't do too much to his already building arousal. No, that was all Wonwoo for some reason. Wonwoo with his fox eyes, his infuriating smirk and his precision with the knives. Mingyu could practically see the way his fingers curled around the handle before he threw them, firmly and full of experience.

He groaned and turned to his side, pressing his face against the pillow.

Should he...? Wonwoo was less than a meter away. He was literally sleeping in the bed below him. Mingyu couldn't do it, this was too much...

But it had really been too long. That was the only reason he was even having those thoughts, Mingyu reasoned as his hand slowly travelled between his thighs. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to listen for any indication that his roommate was still awake.

No, Wonwoo's breath was even and deep. He fell asleep fast, Mingyu knew that now. They _had_ slept together before once after all. Mingyu tried to keep his breath as quiet as possible to listen to Wonwoo's.

Ever so slowly, he brought his hand to his private parts. He cupped his balls over the fabric of his pants and damn, it had really been too long.

He felt horny just by touching himself over his clothes. He bit his lip and started palming his growing erection, caressing it to its full length.

 _Ah, this feels good_ , he thought, his brow furrowed. He opened his legs a bit to give more space to his hand. He moved it slowly, lazily, pinching the head of his cock over the fabric.

He placed his other arm over his mouth to muffle any potential sighs. Mingyu could normally control himself, but with Wonwoo sleeping below him, he didn't want to risk it.

If only he knew how much he had turned Mingyu on this night, without even intending to. Would he be appalled or... or maybe join him? Those long fingers wrapped around Mingyu as expertly as they clutched at the knives... Mingyu sighed deeply and lifted the hem of his pants.

What was he even doing? If he got below his underwear there would be no coming back. He paused for a second, desperately trying to talk himself out of doing this. It wasn't right.

He huffed quietly and stared at the ceiling. He needed one reason, only _one reason_ to stop, but he was too turned on to find any.

He was about to say _fuck it_ and just do whatever felt right, when the covers from the bed below him shifted.

Mingyu's eyes flew open. He held his breath.

"Gyu?" Wonwoo said, his voice groggy from sleep.

Mingyu took a deep breath. "Yeah?"

Silence followed his words. Mingyu almost thought that Wonwoo had fallen back asleep, but then...

"Just checking..."

Mingyu sighed. He let go of his waistband and turned on his back again.

"I'm here." he said, trying not to sound as breathless as he felt.

"You are." Wonwoo said sleepily.

What even was that conversation? As Mingyu's brain started functioning again, he realized that Wonwoo had woken up from his sleep only to confirm that Mingyu was still there.

Wonwoo? _Really?_

Mingyu moved to the edge of his bed and peeked down. As expected, Wonwoo was asleep again. He was hugging his pillow tightly to his chest, much like he had held Mingyu's arms when they fell asleep on the trapeze.

And there was the reason Mingyu was searching for. The face Wonwoo was making right now was not one that Mingyu wanted to kiss. He looked soft, vulnerable. If Mingyu were to touch him right now, he would be brushing his hair back, not doing anything dirty.

It wasn't the right timing. Maybe the right timing would never come. Maybe tomorrow he would have completely forgotten about all those thoughts of the night. They were thoughts that didn't belong to the light of day anyway.

He sincerely hoped that would be the case. Mingyu didn't want to fall for someone he couldn't trust.

~~~

The sun was below the horizon. The lights were on. The backstage of the circus tent was buzzing with life. Young girls were running around with hair half-done and pristine make up. They would be the first to open the performance, the first to awe the audience by walking in the air, with only sleek ropes to support their weight.

"Can you stop moving already?" Ryujin was scolding the youngest of the girls, trying to twist her hair into a bun.

"Can you hurry up already?" the other girl whined. "The show is starting in a few."

"Don't test me Yuna." Ryujin pulled a strand of her hair.

"Ow!" the girl clutched at her head in pain.

Mingyu turned back to his conversation with Seokmin. The clown had been ready for hours now, impatient to perform for his loving audience.

"I can't believe they put me after the break!" he was saying. "Even Soonyoung's performance is earlier than mine!"

"No, but think about it. You're right after the break. Everyone will be waiting eagerly for you!" Mingyu reasoned with him.

"Plus, the program has changed.” Seungkwan approached them, having heard his friend’s whining all the way from the stage. “Seungcheol and Jeonghan need to be here for your performance." he said pointedly.

Mingyu pursed his lips. That was the closest he had ever gotten to discussing the illegal trading with anyone apart from Wonwoo. Everyone here guarded the secret with their lives. Despite all of them knowing what was going on, no one ever mentioned it during casual conversations, not even the most chatty ones. This was life or death, and no one was willing to take the blame if their operation went south.

As things were now, everyone knew that Seungcheol was going to leave early with Jeonghan for their trade. They were expected back a few minutes before the break, right on Wonwoo's performance, so Somi, the girl who was going to be their guard, would return in time to play her part as Wonwoo's assistant.

That was the plan. Everyone was aware of it, but no one would acknowledge it. Once it was time for the show to begin and the crowd started filtering in, Mingyu almost forgot about the whole thing completely.

That was until Soonyoung's performance was almost over and Seungcheol was nowhere in sight. Everyone was giving each other uneasy glances, because Wonwoo was next and he needed his assistant.

Mingyu was trying to stop the worry about the team's well-being from surfacing. He wasn't responsible for the trade, but he was partly responsible for the show. What if Somi didn't get here in time? Delays for an act were not good in any kind of show, much more the circus where they were taking the people in a trip to a fantastic world. They shouldn't allow them to land back to reality before the end of their time here.

But where _was_ Seungcheol? He more than anyone should know that he wasn't supposed to be late. Something had definitely happened at their meeting. Something that made the director, of all people, mess up.

Mingyu was worried. He shouldn't be, but he was.

At least he wasn't the only one.

Jihoon abruptly stood up and looked around at everyone that was backstage.

"I know what is in everyone's mind, but there is nothing we can do about this situation, so I need everyone to remain calm." he took charge of the situation. "We are artists. Our show comes first. We will deal with everything that comes our way after it. For now, we need to prepare someone to take Somi's place." he said decisively.

No one dared disagree.

"Who's not in costume?" Jihoon asked, looking at everyone again.

The answer was no one. Everyone around Mingyu was already in full make up and attire, ready to perform.

"Mingyu can do it." came Chan's voice.

"What?" Mingyu looked at him betrayed. "No way, I-"

"Mingyu it is." Jihoon interrupted him. When Mingyu tried to protest again, Jihoon threw him a serious look. "All you have to do is stand still and look pretty for the audience. I'm sure you’ve been through worse."

"I don't want to throw knives at Mingyu." Wonwoo unexpectedly came to his aid. He was making a disgusted face though, that Mingyu didn't know how to interpret.

"Wonwoo you are a professional. Act like it." Jihoon said sternly.

That shut Wonwoo up. Mingyu would have been amazed by Jihoon if he wasn't ready to sacrifice him to Wonwoo's evil daggers. Why did Chan have to volunteer him like that? He was going to have a serious talk with him in the future.

If he made it alive out of this performance, that was.

“There’s no time for full make up,” Ryujin pushed her friend aside and plopped next to Mingyu. “Put your mask on and let me put some lipstick on you.”

“I’ll fix his hair.” Minghao grabbed the nearest hairbrush and started attacking Mingyu’s locks.

“What about clothes?”

“The ones he’s wearing will do.”

Mingyu blinked rapidly to try and wake up from the sudden hallucination he found himself in. There were so many people around him, grabbing his hair and skin simultaneously, as if someone was guiding them. It had to be a hallucination, there was no other way this was actually happening.

“Wine red suits you.” Ryujin said appreciatively, as she painted Mingyu’s lips with a crayon.

Mingyu turned to frown at her, but before he could, a pink mask was snapped to his face, obscuring his vision.

“I never asked,” Wonwoo said, fixing the mask on his face so he could breathe again, “how tall are you actually?”

Why did he sound so casual about this? Mingyu was freaking out. He couldn’t really express it with this cluster of people around him that were trying to make him presentable, but he _was not_ ready to go on that stage.

He was not ready to stand opposite of Wonwoo and have him perform his art on him. It felt too personal, too daring. They were not that close yet. To everyone else, it probably looked like he was exaggerating. It was just a show after all, he had to be impersonal and professional about it. But it had never been “just a show” between him and Wonwoo.

From the trapeze to the nights at the forest, there was no moment he spent with Wonwoo that there was no kind of deeper meaning. Mingyu knew that this was going to be the same. Wonwoo was going to throw a part of himself towards him along with his knife, and Mingyu was going to have no choice but to accept it standing still.

He wasn’t ready. _They_ weren’t ready.

So why was Wonwoo taking this so easily?

“Mingyu?” Wonwoo snapped his fingers in front of his face. “Did you hear me?”

Mingyu was too nervous to reply. _Why_ was Wonwoo not nervous?

“Mingyu?”

Mingyu gulped. “I’m sorry, I…”

“You’re afraid I’m going to hit you.” Wonwoo said with pursed lips.

It wasn’t a question, but a statement. The moment it left Wonwoo’s lips, he tensed up and pulled away, leaving the mask tied loosely on Mingyu’s face.

…That was _not_ the reaction Mingyu had been hoping for. He was nowhere nearer understanding what was going on in Wonwoo’s head.

“Ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause for our fantastic Hoshi, who overdid himself for you today!” Seungkwan’s voice interrupted Mingyu’s thoughts, followed by loud claps and cheers.

“You’re up next.” Minghao pushed him towards the edge of the backstage, right next to were Wonwoo was waiting. Mingyu tried to make eye contact, but the other was staring pointedly at the stage he was going to step in a few moments.

“Wonwoo?” Mingyu asked quietly. “What’s wrong?”

“Now, my dear audience! Hold your children and your lovers’ hands because our next act is not for the weak of hearts!”

The roll of the drums started and some surprised sounds came from the audience. Wonwoo grabbed the hem of his dark cape, ready to wave it dramatically for them.

“Wonwoo?” Mingyu tried again. “I’m worried.”

Only then did Wonwoo turn to look at him, eyes serious.

The lights dimmed.

“I’m going to request extreme caution from our guests today, because our next performer needs to concentrate to throw his daggers! Hold your breath ladies and gentlemen, because this is the show of the enigmatic Mr.Jeon!”

“I’ve been practicing my entire life to make sure I won’t hit you, remember?” was all Wonwoo said before he entered the stage with decisive steps.

The crowd cheered when they saw him walking towards them, but Mingyu’s heart didn’t share the sentiment as he watched him go away. The words had strung somewhere deep inside him. That was… That was what he had told him all those nights ago, when they first attempted to try the trapeze together.

_I would trust someone who has been training all their life to make sure they miss._

_I would trust someone._

_I would trust you._

“Now welcome to the stage Jeon’s lovely assistant, the beautiful woman who will help him show you exactly what he is capable of!”

Mingyu opened the curtain with an apologizing side-smile.

“Um, surprise?” he called, waving at Seungkwan.

The ringmaster gawked at him for a while, but he quickly recovered, like the professional he was.

“Oh ho, change of plans everyone!” he waved his hands at the audience. “Seriously, why do they never inform me of these things?” he complained, earning himself a round of laughter. “What we have prepared for you today will be an even harder challenge for Jeon! The petit body of a woman would be too easy of a target now, don’t you agree?”

The audience cheered louder. Mingyu mentally congratulated Seungkwan’s knack for improvising.

“That way, please.” Wonwoo said politely, pointing Mingyu to the straps of the makeshift wall in the center of the stage. His voice had gone deeper, more mysterious and alluring for the crowd.

Mingyu did as told, still a little stunned from all the pairs of eyes looking at him. Wonwoo didn’t meet his face as he slowly tied him against the wall. Every new knot that formed against Mingyu’s body was one less chance of running away, of turning his back to Wonwoo once and for all.

That what he should be doing. Wonwoo was dangerous. People had warned Mingyu a million times to stay away. Still, he stood still, muscles stiff and rigid as Wonwoo completely immobilized him. For some reason that had nothing to do with the performance, Mingyu didn’t resist at all.

The music turned dramatic as Wonwoo walked away, back to the small table that had put his daggers on display. The voices of the crowd slowly started to die down, and two white rays of light hit the stage.

One was on Mingyu, the other was on Wonwoo.

Wonwoo picked up his first knife and pretended to polish it with his cape, showing to the audience just how sharp it really was. It was not fake. One wrong move, one slight spasm of the muscle, and Mingyu could die. His life had never been in Wonwoo’s hands quite as literally as now.

What was Mingyu supposed to do in this situation? Life had thrown him so hard against the man opposite of him. Everywhere he turned, everything new he learned, every new thought he had, Wonwoo was always there.

Wonwoo was not a happy, careless man. He carried heavy baggage with him and it was obvious. His every move, his every word and action was marred by his attitude, an attitude that Mingyu was only slowly starting to realizing came from somewhere deep inside him, somewhere that was still raw and aching.

Wonwoo was terrified of trusting people around him. But what was Mingyu supposed to do when his entire life had somehow intertwined with his? Mingyu closed his eyes.

 _Trust him,_ his heart was screaming.

So Mingyu did.

 _Jeon Wonwoo, I will trust you,_ he tested the words in his brain. There was no time for tests though.

When he opened his eyes again, the first thing he saw was the person he had just decided to trust aiming a knife between his eyes.

Instead of being pointlessly scared, Mingyu smiled at him. It was okay now. _Throw it,_ he said with his eyes. _I’ll accept it._

Wonwoo’s mouth twisted downwards and he threw it immediately. Mingyu’s heart missed a beat as he saw the deadly object flying towards him, but before he could blink it was over. The knife hit the wall over his shoulder.

Mingyu’s smile widened.

_I’m still alive._

He was still alive after trusting Wonwoo. He was not hurt.

Then Wonwoo grabbed another knife, and with barely any aim, he threw it above his head.

The crowd exclaimed in terror at the sudden movement. Mingyu’s heart beat wildly in his chest as well, his body frozen with shock. A single hair was cut of the rest of it and fell on Mingyu’s cheek. Wonwoo was staring at him now, the challenge obvious in his posture.

Mingyu took a deep breath and smiled at him again. The crowd cheered, but Wonwoo tilted his head as if he was confused. He probably wondered why was not Mingyu not scared already, why he was not trying to shy away from him.

 _Not this time,_ Mingyu thought with conviction.

It took a few more hits for Wonwoo to realize what was happening, what had changed inside Mingyu. But when he got the idea, it was painfully obvious. His face went white, his hand clenched around the dagger he had picked up.

Mingyu tried to focus on breathing evenly, but he could practically _feel_ the rage wafting from the other. Oh, Wonwoo hated this. He hated this so much. It was so obvious in the next knife that he threw at Mingyu. It landed next to his cheek, so much closer to his skin than the rest of them.

This was a battle. Wonwoo was testing him, he was trying to make him reconsider his decision. The next knife came all too quick, below Mingyu’s armpit. Mingyu shivered and tried to keep his face neutral. There was nothing to be scared of. Wonwoo wasn’t going to actually hit him in the middle of a performance.

_Right?_

The next dagger flew right between Mingyu’s legs. It was so hard to not close his eyes when he heard the thud, when he felt the air moving between his thighs. He felt so vulnerable like this. This was what trusting Wonwoo meant. It was dangerous and he would never be able to protect himself from whatever came his way.

He was basically allowing Wonwoo to hit him with those knives, if he wished to do so.

Mingyu’s lips stretched into another smile, directed as much to Wonwoo as to the audience. People clapped, and Wonwoo looked fucking livid.

At least that was what he looked like with his blue mask on. His true emotions about this remained painfully hidden.

“Ringmaster Boo.” Wonwoo called suddenly.

Uh oh. Mingyu’s breath stuttered. Wonwoo had never called for Seungkwan in the middle of his performance. This was not in the plans.

Seungkwan looked as confused as Mingyu. “Yes? Are there any more changes I was not informed off?” he asked, crossing his hands in front of his chest and patting his foot on the ground with exasperation.

Thank god for Seungkwan and his ability to take the crowd’s attention away from the growing tension on the stage. Mingyu could tell that the ringmaster was genuinely curious and maybe a bit worried by the sudden interruption, but the audience just laughed.

The laughter was cut short when Wonwoo replied.

“Give me a blindfold.”

Silence.

Then the people started murmuring anxiously amongst them, eyes wide in surprise. But no amount of surprise could match that of Mingyu’s though. Wonwoo had never used a blindfold in any of his performances before. Mingyu had no idea what to expect, what to fear.

 _This_ was what trusting Wonwoo meant. Expect the unexpected, anticipate the worst. But what came after the worst passed? Wonwoo was trying to scare him away. He was pulling his biggest weapon, fear, to win this battle.

Mingyu had seen him when he didn’t feel fear though. He had seen him on the trapeze, chasing his freedom. That was enough for him to stand here, a small smile still on his face as Wonwoo was preparing to blindly throw knives at him. It was enough to stand there and endure it.

He trusted Wonwoo to not hurt him, even if Wonwoo didn’t trust himself.

Seungkwan had no way of declining Wonwoo’s request in front of an entire crowd. He hurried to procure a white scarf from backstage and then went on his tip-toes to tie it around Wonwoo’s eyes.

This was it. The tension was beyond the roof. Wonwoo grabbed a knife from the table, as gracefully as ever, but obviously unable to see. He took two steps to the side and turned his body towards Mingyu’s direction. So far so good.

The drums rolled again, adding fuel to an already boiling atmosphere. Mingyu had a feeling that if he wasn’t strapped to the wall, his legs would have given out. The more Wonwoo stood still, aiming at different angles, the dizzier Mingyu got.

He wanted this to be over so bad, but at the same time he wanted it to happen as fast as possible. This was necessary, for the both of them to cement their new bond. Mingyu just hoped he didn’t pass out from hyperventilation by the time this was over.

Wonwoo brought his hand back once, twice and then threw the knife. Mingyu kept his eyes wide open, taking in every moment of the throw. He saw the curve the knife made mid-air, he saw it spinning wildly and finally, he heard it embed itself to the side of Mingyu’s chest, next to his heart.

And he was still alive.

The crowd was probably cheering as Wonwoo took of his blindfold, but Mingyu’s ears were buzzing too loudly for him to hear it. All he was aware of was Wonwoo, who was staring at him with a pair of twin blazes in his eyes, fire that was visible even behind his mask.

“He did it ladies and gentlemen! He did it! Jeon managed the impossible!” Seungkwan was yelling amidst the chaos of music, lights, and screams of dozens of people.

Wonwoo only averted his eyes to bow at the audience once, and it looked mechanical even in Mingyu’s hazy eyes. Then, he was walking towards him.

Mingyu noticed how Wonwoo’s hands were shaking as he untied him. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. When Mingyu’s arm was freed, he grabbed one of Wonwoo’s in his own.

“Steady now.” he said.

“Don’t talk.” Wonwoo hissed at him and continued untying him.

After Mingyu was standing on his legs again, Wonwoo didn’t even wait a moment to drag him outside of the tent.

Not even backstage, but outside, right past the stunned audience. They went away from all the games that were set up outside for the break, away from even Changkyun’s questioning face. Wonwoo dragged him harshly all the way behind the tent, where there was not a single soul to witness their exchange.

This was either the place Mingyu was going to die, or the place Wonwoo was going to accept his trust.

“Why are you like this?” was the first thing Wonwoo yelled at him.

“Excuse me?”

“Why the hell did you smile like that? I know your smiles Mingyu, and those smiles were not meant for the audience!” Wonwoo raged.

Despite this, Mingyu felt calm. “What do you think I was smiling for?” he asked simply.

“I think you’re thinking of something extremely stupid right now!” Wonwoo barked.

“I think you might be right.” Mingyu nodded.

Wonwoo’s lips parted, but they were shaking. This was taking a lot out of him. There was a moment that he obviously couldn’t find his words, but when he did, they were poison.

“If you think it is a good idea to _trust_ me Mingyu, then you’re even stupider than I thought!” he yelled. “I _told_ you to keep the fuck away from me, I don’t want anything to do with you and your naïve childishness! If you’re going to be like that, maybe you would be better off with your parents!”

A poison Mingyu hadn’t expected. It struck a cord inside him that he had thought he had left behind at his old town. “What did you just say?”

“You fucking heard me. Don’t do anything as stupid as today ever again.” Wonwoo spat.

Mingyu slammed him against the iron railings of the tent. His body was larger, and it was more obvious than ever now that he was looming darkly over him. “Take it back.”

“No.” Wonwoo was still defiant.

“You think you’re so above the rest of us right now, don’t you?” Mingyu leaned closer to him. “Stop projecting your insecurities on me Wonwoo.” he hissed.

“I’m not-“

“You want me to feel the same fear you do.” Mingyu didn’t let him speak. “You’re damn terrified that I have the ability to trust you and you’re trying to push me away. Guess what though.” he leaned even closer, until their lips were inches apart.

“I trust you. I have the power to do so, and there is nothing you can do about it.” he almost smiled at the end.

Wonwoo made a choked sound and tried to push him away. “Don’t say that!” he cried.

“It’s true though.”

“Mingyu, don’t-“

Mingyu didn’t know what came over him when Wonwoo finally looked him in the eyes, and he saw the desperation of a man looking for water in a desert there. It was so raw, so intense, as if Wonwoo had spent his entire life there, building a huge sandcastle while dying of thirst.

So Mingyu became rain and poured his everything, all of his internalized anger, his insecurities, his hopes and dreams, he spilled everything on Wonwoo’s desert.

He connected their lips tightly, and Wonwoo’s initial reaction was to pull back. But the show was over, his mask was off now. Wonwoo’s first reaction maybe was to pull away, but that was not what he wanted, not really. He had been made this way, he had learned to be scared instead of opening himself to new experiences. So Mingyu just held him tighter, urging him to take this step forward with him.

It felt like a miracle when Wonwoo stopped resisting. His hands found Mingyu’s shirt and pulled him closer, and all kinds of worries, of anger and fear disappeared. They kissed as desperately as they both felt in that moment. Their lips danced a fierce dance, that was soon followed by tongues. Wonwoo clutched at the back of Mingyu’s neck, pulling at the strands of his hair there. A moan fell out of Mingyu’s mouth, and he bit Wonwoo’s lower lip.

Mingyu lost feeling of time and space. He became even more disoriented than he had already been. Wonwoo kissed him back so eagerly. All the tension that had been building between them, all the anger and attraction blew up and Mingyu could barely keep up with it.

It was fitting that their first kiss came after a fight. It was only natural that Wonwoo was yelling at him, trying to scare him away one moment, and the next he was melting in his arms.

When they needed to sperate for air, Mingyu didn’t dive back into the kiss immediately.

“I trust you.” he murmured against Wonwoo’s lips, eyes barely open. “Are you okay with it?”

Wonwoo made a disgruntled noise, his own eyes closed. “I…”

Mingyu pecked his lips once again, gently this time. “Are you okay with it?” he repeated softly.

“I don’t want to be okay with it.” Wonwoo admitted.

“But?”

Wonwoo bumped their foreheads together. “But I guess I am…” the words were so silent, Mingyu felt them more than he heard them. “Don’t expect me to trust you back though.”

Mingyu kissed him again. He had no expectations of Wonwoo. That was one of the first things their relationship had been built on. Apart from their deal, he accepted everything else of Wonwoo as it was. That was what he wanted to communicate with this kiss now. Acceptance.

Wonwoo put a hand around Mingyu’s waist and let the kiss deepen. The rain was refreshing after being parched for so long. Maybe Wonwoo couldn’t exactly drink a lot from it, but Mingyu was going to make sure that in the future, he was going to become a lake for him as well.

~~~

They didn’t move from that spot behind the tent, not until the show was over. They kept kissing and feeling each other through the break, where people could stumble upon them anytime, through Seokmin’s performance _and_ the entire flying trapeze act. It was the first time Mingyu hadn’t felt the need to stop whatever he was doing to watch his friends fly.

No, kissing Wonwoo was now his top priority.

At least it was until all the audience left the plaza where the tent and the games had been built. Then, Jeonghan’s voice boomed across the entire place.

“Every member report to the train cafeteria at once! Director’s orders!”

Mingyu pulled away. They were back. Wonwoo’s eyes snapped open as well and he turned his head towards the source of the sound.

“Something’s wrong.” he said uneasily.

“What?” Mingyu was still a little disoriented.

“They were late to return, remember?” Wonwoo murmured, fixing the collar of Mingyu’s shirt that he had messed up earlier. “Jeonghan is never strict without a reason. Something happened.”

“Let’s go to the cafeteria then.” Mingyu said, grabbing his wrist.

Wonwoo nodded and pushed his back off the railings. They walked to the train together in silence, like they always did. For once, there was no kind of tension between them, but neither of them felt peaceful. The trouble they were in this time was not because something had happened between them. Right now, they felt the same worry as everyone else who was hurrying to the cafeteria around them.

The first thing Mingyu saw was the girl that was supposed to be Wonwoo’s assistant talking intensely with Yeji and Jisu. Wonwoo headed straight to them.

“Somi, what happened?” he asked over the other two girls.

“Oh Wonwoo, I’m so sorry we didn’t make it in time!” was the first thing out of the girl’s mouth. “Was the show fine without me?”

“It was…” Wonwoo glanced at Mingyu, “fine. What happened to you though?”

“Trouble happened.” Somi frowned. “They fought. Seungcheol got a bloody nose.”

“What?” Mingyu’s eyes widened. “Is he okay?”

“I think so.” Somi shrugged. “You know Seungcheol, he always hides his pain.”

“Not from Jeonghan.” Wonwoo said and grabbed Mingyu’s arm. “Let’s go inside, Jeonghan will explain everything.”

Mingyu waved goodbye at the other girls as he was being dragged inside. He was half expecting the cafeteria to be full of chaos, filled with a bunch of grown people worried to death for their leader. What he was met with instead, was gravely silence as people sat huddled in chairs together. The tables have been pushed to the side, making the cafeteria look more like a conference room and less the friendly wagon Mingyu was used to seeing.

In the middle of everyone, there were Jeonghan and Jihoon, leaning over a list of names thoughtfully. Jihoon’s eyes briefly snapped at Mingyu’s when they entered and then he crossed two names off the list.

“Mingyu and Wonwoo are here.” he told Jeonghan. “It’s just Seulgi now.”

Wonwoo pointed Mingyu to a seat close to the windows, next to Junhui and Minghao who were holding hands.

“Don’t worry about her, she’ll be fine.” Jeonghan told Jihoon and then, he finally raised his head. “Good job for following orders so quickly everyone.” he addressed the whole troupe. “I’ll get straight to the point. A deal went wrong.” he announced, and many people’s faces darkened.

This was what they had both feared and expected.

“A fight broke out and Seungcheol suffered minor injuries, _but,”_ he raised his hands to stop the onslaught of loud exclamations of the troupe, “but Jisoo is taking care of him and he will be absolutely fine. He asked me to tell you that it would be better for him to stay alone a few days to recover and in the meantime, Jihoon is in charge.”

“Great.” the shorter man grumbled. “More responsibilities.”

“What happened Jeonghan?” Soonyoung piped up, asking the question everyone was thinking. “What went wrong with the deal?”

Jeonghan sighed deeply. “Apparently, a bag was missing.” he said, rubbing the back of his neck tiredly.

Wait.

Mingyu froze. A… bag?

“A bag of what?” Hansol asked with wide eyes.

Jeonghan looked at him with a look that screamed _seriously?_ “What do we sell Hansol?” he deadpanned.

“Don’t actually say it.” Jihoon warned him.

Drugs. They sold drugs in bags. Mingyu had learned as much all this time, even though he hadn’t gotten into more details.

He knew that they sold drugs in the form of pills, tobacco and… powder.

The bags with the powder were stored in the back end of a storage wagon, blocking the back door.

Powder was as heavy and had almost the same consistency as sand.

For someone to enter the train through the back door, they would need to remove one of those bags and climb over it.

But what happened if it was never put back in its place?

Mingyu’s face went as pale as a ghost’s.

_He had left a bag of heavy drugs hidden behind a tree in his old town._

“Shit…” he cursed quietly, burying his face in his hands. “Shit, shit, shit…”

“What’s wrong?” Wonwoo turned to him abruptly.

Mingyu shook his head. He had messed up. He had messed up even worse than when he had trashed his parent’s pub. Why did he have to be such a disaster of a human and spread calamity wherever he went? Now Seungcheol was hurt and it was all his fault.

“Mingyu?” Wonwoo placed a hand on his thigh.

“It’s nothing…” Mingyu managed to say behind his palms. “Just give me some time.”

Wonwoo hesitantly took his hand back. “Okay…”

Jihoon clapped his hands together to gather the attention on him again. “Listen to me everyone!” he said loudly.

With a glance around him, Mingyu saw that everyone was immersed in conversations with the people next to them.

“Everyone!” Jihoon called again.

“Don’t worry Hoonie, I’ve got you!” Soonyoung got up from his seat and carried it all the way to the middle of the cafeteria. He placed it down right in front of Jihoon’s legs and then looked at him expectantly.

Jihoon looked at it with confusion and the raised an eyebrow at the juggler.

“Get on!” Soonyoung urged him. “People will actually be able see you then!” he smiled sweetly.

Jihoon smacked the back of his head. “I fucking hate you.” he grumbled, but got up on the chair anyway. “Everyone!” he yelled again, and this time, heads turned towards his way and conversations died down.

Soonyoung gave him two thumbs up, but Jihoon pointedly didn’t turn to look at him again.

“It is not safe to remain in this town any longer if we have beef with the gangs around it now.” Jihoon said seriously. “Tomorrow’s show is cancelled. Let’s pack up as quickly as possible and get the hell out of here.”

At his words, protests started to rise again.

“What about the money?”

“Will we manage to get to the next town without supplies?”

“How are we going to get paid if we don’t perform?”

“We told the people we will see them tomorrow, we can’t leave like that!”

Jihoon pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed as he waited for the wave of complaints to pass. To be honest, Mingyu agreed with him. If anyone ever found out about what he had done, he would rather be as far away from the gangs he had indirectly stolen from as possible.

He shook his head in desperation again. How could he have been so stupid?

“Need I remind everyone here that Seungcheol put me in charge?” Jihoon crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I said we’re leaving. Whoever has a problem with it can stay, I don’t care. One less mouth to feed.”

Ouch. Mingyu knew that Jihoon absolutely wouldn’t leave anyone behind, but he needed to act like this now so people would take him seriously. Jihoon could be so scary when he chose to.

“Also, I think we all know that this bag that was missing could not have magically disappeared.” Jihoon narrowed his eyes. “I’m informing Seungcheol that we’ll be handing out a reward to whoever finds out what happened, or who was responsible for this. And just so you know,” his eyes travelled over every single head of his co-workers, “if you were as stupid as to steal from us, know that there will be no mercy. This train is our safe space. No traitors are allowed to mess that up.” he banged his fist to his palm with conviction.

Mingyu stifled a groan and buried his face even lower. If he had any ideas about sharing his little mistake with his friends, they were all pulverized now. He didn’t want to be kicked out of his new home because of a mistake he had made so long ago. He regretted it so much now, but he could do nothing else but keep it buried inside him forever.

“Seriously, what is wrong with you?” Wonwoo asked once again.

Mingyu could not bring himself to reply. If the truth left his lips, he was going to destroy everything. He had made huge progress with Wonwoo today, he couldn’t afford to mess it up.

Maybe he should focus on that progress instead of beating himself up the entire night about how much of an idiot he was. Maybe he should use Wonwoo for comfort for once.

“Hey…” he turned his head to the side and looked at Wonwoo with puppy eyes. “When we return to our room, can I kiss you again?” he asked.

Wonwoo’s eyes momentarily widened before he composed himself again. He coughed a bit awkwardly, and even after everything, it managed to bring a tiny smile out of Mingyu.

“Uh… If you want to, I guess…” Wonwoo replied quietly in the end, the edges of his ears getting pinker.

Mingyu sighed. He didn’t want one single mistake to cost him his entire life here. He didn’t want to have to leave everything behind again. He didn’t want to lose everything he had worked to gain, just because he had been stupid and careless in the past. Keeping silent about something so important was going to be the hardest challenge for him so far, but he was going to have to make it.

Wonwoo placed his hand on his thigh again.

~~~

The next morning, every single person on the train of the circus was dead tired. After an exhausting performance, they barely had time to change out of their costumes before they speed packed all their equipment back inside the storage wagons. Unlike the other, there were no light hearted jokes and chatter amongst the troupe members. Everyone focused on their task so they could leave as soon as possible.

Mingyu carried so many heavy rods and costumes back inside the train that his muscles were hurting worse than when he was training for the trapeze.

A little before the sunrise, they were done. Most of them dragged their bodies to their rooms and they fell in a deep, dark sleep, thankful that the day was finally over.

Alas, the day may have been over, but their troubles were only just beginning.

One of those problems was Junhui's rapidly worsening condition. There were days that he was even struggling to walk. Every doctor he had visited had strongly suggested him to rest and take it easy and _for the love of god, stay away from the trapeze_. Junhui never listened, not as long as Minghao was still up there, waiting for him.

"This cannot go on any longer." Wonwoo told Junhui one day during a breakfast the acrobat had decided to join them.

"Do you hear anything Mingyu? I swear I heard something." Junhui bluntly ignored him.

"Junhui. I'm serious." Wonwoo persisted.

"Must be the wind. It is pretty strong in the middle of the fields after all." Junhui hummed.

"We can continue the dagger training. That way you won't be completely useless after your leg gives out on you." Wonwoo suggested.

Mingyu regarded his roommate carefully. Wonwoo was not that selfless to simply teach someone else his art. There had to be a catch there.

"I don't like throwing daggers." Junhui finally graced him with an answer. "It's too lonely of an art."

"Would it still feel lonely of it was Minghao that was strapped to the target?" Wonwoo folded his hands on his lap, knowing he had won the argument.

Junhui made a face at him.

"Just try it." Wonwoo persisted. "You've never done anything else in your life besides the trapeze. Maybe you'll find that another act suits who you are better than the trapeze did."

Did Wonwoo want Junhui and Minghao out of the trapeze? Mingyu couldn't think of any other reason why he was doing this right now.

"Besides, wouldn't it be fun if we traded arts?" Wonwoo smiled at Junhui.

Ah. Mingyu got it now.

They all knew that one day, Mingyu was going to replace Junhui and have a permanent place on the trapeze. But it wouldn't be the same for Wonwoo. As things were now, he wasn't needed on the board.

If Minghao left along with Junhui though, if they found interest together in something else, Wonwoo could probably step in his place eventually.

This was what people saw in Wonwoo and called him a scheming little devil. That was why he had the reputation of a manipulator.

There was more to it though. Mingyu had seen how Wonwoo looked at the people that Seungcheol did business with, he had seen how he looked like when he truly disliked someone.

The way he looked at Junhui was not it. Maybe this trade of positions would benefit him too, but more than that, Wonwoo was urging Junhui to find a new passion in his life after the one he already had, the one he had grown up with and had always found comfort in, was snatched away from him. Junhui didn't look it, but not being able to do the thing he was best at had to be painful.

Wonwoo wanted to get on the trapeze, yes, but he also wanted to prevent his friend from falling to a spiral of negative thoughts that could potentially destroy him.

Mingyu took Wonwoo's hand in his under the table, causing the other to look at him strangely. Mingyu pretended he didn't notice.

Surprisingly, Wonwoo didn't pull his hand away.

"Well, you've grabbed my attention." Junhui crossed his legs.

"About time." Wonwoo said and elbowed him. "Do you want to go to the observatory?"

"Sure, why not." Junhui said and stretched his arms above his head.

Mingyu let Wonwoo go with a last squeeze to his hand. He wasn't done with his breakfast yet, so he stayed behind.

He didn't stay alone for long though. The moment Wonwoo and Junhui disappeared from sight, Mingyu felt a hard kick to his chair. He yelped and grabbed the edge of the table to not topple over.

"Ow?!" he turned his head, prepared to be fully offended.

"I saw the sneaky hand-holding, Casanova!"

Of course it was Chan. Mingyu groaned. "Can you please stop noticing everything?" he whined.

"Oh my god, you actually like him?" Chan whisper screamed. "I was mostly joking before, but dude. You like him!"

"I don't _like_ him. Stop that!" Mingyu slapped Chan's arm.

"Okay, but when you get together, remember that it was me who figured it out first." Chan stuck his tongue out.

Mingyu rolled his eyes. If only he could have imagined that this would be his relationship with that kid that woke him up on his first day on this train...

"Anyway, I'm polishing masks with Ryujin in her room. Wanna help us?" Chan asked.

Mingyu looked at his breakfast wistfully.

"Sure, why not."

Maybe there was a storm looming behind the corner for the people of the circus, maybe they were secretly all waiting to be blown away. If this was the calm before the storm, Mingyu wanted to enjoy it for as long as possible and polish blue and pink masks until his hands were begging him to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm dying to hear your thoughts for this chapter lol  
> I think this is my favourite one so far :)
> 
> Thanks for reading, feedback is always appreciated, new chap in 5 days


	8. Alle Menschen werden Brüder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up for this chapter. The closer we get to the end the more intense things become

It was very late at night. Or maybe it was very early morning? Mingyu had no idea. He lost his sense of time the moment Wonwoo dragged him down on his bed and climbed on his lap. The kisses were passionate, strong. They were a stress relief, a way to unwind after a long day.

Roaming hands and shallow thrusts accompanied every touch of their lips. It was almost a battle, but one of the most satisfying ones he and Wonwoo ever had. Wonwoo was licking into his mouth one moment, but the next, Mingyu was biting his tongue lightly, causing him to groan and allow Mingyu to take back some control and even the battlefield.

Mingyu had been hard for a while, he at least knew that. He couldn’t pinpoint the moment it had happened though. All he knew was that Wonwoo was sitting right on his crotch, warm and heavy. Every tiny move he made sent sensations directly to Mingyu’s groin and it felt heavenly.

Wonwoo was probably hard too, judging from the way he was fidgeting to get more friction between them. But one more thing Mingyu knew, was that they wouldn’t take it any further. They had had an entire week to take the next step after the first time these make-out sessions started, but neither of them had made a move. There was no point in making things more complicated.

That didn’t mean that Mingyu couldn’t be a tease though. He grabbed Wonwoo’s waist with both his hands firmly, stopping his fidgeting. Their eyes met briefly, both hooded with arousal. Mingyu licked a slow stripe along his lower lip and brought their hips together in one long thrust.

Wonwoo’s moan was shaky from a shiver that went down his spine. Mingyu held him tightly to stop him from moving and then he did it again. His own eyes closed from the tingling sensation the pressure against his cock brought him, Wonwoo’s groans only making him more sensitive. Mingyu’s lips strayed from their soft brushes against Wonwoo’s lips and they started going lower. Wonwoo’s jawline was a work of art Mingyu had wanted to explore for a while.

Before he could reach the soft skin below his ear though, a sharp movement demanded all of Mingyu’s attention. His head was suddenly pushed back to the pillow and there was a sharp knife pointed against his neck.

Mingyu tried to control his heavy breathing. If he moved even the tiny bit, the knife would cut his skin. Despite the dark look in his eyes, Mingyu was confident that Wonwoo was not going to actually hurt him. This was a show of power. The message was loud and clear. Wonwoo was not going to surrender to his touches so easily. He didn’t trust him enough to do so.

Mingyu though had decided to trust him about a week ago, and until now, there had been no indication that he had made a mistake. So he simply smirked up at him, hair disheveled and the top button of his shirt open.

“If you wanted me to stay still so bad all you had to do was ask.” Mingyu winked, unfazed from the knife against his throat. If Wonwoo had wanted to scare him, he had failed.

Failure never sat very well with Wonwoo. He made a deep sound from the back of his throat and threw the knife away. It fell somewhere to the floor with a metallic clutter.

“You’re so annoying.” Wonwoo murmured against his lips, before cupping Mingyu’s cheeks and kissing him deeply again.

This time, Mingyu brought his hands on Wonwoo’s waist not to guide him against his body, but to find something to hold on to as his senses were being attacked.

He struggled to breathe, but part of him didn’t really want to separate from Wonwoo for something so insignificant.

“Annoying and stupid.” Wonwoo added the moment he could talk again. “You are,” kiss, “the worst,” kiss, “influence for someone like me.”

Mingyu held the back of his neck after the last kiss, not letting him get away. He let him struggle a bit before he released him, but even then, Wonwoo didn’t pull away immediately. The next time they separated, he threw Wonwoo a sideways grin. “That’s funny,” he said, “because you’re the worst influence for someone like me too.”

Wonwoo smiled too and brushed Mingyu’s hair back. “Then we must be really bad for each other.”

“Are we though?” Mingyu tilted his head and brought the other closer against his chest.

This position was more like a hug and less like a steamy kissing moment. Wonwoo sighed and let his head rest against Mingyu’s collarbones.

That was a first. They usually left each other alone after they were done making out, allowing the privacy needed to take care of their problems. This time though, the heat was not simply going away. It was turning to warmth instead.

“This is the repayment for that time I hugged you when you were having a crisis on your first day here.” Wonwoo said out of the blue.

Mingyu didn’t immediately understand what he was saying, didn’t remember the moment Wonwoo was referring to. But when he realized that the other was searching for a way to justify this, to find a reason other than his feelings to hug another person after they spent an entire night kissing, Mingyu groaned.

“No, idiot.” he said quickly. “Not at all. I’m doing this because I want to.”

“Because you want to?” Wonwoo repeated, as if he couldn’t understand.

“Exactly.” Mingyu said, instinctively squeezing him tighter.

Wonwoo was quiet. Mingyu had a feeling that this was not over. There was no way Wonwoo was going to let go of this so easily.

Indeed, he was right. “Then it’s me who should pay you back in the future…” he said uncertainly.

“Stop that!” Mingyu slapped the back of his head lightly. “Stop overthinking this.”

“I’m not overthinking!” Wonwoo raised himself on his elbows and looked down at Mingyu. “There is no way this is for free.”

“Because nothing is free on the circus?” Mingyu raised an eyebrow. “That’s too bad. Because this is free. For both of us.”

Wonwoo looked genuinely confused, and a part of Mingyu pitied him. If only a hug troubled him like that, did that mean that he had never had this kind of affection in the past? Mingyu just sighed and pulled him back against his chest.

Remarkably, Wonwoo didn’t get angry. He just sat there, tense, but he didn’t pull away. This was an indication about how much he actually wanted this. Mingyu brought one hand to his hair and twirled a strand.

“It’s okay. It really is okay.” he tried to get him to relax.

“I don’t understand you Mingyu.” Wonwoo said. “If there is one thing I know about this world is that the only thing that moves a man is profit. What do you have to gain by doing this?” he asked.

“You know,” Mingyu said, “the reason I left my parents’ house was because I didn’t agree with this mindset. I don’t believe that profit is the only thing that can move a man.”

There. He said it. The thought that had been sitting on his mind for over a month now. It felt weird vocalizing it after so much time he had spent thinking of it. It somehow felt more real now. He felt more certain of himself than ever before.

The fact that it was Wonwoo he was telling those words to, made it even more important.

“Then what?” Wonwoo asked, looking up at him. “What else is there?”

It was a genuine question. Wonwoo was not simply asking this to spite Mingyu. He was looking at him ready to accept any answer, something to prove himself wrong.

It was as if he wanted to be wrong, and Mingyu hadn’t expected that. Wonwoo was always so proud, so certain of himself. He appeared as if he had his life figured out, as if he knew how the world worked. Because of that, he was bitter and manipulative to an extent that wasn’t healthy.

Was it possible that Wonwoo understood that? Did he realize what he had become?

Was he… was he trying to _change_ it?

Mingyu brushed his hand against Wonwoo’s cheek, feeling like he had just made a great discovery. But even if that wasn’t true, and Wonwoo didn’t want to change himself, he was still looking at him with curiosity, eager to listen to his answer. Mingyu had never had this kind of attention in his life either. And coming from someone like Wonwoo… He would be lying if he said that he wasn’t fascinated.

And then it clicked. The answer he was searching for, the answer Wonwoo was expecting him to say. Mingyu had spent so long looking for it, when it was right in front of his eyes.

“It’s this moment.” he whispered, the epiphany he just had audible in his voice.

“What do you mean?” Wonwoo asked.

“It’s _this_ moment, Wonwoo.” Mingyu repeated. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. “It’s this moment and every other one that will follow.”

Wonwoo blinked slowly, trying to understand.

“It’s moments like these. This is what makes life worth it.” Mingyu smiled. “All our choices that has led us to this point. We are searching for this.”

Wonwoo frowned, and Mingyu was immediately on alarm. He had said something wrong, he just knew it.

“It wasn’t my choice to come here.” Wonwoo said, his voice bitter.

Uh oh. Mingyu had forgotten about that.

“They took me when I was a child and…” Wonwoo closed his eyes and pressed his lips. This topic of conversation was hard on him, but still… He was trying to share something with him, so Mingyu remained absolutely quiet and let him speak.

“I never had the choice. I never _have_ the choice, about anything.” Wonwoo said, slowly pulling away.

“Jihoon told me how you came here.” Mingyu said, trying to relieve him of the explanation.

“He doesn’t _know…”_ Wonwoo pressed. “We…” he took a deep breath. “My family, we used to live underground. No windows, no light, nothing. Just rats and spiders and… so many kids around. I couldn’t _see._ I was so young, but I still remember that feeling. It was because I never had the choice of leaving, that’s why it still feels like I’m still underground.”

Mingyu was starting to realize things.

“We were so poor Mingyu, I sometimes spent _days_ without eating. My parents didn’t care. They did nothing but laze around the house all day. Hunger felt terrible, I still remember the feeling in my nightmares, but… A lived-in house that is being treated like it’s abandoned is even worse. We had _nothing,_ no clothes, no toys, and there were so many children, I doubt they were all my siblings.”

Wonwoo’s breaths started coming out faster, and Mingyu started tracing circles on his back, trying to comfort him enough to continue. Mingyu did not know much, but even he understood that Wonwoo needed to get this out of his chest. Who knew how many years he had been carrying it alone?

“I didn’t realize it at the time. I was pretty much abandoned ever since I learned how to walk, but I didn’t _understand._ I loved my parents, but they…”

 _They sold him,_ Mingyu finished for him. He closed his eyes and tried not to flinch visibly. How was Wonwoo ever expected to trust anyone after this?

“Do you know what I remember the most from that time though?” Wonwoo lifted his head up to look at him.

“Tell me.” Mingyu urged him.

“The _view._ The house I lived when I was a child was below the surface of the earth. And when I came here… It didn’t… It didn’t feel like I broke out of that hole at all. I’m still underground when I just…” Wonwoo gulped. “I just want to fly.”

 _On the trapeze,_ Mingyu added in his brain.

That was it. This was the reason.

Wonwoo was not only aware of how wrong his point of view was, he was desperately trying to change it. He did it silently, without anyone knowing, so he had no support. He was trying to learn a whole new art so he could finally get over his problems and save himself. It was a last, desperate attempt and Mingyu finally saw it as it was. For Wonwoo, this was not just another deal. It was hopefully his last one.

 _I have worse fears than height,_ Wonwoo had once said when Mingyu had asked him if he would be okay with how tall the trapeze was, and this was probably what he meant. Scared of being internally trapped below the place you feel you belong, scared of spending an entire lifetime without finding yourself. And yeah, Mingyu could definitely understand why these fears were a lot worse than a simple 10-meter drop from the board.

“You’re doing good.” was the only thing Mingyu could say. “You’re doing amazing.” he added, caressing a strand of Wonwoo’s hair.

Wonwoo shifted a bit. “I don’t want anyone to know this.” he said. “How will I know that you won’t tell anyone?” he asked, still as uneasy as ever. The fact that now Mingyu knew some of the deepest parts of him didn’t mean he was going to change like that.

“I told you.” Mingyu said, trying to sound comforting. “I value these moments a lot. I wouldn’t do anything to stop them from happening.”

Wonwoo must have understood the point he was making, because he just nodded. “Alright.” he said.

And then, he finally relaxed. Mingyu felt his entire weight slumping on his own body, and it was far from unwelcome. He brought his finger’s below Wonwoo’s chin and lifted his head. The kiss he gave him was unlike all the others before. There was no passion this time, only comfort and acceptance. It wouldn’t surprise Mingyu if Wonwoo had never been kissed like that before. The way he gasped on Mingyu’s lips, the hesitation with which he wrapped his arm around Mingyu’s neck… And finally, after some unknown amount of time, the way his eyelids fluttered close and the kiss deepened… Mingyu was getting drunk with this side of Wonwoo.

The open side, the side that could share secrets, that could relax and let Wonwoo enjoy things. It suited him. Everything suited him.

Mingyu threaded his fingers on the hair on Wonwoo’s nape and massaged him lightly. Another soft, pleasured gasp reached his ears.

Mingyu was getting in too deep in this. He realized it, but there was nothing he could do. He watched himself standing at the edge of a waterfall and counting to one hundred before he jumped.

One…

Two…

Three…

Four…

At ten, his heart started beating faster.

At twenty, he wanted to share parts of himself with Wonwoo too. Parts that nobody else knew. Parts that maybe would be dangerous for anyone else to know. But not Wonwoo, he would be safe with Wonwoo. Mingyu trusted him.

Maybe that had been a mistake after all.

“Hey,” he said in between the kisses. “I… I need to tell you something too.”

 _Don’t do it!_ his head was screaming, but it was pointless.

Twenty five…

Twenty six…

“What is it?” Wonwoo mumbled as a reply, still chasing his lips.

Twenty seven…

Twenty eight…

“Wonwoo I did something. And I have to tell you.” Mingyu began.

His tone must have been guilty, because Wonwoo pulled back a bit and looked at him questioningly.

“I’m listening.” he said.

_Do. Not. Do. It!_

“The bag with the drugs.” Mingyu said in the end.

“What about it?” Wonwoo frowned.

Mingyu took a deep breath. “It was me. When I snuck into the train, I took one bag off and didn’t put it back in place.” he confessed.

There was a beat of silence as Wonwoo’s lips parted, trying to let every word sink in.

“You… what? _”_ he asked, as if it was unbelievable.

“I didn’t know what it was at the time. I would never-“

Wonwoo jumped off the bed. It was so abrupt, that Mingyu almost broke his neck trying to follow his movement.

“You did _what_ Kim Mingyu?” Wonwoo asked again, far more intensely than before.

Mingyu gulped. “I’m sorry I didn’t know…”

“You’re _sorry?_ Mingyu what the hell!” Wonwoo banged his fist on the table. “ _You’re_ the reason we will be going an entire month unpaid and fed scraps? _You’re_ the traitor?”

“No, no, I wouldn’t-“ Mingyu shook his hands in front of himself.

“Why…” Wonwoo’s face twisted painfully. “Why would you _tell me?_ ”

Huh? Was _that_ what bothered Wonwoo? Mingyu was confused.

“Why, why, _why_ would you do that?” Wonwoo groaned and started pacing the room.

“I don’t understand.” Mingyu admitted, sitting up and crossing his hands on his lap.

“Seungcheol’s offering a reward to whoever finds the traitor. What’s stopping me from going to him right now and have him throw you over the rails?!”

Mingyu remained stoic. “Nothing.” he said. “I trust you.”

“You’re so _stupid_!” Wonwoo stressed. “He will pay actual money to whoever gives him the information!”

“Then go.” Mingyu felt bold enough to challenge him. “Tell him.”

“Stop provoking me, idiot!” Wonwoo yelled. “Why would you do this now, huh? Right after I opened up to you… Fuck, _I’m_ the idiot here!” Wonwoo slapped his forehead in distress.

“No, wait-“ Mingyu tried to go to him, tell him that he did nothing wrong, but Wonwoo just slapped his hand away.

“I was scared Mingyu.” Wonwoo said, and it felt like a punch in Mingyu’s gut. “I was scared, but for some reason, I talked to you. I stopped _overthinking_ like you said, and for a brief moment I stopped assuming you were an enemy. I did all this just for you to confirm you actually are an enemy!” Wonwoo pushed him back so hard, that Mingyu fell back on the bed.

 _No, no, no, no,_ Mingyu had _not_ wanted this to happen. Wonwoo was right, he was stupid. This was not about him admitting his faults, this was about betraying Wonwoo’s non-existent trust.

 _Fucking congratulations,_ the part of his brain that had warned him against speaking started clapping pitifully.

“Wonwoo, I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to make things harder-“ Mingyu tried to reach for him again.

Big mistake. Wonwoo was next to the table, where the box of knives was located. In the speed of light, he pulled the lid open and threw one right next to Mingyu’s face.

“Stay away from me.” he said threateningly, grabbing two more knives to his chest.

Mingyu’s heart broke at the image, but he understood. He knew where Wonwoo was coming from, and it pained him to admit it, but trying to approach him again would only make everything worse.

He sat back down on the bed. Without taking his eyes off him, Wonwoo walked to the door and left the room. Just like that. No words exchanged.

Was he actually going to Seungcheol? Was he going to the forest outside alone? Mingyu had a billion different things to worry about at the same time and he had no way of knowing what was going to happen.

He just sat on his bed in shock, waiting for the morning to come and see just what kind of pain had fate decided to throw against him this time.

~~~

Mingyu rubbed his tired eyes for what felt like the hundredth time. He didn’t dare close them and fall asleep after Wonwoo left. The sun was starting to appear on the horizon. It was barely visible from the small window of the room, but the sky was undeniably lightening up.

Mingyu had stayed on Wonwoo’s bed all this time, waiting. He wanted to be ready if people suddenly barged in to kick him out. Mingyu didn’t know how much resistance he could offer if that happened, especially considering that Seungcheol would be in the front. Mingyu didn’t want to disappoint the director after all the faith he had shown in him.

This whole thing reminded Mingyu once again how much he hated waiting for something terrible to happen. Situations like these never ended up working in his favour. He couldn’t imagine anything worse for his nerves other than just sitting down with nothing to do but expect punishment.

There was one minor detail to mind though.

The sun was starting to rise, and there was still no Seungcheol. The train had remained quiet after Wonwoo’s departure, which must have been hours ago. Where was Seungcheol? Where were all of Mingyu’s friends, with angry and disappointed looks? If Wonwoo had ratted him out, they should have been here ages ago.

Mingyu placed his face in his hands. He was so tired of waiting. It gave him a false hope that maybe things would turn out alright, even though experience told him that they never did.

What if Wonwoo hadn’t gone to Seungcheol? Knowing Wonwoo, the possibility of this happening was almost non-existent, but what if? Where did he go? The train was parked in the middle of nowhere, between fields and wild trees. It was just fine to set up the trapeze and practice, but not much else. The train was quiet through and through, so Wonwoo couldn’t have stayed here.

Despite himself, Mingyu was worried. He had messed up once again, but it hurt even worse now that he had been actively trying to make things work. All he had wanted was to understand Wonwoo, to help him. He had gotten too carried away though, burdening him with things he was not ready to carry.

Mingyu sighed. He wouldn’t be able to take much more of this. If Wonwoo was not ready to get closer to people, then who was he to force him? If Mingyu miraculously managed to stay on the circus, maybe that was the sign he needed to heed everyone’s advice and stay away.

It felt bad though. He had gotten _so close._ He could still feel the ghost of Wonwoo’s touches, of his breath against his lips. Mingyu didn’t want to lose this, no matter how hard things sometimes were between them. But sadly, everyone had their limits, and maybe this was theirs…

Just as he was thinking about this, the door slammed open. Mingyu’s head immediately whipped up, only to see his roommate walking in with his hair wet and his arms shaking.

Mingyu wanted to yell at him. He wanted to scold him for disappearing like that and leaving him to deal with his demons. Mingyu was mad at Wonwoo for all the three seconds it took for him to walk the distance between them and plop lifelessly on the bed right next to him.

“Are you okay?” the worried part of Mingyu prevailed after this.

“Yes.” Wonwoo murmured, placing his arm above his eyes to block his view.

He obviously didn’t want to elaborate, and Mingyu was not going to force him to. He had learned his lesson. Instead, he asked a much more urgent question.

“Did you go to Seungcheol?”

“No.” was the dry reply.

“…Are you going to?” Mingyu frowned, not allowing to let himself feel hope yet.

A small pause. When Wonwoo answered, his voice was a lot quieter than before. “…No.”

Mingyu couldn’t believe his ears. Before Wonwoo had left, he had asked him for a reason to not go to the director and expose him, but Mingyu had been unable to provide him with one. There was absolutely no reason to not rat him out, at least not one that Wonwoo would have normally accepted.

Mingyu was not able to stop himself from asking. He had already messed up, what was one more stupid question?

“Why?”

Wonwoo let out a groan and turned his back on him, curling up against the wall. “I don’t know!” he whined. “I have no fucking idea…”

Mingyu was dumbfounded. Wonwoo… doing something without a reason? Especially when that something cost him money and possibly the trust of the director?

This was enough to make Mingyu absolutely certain of his belief. It was not only profit that moved a person.

Mingyu folded his hands on his lap and looked at the floor. He had no idea what to say right now. He didn’t know what Wonwoo needed to hear. He didn’t even know what he wanted to tell him.

“Can we go to sleep? I’m tired.” Wonwoo said, still facing the wall.

“Okay.” Mingyu replied and stood up to go to his bed.

Or at least he tried to.

Wonwoo stretched his leg just in time to stop him. Mingyu looked at him strangely, but the other offered no explanation. His face was scrunched, his eyes were closed and his shoulders were more tense than they had ever been, but the message was clear.

Mingyu sat back down.

“What did you do to tire you out so much?” Mingyu asked conversationally, not knowing what else to do.

“The trapeze is out there.” Wonwoo replied simply.

“You were up there all this time?”

“Yeah. Took a shower afterwards.” Wonwoo ruffled his wet hair.

That was why his arms were shaking so much. Just how much had he pushed himself to try and clear his head? Mingyu felt guilty again, but at least it seemed to have helped. Wonwoo was not exactly okay, but he wasn’t doing anything to endanger Mingyu.

Even at his worst, Wonwoo didn’t hurt him. Mingyu kept that in mind as he laid down next to him.

Wonwoo didn’t move in the slightest. His back was all Mingyu could see, apart from his forehead that was stubbornly pressed against the wall. Even his hands were crossed on his chest, tight and uncomfortable.

Mingyu placed one of his palms on his bicep and applied a little bit of pressure. Wonwoo stiffened, but made no comment.

“I’m sorry for telling you what I did when I did.” Mingyu said, continuing to rub the sore muscle. “But you should know, I don’t regret telling you.”

“You should.” Wonwoo’s answer was immediate.

“Maybe I should, but I don’t.” Mingyu slowly moved to his shoulder.

Wonwoo sighed and finally let his arm uncurl a little bit. “I know you don’t. That’s the problem.” he mumbled.

“It hasn’t caused me any problems so far. It could have, but it didn’t.” Mingyu said and pressed his head against Wonwoo’s nape. “Like I said, it’s okay.”

It was so relieving to be able to say that and actually mean it. Mingyu couldn’t believe it. He went from cursing at himself and his stupidity to actually believing he might have done something right.

“It’s okay.” he repeated, actually bringing Wonwoo closer to his chest.

Wonwoo didn’t speak to him again. He didn’t turn to face him and he didn’t tell him good night, like every other night. Still, Mingyu continued rubbing his sore muscles, until he felt his breaths evening out.

Crisis averted. Somehow, and Mingyu had no idea how, things have worked out for once. Their deal was still on, the trapeze was waiting for them. Maybe they had a gang against them now, maybe they were low on money and supplies, but Mingyu’s secret was safe for now.

He had to trust that Wonwoo would keep it safe even when the food started to be too little to satisfy any of them.

~~~

“Hold me!” Minghao screeched. “Don’t you dare drop me now Mingyu!”

“I’m _trying_!” Mingyu yelled back, closing his eyes from the exertion.

At the peak of the course was when Mingyu’s arms usually gave out. But with day after day of brutal practice, he finally managed to make one full swing with Minghao hanging from his arms.

“Oh my God!” Junhui yelled in glee from the ground when he saw the progress.

“Pull me up, pull me up, pull me up!” Minghao chanted, as if that would prepare Mingyu on time.

No, Mingyu was absolutely not going to pull him up. When the time came, he just launched him ahead, not paying any mind where he landed.

Mingyu had a feeling that even if Minghao completely missed the nets, Junhui would still be there to catch him before he fell. In all his time on the trapeze, Mingyu had never seen Junhui let Minghao fall, not even once.

Minghao was a professional though, so even with the worst kind of launch, he still managed to avoid hurting himself. He dropped on the nets clumsily and he yelped as he tried to regain his balance, but he didn’t end up falling off.

“Are you okay love?” Junhui asked him, not really worried.

“I’m fine!” Minghao called back and then turned to Mingyu furiously. “Are you _trying_ to kill me?”

“Uhh no?” Mingyu smiled sheepishly.

“I’m coming back up! If you don’t at least _try_ to lift me, I will _end you!_ ” Minghao said ominously.

Mingyu glanced nervously towards Wonwoo, who was sitting on the grass next to them as usual. He had a smirk on his face that said that he was on Minghao’s side. After all, it was him Mingyu was going to be catching one day. The harder Mingyu worked, the better for him.

Junhui must have followed his line of sight, because his face turned very pleased for some reason. “Come on Mingyu!” he cheered. “If you don’t want to do it for us, do it for Wonwoo here, who has so patiently been watching you all this time!”

Mingyu was thankful he was so high up in the sky that the others didn’t see his face turning red. On the other hand, he didn’t manage to listen to what Wonwoo told Junhui before he threw his shoe directly on his face, which was a pity.

And so the training continued throughout the morning, the noon and the evening. The night belonged to him and Wonwoo, to practice what they had learned all day. And when did they have time to sleep, someone might ask? The answer would be when they were too exhausted to continue. When their legs gave out, when theirs arms felt heavier than steel.

Life on the circus was hard, and Mingyu had never doubted that even for a second. At least, when he fell on the nets while struggling to breathe, usually with the sun just peeking over the horizon, a warm body would crawl next to him and they would fall unconscious together. There was solace in company. Mingyu didn’t know if he would have been able to do all this alone.

All these hardships though only managed to make every small success all the more exciting. Mingyu had thought it a miracle when he completed a full trick with Minghao. Not only a catch, not only a return. A full trick that Minghao performed on every show. And Mingyu had managed to keep up with him.

“And it took only two months!” Chan said, clapping happily over his coffee.

“Two months of unstopping exercise.” Jisoo pointed out. “Don’t downplay how hard what Mingyu did was.”

“There has to be a record somewhere about trapeze speed-learning. Maybe we can earn money if we prove you broke it.” Jeonghan added, his eyes glinting.

“Stop that.” Jisoo nudged him. “How many times have I told you to stop exploiting people younger than you?”

“I swear this is the first one.” Jeonghan said, using his innocent eyes to blink at the other. That was always the most obvious sign that he was lying.

Mingyu felt so at ease next to his friends now, it was almost funny to think how intimidated he had been of them in the beginning. Even when Seungcheol appeared in the cafeteria and immediately chose their table to join, Mingyu didn’t feel uneasy. Jeonghan and Jisoo were here, it was only natural for the director to magically appear next to them. Mingyu had gotten used of that too.

He was even starting to get used to the bandage around Seungcheol’s wrist, that didn’t seem to be going away any time soon. Mingyu was trying his best to not feel guilty about it, even though it was all his fault. That night, when their trade had gone wrong, Seungcheol had left with a bit more than a bloody nose and even if no one knew, Mingyu blamed himself.

It was impossible not to, especially since he couldn’t confess his sins to the person who had suffered the consequences of his actions. All he had was Wonwoo, who admittedly did his best to comfort him. But well, Wonwoo was Wonwoo. Comforting others was not one of his strong points.

Mingyu had to hope that in time, they could all forget about this. Right now, while they were still trying to get as much distance between them and the gang that they had fought, the money was still very low, no one was paid, and they were running short on food. Maybe when things went back to normal, Mingyu could forgive himself.

“Good morning guys.” Seungcheol greeted them, sitting right between Jeonghan and Jisoo.

“Morning sunshine.” Jeonghan greeted him first. “Do you think of me as a person who would exploit kids?” he asked seriously.

“Most definitely.” Seungcheol nodded, like it was the obvious answer.

Jeonghan pouted.

“Anyway,” Seungcheol turned to the rest of them, “we’re reaching a town in five days. It was not planned, but we are holding an emergency performance. We can’t go on like this.”

“Are things really that bad?” Mingyu couldn’t help but ask, guilt eating away at him.

Seungcheol reached over with his good hand and ruffled his hair. “Don’t worry about it. Leave all the concern about the well-being of the circus to me.”

“But-“

“That’s my job as the director Mingyu. I’ll worry about money, while you learn how to perform.” Seungcheol smiled.

“Which, by the way, is going phenomenal.” Chan interjected.

“Really?” Seungcheol looked impressed.

“Yes! He can do Minghao’s part now!” Chan said proudly.

“I-I only did it once…” Mingyu looked at his own coffee, a bit self-conscious.

“And you’ll do it again, and again, until you’re old and you can’t perform anymore.” Chan told him.

Being on the circus has always sounded like a dream. But it was only now that Mingyu could actually see it becoming a reality.

~~~

“Ready!” Mingyu called, falling backwards on the catch bar.

Wonwoo’s face was blurry, but Mingyu still he knew concentrating. Maybe he couldn’t see the line of sweat below his hairline, but he knew it was there. Wonwoo jumped, but even from the other side of the trapeze Mingyu could tell that it was not a good jump. He had spent enough time watching Minghao’s perfect form to realize when something went wrong.

As expected, when the time came for Wonwoo to let go of the fly rod, he didn’t make it to Mingyu. He simply fell on the nets, like the dozens of times he had tried this before.

Mingyu sighed and sat up. It was kind of heartbreaking watching Wonwoo falling again and again, without being able to catch him. Especially now, that he knew how much this meant to him. Junhui would have never let Minghao fall had he been in his place.

The worse thing was that day by day, Mingyu could see himself getting better at this. He was getting stronger, more focused. Experience was slowly but surely starting to root inside him.

Mingyu was improving. Wonwoo was not.

Mingyu didn’t have the heart to point that out to him as he watched him climb up the ladder again, as stubborn as ever. He just got in position again.

“Ready.” he said, feeling the familiar breeze of air against his cheeks.

Wonwoo jumped again, only for his hand to slip mid-course. He didn’t even get to the jumping part. Mingyu closed his eyes and let the wind his face for a little longer. A few months ago, he had seen Junhui doing exactly that and he had been horrified. Now, he was doing it himself, the fear nowhere to be found.

He couldn’t leave Wonwoo behind as he moved forward. They had started this together and they would get to their goal together. Mingyu was not going to let whatever it was that was holding Wonwoo back stop him from succeeding. Wonwoo’s body was strong, he had been training as long as Mingyu, and yet, Mingyu had never managed to catch him. The problem here was not physical.

Before Wonwoo could get up and head to the ladder again, Mingyu dropped to the nets. They were solving this now.

Wonwoo lost his balance the moment the net dipped under Mingyu’s weight and he fell to his knees. “Why did you-“ he turned to Mingyu, but he didn’t manage to finish his sentence.

“Wonwoo, I know what’s wrong.” Mingyu said with conviction, crawling towards him.

“What do you mean?” Wonwoo tilted his head.

“I know why I can do this now while you can’t.” Mingyu said, looking straight at his eyes. “And I think you know it too.”

It caught Wonwoo off guard. He quickly averted his eyes and made to get up, but Mingyu grabbed him and pulled him back down. The net shook beneath them, but Mingyu’s gaze didn’t.

“You know what’s the different between us, don’t you?” he said.

“Mingyu don’t say it.” Wonwoo’s eyes refused to meet his. There was only one thing they had argued so much about before. One thing that Wonwoo was scared of, yet Mingyu had decided to give it to him freely. “I can’t do it. I can’t.”

“I will catch you.” Mingyu grabbed both of Wonwoo’s shoulder in a firm grip. “I will catch you, I swear.”

Wonwoo was still looking at the ground.

“We can do it Wonwoo, _you_ can do it.” Mingyu brought their faces close together. “Give me your everything, and I swear I’ll be there to accept it.”

Wonwoo closed his eyes. “Gyu, don’t say it…”

Mingyu brought on of his hands to cup the other’s face. If he messed up again, so be it. He needed to say this now. He needed Wonwoo to hear those words.

“Wonwoo…” he said softly, brushing his thumb at the soft skin below his eye. “ _Trust me.”_

A beat of silence. And then…

“I can’t.” Wonwoo whispered.

“Trust me.” Mingyu repeated, kissing the place he had just touched. “I won’t let you down. I won’t.” he moved his kisses to his forehead. He had never kissed him there before. It had seemed too intimate. But now, they both needed that intimacy.

Wonwoo whimpered. “I-I can’t…”

Mingyu kissed him on the lips. He hugged him close to his body and kissed him gently, thoroughly. “Trust me, Wonwoo.” he said one last time, and then he pulled back.

He left Wonwoo kneeling on the net and with shaky steps, he walked back to his ladder. He didn’t look back. He gave Wonwoo the privacy to make up his mind, collect his thoughts and finally take this step with him.

Mingyu saw the moon as he climbed up. It was up there, shining its silver light on both of them. Mingyu decided to place all his hopes on it. This was the moon that shone above the waterfall Mingyu was preparing to jump from. After all those days, the counting was nearing its end. If Mingyu was scared to reach one hundred, only the moon would know.

Ninety one…

Ninety two…

Mingyu got on the catch bar, and only then did he look at the board. Wonwoo was getting there. He had moved from his spot and he was climbing up as well. He was taking this step with him.

Ninety three…

Ninety four…

Mingyu started swinging back and forth, building up height like he was used to. Things were different. He could feel it.

“Ready!” he called eventually and then, it was up to Wonwoo. Mingyu’s hands would have been so sweaty if it wasn’t for the chalk.

Wonwoo took the fly bar in his hands.

Ninety five…

Ninety six...

Wonwoo bended his legs slightly. He found the right timing, and then he jumped.

The take off looked fine, a lot better than before. Mingyu’s heart started beating faster.

One swing.

Wonwoo was still clumsy, but his hands held on. His from was not perfect, but he still followed the proper movements as he swung. He folded his legs when he reached the board again to build up even more momentum, and then, it was time.

The timing looked correct. Mingyu was approaching the middle of the course at the same time Wonwoo did.

Ninety seven…

They reached the peak of their course.

Ninety eight…

Wonwoo let go of the fly bar.

Ninety nine…

Mingyu reached his hands forward. And all of a sudden, instead of just grasping on air, they touched Wonwoo’s.

One hundred.

Mingyu caught him.

_Mingyu caught him._

“Gotcha!” he said. If he said it out loud maybe it would feel more real. “Prepare yourself, I’ll pull you up!”

Wonwoo’s eyes were wide as he looked at him, but they both knew this part. Mingyu had struggled so much to learn this, and Wonwoo had been watching closely. They swung once and when it was time, Mingyu lifted Wonwoo over his head. Instead of pushing him on the bars above the catch bar though, Mingyu pulled him straight to his lap.

He had caught Wonwoo for the first time. There was no way he was letting go of him now.

“We made it.” Mingyu said, wrapping one of his arms around Wonwoo’s waist while the other held the swing. They were steady again. “We made it, baby, we made it!” he said, not knowing how to contain the emotion that overtook him.

Wonwoo was overtaken as well. Mingyu saw the first tears slipping down his face and he realized. Wonwoo had overcome himself in more ways than one during that jump.

Mingyu crashed his lips against his, while Wonwoo was wrapping his arms around his neck. There was no way to tell who had initiated the kiss. As the swing gradually slowed down, they kissed ten meters above the ground, with the moon smiling down on them.

Mingyu was falling and falling down the waterfall, drowning in the kiss. Wonwoo was crying. Mingyu could feel the tears wetting his own face, dripping down on his own shirt. Wonwoo was crying and he was kissing Mingyu between the sobs, like his life depended on it.

“We did it. We did it.” kept saying quietly, comfortingly.

Once the swing came to be completely still and Mingyu could use both his hands, the first thing he did was wipe away any tears that he could see.

“It’s okay.” he smiled at Wonwoo, kissing the tip of his nose. “Let it all out.”

Wonwoo kissed him again, his hands threading on his hair. Mingyu hugged him back and started rubbing his back.

“T-this moment…” Wonwoo sniffled. “I g-get it now.” he said between tears. “It’s all about moments like these.”

“It is.” Mingyu bumped their foreheads together, still looking into Wonwoo’s eyes. “Thank you for trusting me.” he whispered, as if not to scare him away.

Wonwoo didn’t reply. He buried his face to the side of Mingyu’s neck and just stayed there, hugging him and crying. His hands were shaking, and Mingyu didn’t think this was because his muscles were sore this time. Mingyu put his chin on top of his head and closed his eyes, letting every little detail of this moment seep inside him.

Yeah, he had been right. This right here was what moved a man. Profit had absolutely nothing against this feeling, whatever feeling that was.

~~~

In those two months that Mingyu had spent on the circus, he had visited so many places he had no idea existed before. He had seen so many towns besides his own. Some of them looked exactly the same to his eyes, with the same plazas, the same town-halls, the same train stations. People where not creative when it came to building their houses. They valued utility over aesthetics.

But there was once in a while that the circus stumbled upon towns that were different. There had been a case that the pavements of every single street in a small town at the edge of a mountain were lined with colorful flowers. Azaleas, hibiscus and daises were everywhere and Mingyu had spent hours picking flowers and creating bouquets. He had been careful to stir clear of the daffodils though. He hadn’t wanted to get sick in a place as beautiful as that.

There had been another case that they visited a town that was by the edge of the sea. There, the houses had all been white and blue, with no roof tiles. They blended so beautifully with the scenery, it was almost surreal to think that everyone had sat down and decided to paint their houses the exact same colours. The stalls and the taverns on that town had all been decorated with seashells and starfish, as well as huge aquariums, making the place look so much more exotic than it actually was.

The town they reached five days later was one of _those_ towns. It was built around a large, clear river. Every few streets, there were carefully woven wooden bridges. The details on each one were astounding. The history of the town was carved on their roofs, images and letters intermingling to create a story of war and prosper that was aged to hundreds of years ago. Mingyu wished he could spend his entire day deciphering every single one of them, all the way to edge of the town, where the river became wilder and its waters travelled away to the horizon. But he had to remind himself that he was here for a job. 

Sightseeing lasted for about two hours before the setting up of the tent began. The weather of May was becoming progressively hotter as the summer approached. Especially in this town that was filled with water, the humidity was inevitable. Mingyu gazed at the small boats that travelled through the river and thought about riding one later. It seemed like a lot of fun. Definitely more fun than screwing bolts and hanging lights on the highest place of the tent.

That was one disadvantage of being an acrobat. Everyone knew that heights didn’t faze him anymore, so every hard job was passed on to him and his colleagues. Judging from Ryujin though, who was currently hanging upside down on one leg about four meters off the ground with no safety nets, this was just normal in the circus.

Mingyu’s day went on as it usually did when they first reached a town, with carrying and building stuff, until it was time for lunch. He realized something was up when Minghao came to sit right between him and Wonwoo on their table, with a huge smile on his face.

Minghao didn’t usually smile like that around Wonwoo. And he _definitely_ didn’t sit next to him without any reason.

“Don’t eat too much toady Mingyu.” Minghao said, taking half of Mingyu’s potatoes and placing them on his own, empty plate.

“Hey!” Mingyu immediately tried to get his food back, back Minghao passed it to Junhui, who had somehow appeared on the other side of the table.

Seriously, these two. How was it possible for two people to be so synchronized?

“Nuh uh!” Minghao waved a finger in front of Mingyu’s face. “Those who perform tonight should not have full stomachs!”

Mingyu’s jaw dropped.

“Those who _what?_ ” he hissed.

“You heard me.” Minghao wrapped his arm around his shoulders. “I talked about it with the others, and we think you are ready.”

“But I don’t know everyone’s routines yet! Just yours and maybe Chan’s and Ryujin’s because they keep talking about it but-“ Mingyu started blubbering.

“Ugh, so much noise.” Minghao plucked his ears, pretending to be annoyed. “Don’t worry, you’ll only be catching me. Junhui’s got the rest of them.”

“…Oh.” Mingyu said, placed his hands on the table lifelessly. Technically speaking, he had been practicing with Minghao for _ages._ It wasn’t above his skills to be his catcher on a performance. But if he was the one to catch Minghao…

“Don’t worry.” Junhui said, sounding a bit more down than usual. “It’s fine. We knew this day would come eventually.”

“I’m sorry Junhui.” Mingyu said and reached over to grab the other’s hand.

“It’s not your fault.” Junhui sighed. “I’m glad it’s you who will be replacing me. You’ll take good care of Haohao for me, yes?” he smiled sadly.

“I promise.” Mingyu nodded.

Minghao stood up and went to his long-time partner’s side. “It won’t be the same. You know it.” he said with pursed lips.

“I know it.” Junhui let go of Mingyu to take Minghao’s hand in both of his own. “It will never be the same.”

Minghao nodded sadly and then, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he leaned down and kissed Junhui straight on the lips. Mingyu felt his jaw drop for the second time in the last ten minutes. He would have made a comment, but he felt a pinch on his thigh, warning him to not say anything. Mingyu just grabbed Wonwoo’s hand and kept it on his thigh.

When the other two separated, they both looked better. Minghao let out a long sigh and sat on Junhui’s lap. “This is officially the worst day of my life.” he said, taking a bite out of Junhui’s food.

“I thought that day had been when I first joined you.” Mingyu joked, trying to light up the atmosphere.

“Well congratulations, you’re part of the top two worst days of my life.” Minghao told him through a mouthful.

Mingyu chuckled. “It’s an honour.”

“Hey.” Wonwoo spoke up for the first time. “How about we go throw some daggers after lunch, hm?” he offered.

“Why?” Minghao asked suspiciously.

“I just think you’d make a great target practice.” Wonwoo side eyed him.

Mingyu chuckled again and wrapped his arm around Wonwoo’s shoulders. It was so strange, how he needed to feel closer to him during times like these, when the other was trying to help a situation silently, without anyone noticing.

“I agree with the daggers.” Junhui piped up, thankfully understanding what Wonwoo was trying to do. “I won’t get better at it just by sitting around and moping.”

“Well, if you agree too.” Minghao said, leaning back on Junhui’s chest. “Just don’t let Wonwoo throw any knives at me. I’m not risking it.”

“I’m a professional.” Wonwoo pointed out.

“It’s not your aim I don’t trust.” Minghao crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Instead of getting angry like he usually would have done, Wonwoo just placed his head on his hand and smiled at his food.

“So you trust my aim, huh?” he mumbled.

“Who wouldn’t?” Mingyu interjected, before Minghao could say anything stupid and destroy the mood.

Wonwoo took a bite out of his potato, the smile not leaving his face. Even if someone like Minghao trusted parts of Wonwoo, then they must have been on the right track.

And if Mingyu had been deemed ready to perform tonight, then they were _definitely_ on the right track. Mingyu barely ate anything during lunch, and not just because Minghao advised him not to. He wanted everything to be perfect that night. This was the moment he had been training for.

As he sat down backstage, with Jisoo doing his make-up and hair, he thought back on that first performance he had ever seen back in his town. It seemed so long ago, so far away. Mingyu’s life couldn’t have been any more different.

He wasn’t living on a two-storey house anymore, but on a home that moved on rails. He wasn’t alone anymore, working his ass of in a place he didn’t like. He was surrounded by friends, trying his hardest to chase a dream. His superiors were not his hateful parents anymore, but Choi Seungcheol, one of the kindest and most responsible leaders Mingyu had ever seen.

Most importantly though, Mingyu had managed to escape the destructive mindset of his parents. He felt free of them, of their eternal negativity. And while freeing himself, he had managed to pull another person with him too. Life had thrown Wonwoo on his way and Mingyu had never been more grateful. Instead of feeling small and miserable, he was now feeling strong and ready to face the future.

“I’m done with Mingyu, someone come put his mask on!” Jisoo called at chaos behind him.

“Coming!” Wonwoo made a beeline towards them, holding a pink mask in his hands.

Wonwoo was wearing his dark cape, looking like a bat like usual, but Mingyu was too nervous to make a joke about it. That fact that he was happy he was about to perform in front of an audience for the first time didn’t mean his nerves weren’t running wild.

Wonwoo stood behind him and placed the mask in front of his eyes gently. He pulled the strings behind his face and carefully twisted them into a knot.

“Be careful, yeah?” he said quietly, barely audible in the mass of people and voices that was the backstage.

Mingyu has reached a point that he could hear him over everything. “I will.” he grabbed his hand and kissed it. Wonwoo squeezed him once, and then he left.

It was almost time. The break was over, the trapeze had been set. Mingyu peeked at the stage from the edge of the curtain that separated the audience from the changing room. The people were starting to fill their seats again, excitedly talking amongst themselves about the new structure that was suddenly in front of them.

The lights starting dimming, until only the trapeze remained lit.

“Aaaaaand we’re back, ladies and gentlemen!” Seungkwan rushed to the stage, in a flurry of blue hair and unfiltered energy. The audience cheered for him. “Look at what we build while you were gone! Does anyone have any idea what it is? No one?” he darted around the crowd, pretending to search for an answer. “Well, if you don’t know, worry not my dear friends, because what you are about to see today will be unforgettable! You are about to be live witnesses of people flying in the sky!”

 _He’s talking about us,_ Mingyu realized with a start. _We are the ones who will be flying._

Mingyu let the curtain fall back to its place and walked towards the other acrobats. They didn’t look as relaxed as someone would have expected of people that had done this hundreds of times before. Mingyu wondered if it was because they shared his own nervousness about today.

“You are ready, Mingyu.” Junhui said with a smile. “Don’t worry about it.”

And coming from the person who was going to be his predecessor, the one Mingyu was going to carry the legacy of, it meant a lot.

“I couldn’t have done it without you Junhui. I’m honoured to perform with you, even if it is the first and last time.” Mingyu said, as the music rolled. The familiar notes of the melody they used for the trapeze reached Mingyu’s ears.

Junhui hugged him briefly. It was a bittersweet feeling, but Mingyu was happy. That was the point of living, that was the reason Mingyu had dropped everything and decided to join the circus. He just wanted to be happy. As that thought prevailed in his mind, casting all the darkness and worries away, he stepped on the stage.

_Freude, schöner Götterfunken,_

_Tochter aus Elysium,_

_Wir betreten feuertrunken,_

_Himmlische, dein Heiligthum!_

_Deine Zauber binden wieder_

_Was die Mode streng geteilt;_

_Alle Menschen werden Brüder,_

_Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmmmm ode an die freude, have I mentioned how much I love this piece?  
> It's the melody of my childhood, one of the clearest ones in my head. This fic is a tribute to its vibrance, this is why I used it for the title and the chapters' names :)
> 
> Thank you for reading, feedback is always appreciated! New chapter in five days!


	9. Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahem. Warning for this chapter.
> 
> I hate smut. But hey, I wrote it all by myself this time, without forcing my friends to help. Yay, I guess?

Mingyu’s eyes were open but unseeing as he stared at the bottom of his bed, while casually laying on Wonwoo’s.

_The cheers and waves came so natural to him once he was in front of the crowd for the first time. The other acrobats led him around, showing their new member off. Mingyu had never been more grateful for being considered handsome, even if half of his face was concealed behind a mask._

_When it was time to go up to his swing, Mingyu was filled with the excitement of the audience. They were cheering for him, and there was nothing Mingyu wanted more other than to offer them a spectacular performance._

_He was the first to climb the ladder, followed by Junhui and then Ryujin, who would perform a backflip later before being thrown back to the board. The rest of them climbed the ladder opposite of Mingyu._

_The song picked up its rhythm and Mingyu saw Minghao sidestepping the others to stand in the front. The last thing Mingyu saw of him before he started swinging was an encouraging thumbs-up. Mingyu didn’t need it though. He already had all the encouragement he needed._

_He built the appropriate height and called “ready”. The music was so loud, so the people below him probably didn’t hear it, but Minghao most definitely did. Mingyu had a few seconds to just stare at the stage below him. It had always been empty and familiar before. But now, filled with lights and people and music, it was as if it was a whole other realm._

_Minghao jumped then, and Mingyu’s attention focused solely on him. He would definitely catch him. He couldn’t afford messing up on his first performance. Minghao let go of the flying bar and did a spin, the trick he always preferred for the opening._

_When he started falling slowly, Mingyu was there. He caught him, and the surprised exclamations of the audience had been a bigger reward than anything up to this point. Mingyu felt so loved all of a sudden, so appreciated, he could see himself doing this forever. The trapeze was not just another flashy art anymore. It was_ his _art._

Mingyu smiled. His performance had been brief, but it still managed to embed itself so deep in his soul. It had been a moment in his life he knew he would never forget. After he had launched Minghao back to the fly bar and the other had successfully returned to the board, Mingyu had switched with Junhui. He had remained on that bar above the swing for the rest of the performance, clapping and smiling along with audience.

Seungkwan had been right. The show had been unforgettable, not only for the audience, but for the performers too.

Mingyu hugged Wonwoo’s pillow close to his chest. Yes, the show had felt amazing, but Mingyu still didn’t feel like he had fully reached his goal. Something was still missing, and he didn’t think he would find it if he learned the routines of the other acrobats and completely replace Junhui.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door of the room opened.

“Hi!” Wonwoo greeted him with a bright smile, trying to dry his wet hair with a towel.

Mingyu felt his heart seizing. Never in a million years he would have expected Wonwoo’s face to look so happy when he looked at him.

“Hello there.” Mingyu replied sitting up. “Did you manage to get all the glitter off?” he asked playfully.

“Absolutely not.” Wonwoo snorted and came to sit next to him. “And from the looks of it, you didn’t either.” he said, plucking a very obvious glitter particle from Mingyu’s hair.

“I don’t mind it.” Mingyu said, tilting his head to the side. “It reminds where I am and who I chose to be.”

“A circus performer.” Wonwoo replied.

“An artist.” Mingyu added pointedly.

Wonwoo’s lips broke to another smile. “You’re so cheesy. You always romanticize everything.” he said, continuing to stroke Mingyu’s hair with the excuse of removing glitter.

“And what’s the problem with that?” Mingyu smiled back, sitting further back to the bed and placing Wonwoo on his lap.

“It’s just…” Wonwoo said, making himself comfortable and cupping Mingyu’s cheek with his hand. “You’re the first person I’ve met who likes the damn glitter…” he trailed off. “You don’t just tolerate it.” he kissed Mingyu’s jaw. “You genuinely like it, even though it’s a pain in the ass.”

Mingyu hummed. Where they even talking about glitter anymore? He could never be too sure with Wonwoo.

“You have to admit it’s beautiful though.” he said, lifting Wonwoo’s shirt and wrapping his arms around his naked waist. “I love when the glitter is on me, because of everything I’ve been through to get it. I’m _proud_ of it.”

Wonwoo exhaled a breath and started kissing his neck. Mingyu threw his head back and closed his eyes. Oh yes, he loved having Wonwoo on top of him, no matter how he worded it. The kisses were soon accompanied by soft bites and soothing licks, and Mingyu’s entire skin started tingling.

“I want to perform with you.” Wonwoo suddenly mumbled against his neck.

“Hm?” Mingyu briefly opened his eyes to ask.

“I want to perform with _you._ ” Wonwoo lifted his head to look at him. “My goal has always been to just perform. All I wanted was to get up there and show people that I too can fly. But…” Wonwoo eyes dropped to Mingyu’s lips. “That’s not enough anymore.”

Mingyu closed the distance between them and kissed him. He felt so full just by hearing those words. Performing on the trapeze was an amazing thing. But performing with _Wonwoo?_ Performing with the person he owed everything to, the person that had been on the same journey as him all this time?

Mingyu lifted Wonwoo off his lap and pushed him back against the pillows, before climbing on top of him and continuing to kiss him. He wanted that too. He wanted to share every little thing with the person who had grown to become his partner.

Wonwoo groaned when he felt Mingyu’s weight on him, when he saw his hands on each side of his face. But he didn’t break the kiss. For once, he was accepting Mingyu’s advances with no dagger on his hand to push him back.

All Mingyu wanted to do was connect with him. Wonwoo was everywhere in his life, so he truly wanted to feel him _everywhere._ This was not just lust anymore, though it was very close to it. With the way Wonwoo was lightly scratching at his back below his shirt, with every lick against his tongue, Mingyu just wanted him more and more. He had always wanted to feel him beneath him like this, feel every little muscle on his body spasming with pleasure.

He still wanted that, but now he wanted _more._

“Wonwoo,” he breathed on that brief moment they separated, “I want to spend the rest of this journey with you. I want you, all of you.” he said and kissed him again, not being able to resist it. “I want to be with you, in whatever way you’ll have me.”

Wonwoo threaded his fingers in Mingyu’s hair and angled his head so they could be face to face once more. “I was yours ever since you caught me that night. Ever since you made my dream come true.” he said. “I want you too.” he whispered and brought their faces so close, their lips were touching. “I want you in every way.”

“Then have me.” Mingyu almost whimpered.

Wonwoo opened his legs, causing Mingyu’s lower body to fall in between them. Mingyu didn’t want to think about how they were touching again. He didn’t want to think that if he slightly moved down then he would be grinding against-

“I want to be on the receiving end.” Wonwoo said, cupping Mingyu’s face with both of his hands.

“What?”

Wonwoo smiled at him and lifted his hips up. Mingyu’s crotch rubbed between Wonwoo’s open legs. Mingyu made a sound at the back of his throat and closed his eyes. The friction was delicious. He could only imagine how much better it would get if…

“I could have sworn that you’d like to be in control.” he found the willpower to say.

Wonwoo brushed a strand of Mingyu’s hair behind his ear. “Not with you, Gyu.” he said softly.

That was all Mingyu needed to hear. He connected their lips again and started undoing the knot of Wonwoo’s pants. He had been waiting for this for a long time. He had had so many fantasies, but nothing had prepared him for Wonwoo giving his consent to each and every one of them. Nothing had prepared him for Wonwoo wanting him back in the same way Mingyu did.

He brought his face below Wonwoo’s head and started kissing his collarbones. Wonwoo threw his head back and allowed him to explore his skin, pleasured sighs leaving his lips. Mingyu’s hands moved to take his shirt off after his pants, to give himself more space to play with.

He had always wondered just how gorgeous would hickies look on Wonwoo’s pale skin. With his shirt now on the ground, Mingyu’s lips travelled to Wonwoo’s chest unobstructed. Wonwoo’s skin was soft, with goosebumps raising ever few seconds of Mingyu’s kisses. Mingyu locked his lips on a place a little above Wonwoo’s right nipple and he started sucking lightly.

Wonwoo’s chest contracted and he let out a muffled groan. Mingyu brought one of his hands to toy with his left nipple while he slowly sucked a hickey on his chest. Wonwoo twisted a bit more below him, but Mingyu sucked and bit at his skin gently, as not to hurt him. Hickeys were not supposed to hurt, so he took his time with this one, making sure to lick and bite Wonwoo just enough to overwhelm him.

“Hnnng Mingyu…” Wonwoo started squirming at some point, his eyes closed tightly.

With one last kiss against the abused skin, Mingyu pulled back. And yeah, he had been right. Wonwoo was gorgeous with his marks on him, bright red and purple.

“You’re so beautiful.” Mingyu mumbled, leaning down to press kisses against Wonwoo’s neck. “I could touch you the whole day.”

“Do it then.” Wonwoo replied, lifting Mingyu’s head from the chin and looking at him through hooded eyes. “Touch me.” he breathed against his face. Who was Mingyu to say no?

“You asked for it, darling.” Mingyu gave him a side-ways smile and got his mouth back to work.

He travelled all the expanse of Wonwoo’s torso, giving extra time to nosing and giving kitten licks to his abs. Mingyu adored the way they contracted below his fingers. The trapeze has made Wonwoo so fit, while still keeping his figure slender and elegant. A work of art indeed.

When Mingyu reached the hem of Wonwoo’s underpants, he licked a long stripe on his v-line and Wonwoo’s hips instinctively bucked up.

“Uh…” Wonwoo moaned, “hurry up…”

Mingyu was being a tease and he enjoyed every minute of it. The pleasure he was giving Wonwoo right now was no where near having him actually moan, but the promise of _later_ was going to drive him insane. With that thought in mind, Mingyu placed his head directly on the bulge of Wonwoo’s underwear and blew hot air through his mouth.

Wonwoo gasped and one of his legs wrapped around Mingyu’s shoulders. “Yeah…” he murmured. “Touch me there…” So of course, Mingyu did not touch him there.

He brought his mouth even lower, the tip of his nose brushing against Wonwoo’s perineum and Wonwoo whined silently. Mingyu grabbed his thigh with one hand and brought it back on the bed. He needed Wonwoo’s legs open for the next few minutes.

This was such a vulnerable position to be in, Mingyu thought, with his legs wide open and no resistance offered as another man’s face was right in front of his manhood. Mingyu sighed, feeling so much in control at the moment that it almost made him high. He brought his lips at the highest point of Wonwoo’s inner thigh and started sucking another hickey.

He was so close to his sensitive parts this time, Wonwoo couldn’t help but leave a whimper and thread his fingers on Mingyu’s hair. Without pausing his work, Mingyu removed that hand, gently but firmly. While it was still in his grasp, he placed it on Wonwoo’s rapidly hardening cock, still above the underwear.

Mingyu’s own hand guided Wonwoo’s to massage himself softly, while he still licked and bit at his thigh on a snail’s pace. Just enough to bother him, but not actually hurt him. Wonwoo moaned quietly again, his hips twitching under both their touches.

While he still guided Wonwoo to rub himself with one hand, the other started pushing his underwear a bit to the side. Then, his tongue strayed from the hickey he was making and licked at the part between Wonwoo’s balls and his ass.

“Ah!” Wonwoo had not expected that.

Mingyu did it once more and then pulled back, because Wonwoo’s grip on his shaft was getting tighter. Mingyu sat up and removed their hands completely.

“Did you like it?” he asked with a knowing smile.

“In what universe would I say no?” Wonwoo groaned, feeling just as bothered as Mingyu had wanted him too.

“Shall I do it again then?” Mingyu smirked mischievously, lowering his head once more.

Wonwoo bit his lips and watched him expectantly, legs still open wide. Mingyu decided to up his game. He slightly lifted Wonwoo’s hips off the bed and lowered his underwear, exposing him fully. Wonwoo closed his eyes and took a deep breath, probably feeling just as vulnerable as Mingyu was thinking he was.

Mingyu threw his underwear away and leaned between his thighs again. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while now,” he admitted and without waiting to see how Wonwoo took his words, he took his cock in his mouth.

“Mmmph-“ Wonwoo threw his head back and arched in Mingyu’s mouth.

One of Mingyu’s hands was holding his thighs open while the other jerked him in time with the bobbing of his head. He took it slow at first, pressing on the underside of his shaft and twirling his tongue around the head.

This fantasy had been in Mingyu’s mind more frequently than we would have liked to admit. There was no hiding, he had wanted to taste Wonwoo ever since they began guarding Seungcheol during those cursed nights. That fact that he was getting to do so right after the other had taken a shower allowed him to get the full experience of his taste.

He unconsciously started speeding up, getting too impatient to feel Wonwoo on himself as well. But first, he was going to make Wonwoo enjoy this.

When he felt Wonwoo’s abdomen started tightening, meaning that he was close, he pulled back for a while. A sound of complaint had barely left Wonwoo’s lips before Mingyu’s tongue was on him again, lower this time.

Mingyu had never slept with a man before, but how different could it be than sleeping with a woman? Anal sex was anal sex, no matter what. And experience told him that no matter what, people liked being licked all over.

Wonwoo was no different. He squirmed at the new sensation of having Mingyu’s tongue in places that were more than private, he let out deep, whimpering sounds, but eventually, Mingyu didn’t need to hold his legs open anymore. They wrapped loosely around Mingyu’s head, stretching as wide as possible. The more Mingyu mouthed at his hole, the closer his legs were trying to bring him.

Mingyu sucked at the edges of his rim and then licked long stripes all the way to his balls, before repeating again and again, each time in different speeds so Wonwoo would least expect it. At some point, he dipped his tongue slightly past his opening, and Wonwoo’s moan was louder than ever. Mingyu was sloppy, his saliva coating every inch of skin Wonwoo had down there. The deeper he penetrated Wonwoo with his tongue, the more he felt his legs shaking at the foreign sensation. He tried putting a finger alongside his tongue, never slipping fully in, just stretching and exploring and _promising._ The saliva was more than enough lube for something swallow like this.

It was that finger that helped Mingyu’s tongue reach as deep as possible. While moving his tongue in and out, Mingyu locked his lips on Wonwoo’s rim and sucked at it.

“Aah Mingyu!” Wonwoo moaned, his legs falling open once again in surrender.

And Mingyu was not going to lie, it did things to him and his pride. Just with his tongue, he could bring a grown man like Wonwoo to his knees. It was a small victory that he managed to open him up completely after all this time, both his heart and his body. Mingyu poked, prodded and explored with his mouth until his jaw started aching and Wonwoo was sweating from exertion.

“Ah… Mingyu… I want more…” Wonwoo managed to say, his legs trembling a bit.

Mingyu hummed and licked him one last time, from bottom to top before sliding in front of his face again. “Do we have anything slippery here?” he asked, his own voice lower than he had expected from the want.

Wonwoo closed his eyes and threw his head back again, a deep frown on his face as he tried to form coherent thoughts. Mingyu smiled fondly at him and brushed his hair back. Wonwoo was absolutely _not_ allowed to look cute in a situation like this.

“Junhui says he uses oil.” Wonwoo said in the end.

Mingyu tried not to make a grimace at the realization that apparently, his friends did not only kiss.

“Do we have any oil?” he asked instead.

“Yeah…” Wonwoo made a vague motion towards the box on the table where he kept his daggers. “I use it to soften my skin whenever I get callouses.” he mumbled, his mind not really in it.

Mingyu chuckled and pressed a kiss to his cheek before he went to retrieve the small bottle. He found it quickly amongst the knives and sharpening tools. It smelled like baby oil, very neutral and smooth the touch. Mingyu decided it would do.

He shimmied out of his own clothes as he returned to the bed, throwing them next to Wonwoo’s on the small space of their floor. Wonwoo stared him openly as he did so, as if he had never seen him naked before. Once again, Mingyu was glad he was an acrobat. It allowed him to be an eye candy in situations like those.

“And you called _me_ beautiful…” Wonwoo murmured, averting his eyes with a slight blush on his cheeks.

Mingyu chuckled and climbed over him again to share their warmth. “You are and you know it. Don’t play shy now.” he said, placing a seductive kiss below his ear.

Wonwoo sighed and run his hands down Mingyu’s back. It felt _so good_ to have those hands on him after everything. Mingyu wanted to start prepping Wonwoo already, but he also wanted to feel more of him. He had no idea what he wanted more.

The indecision must have shown on his face because Wonwoo’s hands started travelling lower, tracing his back muscles and then making their way to his stomach.

“We have all the time in the world…” Wonwoo told him, the tips of his fingers hovering over Mingyu’s erection. “Give me the oil.”

Mingyu did without question. He was too turned on to deny him anything right now. He watched Wonwoo spill a bit of the liquid on one hand and then spreading it along his palm and fingers.

“Come here…” Wonwoo said, using his clean hand to guide Mingyu’s head at the soft place between his neck and his shoulder. Mingyu felt the tips of Wonwoo’s brown locks tickling his nose, but a second later, ever sane thought was kicked out of his brain, because Wonwoo’s hand was on him, spreading the oil all over his cock.

It was so slippery and smooth, the sensation caught Mingyu off guard. The tight heat of Wonwoo’s palm was more than he could have asked for. He used Wonwoo’s skin to muffle the groans that escaped as Wonwoo tugged lazily at his member, but he was sure Wonwoo heard them anyway.

Mingyu’s mind was blank as he started thrusting against him, small shallow thrusts. It was too good. Wonwoo knew what he was doing. He twisted his hand in all the right angles, he applied just the pressure that had Mingyu unable to hold back his moans. Wonwoo was brushing his hair softly with one hand, while the other was sending him to heaven. It should be illegal, but here Mingyu was, drowning in the feeling.

“Wonwoo, Wonwoo, stop, I’ll cum…” Mingyu moaned, feeling his legs spasming.

Wonwoo pressed a kiss on his cheek and slowed down. Mingyu was an acrobat yes, but he hadn’t been trained to hold his weight up when his legs felt like jelly. He lowered himself on his side, landing between Wonwoo and the wall.

“You okay?” Wonwoo asked, wiping his hand on the sheets, as if he wasn’t going to sleep on them later on.

“Yeah. More than okay.” Mingyu bumped their foreheads together sideways. “Open your legs for me, love.” he said, reaching for the oil bottle himself.

“Damn…” Wonwoo muttered below his breath, doing exactly as Mingyu asked. “You could have me doing anything when you ask like that.” he confessed as Mingyu lubed up his fingers.

“Anything, huh?” Mingyu raised his eyebrow.

“Yeah. I…” Wonwoo gulped. “I trust you to take care of me.” he said, his voice small.

Mingyu immediately forgot what he was doing and dropped everything to kiss Wonwoo firmly, reassuringly. He had thought that his entire body had been on fire before, but he hadn’t known it was possible for his heart to burn as much as the rest of him.

“I’ll treat you like royalty.” Mingyu said when he managed to pull back. “The king of my heart.”

Wonwoo offered him a smile that was more beautiful than the entire universe. Mingyu began kissing his jaw and neck as a response, not trusting himself with words anymore. Wonwoo sighed and relaxed back on the pillows. Good. Mingyu needed him relaxed for what was about to come.

He trailed his hand down Wonwoo’s body, careful not to spill any oil on him as he was laying on his side next to him. He tugged at his cock a few times, just to see him squirm once before his hand reached its destination.

“You’re relaxed, yeah?” he asked, just to make sure.

Wonwoo nodded. He didn’t look worried in the slightest, and Mingyu was glad. He was going to try his best to make him feel good.

He circled the first finger over Wonwoo’s entrance, warming him up. His thumb rubbed circles on the soft skin below his balls, as his pointer finger slid against the edges of his rim.

“You look so good, spread open like that…” Mingyu couldn’t help but say, earning an embarrassed blush in return.

Then, ever so slowly, he started pushing in. Wonwoo’s breaths started coming out harder, but he still managed to stay relaxed around Mingyu’s finger. Mingyu pushed a bit in, before he pulled out. He did it again and again, testing both their patience until the first finger was fully in.

“You’re doing great.” Mingyu kissed his temple once and Wonwoo made an affirmative noise. Then, Mingyu started really moving.

It was a bit hard in the beginning. No matter how relaxed Wonwoo was, he still clutched down on him every once in a while, trying to get used to the invasion. But there were no sings of pain on his face, so Mingyu was good to go. He was slow at the beginning, but as soon as Wonwoo started getting used to his finger, he started moaning for him to go faster. So, Mingyu didn’t go any faster.

He wanted to be thorough, so instead of just pulling his finger in and out, he started feeling around the walls of Wonwoo’s hole. There really was no difference between a man and a woman. Yes, Wonwoo was better than everyone of his past combined, but that was only because he was _Wonwoo_ , not because he was a man.

Just as he thought that though, Mingyu’s finger touched a patch of skin that was slightly different.

“Ah!” Wonwoo’s whole body jerked and Mingyu looked at him in alarm.

“What? Did I hurt you?” he asked immediately.

“Nonono, ugh, do it again…” Wonwoo breathed, throwing an arm over his eyes. Mingyu looked at him confused. “Please Mingyu, do it again…” Wonwoo almost whined, so Mingyu indulged him.

He pressed his finger against that same bump, and Wonwoo had the exact same reaction. So Mingyu touched him again, lighter this time, and Wonwoo’s whole body jerked, trying to get closer.

“You like it, huh?” Mingyu murmured, pressing a kiss on Wonwoo’s collarbones.

Wonwoo didn’t get the chance to reply, because Mingyu started rubbing slow circles against that one spot.

“Ah, ah, ah Mingyu it feels so good!” Wonwoo was not trying to muffle his voice anymore.

Mingyu pressed his lips against his while he continued toying with that bundle of nerves, trying to swallow every moan that left his lips. He had never heard Wonwoo being so loud before, so open about his pleasure. Mingyu felt so good for himself. He was the one making Wonwoo feel like this. He was the one pleasuring him to the next day. He moaned in the kiss as well, because he just felt _so good._

Wonwoo had loosened significantly after a few moments of this. He was sweating all over once again, his legs laying lifelessly on his sides. Mingyu pressed in a second finger, and the resistance was minimal. Wonwoo didn’t need time to get used to it, he just tried to angle his hips so every one of Mingyu’s thrusts would hit him _there._

Mingyu was just sitting there, watching as Wonwoo slowly lost himself in his pleasure and it was more arousing than anything else Mingyu had experienced. It didn’t look like Wonwoo was going to complain if he put in a third finger in, so he did just that.

“Everything okay?” he asked, just to make sure that he wasn’t hurting him.

“God, Mingyu, yes… Keep going, please…” Wonwoo was a mess. The most beautiful mess Mingyu had ever made, and he made a lot of those alright.

Mingyu didn’t have the heart to tell him that his arm was getting tired. It had gotten abused during his performance, and it wasn’t at its best condition. Still, Mingyu kept going for as long as possible, working him open. Every grunt and moan that left his lips, went straight to Mingyu’s dick.

“I want to take you, baby.” he whispered at Wonwoo’s ears while fingering him. “I want to feel you around me. Are you ready love?”

“Mhmm- more than ready,” Wonwoo groaned pliantly. “Do it.”

Mingyu removed his fingers to put more oil on his member. He was so hard, he wondered how long he would be able to last.

He turned Wonwoo on his side, so his back was facing him. He pulled his ass to his own crotch and lifted his leg up. This was the position of his fantasies and at the moment, he didn’t even consider asking Wonwoo if he liked it.

He must have though, because instead of complaining, he pushed his ass right on Mingyu’s groin. Mingyu wasn’t going to wait for him to beg anymore. He lined his cock with his entrance and stayed still for a second admiring how it twitched beneath his head. He slid his cock right past the hole, between Wonwoo’s fleshy cheeks and his thighs, smearing oil and pre-cum everywhere.

“Mingyu…” Wonwoo murmured, and that was what did it.

Mingyu aligned himself and pushed in. He tried to be slow, but it was impossible. The tightness than enveloped him, the warmth and the pressure, everything was so much more overwhelming than Wonwoo’s hand had been. Mingyu bottomed out and then pulled back, just to thrust back in. Wonwoo gasped and briefly clenched around him, before loosening up again.

This was an _experience._ Mingyu wanted to be thorough. He pulled back once more, all the way out until only his head remained in. It caught on Wonwoo’s rim, stretching it a bit more and Mingyu thumbed at the glistening skin mesmerized. It did something at Wonwoo. He groaned even louder, more impatient, so without taking his fingers away from Wonwoo’s stretched rim, Mingyu slowly pushed back in. This time, he felt the intrusion with his fingers as well, and it felt amazing.

His eyes fluttered close briefly and he let a low moan of his own, right on Wonwoo’s neck.

“Ah, do it again…” Wonwoo said, trying to press even closer than he was already.

Mingyu wanted to indulge him, but he wanted to make it better. His next few thrust were all shallow, and all in different angles, searching for that one spot that had made Wonwoo lose it before. His pace was a bit faster than before, and that in its own had Wonwoo panting. Mingyu also liked the faster pace better, but he tried to control himself. He didn’t slow down though, until after a well aimed thrust that had Wonwoo’s entire body jerking.

“Ah, there!” Wonwoo all but yelled.

Mingyu smiled to himself and stopped moving. He slowly pulled back once again, just for his head to open up Wonwoo’s entrance.

“Mingyu…” Wonwoo tried to rock his hips, impatient now after that spot had been simulated so sweetly. “Come on, don’t stop…”

“You said you wanted it slow.” Mingyu remined him, a smirk on his face that went unseen. His fingers went back to Wonwoo’s stretched rim, and rubbed at it gently.

“Mmph-“ Wonwoo squirmed, but Mingyu bit his neck to stop him.

“You wanted this.” Mingyu said, licking the shell of his ear before pressing in again, slowly, so they could both feel it.

This time, he had a very specific spot he aimed for. Wonwoo’s satisfied groans at being filled again soon turned high-pitched as Mingyu began pressing against his sweet spot. His body shook, and Mingyu felt everything through his fingers. He only removed them from Wonwoo’s rim to grab his thigh and lift it a bit higher.

He remained unmoving inside Wonwoo, pressed tightly against that sensitive sport and enjoying the way Wonwoo squirmed around him. This time, Mingyu let him. This time, Mingyu allowed himself to enjoy the friction as Wonwoo rocked back and forth on his dick, to the best of his ability.

But then, he had enough of it. He held Wonwoo’s leg tighter and bit his neck once more, before he started rocking into him. He never took his cock out of Wonwoo, he just kept driving it forward, the tiny movements sending slow vibrations up the bundle of Wonwoo’s nerves.

Wonwoo’s pants turned into full moans and his hand flew to hold his pillow, fisting it tightly.

“Mmm, you like that?” Mingyu said, his own pleasure dangerously building up.

“Nghh- yeah…” Wonwoo breathed, exposing his neck further for Mingyu to nimble on.

Mingyu did just that. And then his rocking turned into full thrusts. That’s where things got the most intense for both of them. Mingyu started losing himself in the pleasure alongside Wonwoo, both their bodies moving on their own will. His thrusts turned clumsy, and he lost the spot he was hitting before. Wonwoo grew more desperate after that, pushing back into him, trying to find the angle again.

There were sounds leaving Mingyu’s lips, he knew it, but he could not register anything other than how good Wonwoo felt on his cock. Wonwoo’s back was arching against him, so his head was right next to Mingyu’s. Mingyu wished he could see how filthy Wonwoo looked like this from another angle, all stretched up and shamelessly grinding on him. For now, he could only imagine.

Those images in his brain combined with Wonwoo’s breathy moans were not helping him last longer. Thankfully, this position allowed him to move Wonwoo’s leg to his liking, angling him however he wanted to. Because of that, he found his sweet spot fairly quickly again.

“A-ah, Mingyu-“ Wonwoo cried. Mingyu could not even imagine how overwhelming this was for him. He leaned forward and kissed his neck soothingly. Or at least as soothingly as he could while panting uncontrollably.

Mingyu felt a knot tightening inside him. It was too soon, but he couldn’t hold himself back any longer. That was the effect Wonwoo had on him.

“Touch yourself baby.” he said with a shaky voice, right next to Wonwoo’s ear. “Let me see you.”

Wonwoo tensed up, his hole becoming even tighter as a shiver overtook him. Still, he brought one shaky hand on his neglected cock and started pumping it in rhythm with Mingyu’s thrusts.

“Shit, Mingyu, I’m gonna-“ he moaned, but before he could finish his sentence, Mingyu was cumming too.

He bit Wonwoo’s shoulder in attempt to ground himself, because everything went white for those few seconds his pleasure maxed. He was holding on to Wonwoo’s thigh sot tightly, that he was certain it must have bruised.

And then, Wonwoo was cumming too. Mingyu let out a whine as he felt his walls tighten around him even more, right after he was spent. The pleasure was non-stopping and Mingyu felt like he was losing his mind.

It took a while for him to find the strength to pull out and let his leg fall back down. The white semen poured out of Wonwoo, and Mingyu, in his high, thumbed at Wonwoo’s entrance, feeling it against his finger. He plunged the tip of his thumb inside Wonwoo and then pulled it back out, catching on his sensitive rim. He did it a few more times, pushing his own cum in and out, until Wonwoo’s whining got too loud. Mingyu stopped and pulled him in a tight back hug. He buried his face in his neck once again, desperately trying to bring him closer. He needed him close. After their intimate moment, he needed him safe in his arms.

They were both shaking, and part of Mingyu would have been content to just leave things like that and go to sleep. The need to check on Wonwoo overrode that temptation though.

“Are you okay?” he asked, aware of how much his voice was shaking.

Wonwoo managed the herculean effort needed to turn around and wrap his limbs around Mingyu. “F-fine just… Don’t go…” he said, his voice so small it almost hurt Mingyu.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” he said quickly. “There is-“

 _There is no point in going anywhere without you,_ Mingyu would have said. _There is no point in doing anything without you. There is no me without you._

Mingyu had never thought possible to have a person be so important to him. What was happening to him? This was not normal. He would have been scared, but Wonwoo, the person who had overcome his trust issues because of him, looked like he was on the same boat.

“I will protect you Mingyu.” Wonwoo said out of the blue. “No matter what, now that I have you and your trust, I will never let anything happen to you. I swear. If anything goes wrong, I’ll be there to save you.”

Mingyu simply pressed a tender kiss to his forehead.

 _Jeon Wonwoo,_ he would have said, if he hadn’t stopped himself when he did. _I think we fell in love._

~~~

Fate was a strange thing. Some things, you knew why they were thrown in your life, be it to make you happy or give you a lesson. Those were the things that people never questioned, because deep inside them, they knew they were coming. Mingyu had been overjoyed when he got to perform on the trapeze for the first time, but he had also been expecting it.

There were other things though, things that worked behind your back, things that were sneaky and elusive like shadows. A chain of action and reaction that one could never be aware of. Fate worked a lot with these things. When it deemed you ready, when it judged that that you had gained all there was from the situation you were in, it threw one of those things in your way and forced you to move on.

Because that was life. Expanding, growing up. Fate was nothing else but the unconscious attempts of people to play the game called life to the best of their abilities. Sometimes, we need to destroy our reality in order to evolve.

It was evening when the bad news arrived. Mingyu had been with his friends, placing bets on who could score the most points at the pinball game outside the tent. Mingyu should have realized something was going to go extremely wrong that night when Jeonghan was the one to lose.

Jeonghan never lost. That was just impossible.

So for the first time that he did, everyone was too wrapped up in their celebrations to question it.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go buy you your stupid chocolates.” Jeonghan rolled his eyes and turned his back on them to go to the town.

A bet was a bet after all. They had heard that this town with the pretty bridges produced great chocolate products, so it would have been a pity to not try them out while they were there. On his way to the town’s shops, Jeonghan grabbed Yuna from the arm and dragged her behind him. The girl had just been chilling with her friends, so she was appropriately startled.

“Oi, where are we going?” she whined.

“You’re picking the chocolates.” Jeonghan replied.

“What chocolates?”

“The ones I’m buying you, stop complaining.” was the last thing Mingyu heard of their small argument.

The sun was slowly starting to dip behind the horizon. The show was going to start soon, but chocolate was chocolate. It had been a long while since Mingyu had been treated to a sweet like that. He couldn’t wait for Jeonghan to return.

But he waited. And waited. And waited…

The acrobats started sharing uneasy looks. It was impossible to get lost in this town. The circus tent was huge and bright, there was no way one could miss it. So where _was_ Jeonghan?

The sun left the sky faster than Jeonghan returned. Seungkwan came and started to hoard them all backstage, unaware of the predicament they were in. They didn’t tell him anything either. There was no point in getting him worried when he was trying to get in the role of the upbeat ringmaster.

“What are we gonna do?” Chan hissed at Jisoo once they were semi-alone again.

“What _can_ we do? We just have to trust that he will be back in time.” Jisoo said, trying not to let his own worry show.

But Mingyu knew better. Jisoo and Jeonghan were close. Jisoo would probably be the first one to be freaking out if he didn’t have to play the responsible adult. Because as lazy as Jeonghan could appear sometimes, they all knew he was anything but. He would never be late for a show like this, not without a warning at least. Especially now, that the trapeze was the first act of the day.

They all started getting ready in silence. The positive thing was that amidst the chaos of the backstage, no one noticed that Jeonghan was not amongst them.

But then, Seungcheol arrived.

All he had to do was take one look around the tent and he frowned. “Where’s Jeonghan?” was the first thing out of his lips.

The acrobats exchanged looks again.

“Uhhh look…” Jisoo stepped closer to him, trying to not cause a scene.

Apparently though, a scene would be inevitable that evening.

“Guys!” the loud voice of Yuna suddenly reached them.

The entire troupe turned towards the entrance of the backstage. It was not everyday the young girl sounded so alarmed. Yuna almost ripped the curtain away on her hurry to get inside. She looked nothing like she had when Jeonghan had dragged her away. Maybe it was just the panicked look on her face, but she looked seriously messed up.

“Guys, guys, guys, guys!” she said urgently, the words choked.

“Woah, woah, woah, calm down.” Seungcheol approached her immediately. “What happened?”

Yuna swallowed hard, her eyes starting to water. “We just went to get chocolate!” she said. “That’s literally all we did! I went inside to buy it but when I came out-“ her breathing got harder at this point.

“What? What happened?” it was Jisoo this time, grabbing her shoulder to steady her.

At this point, every pair of eyes and ears was on her. Mingyu spotted Wonwoo approaching as well, his face as uneasy as everyone’s. There were so many things that could have wrong, but Yuna needed time to collect her breath before she continued. Even though Mingyu was sitting on fire, he understood that she was only fifteen and she probably couldn’t cope with this.

“You need to hurry up, baby.” Seungcheol apparently did not share the same thoughts as him. “Tell us what happened.” his voice was barely contained.

“Hannie was still there when I got out, but h-he was on the ground and there were cops all around him.” Yuna finally said.

“ _What?”_ Jisoo squeaked, but Seulgi slapped his shoulder.

“Shut up and listen.” she hissed, her tone serious.

“I-I don’t how they found him, how they recognized him without the mask, but we’re fucked Seungcheol!”

“Language.”

“Shut up Hansol!”

“We’re screwed I’m telling you! I followed them to the station, there are dozens of them there. They had arrest warrants, and they were talking about that gang that they prosecuted because they found a bag of their stuff in a town miles from here!” Yuna continued.

Seungcheol’s face visibly whitened. His lips parted in shock, but he did not manage to say anything before Yuna continued.

“I stayed there on a tree for about an hour listening in, trying to find a chance to escape. That _stupid_ gang that our deal went wrong ratted us out!” she said, kicking a chair nearby in her anger. “We’re done!”

This was the first time Mingyu had heard his colleagues openly talking about their illegal training, but he was in too much of a shock to be surprised. This was all his fault. The police had found the bag back in his town, the bag _he_ had thrown away so carelessly. In the middle of all the other problems he was facing, he hadn’t had the time to consider that possibility.

Just before his legs gave out, Wonwoo appeared at his side and held his arm. Mingyu looked at him, his eyes conveying every terrified emotion he was currently feeling. Wonwoo’s eyes on the other hand, were hard as steel.

“What are we doing, Seungcheol?” it was Minghao who spoke up first. He was amongst the few people of the troupe who looked determined instead of terrified like Mingyu. “Give us orders.”

Seungcheol shook his head to clear it. “Yes. Okay. This is happening.” he said, trying to encourage himself. “Yuna can you tell us more details? How many cops are there?”

“A whole fucking lot!” the girl said.

“Language.”

“Hansol I swear to god-“

“They are going to circle us the moment the crowd leaves the perimeter. They put Jeonghan in a cell back at the police station and they are coming for the rest of us next.” Yuna continued, unbothered.

“So they want to avoid the chaos the civilians will cause if they just barge in?” Seungcheol asked her intensely.

“Most likely.” Yuna nodded.

“Alright.” Seungcheol clapped his hands. “You know what this means. We continue with our performance as planned. The trapeze is set, acrobats you’re up.”

“Wait what?” Mingyu couldn’t help but ask. “With the police waiting for us out there?”

“Yes.” Seungcheol said simply. “As long as our audience is here, we’re safe. Your job is to go out and entertain them.”

“But this is going to be our _last_ show!” Mingyu said, feeling his heart break. “We can’t just-“

“Mingyu be quiet and follow orders.” Seungcheol used his director voice, and Mingyu promptly shut up.

He had promised he would follow Seungcheol to the death, and now it was time to prove it. If the circus was destroyed like that, Mingyu was going to be destroyed with it. He was going down with the ship.

Wonwoo squeezed his arm. _They_ were going down with the ship. Even in this, _especially_ in this, they were together. It was a small consolation.

“What about Jeonghan though?” Seulgi asked. “He’s not here.”

“Skip over him.” Seungcheol said with pursed lips. “There’s nothing else we can do.”

“Wait…” Mingyu heard Wonwoo murmuring from next to him. “Wait!” he said louder, and Seungcheol turned to look at him. “Let me cover for Jeonghan.”

“How would you-“

“I can do it! I can do it if it’s Mingyu catching me.” Wonwoo persisted.

The director looked at him with a frown. He was not convinced. How could he, when he had no idea how much Wonwoo had been training for this? This was what Wonwoo got for keeping everything a secret.

“Wonwoo, I think we need to focus on-“

“No, please!” Wonwoo took a step forward. “This is our last performance. Let me fulfill my dream just this once.”

If Mingyu’s heart hadn’t been broken a million times already, there was no way it could have withstood this. Why did this have to happen right now? He couldn’t care less about himself, he had no life anyway. These two months on the circus had been a dream, and he was finally waking up now.

But Wonwoo? Wonwoo had been fighting for this his entire life. It was unfair.

“I will catch him.” Mingyu held Wonwoo’s hand as he addressed Seungcheol. Mingyu had never been more certain of anything in his life.

Seungcheol sighed. “Okay, do whatever you want. We don’t have time to argue.”

Mingyu felt Wonwoo squeezing his hand again, full of gratitude. 

“Let’s get ready then.” Seulgi clapped her hands, getting everyone’s attention. “Let’s make this last performance worth it!”

It was so bittersweet. Mingyu couldn’t bring himself to cheer. He felt lost as Jisoo did his make up once again, and then Wonwoo’s. Just last night he had been asking every god out there to give him a chance to perform with Wonwoo. Now, they were finally going to do it, but at what cost?

If Mingyu lost him after this performance, after the police came barging in and took them away, Mingyu was never going to forgive neither himself nor his fate. He couldn’t lose Wonwoo after he had just found him.

“You look pretty in acrobat make up.” Jisoo told Wonwoo quietly, putting peach eyeshadow over his eyelids. “It would have suited you.”

“…thank you.” Wonwoo said after a beat of silence, his voice small.

“I had no idea you wanted this. We could have helped you if you’d came to us earlier.” Jisoo said.

Mingyu saw Wonwoo clenching his hands on his lap. “It’s okay. It… it was better this way,” he said, glancing at Mingyu.

Jisoo caught the movement and smiled. “I’m glad. You won’t be on your own anymore.” he patted Wonwoo’s cheeks to apply the rouge.

How Mingyu wished this was true. He never wanted to spend a day wondering in what prison they had thrown Wonwoo, if he was okay, if he was _alive_. If the police caught them, that would most likely be their future.

So that was why they needed to give their everything in this last performance. The energy they shared today had to be enough to last them the rest of their lives.

“Hey,” Mingyu scooted closer to Wonwoo’s seat, “you’ll be wearing a pink mask tonight.” he said.

Wonwoo chuckled. “You remembered?”

“Of course.” Mingyu placed a hand on his thigh. “Rose Quartz for composed passion, Serenity for weightless tranquility.” he leaned forward and kissed Wonwoo’s shoulder. “You found your passion just in time.”

“Just in time to lose it again.” Wonwoo finished his sentence with a sad smile and placed his hand atop Mingyu’s.

“You will always have the memory of it though.” Jisoo said, adding the finishing touches to Wonwoo’s make-up. “Once you’ve experienced it once, it will never go away.”

“I really hope it doesn’t.” Wonwoo exhaled, holding Mingyu’s hand tightly.

“Trust me on this one.” Jisoo said and stood up. “You’re ready. Go experience your passion.” he added, and with another smile, he left them alone.

Mingyu grabbed a pink mask from a pile nearby and stood behind Wonwoo. “Rose Quartz for warm passion, comforting instead of challenging.” he said, placing the mask in front of Wonwoo’s eyes. “It suits you.”

“It suits you too. You’ve made me experience it earlier than the trapeze, you know.” Wonwoo’s voice lowered even more, not wanting to inform the entire troupe of their previous night.

Mingyu tied the knot behind Wonwoo’s head. The pink mask was his now. Their journey was coming to an end. Mingyu had a lot he wanted to say, a lot of feelings to express, but he didn’t know how to. All he knew was that he would have never been able to experience all those things if it hadn’t been for Wonwoo.

“Thank you.” he said, leaning down to kiss the back of Wonwoo’s shoulders. “I know you don’t want me to be grateful. But thank you. For everything.”

The voices of the rest of the troupe, the hurrying footsteps and the cluttering of make-up tools turned to background noise. In this moment, there was just Mingyu and Wonwoo, in the lantern lit room behind the stage, sitting on crates and trying to squeeze years of conversations into one final moment.

Goosebumps run down Wonwoo’s arm from the kiss. When he spoke again, his voice was as full of emotion as Mingyu’s heart was.

“Thank you too. I’m… I’m grateful to you to.” he said, not quite able to believe it himself. “You’ve taught me so much. So many feelings…” he trailed off.

“We taught each other a lot.” Mingyu closed his eyes and pressed his face on the back of Wonwoo’s head, feeling his hair against his forehead. “See? You were wrong again.” he smiled to the ground. “We… we would have been great for each other.”

Wonwoo didn’t get a chance to reply, because Junhui was approaching them.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt.” he said, his hand fidgeting nervously. Mingyu slowly raised his head to look at him.

“Mingyu, you’re up.” Junhui didn’t wasn’t any time in saying. “I won’t be with you today.”

“Wait, what?” Mingyu’s eyes widened.

“You’re responsible for everyone today.” Junhui repeated. “I’m sorry that this came out of the blue. Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

“But I won’t be able to catch everyone.” Mingyu pressed. “I’ve never even seen Jeonghan and Jisoo fly outside of a performance.”

“Well, Jeonghan won’t be a problem today, will he?” Junhui said pointedly.

Mingyu abruptly closed his mouth. Junhui was right. It didn’t matter if he didn’t perform perfectly anymore. This was their last performance. Before he could say anything else, Junhui was walking away in a rush, his nerves showing from a mile away.

“Let’s go.” Wonwoo said then, slowly standing up. “The people are already finding their seats.”

Mingyu took a deep breath. “Let’s do this.” he said, taking Wonwoo’s hand in to his own as they walked towards the entrance to the stage.

This show was different than all the others before it, and it was obvious right from the beginning. Seungkwan was an excellent actor, keeping the spirits of the audience high as usual, but unlike every other night, tonight it _showed._ Seungkwan was just acting, and even if the crowd in front of him couldn’t tell, his friends did.

Mingyu’s ears were buzzing too much to be able to understand what the ringmaster was saying, but the words sounded rehearsed, memorized. Seungkwan was usually an improvisation master, but tonight, that ability seemed to have been stripped away from him. Mingyu couldn’t blame him. He could have never been in his place, knowing that the police was out there, ready to barge in at a moment’s notice.

After a long introduction, without the members of the troupe appearing on stage this time, Seungkwan called the acrobats out. Mingyu took one last look of Wonwoo, of his beautiful face even behind the mask, of his body that was unconsciously angled towards him. Then, he let go of his hand.

He stepped on the stage and did his best to smile and wave, like last night. These were the people that had shown him so much love the previous night, but now, Mingyu felt so much distance between them. He kept being distant as he climbed his ladder, this time without Junhui behind him.

Ryujin was still there though and Mingyu briefly panicked about the fact that he was supposed to catch her while she did a backflip from the rod above him. He had absolutely not been trained for this. But then, he remembered once again that it didn’t matter. This was their last performance. This was their finale.

The melody started playing, a little more belated than usual. Mingyu started humming it under his breath. Ode an die Freude. This melody was the first thing he had heard coming out of Wonwoo’s mouth. This was what he had been murmuring when he had entered his room, back when Mingyu had been hiding below his bed.

If someone had told him then that he would end up not only sharing a room, but also a bed with the person who had pointed a dagger at him during their first meeting, he would have laughed in their face. Right now though, Mingyu was not laughing.

Wonwoo was the last one to climb the ladder. That meant he was going to go last. The last person Mingyu was ever going to catch, was the person that had accepted him in the circus first.

Mingyu started swinging, building up speed and height like usual. _Let’s do this,_ he told himself as he let the music overtake him. _Let’s be happy one last time._

Minghao went first, as a warm-up. Mingyu couldn’t even imagine what was going through his mind right now. If _he_ was scared that he was going to lose Wonwoo after tonight, what was Minghao thinking about Junhui who wasn’t even performing tonight? It was impossible for Mingyu to imagine those two apart.

Minghao jumped mechanically, as if he was on autopilot. He performed his usual tricks, before letting go of the fly bar with a spin. Mingyu stretched his arms and like it had happened so many times before, he caught him.

He held Minghao during the entire swing, his arms not wavering. Minghao had taught him a lot too. He was one of the people that Mingyu had gotten the closest to here. Minghao was brave, and level-headed and people always trusted him to be responsible. Mingyu desperately needed a friend like that.

He was going to miss Minghao, he thought as he let him return back to the board for one last time. This was their goodbye.

Then came Jisoo. Sweet, understanding Jisoo, who was always there to make sure the young ones didn’t do anything too stupid. Mingyu watched him perform his tricks for the first time up close. He understood when Jisoo was about to jump, they made eye contact and Mingyu got ready, but it just wasn’t enough. Jisoo slipped right out of Mingyu’s hands, just like the circus life was slipping out of them.

Mingyu regarded Jisoo from above. He didn’t look fazed to have fallen on the nets, at least not as much as the audience who had exclaimed in shock. Jisoo reassured them that he was fine with excessive smiles and hand gestures, before making his way back to the board from the ladder.

Mingyu mentally waved goodbye to him too.

Seulgi was undoubtedly the most experienced on the trapeze. She was the oldest, the one everyone secretly looked up too. Without her, Mingyu would have never been introduced to the concept that two people of the same gender could have an intimate relationship. Mingyu would eternally be grateful for her influence on his life.

Seulgi didn’t need him to understand what she was doing while she was on the air. She had timed it all on her own, and when she left the fly bar, she made a split mid air and grabbed Mingyu by the wrists. Mingyu hadn’t caught her, but she had caught him.

“Pull me up.” she mouthed when they made eye contact, and Mingyu did just that. He lifted her above his head and pushed her as high as he could, secretly wishing her to live a happy life from now on.

“Mingyu get ready.” Mingyu suddenly heard Ryujin calling to him from above. He had no idea what to do to get ready though. He didn’t know how to catch a person that wasn’t coming to him from the board.

He didn’t even bother building the normal height, and Ryujin understood. She made a spectacular jump to the nets, full of impressive backflips that the audience absolutely loved. She received one of the loudest claps after she stood up and Mingyu threw her a thumbs up.

She winked up at him and made her way to the board with the rest of them. That was Ryujin. Independent and fearless, not hesitating in front of any challenge.

It made sense that she was close with Chan. Mingyu’s heart seized when he saw his young friend making his way to the front. Mingyu had shared so much with Chan on his first weeks here. The boy had been his confidant, the person who supported him the most when he was struggling to fit in.

Mingyu prepared himself. He was going to catch Chan. He owed him as much.

“Ready!” he called after he built the appropriate height.

Chan’s tricks were simple, but flashy. He was a prodigy on the trapeze, everyone kept saying so. Mingyu cracked his knuckles when he saw him reaching the height of his course. It was now or never.

Chan jumped with a front flip, and initially, Mingyu thought he was going to miss his hands. But then, he felt their palms connect, and even though their grip was not as strong as it should have been, Mingyu pulled every inch of strength he had to manage to throw him back to the fly bar, after a full swing.

“Good luck, Channie,” he said quietly, before he let him fly ahead.

And then, there was only one person left. Mingyu’s heart did somersaults, just by seeing him stand on the end of the board with the fly bar in his hands. He hadn’t realized how much he was craving for that moment until he was living it.

Wonwoo smiled at him, and suddenly Mingyu realized why they had chosen Ode an die Freude for the trapeze. This was happiness. In this universe, in this exact moment of time, Mingyu was happy, however briefly it lasted.

“Come here,” he mouthed at Wonwoo, making clutching motions with his hands.

Wonwoo scrunched his nose at him, the smile not leaving his lips. He waited for the beat of the music to change before he lowered his body and without any hesitation, he jumped. Mingyu was ready for him. He was confident in himself. He was so focused on him, on how his body moved in the air. He looked clumsier compared to the people before him, but he was still up there, trying his best, and Mingyu could not have been any more proud.

Wonwoo didn’t do any special tricks. He just did the basic move, which included two swings, and then the jump. Mingyu stretched his hands earlier than necessary, to make sure that nothing was going to go wrong. Wonwoo let the fly bar go, and for the tiny second that he remained suspended on the air, Mingyu could genuinely see a butterfly on its first flight after breaking out of its cocoon. _His_ butterfly.

And before he knew it, he was holding that precious butterfly in his palms, and they were swinging together ten meters above the earth.

The audience cheered for them, they heard the applause, and it was exactly how Mingyu had imagined it. The end of the journey. They had reached their goal.

Mingyu could not bring himself to say goodbye to Wonwoo here. He didn’t push him up like he had done with Seulgi, he simply pulled him to his lap, like he had that night, and he held his waist tightly.

Wonwoo held him back.

And then it was over. The music came to a slow halt, the acrobats started dropping to the net to receive their final round of applauds. Mingyu let Wonwoo jump first, but he was right behind him. Once their feet were touching the ground again, they bowed to the audience together, their hands clutched tightly together.

Mingyu had never held Wonwoo more tightly than now, that there was the threat of him being taken away from him forever. They walked around the stage together waving at a cheering crowd as if nothing was wrong, but Mingyu’s insides were screaming.

“Wonwoo,” he said quietly, when he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t have any more time, he had to say this now, or keep it inside him forever. Mingyu had never been good at keeping things inside him. “I love you.”

Wonwoo almost tripped on his feet when he heard him. He was trying so hard to keep his face passive and smiley in front of the people, that Mingyu almost wanted to laugh. He wasn’t expecting a reply. Wonwoo had done a lot for him, but maybe it was too early for this.

Before he could form another thought, a loud bang echoed from a few meters away. Some children on the audience screamed, and suddenly an alarm went off. Mingyu’s ears buzzed dangerously. What the hell was that? Then another bang was heard, closer than the first one, and thick, dark smoke started filtering in from outside the tent.

There was a moment that nobody understood what was happening, and least of all Mingyu.

Then a man from the audience stood up.

“ _Fire_!” he screamed, and all hell broke loose.

Mingyu watched alarmed as the place the smoke had come from was slowly starting to be enveloped in flames. The fabric of the tent was not fireproof, and the fire started climbing higher and higher every second that passed. It happened so fast. The people started running wildly, pushing and walking over each other without a hint of order. The screams ringed louder than the alarms that were going wild all over the city.

Between all this chaos, the exact same chaos that the police had wanted to avoid, Wonwoo’s eyes were glinting with the blaze that was starting to swallow their tent whole.

“I love you too, idiot.” he said, the fire burning hot behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *calmly sipping tea* oh look a cliffhanger :) I wonder what is going to happen next :)
> 
> Thanks for reading, feedback is always appreciated. The last chapter will be up in five days.


	10. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter, remember that the ending of one thing is always the beginning of another :)

“I love you too, idiot.”

Mingyu almost thought he imagined it at the beginning. But both the dreams and the nightmares were over. The magical realm of the circus was rapidly going away. This was just him and Wonwoo now.

This was just him and Wonwoo loving each other while the world was burning around them.

“ _Everyone get out now!”_

_“Run, run!”_

_“My son, has anyone seen my son?!”_

The fire ate up the fabric of the tent like it was the skin of a chicken. The bones were the iron rods that held it all together, and now the insatiable flames were starting to lick and bite those as well. Mingyu had witnessed the speed which homeless, starving people devoured their meals. This was what this fire reminded him of. It burned viciously, hungrily, trying to swallow everything quickly before it could be stopped.

The police that had surrounded them barged in as well, trying to sound orders to the civilians, but only succeeding in adding to the overwhelming noise.

Before Mingyu could start really panicking, Wonwoo harshly dragged him away. They weren’t running next to the other people though. Wonwoo was running backstage, where the fire had even more materials to burn.

“Wonwoo, what are you doing? We should go outside, _now!_ ” Mingyu yelled over the crackling sound of the flames as they destroyed object after object.

Amidst this red, yellow and orange hell, Wonwoo was somehow calm.

“No Mingyu, we’re escaping the police!” Wonwoo yelled back.

“We _what?_ ”

Wonwoo just chuckled, like a demon on its throne. He laughed like someone whose plans were working like clockwork, even if those plans were pure destruction.

“Just trust me!”

Mingyu would have gaped at him, but he was trying to breathe as least as possible. The smoke was starting to fill the area and oxygen was valuable. But still, a small spark of hope started to take root inside Mingyu, and that was even more terrifying than the fire trying to feast on him.

Wonwoo might have looked like a demon at the moment, but Mingyu followed him blindly. He would be glad to follow him to hell, if it came to it. He had seen an angel before, a blonde woman with a white dress at a pub, and this was what had gotten him into this whole mess. Perhaps a demon would be what got him out of it.

The backstage was exactly as Mingyu had predicted. Fire was everywhere his friends used to be a few minutes ago. Ashes had replaced all the make up items and the costumes and the props. Mingyu felt his heart break at the sight, but Wonwoo just dragged him ahead remorseless.

The moment they were out of the backstage, Mingyu found himself on the verge of dreaming again. Because there was no way that with a fire behind their asses, his friends and colleagues were getting inside some big, dark brown barrels that were stacked a few meters away from the tent.

“What?” was all Mingyu could say.

“Get in.” Seungcheol waved them over quickly.

“But the fire-“ Mingyu tried to protest.

“Mingyu we started this fire, we know damn well the way it will spread.” Seungcheol said.

“Get in idiot.” Wonwoo pushed him ahead. “See you on the other side.” he winked at a dumbfounded Mingyu and then he run away to get into his own barrel.

Mingyu took a moment to glance around himself, trying to figure out what the plan was. Everyone seemed to be on board with it except him. They were close to the train station, but not as far away from the tent to be considered safe from both the fire _and_ the police.

“Is everyone here?” Junhui approached them and Mingyu had to gape even harder.

Junhui was dressed like a villager. Straw hat, jean suspenders and even a _fake moustache_. A belt with various engineering tools was strapped around his waist, giving him the full image of a lowly worker. Was _that_ the reason he had left Mingyu to perform all on his own?

“What the hell?” Mingyu said.

“Mingyu, go inside a barrel. I won’t say it again.” Seungcheol said, his tone serious.

To be fair, Mingyu had never thought he would ever hear those words come out of Seungcheol’s mouth, so it was only natural it took him a while to comply with the order. He found the nearest unoccupied barrel and folded his long legs so he could slide inside.

It was a tight fit. The wood was hard on his skin, and he was certain he wasn’t coming out of this without any blisters. Seungcheol closed the lid above his head, and then it was absolute darkness. His smell was corroded by all the smoke he had inhaled, so Mingyu could only rely on his sense of hearing to figure out what was happening outside.

“It’s fine Seungcheol, I got this.” Junhui said. “Get in.”

“You are certain, right? There is no going back this time Junhui.” Seungcheol replied, sounding as worried as a leader should be.

“Yes. We’ve prepared for this moment. I’ll see you in a few.” Junhui told him, his own voice serious for once.

Mingyu heard the noise of another person trying to climb inside a barrel, another lid being secured above their heads. It was a small consolation that whatever they were doing, Seungcheol was going to be with them every step of the way. If by some miracle the fire didn’t get them and they could remain hidden from the police inside these barrels until they escaped, things would be fine. Not prefect, but at least they were going to survive.

Just as Mingyu was starting to get a bit more comfortable with the situation, Junhui started yelling at the top of his lungs.

“Police! Police! Someone!”

Mingyu choked on his breath but tried not to make any sound. Just _what_ was Junhui doing?

“Police! Help!” Junhui kept yelling, until Mingyu heard more footsteps arriving towards their small cluster of barrels.

“What’s going on, foreigner?” a gruff voice sounded. “We’re trying to save people here, if it’s not important-“

“Those barrels have explosive powder!” Junhui said urgently, his voice taking such a thick accent that Mingyu almost didn’t recognize it. The officer must have not understood either, because Junhui started explaining a bit more clearly. “I was delivering this to the train station! Explosive powder!”

“Holly shit…” Mingyu heard the sudden exclaim of the policeman. “Are you telling the truth?”

“Look here officer!” Junhui popped open one of the barrels’ top, probably a decoy. Mingyu briefly admired how much thought had gone into this plan without his knowledge. “It’s pure powder! We can’t let it catch on fire!” Junhui’s voice took on a desperate tone.

“This is just what we needed right now.” the man groaned. “Goddammit, I’ll go get back up! Stay right here!” 

“Yes sir.” Junhui said, sounding really strained.

The next few moments were absolutely torturous. Mingyu hated waiting like this. He was literally in the dark about everything that was happening. He had wholly placed his future on people he knew less than two months. But well, if he went down, they all went down. No one would be able to escape justice if they were caught by the police.

It felt like forever before a horde of footsteps arrived at the scene.

“Those barrels right here!” the first gruff voice said.

“What are we supposed to do with them?” a young-sounding man said, clearly panicking.

“Throw them in the river!” Junhui found the chance to propose. “They will glide away and we will collect them later, just help me roll them over!”

And without leaving any room for questions or doubts, Junhui started rolling a barrel towards the nearest river. In this town, rivers were everywhere. It only took a few moments for Mingyu to hear the characteristic _splash._ Mingyu had a vague feeling that this was Minghao’s barrel.

Before long, every barrel started rolling down the road, straight to the water. Mingyu held his breath when it was his turn. The rolling was painful and bumpy. Apart from the blisters, now Mingyu was certain he was full of bruises. He got majorly dizzy turning round and round like that, but before he completely lost his mind, he was free falling.

The splash echoed around him a lot louder than he would have expected. The screaming from the burning tent could still be heard, but now it was overpowered by the water currents pushing him away, somewhere unknown.

This was working. Whatever crazy plan Seungcheol had up his sleeve, it was working. They were successfully getting away from the police, with the help of the police itself. It was deliciously ironic, and Mingyu felt a wicked giddiness.

The only problem was that water was slowly starting to sip inside the cracks of the barrel. His time in here was limited. He had no idea when to open the lid and get out. Hopefully he would get a signal before his oxygen ran out. If everything had gone well, Wonwoo was probably a few barrels in front of him. He wouldn’t let him drown, not after he had so fervently promised to protect him the night before.

Despite running through a real fire outbreak, this was what warmed him up inside the most. And he needed all the warmth he could get, considering his clothes were slowly starting to get soaked with the cold river water. It was going to be freezing when he finally got out of that crumped barrel.

Mingyu floated in the river, seeing nothing but darkness for a long time, longer than he had expected. No matter how much he concentrated he could not listen to anyone around him. If he was supposed to hear a signal to get out, Mingyu was starting to get certain he was going to miss it.

The water had halfway filled the barrel, and Mingyu could feel himself slowly sinking. They must have travelled so far with the help of the currents, because no fire alarms could be heard in the distance. What if Mingyu had somehow gotten separated from the rest of the group? What if he was pointlessly waiting for someone to come and save him?

Just as his thoughts started turning dark though, his barrel hit something. Something that was large and thick, that had the entire barrel shaking dangerously.

“Chan, the wrench!” he heard a very familiar voice from above.

Mingyu heard a few more heavy thuds, before the top of his barrel disappeared. Mingyu blinked a few times, because the light that was suddenly against his face was not natural. When he managed to fully open his eyes, he saw Wonwoo leaning over him, holding a bright lantern on his arm.

“Hey there!” he smiled at Mingyu excitedly.

Wonwoo looked exactly like he did when they had been guarding Seungcheol; enjoying every moment of it. His hair was wet and his shirt was clinging to his chest. He must have been cold, but he didn’t care one bit. He was just there, smiling down at Mingyu from the top of a rock and offering his hand to help him out.

Mingyu was in love.

He gratefully took that hand, but the moment his back was straight again, Wonwoo pulled him forward and kissed him. It was a celebratory, happy kiss. Mingyu hadn’t gotten out of the barrel yet so he almost fell in to the water, but he didn’t mind, because Wonwoo was holding him.

“Cut that out, you’ll have plenty of time for it later,” Chan’s voice was heard, a lot closer than Mingyu had noticed.

He pulled back just enough to climb up the rock and get to the ground again. There he was met with all his friends, huddled together for warmth around Seungcheol with lanterns in their hands.

Mingyu counted them. No one was missing. They were all there, all except Jeonghan and Junhui.

They had all made it out of town and had arrived in a forest somewhere, with not a single sign of human presence anywhere.

So… now what?

The answer came a few moments later, in the form of a sweaty, sprinting Junhui. He was carrying a huge bag over his shoulder and he looked just about dead under its weight.

“M-mission completed.” he said when he reached their small circle, and immediately plopped to the ground.

“Oh thank god.” Minghao kneeled down next to him and hugged him. “You did it.”

“Did you have any doubts?” Junhui still found the energy to smirk.

“Shut up.” Minghao rolled his eyes, but kept Junhui tight inside his arms.

“Okay, make a line in front of me everyone!” Seungcheol took the bag and started rummaging inside it.

Mingyu quickly stepped behind Wonwoo, but the other pulled him next to him.

“We count as one for this.” he said determinedly.

“You do?” Seungcheol was as surprised as Mingyu to hear this.

“Mingyu, do you want to live with me in a city somewhere away from here?” Wonwoo turned to Mingyu with a confident smile, knowing exactly what the answer was going to be.

“I do.” Mingyu nodded eagerly, even if he didn’t know exactly what he agreed to. As long as Wonwoo was confident, he was confident. “Do _you_ want to live with me in a city somewhere away from here?”

“I do.” Wonwoo said, linking their arms together.

“Well.” Seungcheol snorted. “With the power bestowed upon me as a director of this circus, I now pronounce you as husbands. You may now kiss.”

He said it ironically, but Mingyu leaned down and kissed Wonwoo anyway. Maybe one day they would get a proper wedding, maybe they would never end up getting actually married, but this tie Seungcheol formed between them in the heat of the moment felt more powerful, more real than any marriage would ever hope to be.

“Gift for the newlyweds.” Seungcheol said, handing Wonwoo two _large_ packs of money bills.

Mingyu’s eyes widened. “What is this?”

“This is our escape plan.” Seungcheol said. “Follow Wonwoo and go live your lives. I’ll be cheering for you.” Seungcheol hugged them both once, and then he pushed the forward. “Next!” he yelled at the line that had formed behind them.

Mingyu looked at Wonwoo bewildered. Was this really happening?

The sack Junhui had brought quickly emptied as the entire troupe was provided with money to last them for the next few months at least.

“What about you Seungcheol?” Mingyu asked.

“I’m going back for Jeonghan.” the director frowned decisively.

“You what?” that was Jihoon. “That was not part of the plan.”

“Neither was him getting caught.” Seungcheol’s frowned deepened.

“Seungcheol. We’ve all agreed that we wouldn’t be trying to save each other in case of an escape. Jeonghan has agreed to it too. Don’t endanger yourself pointlessly.” Jihoon told him seriously.

Seungcheol sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I can’t leave him behind Jihoon. I can’t, no matter what we agreed.”

There was a bit of tense silence between the two friends, until Jihoon took a deep breath and visibly relaxed. “Good. Now I’m officially done trying to play responsible. Go get Jeonghan back and kick their asses in the process.” Jihoon smiled and bumped Seungcheol’s shoulder with his fist.

“Come on guys, it’s time to go.” Seungkwan spoke up. “As the ringmaster, I want to say that it was my honour to work with such talented people like you. Now that our roads part, I will only hold the sweetest memories.” He raised his fist at this point. “To the Circus of the Million Carats!” he cried.

“To the Circus of the Million Carats!” everyone echoed.

They slowly began scattering after that. Seulgi left first, mumbling about how she was going on her well-deserved honeymoon with Irene. Then it was Seokmin with Chan and Changkyun, and after them Ryujin with her friends. Seungkwan left with Hansol, and Jihoon ended up going away with Soonyoung. Mingyu was briefly amused thinking about how co-habitation would work for those two, who were so vastly different.

By the time Minghao and Junhui walked away, there were only Kong, Lee, Jisoo and Seungcheol left. Mingyu knew that it was time to say goodbye.

“I hope you manage to free Jeonghan without getting caught.” Wonwoo said genuinely.

Seungcheol just smiled at him. “I hope you get to enjoy the rest of your life.” he said as a reply.

And then, they were off. Wonwoo took Mingyu’s hand and led him between the trees, like he was an expert. Mingyu could understand it when they were in familiar forests, but how could Wonwoo know exactly where he was going on a place Mingyu was pretty sure he had never been before?

“How are you doing all of this?” Mingyu asked out of the blue.

“What do you mean?” Wonwoo turned to look at him.

“This whole plan… it’s as if you knew the police were going to corner us here and you planned it to the smallest details.” Mingyu said, swatting some leaves away from his face as he walked.

“Ah yeah…” Wonwoo said absent-mindedly. “We had a lot of plans, actually. And when I say a lot, I mean _a lot._ It all depended on the terrain of the town we would find ourselves in. We had different plans for when we visited a town by the ocean for example, and different ones for when we were on mountains. For this one, we chose the plan for the towns that had rivers.” he explained.

“And how do you know where to go from here? Isn’t the place we stopped random?” Mingyu kept asking.

“Not entirely.” Wonwoo shrugged. “When you grow up on the rails you tend to know which way to find one. Train rails were not built randomly. Right now, I know that if we just go north from the river, we’re bound to hit the rails that go the town we just burned.” he smiled innocently.

Mingyu pursed his lips at this one. “Do you think the people will be fine?” he asked.

“With all the police that was there? Definitely.” Wonwoo told him.

Mingyu believed him. Wonwoo was finally talking to him, he was taking time to explain things he never would have in the past. That was… a good start for the life they were going to build together.

As promised, after half an hour of hiking through foreign plants and trees, they stumbled upon two very familiar lines of wood and iron. Mingyu looked to the left and to the right, his eyesight reaching all the visible part of the rails before they made a turn through the forest. He looked again and again, but no matter what, he could not tell which way was the town and which was the freedom.

“That way.” Wonwoo pointed to the left, as if he had read his thoughts. “This is where we came from.”

“Okay,” Mingyu decided to put his blind faith on Wonwoo once again. “What now? Do we walk?”

“It would have been easier to walk,” Wonwoo pushed his rapidly drying hair back, “but it is a long way to the next town. We have to wait for a train.”

“What do you mean wait for a train? Will a train stop so we can board it here?” Mingyu asked confused.

“Nope. We’re hitching it as it moves.” Wonwoo replied.

Two months ago, Mingyu would have looked at him like he had grown a second head. He would have protested loudly, saying that there was no way he could do it, that it was absolute madness.

Thankfully, Mingyu was not the same person he had been two months ago. Now, he was an acrobat.

“Let’s do it.” he nodded decisively.

He said that then, but trains did not pass frequently in the middle of nowhere. The next half hour, they spent it standing up, their adrenaline to the max. But as the night progressed, Mingyu found himself sitting down against a trunk of a tree. Only then he realized just how tired he was.

“This might take a bit longer than I thought.” Wonwoo admitted, sitting down next to him.

Mingyu threw his head back on the tree and closed his eyes. He hated waiting like this. Had he ever mentioned this before? Because he absolutely did. Wonwoo leaned his head on his shoulder, closing his own eyes and Mingyu sighed. They shouldn’t fall asleep. They could not afford to miss the train.

“Where are we going after this?” Mingyu whispered, disrupting the sudden silence that had enveloped them.

“To the capital.” Wonwoo replied, nuzzling against Mingyu’s side. “This is where my safehouse is supposed to be. No one thought I’d bring another person with me if it came to it, so Seungcheol got me something small. It will be a tight fit, but I hope you don’t mind.”

“Do I look like I mind having you close?” Mingyu smiled, pressing a kiss on top of the other’s head.

“Just making sure…” Wonwoo mumbled, throwing one arm over Mingyu’s middle.

Mingyu let the sounds of the forest take over once more. Under the stars of the night, owls could be heard hooting from many directions around them. The night life at the wild was at its prime during this hour. Mingyu hoped that the animals took a long while to notice them in their space. Long enough for their train to appear and leave this place behind forever.

It was almost nearing sunrise, and no wolf or crow had found them. Mingyu didn’t know if he should consider himself lucky that at least he had spent his night safely, or that the sky was rapidly brightening and there was still no train in sight.

Wonwoo had fallen asleep sometime, and even though Mingyu’s arm was starting to go numb, he let him rest. He remained awake for both of them, gazing at the horizon and listening for signs of a train.

The birds of the forest were beginning to wake up. Mingyu got lost in their melodic chirping.

_Tweet, tweet…_

_Cheep, cheep, cheep…_

And then…

 _Choo, choo!_ The whistle of the train sounded in the distance, alerting the town with the bridges of its departure.

“Wonwoo, wake up.” Mingyu shook the other awake.

“Hn- what?” Wonwoo blinked his eyes open.

“The train is coming, get ready.” Mingyu stood up and pulled Wonwoo up to his feet as well.

“Right, yes.” the sleep was out of Wonwoo in a heartbeat. “You’ve smuggled in train before, you know what kind of doors we’re aiming at, right?” he asked Mingyu, stretching his legs to prepare to run.

“I do.” Mingyu smiled sheepishly. It had been _their_ train he had last illegally entered.

Mingyu prepared himself for running as well. His heartbeat started picking up its pace when he heard the familiar sound of the wheels on the rails. His palms began sweating as he heard it getting closer and closer, until finally, the train took a sharp turn and it was visible.

“Go, go, run!” Wonwoo yelled and started running in the direction the train was going.

Mingyu took off behind him, his eyes locked on the train that was going to zoom past them. A part of him still thought it was impossible to make the jump up, but it was too late to doubt himself now. He just kept running as fast as he could, until the train was right next to him.

Mingyu saw the doors flying by him, and he momentarily got dizzy. But then, he saw familiar iron doors, doors that were made for storage wagons and he locked his eyes one them. He didn’t think about it too much, lest he lost his chance. The moment those doors appeared, he stretched his arms much like he did on the trapeze, and caught them tightly. The force of his grip combined with the speed the train was going was enough to slide them open, and Mingyu promptly jumped in, before his shoulder dislocated.

His arms were hurting, his knees where hurting, his back was hurting from landing so roughly inside the wooden floor, but Mingyu ignored them all and stuck his head out of the door he had just entered to see if Wonwoo had made it.

Of course, he had no reason to doubt him. There he was, hanging from two doors back, his legs inside the train and his torso trying to join them. Mingyu quickly slammed the door behind him shut and run further back the train.

Wonwoo was still on the same wagon as him, just further back. Even though he had been in front of Mingyu before, he ended up boarding the train after him.

“I got you, I got you…” Mingyu said quietly, leaning down next to him and grabbing his waist.

He forced his arms to exert strength one more time to pull Wonwoo inside the train. Wonwoo landed on his chest heavily, his own arms shaking. Mingyu hugged him, and they both fell back, away from the still open door right in front of them.

“We did it.” Mingyu spoke first, after a while of letting the sudden surge of nerves fade away.

“We did.” Wonwoo replied, still clutching Mingyu’s shirt in his hands. Mingyu saw the scenery come and go so fast behind the open door, that he had to wonder just how had they managed to make this jump. He felt kind of proud of both of them.

“We need to hide until the next train station.” Wonwoo stood up when his arms stopped shaking.

Mingyu watched him walk to the door on shaky legs and close it with a thud. He then stood up as well and looked around himself. The storage of this train was not so much different than the one back in the circus train. It too was filled with boxes, crates and bags. The only difference was that Mingyu was almost certain that their insides did not contain drugs and weapons.

“Should we go hide under a bed or something?” Wonwoo said amusedly and Mingyu threw him a look. “Don’t look at me like that, you’re the expert here, I’m just following your example.” Wonwoo held his hands up in front of his chest.

“Let’s just go to the next storage wagon and hide there. It’s still early, but someone might have heard the ruckus we made here.” Mingyu reasoned.

“See? Expert.” Wonwoo smiled and went on his tip toes to press a kiss on Mingyu’s lips. “Let’s go.”

It was physically impossible for Mingyu to not smile back as he followed him further back to the train. They found a little opening between a barrel and the wall there, and they shuffled to the ground to spend the rest of their trip hidden.

“I think the real saviour of the day today are the barrels.” Wonwoo commented.

Mingyu chuckled quietly. “You’re in a good mood today. Colour me surprised.” he said, elbowing him discreetly.

“Everything is working out so well. To be honest, I did not expect it.” Wonwoo explained. “I…” he hesitated a bit. “I thought I would be alone during all this. I hadn’t expected how good it would feel to have company.” he smiled to the ground.

“I’m glad you’re happy.” Mingyu scooted closer to him, trying to make himself as comfortable as possible.

“I’m glad you’re with me.” Wonwoo led Mingyu’s head to lie on his lap. When Mingyu’s cheek pressed against his thighs, exhaustion washed over him once again. The last thing his brain registered before sleep took him, was Wonwoo’s fingers playing with his hair.

~~~

Mingyu woke up starving and thirsty, and desperately needing to use the bathroom. He woke up feeling like his body was broken all over, his sore muscles getting even more sore from the weird position he had slept in, half on the floor and half on top of Wonwoo. His clothes had dried on him, making his skin awkwardly cold and sticky.

Once again, he pushed it all to the side, because Wonwoo was saying something important.

“We’ll reach the station in a few minutes. We’ll freshen up, get some supplies and then we’ll get our tickets home.”

 _Home._ Mingyu was going to a place he and Wonwoo were going to call home. A place just for the two of them, to build a life together from scratch. The circus life was regrettably over, just as it was beginning to get good too, like a door that was closing in the hallway of Mingyu’s life.

But the good thing was that another one was opening simultaneously, one that maybe was not as dreamy and fantasy-like as the circus one, but it still was full of prospects. Mingyu knew that eventually, he was going to make peace with the fact that the circus life was so viciously ripped away from him, just in one night, with the only thing left to remind him of his time there being Wonwoo.

Because yes, maybe that chapter of his life was closing, but Wonwoo was always going to be his partner. Even if it was just by chance that their roads happened to overlap, Mingyu felt warm to think that they were going to be together in this in every step of the way.

They got out of the train the same way they had entered it. In secret. Their clothes stood out amongst the rest of the people, so there was no way they could mingle with them without some minor preparation.

“I didn’t get to enjoy those clothes very much.” Wonwoo sighed, throwing Jeonghan’s trapeze suit behind some bushes behind the train station.

“Well, neither did I.” Mingyu shrugged, letting his silver top follow the flyer suit. There was nothing he could do about his pants, but at least he was wearing a plain white undershirt.

They went to the station bathroom next and they did their best in removing their make-up. The glitter was still there. Mingyu had a feeling he was going to be finding specks of it on him for a long time after everything was over.

They both used the bathroom and drank some water from the tubs, and now that they were semi-clean and presentable, they were ready to find some food and get their tickets.

All that was left to discard, was their masks.

The masks that were both pink, the biggest sign that they were members of the circus that had gotten destroyed overnight. Mingyu didn’t know how long it would take for the news to reach the papers. Maybe it would be hours, maybe it would be days, but the danger was there now. It was always going to be there, for the rest of their lives.

So perhaps it was foolish of Mingyu, but he didn’t want to part with that mask. He wanted to keep it as a symbol, the sign that he had spent two months with the circus, that he had escaped his parents and had grown as person. That he made friends, that he made bonds with people that had never thought possible, that he had found love.

Whenever life got harsh again, and Mingyu was certain that it would, he wanted to remember that there had been a time that he had been ten meters in the air, hanging upside-down from only his legs, and he had been catching people that flew towards him. If he had managed to do that in only two months, then everything else would be easier in comparison.

Mingyu took off his mask and held it in hands carefully. This was the proof that he had spent two months living a dream and he had come back stronger from it.

“I’ll keep it too.” Wonwoo said, placing his own mask below his shirt, and covering it so that it didn’t show. “It means too much to simply be thrown away.”

Mingyu remembered that this was Wonwoo’s dream as well. He had spent a long time there, longer than Mingyu, longer than most of Mingyu’s friends. If this mask felt important to Mingyu, there was no saying what it meant to Wonwoo.

So without saying anything, Mingyu hid it underneath his own shirt too.

They headed to the front of the station then, as if nothing happened, as if everything was normal and they were simply two eccentric tourists travelling the country. Wonwoo was in all black and Mingyu was dressed in shades of silver, but without their masks, they were only two boys trying to get to the capital together.

That was the person who issued tickets saw, and he gave them their tickets without any questions. That was what their fellow passengers saw too, and some of them moved out of their way as they walked towards the cafeteria to finally get something to eat, but it worked better that way for them.

They travelled in peace for four days, sleeping on their cheap seats and feeding on ham sandwiches. Their journey ended the same way it had started, inside a speeding train. But at the same time though, it couldn’t be more different.

Wonwoo helped Mingyu and his pained legs down the train instead of pushing him against a window with a knife against his back. He held his hand as he guided him to the location their safehouse was supposed to be at instead of pushing his back so he could jump between the moving wagons.

And when they reached the tiny apartment on the third floor in the middle of a busy street, Wonwoo kissed him lovingly and whispered against his lips.

“Welcome home.”

~~~

_Two years later…_

Mingyu finished his shift at the pub early, but he stayed behind the counter just to cheer Wonwoo on, who was working until midnight.

It had been easy for Mingyu to find a job when he told people he had worked in a pub practically his entire life. They had asked for proof of course, and Mingyu had been happy to provide them with all his knowledge of the drinks and cocktails and wines and, and, and…

Mingyu had never thought he would be working in a pub again, but here was, in the other side of a country serving the same type of customers he always did. It had been painful in the beginning, the memories of everything his parents had made him go through overshadowing the actual job itself.

That was until a waiter left, and Mingyu introduced to the management his _good friend_ Wonwoo, who had no experience but he would be very easy to teach, and that was guaranteed. With Wonwoo on his side, Mingyu slowly started separating the experiences he had from his parents to the job he had now.

They were not the same. The conditions were different, the environment of the city was different than that of a small town, the pay was different and well, he was still working with Wonwoo. There was nothing that could have helped him adapt more.

He poured a drink for himself as he watched his lover work. Wonwoo had been a hit amongst the customers, and Mingyu would have been mildly worried that someone would snatch him away one day, if only Wonwoo wasn’t so, well… _Wonwoo._

Wonwoo hated everyone at first glance, and maybe he was getting better at trusting people nowadays, but there was nothing Mingyu enjoyed more than watching his pretty boyfriend insult his customers. That would have gotten anyone else fired, sure, but not Wonwoo. Because apparently, there was nothing the customers enjoyed more than being told off by the pretty, bold waiter. Mingyu could sympathize with them.

At 12 o’clock sharp, Wonwoo threw his apron on the counter. “My shift’s over, I’m leaving.” he announced to the barman that had replaced Mingyu after his own shift ended.

The poor man didn’t dare deny Wonwoo. Mingyu chuckled and joined him just as he was getting out of the door, to the cool city night.

“I see you had fun today.” Mingyu said, linking their elbows together.

“Her name was Somin and she is a dancer at the cabaret a few streets over and she said I had pretty eyes.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes so hard, Mingyu thought they were going to pop out of his head.

“Did she tip you though?” Mingyu asked the real question.

“No, I left before her.” Wonwoo murmured.

“Oh come on! We could have stayed a bit longer for a tip.” Mingyu whined.

“We make enough money as it is.” Wonwoo mumbled grumpily, kicking a pebble away.

That was true, they did make enough money to sustain themselves and their tiny one-room home. Living in the big city, with the wide roads for the carriages and the tall five-storey buildings, was somewhat more expensive than living in a town, but that higher quality of life was also reflected on their paychecks.

The amount they made was enough for Mingyu to cook them warm meals every day, which they enjoyed together every night, no matter what time they returned home. They went up the stairs and while Mingyu went to warm up their food, Wonwoo went to check the mail box, like they did every time.

It was nice like this, it was comfortable. Getting out of work by midnight meant they had the rest of the night to themselves. Themselves and their small bed below the window that overlooked the main road of the city that was alive throughout the day. They would close their curtains, and then, the only witness to what they did behind closed doors would be two pink masks that sat together at the top of their wardrobe, watching over them like guardians. It was a good life.

It was almost enough to take his mind off the life that he could have had had he still been on the rails. His everyday life was fine, he was happy with it, but after two years he couldn’t help but feel like something was missing.

Maybe it was the fact that he never got a proper closure. Everything had happened so fast that fateful night, that Mingyu was still sometimes found himself wondering if he could have done anything differently, if he could have changed the outcome of it.

It didn’t help that he never learned what happened with Seungcheol and Jeonghan. He was just left wondering if they had made it out together or if they were both sent to prison. He was left questioning whether they were still alive and together, or dead and buried somewhere no one would ever know.

If Mingyu felt bad about not knowing, there was no saying what Wonwoo, who had grown up with these people was going through. Maybe Mingyu was kind of satisfied with the life he had now, but Wonwoo was a circus boy through and through. It was just not the same for him. Every day he spent not throwing daggers was slowly eating away at who he was and it was obvious.

Mingyu tried to shake the though away as he put Wonwoo’s plate of soup on the table. He had the entire night to make him feel better. He was preparing to carry over his own plate, when hurried footsteps echoed from their front door.

“Mingyu!” Wonwoo said urgently, dashing through the door as if someone was chasing him.

“What? Are you okay?” Mingyu turned to him quickly.

“Mingyu, Mingyu, Mingyu, Mingyu!” Wonwoo just said, and Mingyu was ready to lose his mind.

“What is it? Tell me!”

“Put that soup down.” Wonwoo said.

“What?”

“Put that soup down, or you’re going to drop it when I read you this!” Wonwoo persisted.

Mingyu huffed and placed the damn soup on the damn table.

“Will you tell me now?” he placed his hands on his hips.

Wonwoo took a deep breath, and then his deep voice echoed int the small apartment, reaching deeper into Mingyu’s heart and awakening it once again.

_“Dear Wonwoo and Mingyu,_

_As it happens every day, people wake up and do their chores, they have fun with their loved ones, they attend to their businesses. They live their everyday lives experiencing reality, and then, when they are tired, they go back to their beds and sleep, only for the cycle to continue the next day._

_We think two years is a long time to be awake. If you want to return to the land of dreams and happiness, you will be more than welcome._

_The Seventeen Circus is waiting for you on the town below that one mountain, you know which one. We hope to see you there in three months, so we can embark on another adventure together._

_Love, Jeonghan.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we've reached the end. Thank you all so much for sticking with this story for so long. 
> 
> Ngl, writting Wonwoo like this was hard af considering how I have portrayed him in SOS. I was always like "is he being too mean? Would my cinnamon roll ever do that? It's for the plot idiot, stick with what you've planned." But despite that I think it came out decent, and I'm very happy that I got to share it with yall ^^
> 
> You know what they say, a comfortable writer is a mediocre writer, so I'm going to keep challenging myself to write different things in all the stories to follow. And speaking of stories to follow...
> 
> Yes, there will be more. I don't know which one will be finished and uploaded first, but there currently two fics that I'm working on. One of them I'm keeping a secret for now, but the other one is kind of special :')
> 
> It is a medieval, knights-and-princes type au but of course, with a /twist/. What's special about it is that I'm not writing it alone. I've been working on it with by best friend/ beta reader for two years now :') It's the first ever attempt we've made at a long fic (and boy it's looooong) so even though we've mostly finished writing it, there is soooo much editing that needs to be done :'''''''') 
> 
> I'm not going to babble for long about it, I'll explain more when we start posting it, but apart from meanie, junhao is also a main ship, so you can look forward to that :D
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading this and leaving comments, you can't imagine how much they brighten up my day! Feedback will always be appreciated. I hope I see you soon!


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